Yes, he was emotionally unavailable. Yes, he was a prick to me sometimes.
No, he might not be the right man for me but I couldn’t help but miss my ex and all I wanted to know was if he missed me too.
I was hoping he did, at least now that I had left him alone and given him the space he wanted. It’s been hard, much harder than I ever thought possible.
We used to hang out, we spent a lot of time together talking and having fun, we used to text every day, he was my first phone call whenever something good or something bad happened.
For the first time, I was missing more than just an ex-boyfriend, I was missing my best friend and I couldn’t make peace with that.
So, I made the mistake most of us make in situations like this—I kept obsessing about why it all had to go down that way and I wanted him to give me answers.
The more I persisted, the further away he was from me. I just couldn’t pull myself away from him and I used every opportunity to text him or be near him again.
I wasn’t doing myself a favor, I was just sabotaging my chances to get back with him ever again.
Until reality slapped me in the face and I knew exactly what to do. I stopped asking, obsessing and chasing.
Once I gave him the space to miss me, he actually started missing me.
So here’s my dating advice for all of you who want to make your ex miss you.
The question: ‘Will he miss me if I leave him alone?’ The answer: Most probably YES
You should never go into clingy mode and chase after him. Even if you notice that he enjoys being chased, that doesn’t mean it’s a good way to go.
First of all, you shouldn’t be chased either. He should be the one meeting you somewhere in the middle by putting in the same effort and making the same investments.
He shouldn’t lead you on by playing hot and cold or some other mind games.
Chasing after him will lead you nowhere, so the best thing you can do is stop trying.
Ignoring him to get his attention is the best method you can use if there is any chance of making your relationship work.
Reverse psychology is everything
The truth is if he is afraid to commit or if something in his relationship with you is making him look for a way out, the harder you try to keep him, the further the gap between you will be. That’s why you have to use reverse psychology.
Reverse psychology basically means doing the opposite of what he would expect you to do.
He would expect a random text from you; you know, the kind of text you send, wanting to be just casual and friendly, to check up on him.
Don’t do that. On a subconscious level, it will send him the message that you are desperate.
Men like to be needed but they don’t appreciate being run after. Men are born hunters so they will inevitably go after what they want.
If he actually needs some time to figure things out, he will hunt you down the moment he is ready to do so. If not, there is, unfortunately, nothing you can do about it.
Don’t send that text
Sending him texts is the trickiest form of communication. Text messages provide us with a sense of fake security.
We don’t have to see him or hear his voice, so we avoid feeling shy or embarrassed by something that we might say.
So we send a text and another text and when all the texts are left unanswered, we send some more.
We even send those long texts where we explain everything that lies in our heart. But we only sabotage our chances by doing so.
Instead of giving him a chance to miss us, we keep on suffocating him, which can only result in him running even further away from us.
That’s why if we want him to miss us and if we want a chance for him to change his mind, we have to restrain ourselves from texting and from any other form of communication for that matter. He can’t miss us if we are still present.
Give him space to miss you
He needs a chance to see what he is missing out on. All that you mean to him, all that he has with you, all that you have done for him, he might be taking for granted.
He needs to miss your smile, your attentive ear, all of your support and affection.
He has to miss your love so he can see how it feels to live without it.
Unfortunately, people are sometimes unable to see what they have while they have it.
That’s why they recognize the true value of other people in their life only after they almost lose them.
So let him lose you, let him be deprived of everything you are and everything you have been giving into the relationship. If he doesn’t miss you then he was never worthy of your time.
Remember who you are without him
What I realized from my time apart with my boyfriend was that I wasn’t only missing him; I missed myself too.
Somehow, along the way, I lost sight of the things that mattered to me. I neglected my friends.
I dropped my interests as if they didn’t matter. I forgot how my smile looked if he wasn’t the one putting it on my face.
I should have never done that. And neither should you. The thing is, we need to love ourselves truly and wholeheartedly so that someone else can love us too.
And that’s not a cliché, that’s the God’s honest truth. Sometimes we are so into a person that we unwillingly change so much. We fit their needs and forget that we have our own.
We go all the way instead of meeting them halfway, instead of acknowledging that we had a life before them and that we will have one after them.
That’s why we need to take back our life and become the best versions of ourselves.
We have to remember to love ourselves more each day.
We have to value the people in our life who are always there for us.
They are the ones who are happy for our good days and they are there standing right next to us on our bad days and we should never forget that.
We have to start doing things for ourselves.
First place in our life should be reserved for us and that kind of thinking is not selfish, it’s necessary and no matter the outcome, having our own life regardless of our relationship status will do us some good.
We have to remember that our significant other should be an important part of our life but never our entire life.
Avoid oversharing on social media
If you are still friends on Facebook or follow each other on Twitter, Instagram or Snapchat, don’t display your emotions too bluntly for him and everyone else to see.
For starters, that will give some petty people the excuse to gloat or comfort themselves with seeing that not only their life is miserable.
Second and foremost, he will see right through you and you will get the same effect you would get by sending texts; it would make you seem desperate.
He would probably feel sorry for you and that’s surely not something you want to achieve.
The best thing to do is not to post anything on social media, at least for a while.
Then if you still have the need to post something, be smart about it.
Post something that subtly hints at your emotions, like someone else’s story you would like to share or a song that might trigger something in him.
Change your profile photo from time to time, to let him see what he is missing out on.
What I am saying here is you can use social media as a little boost that he needs to trigger his emotions and make him miss you.
But if you overdo it and overshare, it can backfire and the results will be completely opposite to those you hoped for.
You will run into him, it’s just a matter of time so be prepared
And it is going to be painful. It will hurt looking at him and not having him in your life.
I have been there. I was crumbling on the inside but I was keeping my cool on the outside (at least I thought I was pulling it off).
I remember going home and crying my heart out. Just thinking about that now is painful and surviving that moment was even worse.
You don’t have to act tough if you don’t feel tough at that moment.
I was OK with myself at that point and because of it, the situation was easier to handle.
Although it is not always easy, somehow, after all of it, I was proud of how things ended.
He even asked how I was. I said I was OK. I didn’t lie. For me, OK is somewhere in the middle between completely devastated and completely great.
I guess OK is the best I could have been, given the circumstances.
It also confused him that I engaged in small talk and skipped all the big words I wanted to say. That wasn’t like me. I always spoke my mind.
I guess at this point he knew that I had now learned the difference between want and need.
I wanted him desperately in my life but I didn’t need him. And that made all the difference.
He knew if he didn’t get himself together that he might risk losing me forever.
The Mutual friends factor
Similar to social media posts, mutual friends or even co-workers can be either beneficial or destructive to your chances of patching things up.
He might share a similar feeling of closeness toward your mutual friends, so they can let you in on how things are going on his side of the fence.
But that communication goes both ways, so know that whatever you say might reach his ears too.
Be careful of what you want him to know. Reveal a little but keep some things to yourself.
The mystery of not knowing whether you are missing him or not might be just the thing that will make him wonder why he has no information about you.
Is it possible that you have forgotten all about him and let him go? He won’t be able to get it out of his mind.
But be careful. Although these tactics with social media and mutual friends work, they will only awaken emotions in someone who has true ones.
So, if he is not serious about you, if his feelings are not true, these tactics will be short-term.
He will just come back to see if he can. He will want to find out if you are still in love with him and you have been missing him. He doesn’t plan on staying.
The no contact rule is a blessing in itself
A lot of people use the no contact rule either to get their ex back or to make the healing process easier on themselves.
Personally, I used it on two occasions—once before when I wanted to get over my toxic ex and then when I wanted my runaway boyfriend back, and it was beneficial in both cases.
The no contact rule means just that—following the rule of having absolutely no contact with your ex for a certain period of time.
No texts or calls, unfriending on Facebook, unfollowing on Instagram; it means no communication whatsoever for a certain period of time or indefinitely (depending on the situation) and not even if he contacts you.
This no contact period serves you to reevaluate your feelings and see where you stand.
It’s a great way to get some much-needed distance, get some perspective and see whether you have something worth waiting for or if it’s better to go no contact forever.
When you want your ex back, this rule is important because it gives him a chance to see how bitter life tastes without you in it.
We are getting back to the fact that it’s important to give him enough space and time to miss you.
He has to see all that he is losing by not having you in his life.
It seems it’s common for most men, especially those with commitment issues, to recognize the value of a woman only after they almost lose her forever.
In case of a long-distance relationship, do this
You may not run the risk of running into him the next day or any time soon, so that’s one of the things that’s a bit helpful.
However, daily communication is something he is used to.
He is used to having you a phone call away. But what happens when that’s no longer an option? When you deny him all contact?
Because even if he said he wanted space, he will probably come back at some point.
But if he is not ready for a serious relationship, he shouldn’t exploit your time.
You shouldn’t listen to his daily dramas and have some meaningless conversations when he knows you have strong feelings.
The only way to make a man miss you is to leave him alone completely.
Remaining in contact with him will give him some kind of make-believe notion that you are still a part of his life even though he is not ready to make even the smallest commitment.
If you are constantly in contact, he won’t miss you emotionally and he is already used to missing you physically so he considers that to be the normal state of things.
The right thing is to show him that you want all or nothing. If he really misses you, he won’t be able to stand not hearing from you for too long.
If he doesn’t, at least you will know where you stand and that it’s time you move on.
A rebound relationship is never a good option
It’s not good for you because you just had your had broken into a million tiny pieces and you can’t fix it by entering into a new relationship.
It’s not a good strategy to make your ex miss you because if you are on a break, he will assume that you got over him quickly and that you are no longer interested.
We are not in high school anymore and he won’t chase you after he sees his ex-girlfriend with somebody else—he will simply call it quits.
You might miss him terribly but that doesn’t mean he is the one
You should never ask for somebody’s attention. You should never beg for someone’s time or affection.
You should never, ever, under any circumstances, beg someone to stay if they are already one foot out of the door. They will leave regardless of what you do or what you say.
The thing is, if you look past your heartbreak and see the reality that someone wants to be left alone, there is no other way but to let them go, no matter how hard it is.
It’s never a good idea to beg for someone’s love. Love should be given freely. It should come naturally to both of you and it can’t be forced.
Once you know things have definitely ended with your ex, then give yourself a shot with something new.
While you are busy running back to your ex, you might be missing out on somebody new who is worth your while.
So go out on that first date. Let them ask you how you’ve been this last week since you met them, crack a joke, laugh, get away from everything.
It seems simple but it beats drowning your tears in ice cream, wondering if he misses you.
If you are still asking yourself, “Does he miss me?” or, “Will he miss me if I leave him alone?” then
I have to admit that I can’t answer that for you because it depends on your individual situation.
But what I can tell you is that it’s worth the risk. It’s worth testing his real feelings and it’s better to do so sooner in the relationship rather than later.
This all probably sounds a bit scary and you may be afraid to let destiny take its course.
But the truth is, whatever you do, you can’t influence the outcome.
Things always happen the way that they are supposed to. And while we can influence a lot of things, this is one of those that is out of our hands.
We can’t force love. We shouldn’t have to convince anybody that we are worthy of their presence.
We shouldn’t and, most importantly, we can’t. There are no texts, no calls and no words that can bring somebody back if he already decided that he left for good.
But if someone is in-between, if someone is questioning things because of their own personal issues and some fears they might have, isn’t it better to leave them alone and let them miss you?
If you chase after them, they will definitely pull away. That’s why the best thing to do is not do anything at all. If he misses you, he will come back.
If he doesn’t, he was never meant to be in your life anyway. You can never keep someone who isn’t meant to stay.