We all want to be loved, that much is simple. We are prepared to do all kinds of nonsense and exert ourselves to a great extent only to achieve it. We never really stop to think:
But, who ever tries for me?
Is there anyone prepared to love my truest self?
Finding such a person is surely a rarity, but not by any means impossible. However, in order to see what love is, you must first see what it isn’t.
Have you ever heard of the 3 loves in life?
What do they teach us?
Do we really fall in love three times?
If you find yourself asking these questions, stay tuned because we’re about to answer them.
What Are The Three Loves?
In her book, Kate Rose introduced three types of love: the first love, the second love, and the third love. According to her, each of these happens for a specific reason…
You have to go through all these different stages in order to become wiser and more experienced. And, then the moment comes when you can finally apply all that you learned with someone who was always meant to be yours.
But, what is it that you actually learn? Read on and find out!
The first love
Do you remember that person from primary or high school who you were deeply in love with?
They probably still come to your mind even after all these years, and if you happen to stumble upon them, the same feelings come rushing back for a moment.
After all, they were your first love… the love you thought would last forever. And, then it didn’t, and it took you years to get over them.
Perhaps you were in a relationship, or perhaps it was nothing but a crush. But, what you felt was nevertheless very real. After all, they showed you what love was like, and in those moments, you were truly happy.
“When we lose someone we love, we must learn not to live without them, but to live with the love they left behind.” – Unknown
It’s your first heartbreak
My first love brought me a great deal of pain, all of which I happily forgave, and to this day, I hold no resentment towards him. I rarely think of him, but when I do, I choose to recall the good memories.
What’s interesting is that while I’m writing this, I am quite indifferent. I value what I had back then, but it’s as if it happened to someone else.
Perhaps your experience is different, and you still hold much affection for your person, or you might have even just met them. You may realize years from now that they were actually your first love.
And, that’s the problem that comes when you fall in love with this person. You think that you have found what you’ve always been looking for.
It’s quite understandable, though, because you had no prior experience. All you knew of love was from watching the Cinderella movies or soap operas, and that can greatly affect you.
You’re in love with the idea of love
When you see so many characters on TV experiencing true love, all the while being constantly told that you will one day marry the right person, you simply can’t wait to live your own fairy tale.
And, then this person appears before you, perfect for that role. You attempt to alter each part of you that you think is unappealing to them. What they end up loving is an untruthful version of yourself, and what you love is someone you’ve entirely romanticized.
As a matter of fact, it’s not exactly love, but rather infatuation.
It’s quite possible that you didn’t know your first love well, or that you knew them, but something was always off. Still, you firmly believed that you would be together eternally. This is precisely because you loved the idea of love.
You just wanted to be loved, so you accepted whatever you were offered even if it was much less than what you deserved.
You anticipated seeing them every day with great excitement. Nothing else existed for you save for that feeling.
You suppress your true self
You’d already fantasized about the ideal future you would have with them. For you, that was the only love that existed, and there was absolutely no possibility of ever falling in love again.
This is why it’s called idealistic love. After all, you’re young, and you just want to experience love. To achieve that, you’re prepared to lose your individuality if need be. You don’t care much about compatibility.
When I look back, I see someone who made me feel unattractive and worthless, yet I still found him worthy of my efforts. Not for one second could I be myself because he always mocked who I was.
I recently found out that he got married. I thought it was strange that I loved him once. It seemed so long ago.
Yet, even if I feel nothing now, I felt it back then, and each emotion deserves our validation and appreciation even more so when we realize what its role has been all along.
The hard love
After your first heartbreak, you think that you will never love another human being again. In fact, you even refuse to. You feel like you belong to your first love entirely, and you reject anything that comes your way.
It’s then when the second love appears and convinces you otherwise.
This kind of love is the most powerful thing you’ve ever felt in your life. There’s chemistry between you that is simply unparalleled.
This is the person who you think is your soulmate, the one you’re ready to write novels about.
You might even see them as your real first love because unlike before, this time, you’re acquainted with each part of their mind. No one has to pretend anymore, and yet…
It’s never peaceful
You find yourself trying like you never have before. One minute, everything’s dreamy, and the next, you’re destroying your mental health with constant in-depth analyses.
You’re in a constant loop of highs and lows, but no matter how great the pain is, you feel it’s worth it if you get to experience utter ecstasy afterwards.
This type of love isn’t simply lust as it is often perceived, but it IS intense and passionate. It’s also called romantic love.
When you’re in the presence of this person, you feel unimaginably excited, and then suddenly, they retreat and leave you feeling miserable.
You’re not quite sure what went wrong, and you spend every waking moment waiting for things to be fine again. Oftentimes, you blame yourself.
It feels like true love
When you encounter this person, they entirely consume you. Your love becomes an addiction. Only one word is enough for you to feel like you can conquer the world by their side. It’s exhilarating to finally be understood. It just feels right.
They probably really enjoy your company and your silly jokes, and they can listen to you talk 24/7 without getting bored. Since you’ve always lacked such appreciation, you value your second love all the more.
You feel like you’ve finally found the person you were always meant to be with. You feel like it’s true love, and in a way, it is…
It happens for a reason
Just the same as the first love, this one had to happen. We had to experience extreme sadness in order to recognize what love that is deserving of us feels like.
If you’re in pain right now, and you feel like it’s going to last forever, know that it doesn’t have to be that way. Your love won’t be any less meaningful if you decide to let go.
You can’t wait for someone forever. This person obviously can’t commit to you in a way that you deserve. Love them, but walk away.
It’s okay to struggle
It’s quite understandable that you’re going to have a hard time forgetting this person. After all, what you felt was extraordinary. What’s important is not looking back, not trying so hard anymore.
You gave all your best, and it’s finally time to emotionally detach yourself from them and learn how to accept something else.
If you find that the past is still haunting you, know that it’ll only continue to do so if you let it.
There truly is a way to remember a person fondly without them stopping you from finding happiness with someone else. You don’t have to hate them nor suppress the memories.
The love can still be there, it will simply have less power over how you choose to live your life.
” …there will be a piece of you in me always, and I’m grateful for that. Whatever someone you become, and wherever you are in the world, I’m sending you love. You’re my friend to the end.” – the movie, ”Her”
The love that stays
After struggling so much to let go of the hard love, you may wonder: Is love even real? And, then the third love comes knocking on your door…
You may still be in a vulnerable state, not quite prepared to experience anything new, but when this type of love arrives, it’s a trend you wholeheartedly welcome.
It feels peaceful and liberating. You aren’t the only one trying because this person reciprocates your feelings. They offer you consistency and effort, and they never stop fighting for you!
If you’re tired of the roller-coaster relationships you used to have, you can be at peace because that period of your love life is over. And, this is why the 3 loves in life exist – they help you find peacefulness.
It’s a tranquil kind of love
This person never doubts you, and they never play games. There is no hot and cold behaviour, but rather unconditional love and certainty, which attract you like nothing else.
You no longer feel unwanted, not even for a second. This time, they don’t leave you all confused, but they rather reassure you of their love even without you asking.
If there’s a problem, you solve it by communicating. There is no toxic fighting nor silent periods. You care enough to fix the issue in a healthy way.
True intentions are made clear
It’s not uncommon for your first or second love to be puzzling. You’re never quite sure where you’re at. You’re either in a fake relationship or a situationship, and you constantly overthink if it’s ever going to become anything more.
Well, with this twin flame kind of love, there are no such problems. This person instantly tells you what their intention with you is, so you don’t have to stay up all night wondering. They have the emotional maturity to deal with the love they have for you.
”No human being has ever stood so close to my soul as you stand…” – James Joyce
This is not just a romantic relationship between two people, but it’s rather two best friends who are in love with each other. What does this mean?
Well, whenever you have something on your mind, the other person is prepared to listen. They never let you experience grief alone, so they make it their own as well.
When you’re happy, they do the very same. It’s enough for them to see you filled with joy in order for them to feel that way, too.
You realize why it all happened
After experiencing other types of love, nothing quite makes sense yet. It’s only when you stumble upon your third love that you realize the purpose of everything that has happened to you. You realize the significance of all the 3 loves in life.
You needed to feel the pain of a toxic relationship in order to understand that you deserved a healthy one all along.
This doesn’t mean that what happened to you was right nor that you should be grateful. No one should feel grateful for the sadness they’ve experienced.
It’s rather about accepting what happened and choosing to see the good side of it (nonetheless allowing yourself to grieve).
If you’re of the opinion that you could’ve learned your lessons the easy way, you’re correct. But, that’s not on us to decide. The only thing we can do is make peace with the past and cherish the current relationship.
Wishing your destiny was different only makes you unhappy. Why don’t you rather go to your lover and tell them that you appreciate them, and how you’ve always waited for them even when you didn’t know it.
At What Age Will I Find True Love?
It’s different for each person. Some may find it very early, and others at the end of their days. It’s really both a stroke of luck and your eagerness to accept it.
If you’re still stuck on the first or second love, and you can’t seem to move on, the real love could be right in front of you, but you will nevertheless miss it. It will only come at the time when you are fully ready for it.
Perhaps you’re just not ready for a relationship right now even if you want to be. Wishing for something isn’t enough, but I know you can’t just turn your emotions off either.
So, how can you be ready for your true love? How can you live through all of the 3 loves in life? If your curiosity is killing you, you might want to read the following:
- allow yourself to mourn the lost love
- follow the no contact rule
- practise self-love
- don’t check their social media accounts
- if the memories come back, let them be
- don’t fantasize about the lost love
- don’t compare others to them
- accept every chance at love and see where it leads you.
RELATED: 20 Telltale Signs You Will Never Find Love (And How to Change It)
Is The 3 Loves In Life Theory Accurate?
It is, and it isn’t.
Some really do experience 3 loves in life whereas others experience only one. Some never stop holding on to the hard love, and the rest have a great number of them.
It doesn’t strictly happen three times to all of us. It happens as many times as we need in order to learn the lessons. Sadly, there are those who never learn anything…
When the sadness over a past love is too overwhelming, you start being afraid of falling in love. You protect yourself in this manner when all you’re really doing is preventing yourself from seeing and being with your true love.
So, yes, the theory is accurate… if you allow it to be. Slowly mend your wounds and go out there again! A world full of opportunities eagerly awaits you.
We all have different romantic experiences. There’s no same love that happens twice. Still, the universal truth is that most of the time when we fall in love, it helps us gain knowledge and wisdom.
The 3 loves in life theory explains that perfectly well. Perhaps not everyone will experience exactly three types of love, but there will nevertheless be lessons whose purpose is to lead them towards their true love.
Know that as tragic as it is, your sadness is also illuminating and wise. Let it do its job, and gladly accept the fruit of its labor. Learn to love again.