You’ve probably heard about narcissists—these horrible people who will only cause you pain. Everyone around you keeps talking about them and you keep coming across this word wherever you go.
Yes, you’ve heard about those toxic, almost mythical creatures and all you know about them is that they will use different tactics to suck you dry and that they will cause you pain and that you should stay away from them for your own good. You wonder how it is possible that a narcissist plays someone.
And deep down, you think this happens to other people but not to you.
You are smarter than that and you are able to recognize when someone is lying to your face and when they want to manipulate you.
You think you know everything you need to know about this type of person and you are convinced you are safe from their impact.
And you have no idea how wrong you actually are.
You have no idea how sneaky and manipulative narcissists can be. You have no idea how wise they are when it comes to getting under someone’s skin. You have no idea how persistent these people are when it comes to reaching their goal.
Most of all, you have no idea that a classic narcissist will manipulate and play you without you even being aware of it. And when you finally realize what is going on and when you figure this person out, you have already been dragged into his manipulations and darkness and escaping that is anything but easy.
Of course, a narcissist will never show you his true colors right from the start because he is well aware that his true face would chase you away and that you wouldn’t put up with him.
That is why he will wait for you to fall for him and that is when his manipulations will start.
So, please don’t think you are immune to a narcissist’s toxicity, because trust me—you are not.
In the beginning, a narcissist will pretend to be everything you’ve always hoped to find in a man. You’ll probably think you’ve finally found the guy of your dreams and the person you’ve always wanted for yourself, without having the slightest idea that he is actually a psychopath and toxic manipulator in disguise.
This guy will sweep you off your feet, pretending to be more than perfect.
Although narcissists are toxic and abusive, at first glance they are anything but this.
Narcissistic men are usually very smart and charismatic and they have ways of seducing their victims.
First of all, this guy will be anything but boring. He won’t be using the usual pick-up lines to get to you.
Instead, he will disguise himself as the man of your dreams.
What you need to remember is that you are not his first victim. This man is a professional and he knows very well what he is doing and how to achieve his final goal of destroying you completely.
You might wonder why this guy chose you.
Well, he chooses his victims carefully. That means that he recognized something in you. Maybe he saw your weaknesses and vulnerabilities, maybe he recognized your insecurities or your desire to love and be loved. Maybe he saw that you were an empath and a sensitive person who would do anything to save someone in trouble.
Either way, you need to be aware that this guy saw something in you which made you a suitable victim of mind games that a narcissist plays with you.
You need to be aware that he will use everything he knows about you and all of your insecurities and weaknesses to get closer to you, and eventually he’ll use them against you.
When a narcissist enters your life, he will pretend to be giving you all the love you’ve always wanted. He’ll know exactly what to say and he’ll do all the seemingly right things to get under your skin and to make you fall for him.
This guy will try really hard to gain your trust and to see you opening up to him because this is the only way he can crush you later on.
He will promise you the future you always wanted and he’ll make you think you are finally living in a fairy tale.
This guy will act as if he will never abandon you and he will convince you he is the only person you need in life.
He will pretend to be different from all the other men who have entered your life and you won’t be able to believe how lucky you are to have finally found this guy.
At first, he will act like he is your soulmate and your forever person, telling you that you two are meant to be, telling you how special you are and that he has never met anyone like you in his life.
He will convince you that the two of you are a match made in heaven, that you are the only one who could change his old ways and that you are the only woman in the world he could love like this.
This guy will make you feel wanted, loved and unique and let’s face it—there doesn’t exist a woman who can stay immune to these feelings.
At first, you may doubt his honesty and his intentions, because you won’t be able to believe that someone like this actually exists, after all the wrong guys who were a part of your life in the past.
But, deep down, you’ll want to believe every word this man is telling you. You’ll want to believe that someone finally loves you for who you are and that you’ve finally found the right guy for you.
And eventually, you’ll believe him completely. You’ll be grateful to fate because it sent you this amazing guy to be your life partner.
And before you know it, you are hooked. When you are around this guy, you feel things you’ve never felt before.
You feel like you could do anything, like anything is possible as long as he is the one holding your hand.
You’ll feel like you are on top of the world and you will be ready to do anything in your power just to keep this feeling from going away.
At first, you might try to hide the intensity and the depth of emotions this guy has awoken inside of you.
But with time, your trust for him grows. You see how much he loves you (or actually, how much he pretends to love you) and you see that he doesn’t have any trouble expressing his feelings to you.
You see that this guy is putting an enormous amount of effort into your relationship and in making you happy and you just want to pay him back a little bit.
So you decide it’s about time to stop playing hard to get and to start showing him your true feelings. You want him to know how much you love him and how important he is to you. You want to show him your dedication and commitment to this relationship because that is the least this perfect man deserves.
And that is exactly what you do. You make him your priority and the center of your world.
But the moment you do this, this guy senses it. He sees that you’ve put your guard down, that he’s managed to tear your walls down and that you’ve stopped your defense mechanisms..
And that is when he starts to show his true face. That is when he realizes you are hooked on him and that he can play you the way he wants to. This is when this guy’s behavior will change.
Before you know it, you are a good girl who got played.
But his changes in behavior won’t be drastic.
He’ll start with indirectly implying that you are less worthy than him. He’ll begin will diminishing your worth, without you even being aware of it.
His mistreatment and bad behavior will literally creep in, where he’ll have different flashes of anger and toxicity.
At first, you’ll think you are imagining things and that this guy is anything but a narcissistic person. This is your man—the guy who has always treated you like his queen, the man who loves you unconditionally and more than anything and this cannot be his true face.
It is possible that he has just had a bad day or that you have taken his behavior too seriously. It is possible that you’ve overreacted and exaggerated. After all, the least he deserves is a little bit of understanding on your part, after all the things he has done for you and for your relationship and after all the love he has given you.
After all, he repented every time he insulted you or mistreated you. It is more than obvious that he is sorry and that this is not the real him.
He is trying to convince you that he was this emotionally damaged and broken man who was way different before he met you. You’ve managed to change him and this behavior he sometimes displays is just a flashback of his horrible past he is trying to put behind him.
But now he is with you and he is a changed man. And that is all because of you. He has made a sacrifice—he changed all of his old ways just to be a better man for you, just to be worthy of your love and respect and that is something you have to appreciate.
So you start to feel sorry for him. You start to think about all the women from his past who did him harm and you promise yourself you won’t be the same.
No, you’ll be completely different. You’ll do everything in your power to fix him and to help him heal completely. Your only goal in life is to help this broken man and to show him that not all women are the same. You want to show him that the power of your love will overcome all the obstacles and that you are the only woman for him.
And you feel special about this fact. You are his savior, the only woman who was worthy enough of him changing, the only woman who can show him the light, after all the darkness he’s been through.
So what if he is aggressive, possessive or jealous? This is only because he loves you so much that he simply can’t control his emotions for you.
After all, this guy has always been your friend. You know he only wants what is best for you and that is why he sometimes loses his temper when he criticizes you.
In your eyes, he is still this amazing man who is just too passionate and who needs your guidance through life. And that is exactly what you are going to give him.
These are all the thoughts that are going through your head whenever you see a flash of his aggressive, narcissistic or toxic behavior. You are ready to accept any possible excuse, just so you can find justification for this guy’s change of heart.
You are even ready to put all the blame on yourself, just so you can keep the image of this perfect guy in your head.
And this is exactly what he wants. He wants you to be delusional and he doesn’t want you to see things clearly.
As time goes by, these flashes of his bad behavior and of him diminishing you and insulting you are becoming more and more often. And they get worse every time.
But whatever happens, this guy finds a reason for it. And you follow him with these justifications.
Whatever he does, he wants you to think it’s your fault. He wants you to think you provoked him to be like this and that you are the main cause of all the problems in your relationship.
Serious narcissists are not fans of clearing things up. Instead, they will probably ghost you whenever there are some problems between the two of you. Your narcissist will be passive-aggressive, he will ignore you and give you the silent treatment, which will make you question yourself and your behavior. It will make you wonder what you have done wrong.
And when he returns, he’ll act as if nothing has happened. If you try to talk to him about all the things that have gone on between you two, he’ll blame you for trying to provoke another fight, now that everything is in perfect order in your relationship.
Even if he agrees to try and sort things out, a narcissist will always twist the truth and lie. He will try to convince you that he didn’t say or do the things he said or did or that you misinterpreted everything, because that was not what he wanted to say or do.
Also, he will try to convince you that you said or did some things you never said or did and all of this will make you question your sanity.
The next time he displays his toxic behavior, you’ll be scared to react because you’ll be afraid that he’ll walk away once more and that is the last thing you want. After all, you are hooked on this guy and you don’t think you can live without him, so you are ready to do whatever it takes just to stop him from leaving you and to keep you around.
This is when physical violence might come into the picture. But even if that happens, he’ll tell you that you provoked him or that you overreacted.
After a while, you’ll want out. For the first time ever, you’ll have the thought that this is not the life you want to live.
But a narcissist won’t let you go. Instead, he will do or say anything just to win you back. This is when he’ll start with his emotional blackmail, when he’ll promise you that he’ll change and when he’ll do anything to prove his love for you. He might tell you that you’ll never find a man who will love you like he does and he will do whatever it takes to diminish your worth.
It is also possible that he will try to make you feel sorry for him. He might tell you that he needs you in his life or even threaten to do something to himself if you leave him.
Of course, you think this is proof of his love for you. He begs you to stay by his side and it is more than obvious that he loves you like no other man.
And you choose to stay.
What you don’t know is that he is trying to keep you around just so he can have his victim by his side. That he is doing this because of his ego and because he enjoys having someone to torture and not because he loves you.
And with time, you start to believe him. You start to believe in all the insults and the things he’s been telling you. You start to think of yourself as the only one responsible for all the troubles in your relationship. You start to see yourself as unworthy of anyone’s love and you start to think that you could never find someone better and that you probably deserve everything that is happening to you.
And that was exactly what he wanted to achieve all along, because the only way for him to feel good about himself is to diminish everyone around him.
And you keep staying by his side, because you hope to see the man you fell in love with again. You still hope these are just his bad episodes, bursts and flashes and you hope that he’ll be the man he was at the beginning. You hold on to him because he is the only person who can make you feel good about yourself again, because he is the person who ruined you in the first place.
But this is all false hope and this endless cycle of emotional or physical violence just carries on.
Even when you think about walking away from him, you feel like he’s drawing all the energy from you. Your suffering has become his source of energy and even when you want to leave him, you simply feel that you can’t get rid of him because it is like he has some kind of power over you.
You think you’ll never leave this abusive relationship and that you’ll stay hooked on this guy forever.
Your family and friends keep advising you to leave him immediately and to apply the no contact rule. But even when you try it, he somehow finds a way to crawl back into your life.
So you feel hopeless and helpless.
But as much as you think you can’t make it, trust me—you can break free and you can save yourself. You can get rid of a narcissist only when you realize that this is what you really want and when you realize this is actually the only option you have if you want to heal yourself and to save your mental health.
I am not saying any of this will be easy. Once you finally walk away from a narcissist and once you break all contact with him, you’ll feel like an addict and he is your drug. You will want to go back to him and he won’t leave you alone in a peaceful way.
You will question yourself and your entire relationship with a narcissist. You’ll wonder if things could be different this time and you’ll want to believe his promises that he’ll change.
But trust me—this is the last thing you should do.
I know you feel like you’ve lost yourself to this narcissist but you need to be strong enough to disregard your feelings for this guy and to see things clearly and realistically. You need to see his flaws and you need to see how much harm this man has done to you. You need to understand that this is not how you want your life to look.
And most of all, you need to understand that you will get better because time really does heal all wounds.
I know that you probably think that you will love this guy forever and that you’ll never be able to get over a narcissist, but this is just him talking from the back of your mind. Once you really walk away from him, you’ll see that he is the last person you need in your life.
You’ll see all of your worth and you’ll see that you are a lovable person who doesn’t need this toxic guy to complete her.
Although it might seem impossible at first, as time goes by, you’ll see that you are strong enough to pull this off and that you can do it, no matter what this guy has been trying to convince you of.