Si quisiera, lo haría: ¿Deberías dar consejos así a las mujeres?

”If he wanted to, he would.” This piece of consejos sobre citas has become extremely popular on TikTok. We hear it more and more often, and every time we do, it’s like our heart is being ripped out.

Si un le gustas, he’ll make an effort, right? It’s that simple… Or is it?

Sometimes, we tend to oversimplify other people’s actions. We say to ourselves or others that it’s not that deep, that the answer is so obvious, but we just refuse to be honestos con nosotros mismos.

And yes, sometimes a guy just doesn’t want you. But, if he has expressed interest yet backed off, there’s a good reason for that.

If you stay with me, I’ll show you that using the phrase, “If he wanted to, he would” isn’t only harmful to the person who hears it, but it’s also very, very WRONG.

¿Qué significa la frase If He Wanted To He Would?

Significa que si un chico quisiera estar contigo, haría un esfuerzo.

Según esta frase de moda, la falta de esfuerzo esconde un falta de interés. Someone who doesn’t chase you just doesn’t like you enough.

I’m sure your friends have tried to comfort you with this many times. I know mine have. And each time, I felt horrible. Why?

Well, because when you say ”if he wanted to, he would” to a woman, she starts feeling like she’s the one to blame.

Even when she acts like she’s angry at HIM, deep down, she feels she’s at fault. Things get even worse when she starts comparing herself to her guy’s ex-girlfriends.

Le vienen a la cabeza todo tipo de preguntas:

¿Por qué se esforzó tanto por ellos pero no por mí? ¿Soy menos digna de afecto? ¿Hay algo malo en mí?

You get the idea. If you keep saying ”if he wanted to, he would” to a best friend, trust me, you will only make them feel worse.

The truth is much more complicated…

That’s always how it goes. A el chico te rechaza, and your lack of self-worth makes you search for flaws and reasons why someone wouldn’t want to be with you.

Aún más, empiezas a sentirte como guys don’t like you in general. I’m no different…

Un tipo me fantasmeó durante días mientras estaba activo en las redes sociales, así que decidí darle un poco de su propia medicina. Pero, cuando por fin le contesté, estaba actuando con frialdad.

Now, the logical thinking process would be: ”What an awful person! He doesn’t deserve my love!”

But, mine was more like: ”OMG, maybe I shouldn’t have ignored him. This is all my fault now.”

NO! My ladies, if you give someone all your love and attention, then you did nothing wrong. If he doesn’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated, that’s on HIM.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s a bad guy either. People have a lot of personal issues and trauma that prevent them from being involved with someone.

Puede que a este hombre le gustes de verdad, pero hay cosas que le frenan.

Maybe his last girlfriend messed him up so badly that he’s afraid to get close to someone again. Or, perhaps, his job is at the top of his priority list.

His problems don’t excuse his behavior, but they can help you understand that his reasons are usually much deeper than just him not wanting you.

You don’t owe him anything

I can’t emphasize this enough – just because you understand how hard it is for your guy doesn’t mean you should forgive him every time he mistreats you in any way.

Sí, si dejó de enviarte mensajes, there’s most likely a reason that has nothing to do with you, but does that make it okay?

Quien te pone triste es no merece tu tiempo...sin importar las circunstancias.

So, the next time a guy rejects you, be neither angry nor forgiving. It’s not your job to haz que te persiga. Dite a ti mismo estas palabras:

”He has his issues, and that’s fine, but I deserve so much more. I hope he’ll get better, but arreglándolo isn’t my job. I want to be his girlfriend, not his therapist.”

Your worth isn’t connected to him

I know you want him to love you back, and I’m sorry that’s not the case. But, while it’s okay to be sad about it, you shouldn’t let it ruin your entire life.

Just because he didn’t call you after your first date doesn’t mean you aren’t material de novia. It especially doesn’t mean you are unworthy of love.

Don’t allow your own self-worth to disappear just because someone’s issues got in the way of them loving you.

It’s beautiful to be noticed by someone we like, but if they don’t give you the love and validation you seek, make sure to eleve su nivel de exigencia.

Qué quiere decir un chico cuando quiere ir despacio

It just means he’s afraid.

He probably had many negative experiences, and now he’s overly cautious when it comes to relationships. He doesn’t want to start anything unless he’s 100% seguro de ti.

Sé que tomárselo con calma parece una señal de alarma, y PUEDE serlo. Algunos chicos caminar sobre tiu mientras mantiene sus opciones abiertas. Si quisiera, estaría contigo.

But, it’s not always like that…

Some genuinely want to be with you but just want to make sure you’re the right woman for them first.

Puede ser difícil diferenciar entre ambos, pero nunca te equivocarás si haces caso a tu instinto.

Si le dice que you shouldn’t give up on him, then don’t. If it tells you that te romperá el corazónhuye lo más lejos posible.

¿Cuánto tarda un hombre en saber que quiere comprometerse?

Eso depende del hombre.

Algunos pueden comprometerse muy pronto, mientras que otros son hombres rotos atormentados por sus traumas pasados.

I know it’s annoying to wait for a guy, but things are much more complicated than ”if he wanted to, he would.”

A nadie le molesta más cuestiones de compromiso than the guy who has them. He’s lonely, yet he can’t do anything about it. Every time he tries to get close to someone, se aleja.

So, if you’ve come across a hombre mentalmente fuerte sin problemas, probablemente tardará unas semanas en hacerse oficial contigo.

But, if you’re involved with a guy who has problemas de intimidad...podrías esperar un poco más.

However, I hope you know that just because you like someone doesn’t mean you should fight for them no matter what. Even if he’s troubled, he should still somehow show his love for you.

Debe ser comprensivo, pero no hasta el punto de dañar su autoestima y su salud mental en general.

I’ll never forget the words of an old friend: ”It’s okay to want to take care of someone, but you should never neglect your own well-being for someone else’s sake.”

It sounds so simple, yet we often forget it. We’re so eager to be loved that we’ll do anything.

Bueno, yo, tu humilde entrenador de citas, estoy aquí para recordarte que TÚ eres lo primero, así que sé amable contigo mismo.

How Can You Tell If He’s Serious About You?

Se nota en la cantidad de esfuerzo que pone.

A hombre de verdad que quiere un relación seria contigo hará todo lo que esté en su mano para conquistarte. Nada podrá interponerse en su camino porque realmente quiere estar contigo.

​HOWEVER, this isn’t necessarily the case. Sometimes, a guy wants you more than anything, yet he stands frozen because he doesn’t know how to make it happen.

He either fears that you’ll reject him to the point where he’d rather be without you.

O, él tiene mayor problemas de abandono that make him believe nothing will ever last. This kind of guy sees you slip away long before you’re even his.

Lo último en lo que piensa es en romperte el corazón, pero sus problemas son mayores que su deseo por ti.

This doesn’t mean that he’s not serio contigo, though. He’s just obviously not in the right place to have a relationship.

Try putting yourself in his shoes, and give him some time… but not too much time because that will turn into a relación tóxica.

Que se pruebe a sí mismo antes de que realmente dale una oportunidad.

Todos los expertos en relaciones te dirán lo mismo: Puede ser un buen chicoPero si tu vida de pareja te está trayendo más tristeza que felicidad, entonces deberías alejarte.

Reflexiones finales

See? At the end of the day, it’s almost never about you. If you’re loving, and you try hard, don’t blame yourself when he’s not able to show up.

Sé que afrontar el rechazo isn’t easy, but try to remember how complex your own inner world is.

Remember how many times you’ve wanted to do something, but your negative thoughts got a hold of you and stopped you from fulfilling your wish.

And you know that’s not because the wish wasn’t important enough. Sometimes, it’s just too damn hard.

So, no. ”If he wanted to, he would” isn’t the kind of advice you should be giving anyone.

Aun así, ten suficiente amor propio para romper with a guy who can’t make you as happy as you want to be. Wish him all the best and move on.