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9 Crucial Stages Of Getting Back Together With An Ex

9 Crucial Stages Of Getting Back Together With An Ex

Have you started regretting your decision about the break-up and now you want to try to get your ex back?

Well, first you have to go through these stages of getting back together with an ex to find out what you can expect on that journey.

No matter what the reason for it is, a break-up is always complicated and difficult. That’s why we should think hard before we make any definite decisions.

However, really, breaking up should always be your last option.

If there is any hope that you can save and fix your relationship, you should try that first.

Sometimes, unfortunately, there is no going back after the break-up.

After moving on in new and different spheres, your ex-partner might have really moved on with their life, which would ruin your chances of getting back together.

As many relationship experts claim, most break-ups actually occur without any clear reason.

sad pensive woman wearing a blue hoodie sitting and holding a cup of coffee

It could be that one person gets bored with the routine or they just miss their single life and make the hasty decision to break up with their partner.

That’s actually a reason why many people regret their decision of splitting up with their significant other.

Can old flames be rekindled? Of course they can. If both sides put some effort in, their new relationship can be even better than their old one.

However, it can happen only under two circumstances; both partners must want it the same and be willing to put some effort into rebuilding their relationship.

Will it succeed? Well, we can never be sure what the future will bring us. It can lead you to heartbreak but it can also become a healthy, loving and great relationship.

Stages of getting back together with an ex

If you think that your break-up was a huge mistake and now you’re thinking about whether you should rekindle your old relationship, you should check these stages of getting back together with an ex below.

Find out everything that you can expect on your journey of getting back together with your ex-partner and pay attention to some of the major red flags that can ruin a reconciliation.

Rethinking the break-up

pensive caucasian woman sitting near a body of water with focus on the head

This is the first stage. No matter what you do or how much you try to keep yourself busy, you just can’t take your mind off the break-up.

You are aware of all the pros and cons of your relationship and now, you’re weighing it all up.

Is it really worth the fight or is it better to leave everything the way it is?

Why did you break up?

You’re probably thinking about what made you end your relationship in the first place. And you should.

After you find out the answer to this question, it’ll be easier for you to deal with those issues that ruined everything.

Before you find a way to deal with it, you must find the reason that provoked the break-up. It’s the only way you’ll be able to fix the relationship between you.

Was it an impulsive decision?

Who made that mistake that led you to break up? If it was you, did you really think through it before making the decision to split?

woman with a questioning eyes looking at the camera sitting on a couch and drinking a hot beverage

If it was an impulsive decision, then it probably was the wrong one.

When it comes to these things, you shouldn’t blindly follow your mind. Sometimes you must hear what your heart has to say too.

Do you think your relationship deserves a second chance?

If it was a committed and healthy relationship, of course it deserves another chance. It would be unfair to just let it go and forget about it.

If you were truly happy in that relationship, then it’s definitely worth fighting for.

However, if it was toxic, if there was any kind of abuse, whether physical, mental or emotional abuse, there are no second chances and your decision for breaking up was simply right. Abusers never deserve forgiveness.

​Do you still honestly love your ex-partner?

Do you remember those feelings of butterflies you had at the beginning of your relationship every time you even think about your ex-partner? Are those butterflies still there?

If they are (and they probably are because you’re thinking about a reconciliation), then you probably made a mistake by breaking up with them. Don’t worry, you can still fix everything.

However, of course, you’ll have to put some effort in and arm yourself with patience, especially if you have been apart for a long period of time.

The no contact rule

sad pensive young woman holding her head standing near the glass windows with a the ray of the sun coming in

This stage may confuse you because why would you avoid contact with someone you want to get back together with, right? Nevertheless, it’s actually very simple and efficient.

Do you know the meaning of the no contact rule?

It is defined as a particular period of time after the break-up, during which you should avoid any contact with your ex because you need to give each other space and time to think about your relationship and the break-up itself.

Why should you stay out of contact with your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend?

You have to take some alone time to think about the reasons for your break-up.

There will certainly be some unclear emotions and you’ll need time to process those.

You need peace now. Being in touch would put some pressure on both of you and it would most definitely negatively affect your decision.

silhouette of a woman facing the sunset with hair partly blown by the wind

Use this time to have an honest talk with yourself

Of course, you’re allowed to talk but only to yourself. Sometimes it’s good to speak to a friend and hear someone’s objective opinion but it doesn’t end well in most cases.

They might try to give you relationship advice and despite their best intentions, it probably won’t work for you.

So, sit down, make yourself a coffee and talk.

Talk about your relationship, your emotions and all the other things that have been bothering you. That’s how you’ll clear out your thoughts and make the best decision.

Hang out with your friends more often

During the no contact rule, the best thing for you to do is hang out with your friends as much as you can. They’ll keep your mind busy instead of thinking about your ex-partner.

Shifting focus onto yourself

beautiful young woman lying down on the spa bed wearing towel facing the windows with lot of flowers around

Was your priority your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend all that time you two were dating?

Well, it’s time to reorganize your priorities and shift your focus back onto yourself. How?

Self-love

Do you remember the last time when you did something nice for yourself?

The last time you treated yourself to something or just praised yourself for your accomplishments? No? Well, that’s actually your biggest mistake.

Remember that there is no love without self-love. You’ll never be able to love another human being until you start loving yourself first.

Self-improvement

After a break-up, almost every person is left with some self-esteem. No matter whether you are the dumper or the dumpee, the break-up will affect you.

That’s why you should focus on self-improvement and strengthening your self-esteem before you even start thinking about getting back with your ex.

Relax

Before you make any decisions, you must first relax both your mind and your soul. It’ll definitely help you in the decision-making process.

Treat yourself. Take a day off. Have a wellness day. If you have a favorite place, go there. Do anything that can calm you.

Doubts

adult curly haired woman leaning on the wall while drinking from a mug looking away out the window

Do you constantly have doubts about whether it’s going to work or not? You aren’t sure that your prior relationship can be fixed?

Having doubts is perfectly normal

It’s perfectly normal that you feel this way. Even if you feel lost or overwhelmed, it’s also normal.

Getting back together with an ex isn’t easy but tell me, can you be completely sure about anything else in life either? No, right?

Life is unpredictable, indeed. If you let those doubts, insecurities and fears stop you from trying, you might miss something beautiful; you might miss true love.

Give yourself enough time to think hard about everything

Slow down. If you even start thinking about going out with someone else just to see if you can move on, don’t.

Those rebound relationships never work and it’s not fair to hurt the other person that way.

Going back to the past

young woman wearing white polo leaning on the couch thinking and looking away

A part of having those doubts will be constantly going back to the past and thinking about your ex-partner and the relationship you had.

Were you truly happy in your past relationship?

You will want to find some answers from your past relationship. Did your partner treat you well? Were they committed to you?

However, the most important question you should answer is if you were truly and completely happy with your ex.

If they’re the one who can make you happy, it’s worth fighting for.

What was the actual reason you two split?

This is important too. What was the real reason for your break-up?

If you snooped through their phone and found some text messages on their social media with someone else or something similar, once you cool down, you’ll see it’s not necessarily a reason to ruin the great relationship you had.

If it was something big, you still can get back together but it’ll take much more time.

Emotional acceptance

tired pensive woman lying down in bed facing her left side of the bed

This is something that will definitely bring you peace. You don’t have to fight or try to forget about your feelings anymore, it’s time to confront them.

Acknowledge your feelings

Don’t hide or try to suppress your feelings anymore. Allow yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling.

Accepting your own feelings will make all the other things a lot more clear to you too.

Emotional acceptance is a great part of your emotional health and if you don’t want your heart to ache anymore, you should accept and respect your feelings.

So, don’t fight them, accept them and take that risk called ‘the second chance’

If you’re hurt, cry. If you are angry, yell or break something if that will make you feel better.

If you’re tired of everything, sleep. But if you love someone, hurry and tell them.

This is where the no-contact rule ends

woman checking on smartphone while sitting inside the cafe

If you have accepted the fact that you’re still in love with your ex and don’t want to spend another minute without them anymore, the no contact rule ends there.

Honest communication

Ask them to talk. Both of you must be honest and say what were the things that made you end your relationship.

Discuss all things that have been bothering you but this time, do it in a productive way.

Don’t only talk about problems, offer some solutions too. Miscommunication and unhealthy communication were probably two of the reasons why you two split.

Learn from your mistakes, communicate more and do it effectively.

Accept each other’s mistakes

You both have to admit what you did wrong in your old relationship and offer an apology to the other side. It’s the only way you’ll be able to move on.

Accept your mistakes and turn them into lessons that can make your new relationship much better and healthier.

Forgive and let go of the past

Forgive each other but do it honestly, from the bottom of your heart. Don’t go back to talking about those mistakes you’ve already forgiven them for.

It’s not enough to only forgive each other for your mistakes, as those mistakes must be forgotten too.

There is no point in going back over the things you have already talked about and agreed to forgive and forget.

Treating the relationship like it’s new

couple talking cheerfully in and ourdoor cafe sitting next to each other

The best thing will be to treat your relationship like it’s completely new, to treat each other like you just met and want to date each other.

Don’t continue where you left off and instead start from the beginning

Don’t think that you’ll be able to continue right where you left it all. No.

There are so many negative emotions on that path and the best thing for you would be to choose a completely new one.

Start from the bare beginning, from the introduction. Go out on a first date and don’t talk about the things that happened in the past.

Get to know each other again. Talk about each other’s interests, passions and plans for the future.

As confusing as it may sound, the bottom line is that if you want to continue with your relationship, you must start from the beginning, as if this is the first time you two met.

Set new boundaries

Your old relationship may have failed because you lacked healthy boundaries or one of you overstepped them, which jeopardized everything.

Now it’s time to reset them or even set some new boundaries for your new relationship.

You will never be able to have a healthy relationship if the boundaries in it aren’t clearly defined.

Be ready to make compromises

It’s important to know what you want from life and your relationship but it’s also equally important what your ex wants.

You won’t always be able to agree on everything, nor will you be able to always have everything your way but that’s why compromises are there.

One of you must hit the brakes and ease up if you want your relationship to work out this time.

There is no dominance in a relationship. Both partners must be equal. Both partners must make compromises in order to make their relationship work.

couple dancing around inside the house barefooted

Both sides have to put the effort into making their relationship healthy again

If you want to rebuild your relationship, both of you must equally be involved in the whole process. It’s really a two-way street.

You’ll have to try even harder than you did the first time but if there is love, it’s all worth it.

Make your relationship a top priority!

Your relationship shouldn’t be the main priority in your life but it has to be near the very top of your list.

You always have to be there for each other. If your partner really needs you, no matter how busy your schedule is, you must make some time for your significant other.

Do things differently this time

Learning from your past mistakes is the best way to make your relationship work this time.

You already know where you went wrong, now you just have to avoid repeating those mistakes.

Avoid all the things that ruined your old relationship. Trust each other more. Step out of your comfort zone from time to time.

Spend more time with each other. Communicate more and respect each other’s boundaries.

Don’t allow anyone to interfere in your relationship. Remember, you’re the only ones who are important.

Cheers to new beginnings

couple clinking glasses during a date night in a fancy restaurant

Believe in second chances and new beginnings.

Nothing is more important than the love you feel for each other truly because all the other issues and your differences can be solved.

Embrace this new chance that God has given you. It’s proof that He didn’t give up on your love and neither should you.

It won’t be an easy journey but it’ll definitely be worth it. To honestly love someone and to be loved the same way is all that counts.

Relight the flame in your relationship and keep it burning!

Conclusion

romantic man hugging his girlfriend standing in the beach with the sea as the background

As you can see, there are a few stages when getting back together with an ex and we all must go through them if we want to give our last relationship a second chance.

Don’t overthink it. If you still have some feelings for your ex-partner and you want to rekindle that old flame, go for it.

Life is short and it’s definitely worth the risk. You can never be sure whether it’s going to work but also, you’ll never know if you don’t try.

Don’t Google how long renewed relationships last. They last as much as both sides want it to last.

If your feelings are strong and honest and if both of you make the effort, you can make it last forever.

You have this new chance for your love and both of you must take it seriously.

Don’t allow some little mistakes or misunderstandings to ruin your relationship.

Trust me, honest communication can solve any problem.

And the bottom line is that if there is love from both sides, you’ll get through all of it and succeed in building a great relationship. Because, remember, true love truly never fails!

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