Having trust issues is common, even in healthy relationships. The thing is, though, not a lot of people are willing to admit that they have them.
What characterizes trust issues? A complete lack of trust in others, constantly expecting some sort of betrayal, and an unhealthy fear of abandonment.
Untrustworthiness is common in romantic relationships (due to negative past experiences), but also with family members and just about anyone who crosses paths with you.
Numerous factors play a role in your lack of ability to build trust. Sometimes, it’s due to a toxic relationship that resulted in a serious betrayal of trust, which makes you suspicious toward your current partner.
This, in turn, negatively affects your current relationship, as rebuilding trust no longer comes naturally to you.
If a loved one cheated on you in the past, it could cause you to create a defense mechanism to avoid getting hurt again.
If any of this rings a bell, and you’re having a hard time figuring out the root of your issues, keep reading.
The signs below will help you figure out why you can’t seem to trust others and how to stop letting this affect your new relationship.
Do I Have Trust Issues? Check Out The Most Common Signs
Has a toxic loved one affected your mental health so much that building trust feels impossible? There’s only one way to find out…
You anticipate a breach of trust without having a reason to
Do I have trust issues if I can find something wrong in the most innocent situations? Without a shadow of a doubt.
Your lack of trust is truly emphasized in your inability to relax your mind and enjoy a genuine connection. You most probably keep yourself closed off in all your (romantic and platonic) relationships.
After all, this is your defense mechanism at its best. You keep telling yourself that if you remain alert at all times, no betrayal will get by you.
But what you fail to understand is that this very thing is causing you to betray yourself and your chances for happiness.
You avoid commitment when it comes to intimate relationships
It’s not that you’re hesitant to enter a romantic relationship. You’ve probably done okay on that front, but only on the surface.
While you keep telling yourself that your current relationship is on the right track, deep down, you know you’re not fully invested. Not emotionally, anyway.
You have developed a serious case of commitment phobia that you keep justifying to yourself. But the thing is, I don’t think you believe your reasonings at all anymore.
It’s just something you want to believe so that you can keep entering shallow relationships and avoid the risks that come with a deeper relationship.
You never truly open up to anyone
You never let anyone know the real you. When’s the last time you shared your fears and insecurities with a loved one?
My guess is it’s been a while. I understand, though. Your trust issues have to stem from somewhere. Whoever caused you to be this untrusting must’ve done a real number on you.
This has caused you never to let anyone close enough to break through your walls. But did you know that this isn’t healthy for your mental health?
You can’t keep going through life not sharing anything with anyone. One day, you’ll realize the severe consequence of this unhealthy lifestyle.
Most of your relationships are volatile
Every new relationship you enter fizzles out due to its draining nature. You either pick someone who’s not on your wavelength, or you go for the unattainable type.
Either way, it’s volatile and unhealthy. There is no peace, harmony, or understanding that a healthy relationship should have.
There are tons of trust issues, crazy, passionate arguments, and you probably make it all up to each other in the bedroom.
If I had to hazard a guess, I’d say that your steamy sessions are the only thing keeping you with your current partner. Because, if there’s no trust, what is the relationship based on?
You get unreasonably upset over an honest mistake
You get stuck on things that others would just shrug off and let go. Your tolerance for mistakes (or any kind of betrayal, no matter how small) is zero.
This is what makes it so daunting to be in a relationship with you. Disappointing you is not an option, and when your partner or anyone close to you makes a tiny mistake, they know you’ll go off on them.
This is a clear sign of trust issues. The moment someone you care about unintentionally does something a little upsetting, you take it too seriously out of fear that it will lead to something even worse.
Most of your friendships aren’t very deep
This is difficult to admit to yourself, but it’s necessary if you’re eager for things to change. You know a lot of people, but you’re not too close to many of them.
You get coffee, go on an occasional night out, and text now and again. But when it comes to a genuine connection and being able to call them at 2 a.m. during an emergency, it’s a no-go.
That’s what deep trust issues do to you. They make it impossible to have a solid group of people you can call close friends.
You are wary of every new person you meet
Whenever a new person enters your life, you get the urge to browse through their social media platforms to see their deal.
You stay at a healthy distance, regardless of having no reason to, and you never allow yourself to overshare about your life. Even if this person is a friend of a friend, your guard is always up.
If you’re honest with yourself, you can see how messed up this is, but you just can’t help it. You’d love nothing more than to trust others with more ease, but no such luck.
This, in turn, has started to drive a wedge between you and your loved ones that is getting harder and harder to overcome.
Your loved ones consider you impossible to please
Be honest, have your loved ones ever confronted you with your inability to trust and how it’s affecting your relationships?
Have you ever been told that you’re virtually impossible to please and how annoying it’s becoming? And have you ever taken the time to consider what they’re saying?
Regardless of the cause of your distrustfulness, when it starts messing with your most precious relationships, it’s time to start doing something about it.
If you don’t, every relationship you hold dear will soon start to unravel.
You’ve started to feel like an outcast
Unsurprisingly, all of this has started to make you feel alienated from people.
Slowly but surely, you’ve stopped getting invited anywhere, and you feel yourself slipping away from the few people you felt close to.
You never thought you’d say this, but you’re starting to feel like an outcast. Not just from your friends, but your family too.
While this is not something anyone should ever go through, you have to be aware that it’s self-inflicted. When you keep letting your trust issues taint your relationships, what can you expect?
You have a hard time forgiving and letting go
If you experience a betrayal of trust, you don’t ask questions. You write them off from your life. There’s no talking to you.
If someone’s not perfect and without faults, they don’t deserve a place in your life. That’s what you tell yourself.
Forgiving is not something you’re accustomed to. Letting go of things is even more challenging. Even if you tried, you’d just keep replaying that one slip-up in your head over and over.
You know that relationships are far from perfect, and that being able to forgive is vital. But for some reason, you just can’t.
You’re distrustful of people in general
Regardless of whether it’s a close friend, family member, or a romantic partner, you double-check everything you’re told.
You’re not sure where this need has come from, but you take everything you hear with a pinch of salt.
Unsurprisingly, this is a characteristic of most people with trust issues. Their self-esteem is severely shaken, as life experiences and past relationships have made them this way.
Trustworthiness has to be earned, and so far, you feel like no one has earned yours. But here’s the deal. If you want to create meaningful relationships, you have to start working on rebuilding your self-esteem.
Some of the reasons why you cannot build trust with anyone are legit. But sometimes, it’s all in your head.
If a person has given you zero reasons to doubt their intentions, why put yourself through such an ordeal?
How To Overcome Trust Issues In 5 Simple Steps
This is how you can slowly but surely start building trust with people again. Nothing happens overnight, but with some effort, things can change for the better.
Accept that sometimes, you’ll be let down (and you’ll survive)
In case you haven’t heard, nobody’s perfect. Therefore, expecting everyone around you never to do anything wrong is naive.
What I want you to do is try to accept the fact that, yeah, people will disappoint you sometimes. It’s going to suck, but guess what? It happens to all of us, and we all get through it. So will you.
When you start seeing life for what it is, as opposed to what your preconceived notions keep telling you, you’ll be able to form genuine bonds with people.
You’ll start seeing that just because your partner messed up one time doesn’t mean they don’t have your best interest at heart.
If your best friend had to flake on you due to an emergency, that doesn’t make them a bad person.
It just means life got in the way. Things happen, we deal with them, and then we simply move on. Try it!
Allow yourself to be vulnerable and take emotional risks
We all struggle sometimes. Heck, even Drake wrote a song about the very topic of this article. Check out his ‘Trust Issues’ lyrics, and you’ll see that not even global superstars are immune to being distrustful.
I’m saying this to help you realize that without putting yourself out there, you’ll never be truly at peace. Be vulnerable. Allow someone to break your heart (all the while, hoping that they won’t).
We all take risks every single time we give our hearts away. There’s no way around it. So take a leap of faith and let your guard down. Be emotionally invested and experience true connection.
Don’t you think it’s high time to start letting go of the burdens of your past?
Don’t give out trust freely – people have to earn it
Drake’s ‘Trust Issues’ aside, this is something you surely understand. Giving your trust away just like that is not an option.
If someone wants to be in your inner circle, they’ll have to earn it. But, this doesn’t mean you should be cold and distant. Just because you’re unsure of someone’s trustworthiness doesn’t mean you need to ice them out.
Be friendly and cordial, especially when meeting new people. You don’t have to relay the story of your life to them.
What you can do, though, is make an effort to get to know them, give them the benefit of the doubt, and see where things go!
Determine the root of your distrust and FACE it
It’s time to see where your trust issues come from. Has your past relationship made you wary of trusting someone new?
Have you experienced a betrayal trauma within your family that you still haven’t gotten over? Whatever it was, face it head-on!
The longer you suppress it, the worse you’re going to be mental health-wise. Perhaps the timing of your life is giving you a unique opportunity‚7 for a clean slate.
All you have to do is think back to your past issues and face your demons. It sounds scary, but actually, it’s so cathartic!
Learn from your past but stop letting it hold you back
When learning how to overcome trust issues, you can let your past experiences be your ally. How? Simple! By acknowledging what took place and refusing to let it shape your present.
Don’t be the victim of your past. Don’t let it prevent you from enjoying what life has to offer. Whether you were cheated on, abandoned, or emotionally manipulated, end the torture that remains in your head.
Learn from the misfortunes of your life experiences, and never let them set back your emotional growth again.
Understand that you’re stronger than you give yourself credit, and start taking risks in life. Your lack of trust is suppressing you in more ways than one. Stop letting it!
Eye-Opening Trust Issues Quotes
1. “‘Sorry’ works when a mistake is made, but not when trust is broken. So in life, make mistakes but never break trust. Because forgiving is easy, but forgetting and trusting again is sometimes impossible.” – Unknown
2. “Not everyone can be trusted. I think we all have to be very selective about the people we trust.” – Shelley Long
3. “Breaking someone’s trust is like crumpling up a perfect piece of paper. You can smooth it over, but it’s never going to be the same again.” – Unknown
4. “Sometimes, the people that love you the most turn out to be the people you will trust the least.” – Shannon L. Alder
5. ”The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” – Ernest Hemingway
6. “Only trust someone who can see these three things in you: the sorrow behind your smile, the love behind your anger, and the reason behind your silence.” – Unknown
7. “If you have three people in your life that you can trust, you can consider yourself the luckiest person in the whole world.” – Selena Gomez
8. ”Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.” – Albert Einstein
9. “Trust is hard to come by. That’s why my circle is small and tight. I’m kind of funny about making new friends.” – Eminem
10. “Sometimes, you don’t know who you can and cannot trust. I still learn that over and over again.” – Demi Lovato
11. “You can’t trust a promise someone makes while they’re drunk, in love, hungry, or running for office.” – Joe Moore
12. “Trust is a fragile thing. Easy to break, easy to lose, and one of the hardest things to ever get back.” – Unknown
13. “Trust is not the same as faith. A friend is someone you trust. Putting faith in anyone is a mistake.” – Christopher Hitchens
14. “I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so you can appreciate them when they’re right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart, so better things can fall together.” – Marilyn Monroe
15. “It’s hard to trust when all you have from the past is evidence of why you shouldn’t.” – Unknown
16. “‘It was a mistake,’ you said. But the cruel thing was, it felt like the mistake was mine, for trusting you.” – David Levithan
17. “Be careful who you trust. If someone will discuss others with you, they will certainly discuss you with others.” – Unknown
18. “I don’t trust anybody. Not anybody. And the more that I care about someone, the more sure I am they’re going to get tired of me and take off.” – Rainbow Rowell
19. “To trust people is a luxury in which only the wealthy can indulge; the poor cannot afford it.” – E.M. Forster
20. “Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.” – Stephen R. Covey
21. “The worst thing about being lied to is knowing you are not worth the truth.” – Jean-Paul Sartre
22. “Don’t trust too much, don’t love too much, and don’t hope too much. Because that too much can hurt you so much.” – Unknown
23. “Don’t ever break someone’s trust. Once you do, then nobody wants to do business with you.” – Robert Budi Hartono
24. “Trust is not simply a matter of truthfulness or even constancy. It is also a matter of amity and goodwill. We trust those who have our best interests at heart, and mistrust those who seem deaf to our concerns.” – Gary Hamel
25. “You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough.” – Frank Crane
26. “Loving someone is giving them the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to.” – Julianne Moore
27. “There are ways you can trust an enemy. You can’t always trust a friend. An enemy’s never going to betray your trust.” – Daniel Abraham
28. “Trust your hunches. They’re usually based on facts filed away just below the conscious level.” – Joyce Brothers
29. “People with anxiety and trust issues find themselves drawn to people of consistency because they feel safe with someone predictable. However, that doesn’t cure the problem. The anxious person remains the same because anxiety is a wave that crashes on the shore every time an unpredictable circumstance challenges their expectations and comfort zone.” – Shannon L. Alder
All Things Considered…
If you’ve been struggling with trust issues that have started to take control of your life, this article is right up your alley.
Your lack of trust can’t be ‘cured’ overnight, but now you’re armed with the tools you need to start rebuilding trust and get your life back on track!
Facing your demons is scary, but living your life constantly holding back is scarier! Forgive those who have hurt you for the sole purpose of moving on and wiping the slate clean.
You deserve to be happy. All it takes is effort and perseverance. Trust yourself that you can get over this, and I assure you that one day, you 100% will.