It isn’t easy to accept that the breakup actually happened, especially if you dated a person with whom you saw your forever.
That’s why most of us go through the phase of denial in which we decide to ignore the fact that the relationship is over for good, and we feed ourselves with the hope that something will miraculously change.
The thing is. you might not even be aware that you are in denial. It starts off like a defense mechanism that shields you from all the pain that breakup brings.
That’s why you should check the signs and see if you have accepted your breakup.
1. The idea of getting back together is constantly present
Even if you would publicly deny it, if someone was to ask you, deep down you are hoping to sort things out with your ex and get back into his arms.
You spend a lot of time contemplating how to change you ex’s mind. You write them lengthy texts explaining why you two should be together again. You do what you can to make him see you should give this another go,and that’s a pretty clear sign that you haven’t accepted your breakup.
You can’t and under no circumstances should force somebody into the relationship or beg for a second chance. If he was on the same page with you, he would also reach out and a simple text saying: “Hi, how are you?” would be all the push he needs to pursue you.
2. You can’t stop stalking them on social media
You can’t bring yourself to unfriend them on social media. You are interested in every new picture and status update they make. You are trying to find the clues and read the signs. and sadly, there aren’t any.
Having access to his life through social media gives you a false feeling of closeness, and you still feel as if he is a part of your life.
He is not sending you encrypted messages and the longer you browse through his social media accounts the more pain you’ll be in. Don’t do that to yourself. Delete and block, and let him gradually leave your system.
3. You focus only on the good parts of the relationship
When you look back, you only see the good days, happy moments and sweet things he did and you sweep all the bad and ugly in your relationship under the carpet and refuse to get it out. It’s just too painful to deal with all of that mess, and it’s easier to see the positive sides.
Take a step back from your daydreams, and look at the reality. It wasn’t all that great. You probably spent more days crying, worrying and stressing that you weren’t happy.
Don’t make your ex into the Prince Charming he never was and admit to yourself that you deserve better.
4. You put your life on hold
A lot of women experience this when the relationship ends. They subconsciously make themselves available to the prospect of him getting back in their lives.
So they pass on business or life opportunities that are in front of them They say ‘no’ without thinking twice to anyone who asks them on a date. They live in the past, replaying everything that happened in their head instead of moving ahead.
If you find yourself among some of these descriptions, it’s time to wake up. It’s time to realize that he’s gone, and you are just beginning your life.
5. You are trying to make your ex jealous
One more clear sign that you haven’t fully accepted your breakup is that you still care what he thinks and how he feels.
So you post pictures and selfies in which you look hot. You post things that make him think you have somebody else. You show up with some random guy at the place you know he’ll be at, etc.
You are trying to make him jealous, so he would realize what he has lost and possibly make him come back.
6. You undervalue his new relationship
It’s unbelievably hard to grasp that your ex has moved on and started a new relationship with somebody new.
So you try to diminish the worth of their new relationship by telling yourself it will end soon, that he is only doing it to get over you, that he will call you after he gets tired of her and so on and so forth.
In reality, all he is doing is sending you a clear message that the relationship between you and him ended, and you need to accept that.
And even if he gets tired of that new person and even if he comes crawling back to you, you don’t need someone like him in your life. The moment he decided to go after someone else is the moment he lost you for good.
How to accept the breakup and move on?
The first step of accepting your breakup is to admit to yourself that you are in denial. And that’s also the trickiest part.
Secondly, you have to know that it’s going to be everything but easy and that the quickest way to heal is to embrace the pain that comes with a breakup.
Most importantly you need space. You need to unfriend, block and avoid him. Going no contact is the best thing to do. After a few months, you will have a much better view of your past relationship than you have now.
You can’t get over somebody who is constantly present in your life. By keeping him close in any way, you are just prolonging your denial period.
Leah Lee – Writer. Dreamer. Adventurer. Eternal Optimist.
I am an English language and literature professor and writing came naturally alongside that. It was something I did for me until I decided to share it with the rest of the world.
I write about love, emotions, relationship issues and ways to solve them and most importantly about empowering women to become the best versions of themselves.
My inspiration comes from all that I’ve been through in life, and it was a bumpy road but full of valuable lessons. I hope that my experience will do some good to all of those who like to read my work.