For all of you who are currently going through the hell called heartbreak… I just want to tell you that you’re in the right place because together, we’ll heal and get through it.
I know that you’re feeling alone right now. I know that you feel like the whole world has turned its back on you. The emotional pain is overwhelming, but the fear of being and staying alone forever is what haunts and hurts you the most, right?
Trust me, that feeling is very familiar to me. I know it all very well because I was once you. My heart was also broken by the person I loved and trusted the most. But, as you see, I survived and, to be honest, I never felt more alive in my entire life.
And, I think that gives me the full right to tell you that you are not alone. Because, even if the whole world leaves you, you still have yourself. So, try not to lose yourself because only then you won’t stand a chance against the heartbreak.
The Truth About Heartbreak (The One Nobody Told You)
I’m sure your loved ones have already tried to comfort you by saying that you’ll get over it soon and forget that your heart was ever broken… that you’ll fall in love again very soon and mend your broken heart with that new love. Blah, blah, blah…
Well, as I’m not here to comfort you but to help you heal in the proper way, I really feel obligated to say that it’s all a bunch of crap.
Do those people even know what heartbreak is? Did they ever experience it? Did they ever feel such shooting pain? I’m assuming they didn’t because they surely wouldn’t be comforting you that way.
First of all, heartache hurts more than any other ache, and it definitely isn’t something that can be healed easily.
Secondly, the new love doesn’t have the power to erase the old pain. It can only prolong your aching, which will make it even more painful later on.
Heartbreak is beyond painful. But really, I’m thinking of the soul-ripping and heart-rending kind of pain. And, the sooner you accept it, the sooner you’ll be able to face it and facilitate your healing.
You’ll feel intense pain, both emotional and physical.
One minute, your world is just how you like it, and the next, everything seems to have been ruined. All the plans, promises, and ideas you had with your partner have suddenly come to an end.
A love that you thought was stronger than anything now has nowhere to go, and it’s stuck somewhere inside of you causing you to feel devastated (and curse the concept of three loves in life).
You can almost feel physical pain from everything that’s burning up inside of you, and it feels like it’s going to rip you apart.
Actually, Ethan Kross, the American experimental psychologist, neuroscientist, and writer, did a study on the interaction of social and physical pain called ‘Social rejection shares somatosensory representations with physical pain‘.
To make a long story short, the results showed that social pain activates somatosensory regions of the brain that are associated with our physical health.
Also, the study led by the psychologist, Art Aron, neurologist, Lucy Brown, and anthropologist, Helen Fisher, showed that with romantic love emotions, a high level of the hormone called dopamine is being released into the brain. The same way that marijuana or heroin does.
So, according to psychiatry and neuroscience, getting over someone you love but who has hurt you badly is the same as overcoming drug addiction.
“The mind is a very powerful organ, and heartbreak is a very powerful emotion. When the two combine, it can certainly produce a physical reaction”, says Courtney Nesbitt, L.C.S.W.
The scars last forever…
The emotional pain of a broken heart is in sync with its physical pain, indeed. Actually, most psychotherapists agree that this kind of trauma may even have the same symptoms as a heart attack.
And, just like a heart attack may leave scars on your heart, brain activity, or some other organs, surviving a heartbreak may leave almost the same consequences on your emotional and mental health.
It’s a form of grief that won’t go away just so. It’s the type of pain that can’t be cured so easily. It takes time, and the pain will completely change your life.
So, many marks and scars will be left on your heart and soul, and as much as you try, you won’t be able to get rid of them… ever. And, truth to be told, you shouldn’t even try.
Let each and every one of your scars stay there to serve you as a lesson. Let them be the reminder of all the pain you went through and the proof of your incredible strength and courage.
What Does Heartbreak Feel Like?
At first, you feel a wide range of emotions. From anger, frustration, and rage to sadness, despair, and depression.
Then, you direct all the rage and anger you feel for the person who hurt you towards yourself. You feel like you’ve let yourself down. Sometimes, it even evolves into self-hatred.
After this, you start feeling completely numb, with no emotions of any kind. Like you’re empty from inside. And, that’s the feeling that will scare you the most.
It feels like you’re left all alone in the world…
You’ll blame only the one who hurt you at the beginning. Afterward, you’ll start blaming all the people around you because you’ll feel like they’ve all betrayed you.
You’ll feel completely alone, and that will break your heart even more.
But, please know that no matter what your kind of blue is, you’re never alone. There are still many people who honestly love you and who are worried about your well-being.
Don’t let that one person who hurt you badly make you lose faith in good people. Your family and best friends will always be there for you, and they’re the only ones who truly count.
It feels like someone is stabbing you in your chest…
Over and over again. And, the worst thing is that you can not be killed. They keep stabbing you and the pain is unbearable, but it seems like they can’t/won’t stab you to death.
That kind of feeling and that intensity of pain can’t be explained simply. Only those who have experienced it know what I am talking about, and only we can sympathize with each other.
Nothing else matters, no one else matters anymore.
The emotional pain consumes you totally. It seems like all your focus is shifted in an unexplainable way to your aching heart.
You don’t care about anyone or anything else. You feel like your life stops here, and you’ll spend the rest of your days like a living dead.
All you can think about is what is the point of living if you’re already dead inside…
Getting Over Heartbreak: 15 Steps To Healing
Truth to be told, healing a broken heart is as tough as it sounds. However, keep in mind that God gives the toughest battles to His strongest soldiers.
I know that you’re currently wondering if any of this is even real. And, that’s probably the trauma speaking. But, it’s real, and the sooner you face it, the sooner you’ll be able to overcome it and move on.
With my guidance and these incredibly important tips below, you’ll find a way to deal with the messy web of emotions you’re currently dealing with. Let’s make your heart able to pump love again.
1. Silence the world around you
First of all… don’t get me wrong here. You’ll need to have a social support group in order to get out of this heart-aching hell, but first, please give yourself some alone time. Leave your phone and take a social media detox.
It’s really needed for your emotional and mental well-being.
I know there are many questions you have, and I promise that you’ll get all the answers, but right now, you just need to focus on yourself and face your emotions.
You need to hug yourself and all of your emotions. Embrace them the way they are right now. I know this seems impossible and incredibly awkward, but the pain you’re feeling right now will bring you to yourself.
The fact is that you never know how strong you are until being strong is your only option.
2. Allow yourself to feel your feelings
Nothing good can come from trying to detach yourself from your emotions. No one can tell you that your emotions are inappropriate or exaggerated.
Whatever you feel is okay. You may be colder than you expected yourself to be, or you may be very hurt and cry all the time.
Accept your emotions for whatever they are. It’s your honest emotional reaction, which means it’s true and no one can tell you otherwise.
Your healing process must begin with accepting that you have a broken heart.
3. But, don’t let your emotions control you
Your emotions are a response to your perception of the world around you. They are not who you are. Your emotions don’t represent you, but they definitely can gain full control of you IF you let them.
When something hurtful happens to you, something that has you questioning your entire personality, it’s easy to start thinking badly about yourself.
Heartbreak usually has people feeling like a completely different person, and that’s normal. However, don’t let this ruin your self-esteem. Don’t let this bad experience make you think any less about yourself.
You are not your emotions. Your personality isn’t best represented by the way you feel and act after a break-up.
This is one of the lows of life that everyone goes through. Going through all the stages of grief is expected, so don’t let it get to you.
4. Govern the healing process one day at a time
The post-breakup mourning period doesn’t have a limit. Some people need less time and some people need more to be able to return to their normal lives.
Don’t let the mourning period take over your life, but certainly give yourself enough time to heal.
The duration of the healing process depends a lot on how long the romantic relationship lasted or on what terms it ended.
Not every heartbreak is the same, and don’t let anyone try to put your healing into a certain time-frame you should respect. There is no deadline for the healing process.
Make sure you take as long as you need, and don’t fake that you’re feeling good just to satisfy other people’s (or your own) idea of how you SHOULD be doing by now. Give it time.
5. Prioritize self-care
Self-care is one of the most important steps in the healing process. The first thing you should do is create your own self-care routine, and involve yourself in as many positive things as you can.
Take care of your diet – that’s the beginning of staying healthy and feeling good.
Start exercising. Being physically active will help with those withdrawal symptoms as well, making you feel happier, stronger, and more in touch with your own needs.
Talk about your needs… think about everything you used to do before your relationship. Is there anything you miss, like a hobby or an activity you used to do with friends?
Consider picking up where you left off or finding a new interesting hobby to keep you busy.
It will benefit you to take a bit of extra care of your appearance. You know that cliche where a woman gets a haircut or dyes her hair right after a break-up? Well, it helps.
Do anything that will help you feel more confident and happier. Fall in love with taking care of yourself and let it lead you to a full recovery.
6. Fall (and stay) in love with yourself
Frankly, this will be very hard to achieve, especially at the beginning of your healing journey. The trauma and all those negative emotions you’re feeling might make you start hating yourself.
It’s an undeniable fact that this kind of experience affects your self-esteem by making you judge your own worth. You’ll start feeling like it was all your fault… like you deserved to get your heart broken.
And, if you allow these feelings to consume you entirely, it’ll surely make your healing process even more complicated.
You need to find a way to deal with those depressive thoughts and resist them. Combat those feelings that will gradually but completely ruin your confidence.
Love yourself out of spite. Show that person who TRIED to break you that you can’t be broken. As long as your heart is filled with the love you feel for yourself, it’ll be break-resistant.
Everyone needs a support system. It’s pretty hard to go through any kind of heartache if you don’t have your loved ones by your side.
After all, who needs a life coach when you have your best friend?!
Your best friend is usually the person who knows you best, and is also very well acquainted with everything that was happening in your relationship.
They are the ones who can help you get over it all as soon as possible. Your loved ones play the most important part in your healing process because they’re the ones who’ll motivate you to move on and apply the no contact rule.
The New York clinical psychologist, Franklin A. Porter, Ph.D., says; “Most everyone has been on the receiving end of a breakup at one time or another, and commiserating with them, sharing experiences, getting counsel, and being reminded you’re not alone can be highly beneficial.”
8. Fight nostalgia by staying realistic
People have a tendency to put on their rose-tinted glasses when they are going through heartbreak, and they focus on the most precious moments of the relationship.
The last thing you need right now is to think about how amazing your ex-partner was. Crying over all the wonderful memories you built together won’t help you. Heck, they won’t even allow you to get out of the bed.
Think about the things that caused your breakup. Focus on whatever it was that you didn’t like about your ex-partner. Remind yourself of all the bad things they’ve done to you and all those times they’ve hurt you.
This will help you stay realistic about the circumstances you are in, and it will help you deal better with getting through this.
9. But also, concentrate on positive things
Once you feel like you are starting to get over the heartbreak, don’t let it remain a weak point in your life.
It has given you newfound individualism, self-love, and (in the long run) it has helped you realize who you are and what things you want in your life. Appreciate this.
Praise yourself for going through a hard time and coming out stronger on the other side. Don’t wallow in the pain it caused you forever.
Accept it for what it was – a turning point in your life that made you see things differently, and probably opened up the possibility of meeting someone new… the person who will be the one for you.
10. Build new routines
When a relationship ends, you might feel completely lost because your former partner was a huge part of your routine. You probably used to do lots of things with them, and trying to follow the exact same routine will leave you feeling empty.
Create a new routine for yourself… something that won’t be tainted by the image of your ex-partner.
Create something that is completely yours, and feel happy that you get a chance to do this. Do things your way, with no compromise needed.
Don’t cling to the way your life looked when you were still in the relationship. Things change. Everyone gets to love, and everyone sometimes needs to let go.
Make sure you don’t dwell on what might have happened if you’d stayed together. If you were meant to be, you wouldn’t have broken up in the first place.
11. Be the bigger person and forgive
You’ve probably sworn that you will never forget your loved one for breaking your heart. I’m assuming that you promised yourself that no matter what they do, they will never be able to earn your forgiveness.
However, do keep in mind that being the bigger person ALWAYS makes you a better person.
And, do forgive them.
Do it for your own peace of mind. Do it so you know your heart is clean. Do it so you are able to walk away from them with your head held high.
Also, you’ll never be able to let go of the grudges as long as you don’t forgive them. And, holding on to all that resentment will only make you harbor more negative feelings and energy.
12. Then, cut off all ties with the person who hurt you
Your ultimate goal is to create a clean slate. You want to break all the ties connecting you to your ex, especially that energy that you feel pulling you in.
However, removing them from your life doesn’t mean that you’ll forget about them ASAP. It doesn’t mean that your heart will stop loving them. But, it’ll undoubtedly help you reach that point of feeling indifferent towards them.
Contacting them is not the end of the world, but it sure will make this whole process so much longer. Try to stick to the no-contact rule. After all, it’s the mother of all breakups.
Don’t seek them. It will be hard, but it’s the best, if not the only way to completely recover from a broken heart.
If your former partner contacts you, be honest and tell them you’d prefer it if you didn’t see them or hear from them for a while.
Explain to them that this wish isn’t a product of hard feelings they might think you have, but simply something you need to do for yourself in order to heal.
13. Remember, the pain won’t last forever
Nothing lasts forever… please remember this. Well, nothing except true love indeed.
All the pain you’re feeling right now will go away one day, and you’ll actually start feeling thankful for it because it turned you into a whole new person.
A stronger person. A more intelligent (both emotionally and mentally) person. And, above everything else, a happier person who cherishes every moment of their life.
You were a beautiful caterpillar, and this bad experience only helped you to turn into an even more beautiful butterfly.
14. Follow your heart… it’ll lead you to happiness
Of course, following these steps will make your healing journey much easier. But, you need to learn to listen to your heart, too.
Just because it’s a bit damaged right now doesn’t mean that it’s completely destroyed. Your heart is still the only one who really knows what can make you happy.
Your mind is currently filled with fears, and it’ll help you make only logical decisions. But, the truth is, logic will never lead you to happiness.
Listen to that inner voice of yours, and have the courage to follow your heart. It’ll direct you onto the right path… the one filled with utter happiness and unlimited love.
15. Once you feel ready… Enter the dating world again
If you feel like you’re ready to date or meet someone you like, put yourself out in the dating world again.
There’s nothing and no one stopping you from doing that. Maybe you don’t feel like entering a serious relationship, and if you’re only looking for a fling, be open about it with your partner.
Just because you’re feeling hurt doesn’t mean you should intentionally hurt someone else.
That won’t help you… it will actually only make you feel worse about yourself.
It’s perfectly fine to follow your instincts and start dating again, but have a good long talk with yourself about what it is you need and want from the new relationship, and share those thoughts with your partner.
How Long Does Heartbreak Last?
Unfortunately, there is no definite answer to this question because we all cope with pain and grief differently.
Some of us recover very fast and move on with life. Although, those are indeed only a few truly lucky people who know how to deal with emotional pain in an ‘easier’ way.
On the other hand, most of us actually fight it for a very, very long time, and even after we move on with our life, we feel a bit emotionally crippled.
Some people say that time heals all wounds, while others strongly disagree with this. And, my intention isn’t to persuade you into thinking that time will indeed cure you because it truly won’t unless you cooperate. But, my broken heart convinced me that…
Time has the magical power to cure
For me, it really did. I still remember all the agony and despair I felt in the beginning. I was almost sure that I would never be able to heal completely and move forward.
I couldn’t even imagine that I would find someone… a new love… a new happiness… a person who would save me… help me to stand on my feet again, and fall in love with myself and life again.
But, time brought it to me. It brought all those things to me, and I couldn’t be more grateful for it all.
The time chased away all the sadness and pain. It gave me the strength to heal, forget, and move on. To be honest, the wound is still there, in the depth of my heart, and it’s reminding me of everything I had to go through to become the person I am today.
You just need to give it some time
However, that ‘time’ isn’t something that happens overnight. One thing I can tell you for sure is that you won’t heal your aching heart so fast.
Even though time is on your side, it still doesn’t mean that it’ll help you recover magically in a day or two. No; the only aim of time is to help you heal completely and successfully… to help you move on with your life.
Remember… good things take time, so please don’t rush your healing process.
In the end, heartbreak isn’t something you need to get over… it’s something you need to go through.
Finding Love After A Heartbreak
I know that your emotional pain is suffocating you from the inside out. You feel like you’ll never be able to find love again… to allow someone to enter your heart again… to fall honestly and unconditionally in love with someone.
Fortunately, that’s only the pain speaking. Finding love after a heartbreak is not some kind of myth. It’s possible, indeed, and it can happen, of course, if you allow it to happen.
After you heal, find that inner peace, and decide that it’s time to move on, you’ll understand that your heart deserves another chance… a second chance to love and be loved the same way.
Understand that the person who broke your heart was never your soulmate, and was never the person you are meant to spend your life with. That means your true soulmate is still outside somewhere.
And, once God decides to cross your paths, be ready and willing to let them in. They’ll show you what true love looks like, and they’ll be the ones who’ll glue the final piece of your broken heart and make love flow through it again.
After the rain comes the rainbow
And, the greater the storm, the brighter the rainbow will be. That’s purely the law of mother nature.
The sun will shine again. Your heart will be filled with love again, but only this time, it’ll be reciprocated in the same way and with the same intensity.
And, just imagine how much you’ll love the right person if you’ve loved the wrong one that much!
Inspiring Heartbreak Quotes For Her & Him
Surviving a breakup is emotionally draining for every single one of us. These breakup quotes will inspire you not to give up on your broken heart and to move on faster.
1. “Hearts can break. Yes, hearts can break. Sometimes, I think it would be better if we died when they did, but we don’t.” – Stephen King
2. “No matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief.” – Faraaz Kazi
3. “It is strange how often a heart must be broken before the years can make it wise.” – Sara Teasdale
4. “Only time can heal your broken heart. Just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs.” – Miss Piggy
5. “I wish I were a little girl again because skinned knees are easier to fix than a broken heart.” – Julia Roberts
6. “My heart no longer felt as if it belonged to me. It now felt as if it had been stolen; torn from my chest by someone who wanted no part of it.” – Meredith Taylor
7. “When you are in love, and you get hurt, it’s like a cut — it will heal, but there will always be a scar.” – Soo Jie
8. “Perhaps, someday, I’ll crawl back home beaten, defeated. But, not as long as I can make stories out of my heartbreak… beauty out of sorrow.” – Sylvia Plath
9. “I don’t know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every other part of my body is broken, too.” – Terri Guillemets
10. “The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it…” – Nicholas Sparks
11. “The shattering of a heart when being broken is the loudest quiet ever.” – Carroll Bryant
12. “Every time your heart is broken, a doorway cracks open to a world full of new beginnings, new opportunities.” – Patti Roberts
13. “I’d rather have a broken arm than a broken heart.” – Christie Brinkley
14. “When your heart is broken, you plant seeds in the cracks and you pray for rain.” – Andrea Gibson
15. “Stab the body and it heals, but injure the heart and the wound lasts a lifetime.” – Mineko Iwasaki
16. “I’d rather love a million times and have my heart broken every time than hold a permanently empty heart forever.” – H.C. Paye
17. “It’s hard asking someone with a broken heart to fall in love again.” – Eric Kripke
18. “A broken heart is the worst. It’s like having broken ribs. Nobody can see it, but it hurts every time you breathe.” – Unknown
19. “I think heartbreak is something you learn to live with as opposed to learning to forget.” – Kate Winslet
20. “Love is only made more valuable by the risk of heartbreak.” – Alessandra Torre
Heartbreak Poems That’ll Touch Your Soul
I compiled the most heart-touching poems about a broken heart that can help you soothe your pain and see the light at the end of the tunnel.
1. I found a picture of us, collecting dust in the bottom of that drawer I no longer open today — we look so happy.
‘A picture says a thousand words,’ I remember you saying, lips pressed to my cheek. Looking at it now, you were right. Sometimes, they’re just all lies.
2. Put heartbreak to rest.
Untangle your soul
from its tight grip.
Say goodbye to the
parts holding on.
Move forward in peace
and discover the new,
Harpreet M. Dayal
3. I fancied you’d return
the way you said,
But I grow old
and forgot your name.
(I think I made you up
still in my head.)
4. In a rare moment of trust, she let down the safety of her walls, looked into his soul, and saw what she had been trying so hard to ignore. Not knowing what the future held, silently, she let go and prepared herself for the freefall. Slowly, she outstretched her arms, offering her broken heart in the palm of her hands.
‘Here,’ she whispered, ‘…take it.’
5. Lord, hear my prayer oh so dear.
My heart is aching; my mind isn’t clear.
My love has left me; it hurts my soul.
Without that love, I don’t feel whole.
Ralph P Quinonez
Comforting Heartbreak Bible Verses
No matter how sad you feel and how big your sorrows are, you should always ask for comfort in God. Let these Bible verses guide you through your difficult journey of healing the aching heart.
1. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And, the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4: 6-7
2. “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me.” John 14:1
3. “My flesh and my heart fail; [But] God [is] the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalms 73:26
4. “The LORD [is] near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit.” Psalms 34:18
5. “The Lord is close to all whose hearts are crushed by pain, and he is always ready to restore the repentant one.” Psalms 34:18
6. “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:4
7. “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27
8. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalms 147:3
9. “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy [to be compared] with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” Romans 8:18
10. “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalms 34:18
To Wrap Up
These tips above helped me survive my heartbreak, and I hope from the very bottom of my heart that they’ll be just as helpful to you. My thoughts and prayers are with each and every one of you because I know very well the pain you’re currently going through.
And, I don’t want to lie to you… the wound in your heart will be there forever… BUT, you will learn to accept it and let it be a part of your experience, not an experience that will define you on its own.
After this depressing period of darkness, the light will enter your wound, and your life will take a happier turn.
It hurts, yes, but you are brave enough to let yourself heal.
And, let these words from the incredible poet, Rumi, guide you through your path of healing; “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”