They say that there is nothing in this world that can trouble you as much as your own thoughts. Well, that’s true just like it’s true that there is nothing that can harm the bond between two partners than the ugly habit of overthinking in a relationship.
And, the real mess is created once your insecurities start swimming up to the surface without your own will.
Although it’s your life we’re talking about, sometimes it feels to you like you don’t have control over your thoughts, does it?
Nobody is going to ask you why you do it… It’s not like you want to overanalyze everything, it’s just the way you are.
You keep continuously thinking and obsessing about this one thing over and over again.
And, your thoughts get deeper and deeper until you’ve taken into consideration all the circumstances, events, and possibilities that could occur.
In the end, there are so many different case scenarios racing in your head, and you start being afraid of something that didn’t even happen, but you’ve predicted it might happen.
What Is An Overthinker In A Relationship?
Let’s just consider overthinking as a mental health condition. Then, an overthinker is a person who suffers from that condition.
This is a person who can’t stop obsessing and overanalyzing even some pretty clear and simple things or the things they absolutely can’t control.
It’s like they constantly have that fear of being hurt, and it makes them rethink every single decision they make or step they take.
It’s the person that simply doesn’t want to take things at face value. Their mind is filled with constant ‘what ifs’ and they’re always looking for some answers.
That’s a person whose body language shows how low indeed their self-esteem is. They go from relationship to relationship, and can’t easily settle anywhere because of their own insecurities.
The overanalyzing thought pattern is a characteristic of the anxious attachment style. That commonly comes from past relationship burdens that a partner brings with them into the current relationship.
Is Overthinking Normal In A Relationship?
Well, I would say that it’s actually a very common part of romantic relationships. However, overanalyzing is not and can never be a quality of a healthy relationship.
If you know you’re prone to overthinking and don’t even try to control it, it’ll be like you’re consciously trying to sabotage your own relationship.
It’s also a sign you have trust issues, meaning you don’t completely trust your romantic partner. Just try to think how your partner feels when they know you’re overanalyzing every single thing and decision in your relationship.
It surely makes them feel awful. It surely arouses many doubts about your relationship with them. And, it’ll sooner or later make them think that you don’t love them as much as they love you.
Re-thinking and overthinking in a relationship is surely a very obvious red flag that something is off.
Whether it is a lack of trust, love, or respect is irrelevant. The important thing is that it’s obvious that your relationship is definitely lacking something.
Truth be told, the hidden meaning behind overthinking is ‘I’m doubting our love and I don’t know if I can trust you completely’. Don’t be surprised if this starts to bother your partner.
So, in order to keep overanalyzing from plaguing your relationship, there are some boundaries that need to be appointed ASAP.
You need to find a way to put a stop to those toxic and irrational thought patterns and work on setting healthy communication with your significant other.
Turn to a relationship expert and try to get that outside perspective. Talk it out with your partner instead of obsessing about things you can’t control by yourself.
How To Stop Overthinking In A Relationship
The truth is, we can’t stop being overthinkers. We hate it, and we’re aware of all the negative consequences it has on our social and love life, but we still can’t take an eraser and remove that trait from our personality.
However, we definitely can control that bad habit of overthinking and stop it from ruining the relationships we have with other people. And, that’s exactly what I’ll teach you below.
Take a deep breath and let’s start with the mission of fixing and saving your romantic relationship from overanalyzing things.
1. First, calm your mind
You don’t let yourself enjoy anything that happens in your life. There is this shadow growing slowly and it’s leaning over everything.
You might appear happy at first, but your overthinking is just too present.
It creates this fear that all at once, everything you have or everything you’re living and enjoying might disappear or might even be a lie.
It’s a normal thing that you’re panicking because you feel like the whole world is crumbling beneath your feet.
You can’t stop thinking about the future of your relationship and whether your loved one will be by your side forever or if they’ll leave you sooner or later. The truth is, we all have that same fear of the unknown, and we all catch ourselves thinking about it sometimes.
However, the undeniable fact is that nothing is constant in life. There are some things that are simply beyond your control, and the only thing you can do about them is accept and come to terms with them.
Stop overthinking because that surely won’t help – it may only arise some deeper issues. You need to regain control over your mind. Identify and beat those unwanted thoughts.
2. Trust yourself
Overthinking may not only cause problems in your love life, but it may also have a bad impact on all areas of your life. And, you know what the main reason is for that bad habit of yours?
You don’t trust yourself. You don’t believe in yourself. You aren’t aware nor do you believe in your own capabilities.
You can’t stop overthinking every little thing in your relationship and in your life in general simply because you constantly feel like you’re doing something wrong.
You feel like you’re making mistakes all the time.
And, sometimes you even think that you’re a mistake.
You feel like you don’t deserve to be loved, and somehow, you manage to convince yourself that you’re not indeed despite all the efforts your partner makes to convince you of the opposite.
If you did make mistakes in your past relationship, you can’t allow them to sabotage your new happiness. We all make mistakes and, sometimes, we do hurt our loved ones unintentionally, but that doesn’t make us unworthy of love.
Be gentle with yourself. Don’t judge your wrong decisions and moves. Don’t punish yourself for having weaknesses.
You need to build a healthy relationship with yourself in order to do it with another human being. Start by learning to trust yourself and then you’ll learn how to trust others, too.
3. And, more importantly, trust your partner
For some reason, you’ve stopped believing that people are capable of doing good without hidden motives. You just keep waiting to see what’s really hiding behind their deeds, and what kind of intentions they really have.
As far as your relationship is concerned, you love. You really do. But, you always question if you’re really loved.
If there was an amazing week that helped you feel like the most loved person, you’re just waiting for a crash to happen in the next few days. Even if your significant other has never given you a reason to doubt them and their intentions, you simply can’t relax 100%.
You probably still snoop through their text messages, even after you’ve been together for so long. Am I right? Well, it’s obvious you’re struggling with deep trust issues that are making you prone to overanalyzing, which is slowly ruining your relationship.
After all, you can’t call it a healthy relationship if you don’t trust each other completely. Where there is no trust, there is no love either.
Your distrust most definitely makes your partner feel unrespected and probably even unloved. If you don’t give them the chance to prove you’re trustworthy, it’s just a matter of time when they’ll break up with you.
4. Allow yourself to be vulnerable
You’re just a human being, and emotional vulnerability is part of your nature. Stop hiding it.
You need to get emotionally naked in front of your partner. Right now, you might be afraid that they’ll use it at some point to hurt you.
But, what if they don’t? What if they start to cherish and appreciate you even more because of it? What if it connects you in a way you never thought was possible before?
You see, these are the ‘what ifs’ you need to focus on.
You can’t pretend you’re somebody else forever. Sooner or later, your mask will come off and it’ll leave your partner too confused.
5. Speak out loud about how you feel
Don’t be afraid to pour your fears out in the open. Don’t go through it alone.
Even if it’s just in your head, he (or she) can reassure you in a minute and make your fears go away.
You can easily be convinced that you are indeed loved, that there is somebody who is planning his future with you, and that there is no giving up.
There is no other person that means so much to them, and there is nobody they want more in life. That’s how you should direct your own thoughts.
Poor communication harms a relationship more than anything else. It’s also one of the leading causes of most breakups.
If you can’t stop obsessing about something regarding your current relationship, talk with your partner about it. Let them explain it to you or let them help you find a way to fix it.
Suppressing those feelings is the worst thing you can do. You may think that will make them go away, but the truth is it’ll only make them stuck in your mind.
They are going to be stuck in your mind and they will shut you down emotionally. You’ll become emotionally numb, and your relationship will be beyond saving at that point.
6. Work on raising your self-esteem
You keep asking if you deserve all that happiness, and what it is that you have to give up in order to balance the happiness and the misery that humans get in life.
You feel like your partner is dating you out of pity. You think they feel sorry for you, and that it’s the thing that keeps them in your life.
You idealize your partner and, in your eyes, they’re the most perfect person on this planet.
However, that also makes you overanalyze every step they make because you simply can’t accept the fact that someone as perfect as them chooses to love someone so ‘flawless’ as you.
You have such a bad self-image, and it’s high time to paint a whole new one. You need to put self-care in first place on your priority list and focus on improving your self-esteem and confidence.
Honestly, the best relationship advice I can give you when it comes to how to stop overthinking in a relationship is that you need to work on yourself; not your relationship. It’s obvious that the real problem is in you and your bad habit of overthinking.
7. Focus on the present moment
Leave what could or what will happen aside. You don’t and shouldn’t live for the future.
No one can promise you that you’ll stay together forever. However, right now, you have someone who accepts and loves you despite all of your flaws.
You can’t undo things you’ve done in the past, nor can you control or stop some things from happening in the future. You only have power over your present.
When you embrace living in the present moment, you won’t have time for overthinking. You’ll be focused only on things that can make your relationship prosper in every possible way.
Live in the now. Enjoy your current happiness. Embrace the uncertainty of life. Stop overthinking and pushing your partner away.
Build a bridge of understanding and acceptance… a bridge that will connect you forever and that will leave no space for re-questioning yourself and your relationship.
8. Block the negative thoughts
The thing is, overthinking often responds to your fears and your anxiety. You become overwhelmed bynegative thoughts and emotions.
It’s just contagious. It starts from this little tiny thing and it ends up with you questioning your life. It’s often deeply connected to pessimism.
Somehow, you are unable to see the bright side of your future when you over-analyze things.
So, you see the end of your relationship and that’s what you’re preparing yourself for, even though the other side doesn’t really see things the way you do.
To him (or her), it might appear that everything is OK because you do not communicate your thoughts. You don’t even know what the final conclusion is because you just get tired eventually and you stop thinking totally.
You keep being silent, and silently overthinking is killing you and killing your relationship.
You need to get out of your own mind. You need to stop being its prisoner.
Those unwanted thoughts need to be blocked. Stop thinking about those ‘what ifs’ and start enjoying the things you have right now.
9. Let go of past wounds
You’ve been slapped by life one too many times, and God knows how many times your expectations were not met.
That’s why you have trouble picturing a happy ending. This is why it’s more logical for you to picture a miserable ending. But, it doesn’t have to be like this.
There is a way you could change things and stop suffocating your relationship by overthinking. There is a way you could avoid a distasteful ending, you know?
And, the only way you’ll do it is by letting go of your painful past. Your past relationship and your ex-partner have probably left you with many scars.
It’s actually normal that you want to protect yourself from being hurt again. Now, your coping mechanism with those scars and fears of being hurt again is overanalyzing every single detail in your current relationship.
However, you can’t use it forever. You can’t continue to stop your partner from getting near to you. The more you obsess and overthink things, the more you’ll be pushing them away.
See, you have somebody who’s holding your hand no matter how much of a mess you are. You have someone who is trying hard to earn your trust.
Don’t allow your past to ruin your present or, even worse, your future. Get rid of your emotional baggage. You got a new chance to find love – to be sincerely loved. If you don’t embrace it, if you gamble it, you might end up regretting it for the rest of your life.
Worrying won’t stop bad things from happening… it only stops you from enjoying the good.
So, just stop it. You can’t stop overthinking – everybody knows that by now. There is no magic cure nor can you just snap your fingers and make it go away.
What you can do is stop going through all of it alone. You can stop ruining your relationship by telling him what’s bugging you. You can be each other’s rock, and that’ll do.
Toxic and anxious thoughts provoked by overthinking in a relationship can really damage the bond between two partners to the point where it won’t be fixable any longer.
Don’t ever allow the awful habit of overthinking to stand between you and your partner.
Stop overthinking and save your relationship before it’s too late. Let things flow in their natural way, and just keep on hoping for the best.
Meta: What are the effects of overthinking in a relationship? Find out how it harms your bond, and some efficient ways to deal with it properly.
Saturday 11th of August 2018
Wish this was around 20 years ago.