What is he thinking during no contact? Does he think about me at all or has he forgotten about me entirely and moved on?
Is there any chance of getting back together with him? Have I made a mistake by sticking to the no contact rule?
Let me reassure you and tell you that the no contact rule was not a mistake, it was the best way to go.
All these questions are inevitable and they come from our broken heart and crushed dreams.
They come from our pain and our fear of never having back that feeling we experienced with a certain person.
‘Out of sight, out of mind’ is echoing in your head and you can’t help but think about the worst case scenario.
That is why our first instinct when somebody leaves is to go after them, get them back, prove that we are perfect together and that our love is worth staying for and worth the fight.
But that’s exactly what we shouldn’t be doing. It will only push him further away.
You both need this time gap of radio silence, no matter how hard it is.
It helps you figure out where you are at and to process the whole situation. You need a cool head and collected thoughts.
When you are freshly out of a relationship, you don’t have that. You can’t think straight, you are hurt and your emotions are all over the place.
If you leave no space for breathing right after the break-up, things will definitely be over and there will be no going back.
If you are bold enough to follow through with the no contact rule, try not to break it.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of staying in touch with your ex and getting that feeling of false comfort.
That trap will comfort you and it will feel good to hear from him and have him close but you won’t be satisfied or happy, at least not entirely.
It will be short-term and entirely unfulfilling. When he decides to leave again, you will only be crushed.
You need to give it time and be determined and brave in your decision to avoid contacting your ex.
However, the questions I mentioned at first will still be your main thoughts and you will just want to get into his head to see, “What is he thinking during no contact?”
That’s why we are here to help. He is bound to think of you because the no contact period leaves him enough room to do so.
These are the most common thoughts a guy has during the no contact period:
1. He is confused
Did he expect you to text by now? He expected you to call. He expected you to come by, knocking on his door and demanding explanations.
He expected sad Facebook updates and Instagram stories with meaningful, sad quotes.Instead, he got nothing but complete radio silence.
He is confused but in a good way. He is thinking about you, about all the hows and whys and what happened that changed you so much.
He fears that you have given up on him this early on and he can’t believe it.
The less he knows about you the more he will wonder about you.
2. He is wondering if you miss him at all
He is used to hearing from you and seeing you often and now all of a sudden that is gone.
He can’t help but wonder why. You seemed crushed when you guys broke up and you are not falling for his late-night texts and possible attempts of a booty call.
You left him wondering, “Where is that woman who replied instantly every time his name lit up her screen?”, “Where is that woman who couldn’t wait to see me?”or “Why is she ignoring me?”
Newsflash: she decided she wanted more than random texts and occasional hookups.
She decided she didn’t want to pretend you guys could be friends after a break-up because it was hurting her.
She decided to give you some time to come to your senses and see that she is amazing and you had something great before you messed it up.
She is sticking to the no contact rule until you are ready to be all in. She is tired of receiving crumbs.
3. He is regretting his actions
After he has had a chance to experience life on his own, he will start missing everything you had.
He will start thinking that he made a mistake. He will start missing you and all those moments you shared.
He has taken everything for granted. Distance made him see that what you had was priceless and if he doesn’t make any effort immediately, you will slip through his fingers.
Sometimes you don’t know what you have until you lose it, and that’s how it usually is with men. After a break-up, they are usually sad but not crushed.
They don’t think about all the things they have lost; only after some time, when they are done partying and living their single man’s dreams, do they realize that they miss all they had with you.
4. He is fighting his fear of commitment
His feelings are divided. He wants you but at the same time, he is scared as hell.
It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the fact that he is simply not ready to make anything long-term.
He will probably overcome these fears at some point but the question is if you will still be waiting.
The truth is that commitment phobia can last for a long while and he is the only one who can fix it.
There will come a point in which he will have to face his fears or lose you forever.
His love for you has to be stronger than his greatest fear, otherwise, he is not worth the wait and he is not the one for you.
5. He is wondering if you have moved on
Are you dating somebody else? He has had no contact with you and he doesn’t know if there are any other men in your life and the not knowing part is killing him.
He is scared that because he broke up with you that he sent you into somebody else’s arms.
Somebody else may be taking his place and taking what he thought would always be his.
You won’t have to do anything to make him think that, his mind alone will create all sorts of scenarios.
The no contact period will awaken his jealousy and make him realize what he is losing.
6. He doesn’t think about you at all because he is only thinking about himself
If you had the misfortune to come across someone narcissistic, self-absorbed and manipulative then rest assured that he only has one thought in mind and one thought only and that is himself.
He is the type of man you use the no contact rule with to get over him and not to get him back.
The pain after the break-up will be excruciating regardless of your rationalizing and the fact that you are better off.
However, the no contact rule will help you in your healing process because the worst thing you can do is risk falling back into his toxic web again. The recovery process will be long and hard but essentially worth it.
You have been missing out on life, attending to his needs, and it’s time you start thinking about yourself and rebuilding your life from scratch.
He might want to get in touch but it will never be because he has changed or he wants things to be different.
He will want it so he can fulfill his sick need to have you under his control.
He will want to see if he can lure you back in, just so he can leave you broken once again.
If you are aware that the man you have been dating is a narcissist or has any sort of toxic personality, under no circumstances should you break the no contact rule.
Keep him as far away as you can from yourself. Don’t let him destroy your life any further.
I hope some of these thoughts can help you grasp the overall situation better and answer the main question, “What is he thinking during no contact?” I also know that you fear that the no contact rule won’t work in a way that guarantees you will get him back. But it is your best shot.
Chasing after him, letting him be with you when he is feeling lonely and finding it convenient, and providing him with emotional support, sending one unanswered text after the other or replying to his lame texts won’t get you anywhere.
It may provide you with some instant gratification but he will not be there to stay.
However, if he truly has strong feelings toward you then the no contact rule will work its magic and he will come after you. He will move mountains and do his best to have you in his life again.
He will realize that leaving you was the biggest mistake of his life. That’s why it’s vital you don’t make the first move—let him come to you. He is the one who broke things off and it’s his mess to repair.
The duration of the no contact period is mainly up to you. You have to assess how much time both of you need to let things fall into perspective. It usually varies, around 30, 60 or 90 days.
The important thing is not to break the rule, as it will make things more difficult.
One more highly important step will be to assess the situation when or if he comes back after a set no contact period. You have to see where his desire to come back is coming from.
You have to figure out whether he is coming from a place of love or a place of need.
If he is coming from a place of love, you have nothing to worry about; he will make amends for all the heartache he has put you through.
He will try to be the best partner you have ever had and you will be happy because the difficult and painful days of the NC will have finally paid off and you will finally have your shot at happiness.
However, if he comes from a place of need, he will want to come back into your life for totally selfish reasons.
He will come back for all the good things and all the benefits of being in a relationship but he will have no intention of working things out or making an effort.
He will think that just being there is enough. If that’s the case, you are better off without him and you shouldn’t let him back into your heart or your life.
The worst case scenario will not be so bad either. Regardless of whether you used the no contact period to get him back or to get over him, you will have used that time wisely.
One of the most beneficial and greatest things of the no contact period is that you are concentrating on yourself. You are rebuilding your life.
You are putting yourself first for a change and you are focusing on your dreams and desires.
When the no contact period ends, you will feel like you have been given a new set of eyes.
You will see it’s not just him who needed space—you needed it too.
Don’t be surprised if after the no contact period you realize that you don’t want him back anymore.
When you are in a relationship or shortly after a break-up it’s hard to see the reality of things.
Maybe there were a lot of things that weren’t working, maybe you decided to overlook some things way too many times and now that you are far away from him you realize he was never the right one for you to begin with.
Whatever the outcome is and no matter what realizations you come to, the no contact rule will be definitely worth a try because you will undoubtedly discover and build some other side of yourself that you will love and cherish more than ever.