Want to know how to give him space but not risk losing him in the process? You’re in the right place.
Just like in any real, long-term romantic relationship, there might come a time in yours where things suddenly just seem to be off.
He may start acting distant, things that normally seemed fine are anything but, and the rapport between you two seems to be a little broken.
Your man is acting differently, but you just can’t seem to figure out what the hell is going on.
Is it you? Is it something you did or is he simply struggling with something internally and he doesn’t know how to handle it right?
It can take a real toll on the relationship when communication is not healthy and one partner is acting outside of his norm without offering any valid explanation for his behavior.
You feel that he needs space and you really want to give it to him, but you fear he might like it too much and possibly leave. So what do you do?
How do you give him the space that he clearly needs, yet at the same time, still make sure he knows you’re there for him, and you desperately want to get to the bottom of whatever is bugging him? How to know what your man wants from you?
The first thing that’s important to note here is that guys handle their problems much differently from women.
They usually like to step away for a bit and deal with their stuff internally.
They give themselves to their jobs a little more than usual, as a way to keep distracted from what is bothering them.
They don’t like to hash it over too much, and they rely on their own abilities to solve their issues.
Men are just wired differently.
Emotional difficulties are not easy for them to face, so when they start feeling the strain of it all, they manifest it in ways that may prove detrimental to their romantic relationships.
They usually don’t mean to be that way; it’s just a result of their inability to cope with their issues openly and honestly like women do.
Listen, unfortunately, you can’t change how your partner is.
He is who he is, and you need to accept it as part of him and realize that it has nothing to do with you.
Everybody has their own way of working out their issues, and you cannot control what happens in somebody’s head and how they react to things and resolve them.
But what you can control is how you react to them.
You can choose to let these things affect you in a negative manner, sit there quietly and sulk, or you can deal with them like the grown-up woman that you are and try to make the process of giving him the space he desperately craves as painless as possible.
Chances are, this is just a phase, and it is likely going to pass.
He is going to figure a way out of his emotional dilemma and apologize afterwards for letting it strain your relationship.
You are going to realize that you’ve made a big deal out of nothing, and you’ll be perfectly fine and secure in what you have.
Don’t always trust your head when it goes into panic mode. Sometimes it’s just a little glitch, and it’s only a matter of time before things get resolved.
Don’t panic if you feel like you need to give him some space. That can actually prove to be healthy for your relationship in the long run.
He is going to realize what a great woman he has by his side—one that selflessly lets him deal with his stuff without nagging, and waits for him with zero judgment when he’s back to his old self.
Nobody’s perfect, and we all go through our own shit. What really matters is how you choose to come out of it.
Give him the space that he needs, but make sure to do whatever it takes to keep yourself in positive spirits throughout.
Here are 12 ways you can give him space, with the minimum risk of losing him:
1. Give him space and back off for a bit
The most obvious, yet most effective way to give him some space is to do exactly that.
Accept that this is how it is at this very moment and adjust. Don’t text him all the time, and don’t call too much.
If he isn’t texting you first, don’t initiate conversation every single day because that is the exact opposite of what you’ve promised him. If you are wondering what your man wants right now, just listen to your gut. Even if you think you will never be able to help him, the next day you won’t think like that.
Let him figure it all out, and don’t pry too much. I understand it’s extremely difficult backing off from the one you love, but just remember that you’re doing it all for the sake of your relationship. If you continue behaving like that, he will eventually come back. And that was your plan from the beginning, right?
Let him know you’ll be spending time with your best friend on Saturday, so if he has no plans, you can have brunch on Sunday, but don’t pressure him.
Be casual and chill.
He should see you as a source of support and not somebody who can’t give him a little time for himself when that’s all he really needs.
It’s going to be tricky not receiving that goodnight text from him every night, but it’s crucial that you keep to your word and make him see he can trust you. It’s all going to be okay in the end.
Be supportive of his struggles, respect his space, and let him know that whenever he’s ready, you’re here to talk it all out and figure out where you stand.
2. Focus on yourself and stop making excuses to contact him
If you’ve made a conscious decision to give him space, do just that.
You don’t need to make ridiculous excuses to text and call at all times because he will see right through them.
If you keep badgering him after promising to step away for a bit, he’s going to feel pressured and attacked, and it can only negatively affect how things will continue after this.
No, he didn’t forget that you exist, and no, he is not going to get used to a life without you because that is not the point of it all.
The point is that he figures himself out—alone. That’s why you should give him the boyfriend space he craves so much. At the end of the day, he will think in a different way, and he might come back to you before you think that is possible.
It has nothing to do with you or any other third party. He is going to reach out when he’s ready, and you’ll talk then. If he doesn’t call you today, it doesn’t mean he won’t call you the next day. Just keep that positivity, and things will turn out to be better than you thought.
Anything else is just too needy and insecure, and you know that’s not who you are or how you want him to see you.
You should be able to enjoy your life by yourself as well. There are so many things to see and so much to do, so focus on all that, and time will fly!
When you’re focused on the positives and choose to see the beauty in everything, it usually translates into real life.
Keep your spirits up and always find a reason for a smile!
3. No stalking on social media!
This is counterproductive to giving him space. You are not in high school, sending him love texts and asking him when he will come to see you. This is something serious, and you should treat it accordingly.
It may seem innocent enough, but if you can’t peel your eyes off his Facebook and Instagram accounts, you’re going to make yourself go mad. The no contact rule is a lifesaver in situations like this. Just be patient and give him his man space to think about everything.
Don’t stalk him. Don’t keep tabs on who he’s following, whose photos he liked, and the comments he might have posted on somebody’s video. Don’t even try to be sweet and cute by saying ‘hi’ on Snapchat. I know a lot of women would do something like this, but now you know that it isn’t the right thing. No matter how much you crave it, give up on texting him. Because, if you spend so much time focusing on him, you will miss all the fun in your life.
Don’t mess with your head by imagining scenarios that aren’t real, based on what you see on his social media profiles.
Just because he went out with his friends the night before, does not mean he’s not struggling.
All it means is he needed a breather. Sympathize with that, and don’t judge. Remember that you are leaving him alone for some time because he needs space. If he enjoys spending time with certain people, just accept it.
As I’ve already mentioned, people deal with their issues in their own ways. Nobody is right or wrong here. We’re all just finding our way.
Don’t overanalyze things, and keep an open mind. Nobody said it would be easy, but do your best to keep a level head.
You are only making it worse for yourself. So no social media, and no stalking. Let things go at their own pace and trust your guy. Trust me, at the end of the day you will be so proud of yourself if you manage to handle everything like this.
4. Don’t interrogate him
Don’t go into it too aggressively. You don’t know the real reasons why your man is pulling away. Maybe he has some issues he doesn’t want to share with you.
Keep in mind that not even he knows what the hell is going on in his mind, so your 20 questions are not going to make anyone feel better.
The hardest part is not taking it personally. All you want to know is why he isn’t talking to you and why he can’t just confide in you. What did you do?
And that’s your first mistake. You didn’t do anything. This is his internal problem and he is the only one who can fix it for himself.
You can’t do anything until he takes the initiative and works on his own shit. Just give him guy space, and see what happens next.
Think about it this way.
If you were mentally (or in any other way) struggling with something but you didn’t really want to talk about it, how would it make you feel if he invaded your personal space and didn’t give you a second to figure it out by yourself?
Not so peachy, am I right? So keep that in mind every time you wish to badger him with questions and put unnecessary pressure on him.
If you’re going to give him space, try to respect that, and let him come to you when he is ready. Trust me, the worst thing that can happen is to push him into doing things he is not ready for.
5. Don’t chase after him
What’s the point? If he’s going to find his way back, he’s going to do it on his own. if he chooses someone else, it is okay as well. Love can’t be forced, so why try in the first place?
Don’t make him feel suffocated and pressured into making a decision before he’s ready. Don’t spend so much time focusing on him. I know a lot of women do this, but I am begging you not to do it. Trust me, it won’t bring you where you want to be. Just do your own thing in your own space.
Don’t resort to any grand gestures or ways to get his attention.
That is below you. You know him better than anyone, so you know how that’s going to make him feel. Keep your head high and your hopes even higher. If you feel like texting him, just think about it. Will it help you to make him run into your arms? I don’t think so.
Chasing after him will do the opposite of what you want. It will push him further away and then he will highly unlikely want to come back.
Don’t make yourself seem desperate and incapable of being on your own.
That is not an attractive trait and you should be fine by yourself for a little while.
Just leave the situation as it is, and don’t try to impact the way things turn out. It’s not up to you.
Just have faith he’ll come back to you, and keep yourself preoccupied in the process. Trust me, no contact is what both of you need right now!
6. Quit thinking you’re losing him
I know it’s stronger than you and that it’s hard to control the scenarios your mind creates. But that is the worst thing that you can do now.
It’s daunting, imagining what he’s up to and what he’s doing without you, but please, quit thinking the worst.
Yes, it’s a fair possibility that he might leave. But giving him his guy space is a must because that is the only way he can stay alone with his thoughts.
His choosing to be alone is, unfortunately, a possible outcome of this, and you need to be prepared for it. But nothing is set in stone.
That is merely the worst case scenario, and guess what? You’ll survive if it comes to it!
If you keep going into panic mode, it might just be your fears rising to the surface and getting the better of you.
It is normal to fear losing your partner, but just because it scares you, doesn’t mean you can’t overcome it.
If you can’t help but be a complete and total wreck, perhaps this is not the healthiest relationship for you. Just think about that.
True love doesn’t make you feel nauseated. It doesn’t create twisted scenarios in your head and play mind games with you.
And most importantly, love doesn’t make you feel insecure. It makes you feel safe, protected, and secure in what you have. If you feel bad when he is around and when he is gone, it means that he is not the right one for you. Maybe you would be much happier with someone else.
Even during a “timeout,” you wouldn’t be going through this.
Think about that while you’re on your own and try to figure out what it is that’s really scaring you. And remember that you run your own life, and you are allowed to make all the decisions that you think are right.
7. Shift your energy towards yourself
Constantly going over this in your head is going to drain you of all your energy and positivity. Thinking about the reasons why men pull away won’t help you to bring your man back.
You’re going to be left jaded and frustrated. Stop while you’re still you!
Focus on yourself. Your world is so much bigger than that one person!
I know he’s not just anyone and he’s extremely important to you, but so are many other people, yourself included!
While you’re giving him space, do the same for yourself. Don’t contact him, don’t send text messages and don’t go to places he might be.
Try to find what it is that keeps you happy when he’s not around. Figure out what your passions are and where your zest for life comes from.
Focus on your feelings. Work on putting yourself in the healthiest possible place mentally and emotionally.
Try to just close your eyes, wash those worries away, and appreciate what’s around you. Spend your free time with your best friends, and focus more on them and on yourself.
It’s really easy to be happy; all you need to do is give it a shot!
He is special, and he is amazing, but so are you, and so is the rest of your world.
Find your happiness in other places, and you will suddenly feel a million pounds lighter.
8. Whatever happens, know that you will be just fine
Remember all those things you didn’t think you’d ever survive? Well, look at you now! Alive, healthy, and thriving! This is the exact same thing.
It may seem like losing him could be the end of the world, but it’s really not. Even if you did lose him, you’d find your way back to happiness again.
What’s important to know is that you do not need another person to feel whole. You just need a little space to organize your thoughts while giving him some man space. Trust me, that is the best relationship advice you can get.
You’re already a complete, functioning human being all by yourself. Nothing can change that.
Once you are able to be happy and fulfilled when you’re on your own, only then will you be truly ready for whatever may come your way.
While you’re waiting to see if he can find his way back to you, keep your thoughts positive. You are the one responsible for your own life, and only you can make yourself feel good in your skin.
Make yourself aware that you’ve already survived so much, and you can handle this as well.
So if he chooses a different path, you’ll be ready and able to cope with it in a healthy way.
And if he comes back, you’ll know that you don’t need him in order for you to be happy, but you love to have him keeping you that way.
9. Have faith that things always end up the way they’re supposed to
Just because he seems perfect and your relationship is making you so happy, doesn’t necessarily mean that he is perfect for you.
He can still be a good guy, just not good for you.
Trust that things will work out for the best.
If he can’t seem to find his way back and decides to break it off with you, have some faith that this is how it’s supposed to be.
A guy who is right for you would never leave and decide that you’re not meant to be together, don’t you think?
You can’t control how a person feels. When he’s not where you are, it’s only fair to let him go.
Let him find what’s right for him, and give yourself a chance to find somebody who will never leave.
Right now, it’s difficult to see this as a fact because you are too emotionally invested, but one day down the line, you’re going to realize that this was in fact true.
When enough time has passed, and when you’re with somebody new who can appreciate you and make you feel secure, you’re going to see how you’re supposed to feel beside the one who’s right for you.
And then, you’ll never let your mind play tricks on you again. People who are meant to be will always gravitate towards each other. A great relationship is hard to develop, so you should have enough patience if you want to be happy in love.
10. You can’t change how somebody feels, no matter how hard you try
If your man is going through some serious issues and he is really taking his time, accept that you can’t just change how he feels. Don’t interrogate him about why men pull away and why he is acting like that.
He is the only one with the power to make himself feel better. He just needs a little space to organize his thoughts and to figure out what he will do next. Some guys will face things like this in high school while others will face them when they are completely mature.
It sucks, and it’s so frustrating, but all you can really do is just give him space, take a step back, and hope it all works out in your favor.
Hope that you get your man back and that you never have to go through this again.
But at the same time, if things just don’t go the way you want them to, that is okay, too.
Sometimes things need to fall apart in order for you to see what’s really right for you.
Sometimes, letting go of what seems good for you is exactly what you need to see it for what it really is.
Never force anything. That is not the foundation upon which you want to base your relationship. If it’s not working out, let it go.
While you are busy finding ways to make him come back, life is passing you by. Open your eyes to it, and you just might find what you’re looking for. What is the point in having a great relationship with someone else when you have a terrific one with yourself?
11. Ask yourself what kind of relationship you really want
Is the type of guy that needs space a lot somebody you really want to be with?
Do you like how it makes you feel, being with a person who is unsure about you and your time together?
Think about that for a second.
Giving him space is a noble gesture, and sometimes it’s what’s needed, but if he is taking his time, and he demands space more than just that one time, is he really somebody you want to be with?
Is it possible that maybe you’re just not right for each other?
That does not have to be the case at all, but if it’s in the least bit possible, it’s worth thinking about.
What kind of man are you looking for? Do you see that in him?
If the answer is yes, then by all means, wait for him, and keep your faith.
But if he is leaving you uncomfortable and insecure, perhaps you’re not as happy as you’d like while being with him.
Go over your options, ask yourself what you want out of a relationship, and pursue exactly that.
12. Spend time with people who make you happy
This is your perfect opportunity to spend quality time with those that make your life a little better and make you laugh a little harder.
Don’t forget about your family and friends. While he is searching for his way back, you focus on other people that you cherish in life.
Go on a night out with your besties, and put your worries to the side! Go visit your family if they don’t leave nearby, and spend a weekend unwinding with them.
Take a leisurely walk around town; sit in a park and read a good book. But whatever you do, don’t send him any text messages when you stay alone. That will ruin everything. And yes, this is something all relationship coaches will advise which makes it one of the best pieces of relationship advice.
Catch up with old friends you may have neglected a bit. You’ll see how little it takes to just be happy!
And then, whatever he decides, you’ll be able to handle it all right, knowing you have an amazing support system around you that’s not going to let you wander in sorrow.
This will also remind you of how loved you are and how deeply people care about you.
Your self-esteem will be back on top, and your soul will simply flourish.