I bet you were convinced that I would spend the rest of my life waiting for you to come to your senses and have the decency to choose me.
To be honest, I don’t blame you that much—everyone who knew how crazy I was for you since day one would assume a similar thing.
From day one, I was nothing but a foolish girl who kept falling for your empty lies and false promises. A girl who thought she was fighting for your love while she was actually fighting against your indifference.
However, the truth is that this entire situation probably boosted your ego a little bit as well.
You felt so big and important having a desperate me chasing you around and depending on your every move.
After all, everything between us happened under your terms.
I settled for crumbs of your attention and appreciated them as I felt I didn’t deserve anything more.
I kept blaming myself for your lack of emotions and saw myself as not being enough for a perfect man like you. That must have felt awesome, right?
You thought it was funny to play with my heart and mind, to test my patience and the strength of my love.
Leaving and coming back to me as you pleased amused you more than it should have while it was tearing my heart apart.
It was nice always having someone patiently waiting for you, no matter how far you went. Having someone who couldn’t stop loving you, no matter what you did.
Having a girl you could always come back to, when everyone else abandoned you.
Someone who was ready to forgive you for all the pain, someone whose arms were always wide open, and someone who stuck by you through thick and thin.
And the best part was that you were never asked for anything in return.
You didn’t put any effort into our quasi-relationship; you didn’t make any sacrifices nor did you invest yourself in it.
Actually, I was doing all the work, without the intention of ever turning my back on you.
So, learned from experience, you were convinced that things would go on like this forever—that I would grow old begging you to love me and doing everything in my power to win you over.
After all, I thought so as well. I was so infatuated by you that I saw no way out; I saw no possibility of ever falling out of love with you and moving on with my life.
Well, guess what: against all odds, that was exactly what happened. I stopped thinking about you, stopped waiting for you and stopped loving you.
The truth is that you never wanted me for real. Well, the feeling is mutual now because I don’t want you at all.
No, I’m not telling you this to capture your attention. I’m not doing it in the hopes that my faked indifference will scare you and that you will end up running into my arms.
I’m not saying it to hurt your ego or to get even with you. I’m saying it because it is the only truth.
After all of this time, I’ve realized I never actually needed you.
In fact, I spent all those years never having you completely, so it is more than obvious that I can succeed without you by my side.
You were never there when I craved you the most, so why would I want you now?
You weren’t there to hold my hand through hard times, to wipe off my tears, to support me, to have my back. You were never my friend or partner.
Basically, you were the one who taught me how to live without you.
You showed me that your presence in my life is not essential, and you helped me get used to your absence.
I guess you got exactly what you wanted all along. You got rid of me, and now you’re free to continue on your own.
I just want you to know that I don’t resent you for not loving me enough.
After all, you couldn’t order your heart to care for me, despite all the love I was giving you.
However, I can’t forgive you for leading me on for so long.
I can’t forgive you for stealing years of my life, despite knowing very well how you felt and being aware that you were unable to give me what I wanted .
I can’t forgive you for not being man enough and not moving away from me the moment you saw you couldn’t reciprocate my love.
