If you’re looking for signs of cheating husband guilt, you’re just in the right place!
Cheating is one of the most frequent destructive behaviors of married couples and it’s really easy to miss all the red flags and warning signs that have literally been in front of you the entire time.
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And social media has just made it easier for all the cheaters (read cheating spouses) out there to perfect their cheating game.
So, given that you’re here looking for signs of guilt from your possibly cheating husband, I assume you’ve already imagined all the worst case scenarios in your head.
I suppose you’ve already imagined the process of grief and horrible pain of realizing that you’ve been cheated by your loved one and now you’re here to finally face the real truth.
Now, I’ll be completely honest with you.
If you already have that gut feeling telling you that your husband is cheating on you and have noticed a sudden change in his behavior, chances are your husband really is a cheater!
But, sometimes – and I really mean sometimes – our feelings can be deceiving, forcing us to imagine things and assume the worst.
Do Cheaters Feel Guilt?
Usually, cheaters feel guilt after some time but there are also those who don’t. It all depends on their type of personality and whether they still have feelings for you.
Let’s say that every cheating husband tends to exhibit signs of guilt at some point in marriage (if he has a soul, of course). So, the easiest way to find out what’s really up is by paying close attention to your husband’s behavior.
Perhaps your significant other is just going through a phase or has some problems that he simply doesn’t want to share with anyone.
Perhaps he has just locked himself in a “man cave” and needs some time to process his feelings and whatever he’s going through.
Now you’re probably wondering how the hell then you’re supposed to know what really is going on here.
If you notice any of the signs of cheating husband guilt, it might be time to have a serious conversation with your spouse because chances are that he’s a cheater in disguise!
How Can You Tell If Someone Is Guilty Of Cheating?
One of the biggest signs that someone is guilty of cheating is them avoiding PDA (Public displays of affection), acting distant, being overly protective of their phone, avoiding eye contact, and similar.
There are lots of other signs that someone is guilty of cheating and the majority of them include acting reserved and drastic changes in their lifestyle and sex life habits as well.
Someone who is guilty of cheating will be super stressed or upset most of the time (if they feel like they’ve done something terrible).
If the person doesn’t feel remorse, chances are they will not exhibit signs of being stressed but they will only act distant. If you need more signs of cheating husband guilt, you’ll find them all below!
Signs Of Cheating Husband Guilt
He’s acting weird or distant
The biggest sign of guilt from a cheating husband is a drastic change in his behavior – constantly acting weird or distant.
It’s because cheating partners have this tendency to cover up their sinful deeds and guilty conscience by avoiding eye contact, constantly being sad around you “for no reason,” and the like.
All of these signs are proof of him feeling guilty about straying elsewhere (if you know what I mean).
Him gaslighting, ignoring you, and acting weird are a part of his defense mechanism strategy – to avoid reality, admitting “the crime,” and dealing with the problem.
He (suddenly) showers you with compliments and gifts
Another common sign of a cheating husband’s guilt is him suddenly showering you with extra attention, tons of compliments, and expensive gifts.
The only reason why he might be doing this out of the blue is because he feels guilty for doing things behind your back. He feels remorse for hiding the new relationship from his significant other – you.
And now his conscience is forcing him to make up for his affair by being more attentive, never missing a day to tell you how beautiful you are, and going wild with his credit card.
Guilty people feel an internal pressure to treat their victims right, even though they know they’ve been acting like douchebags in secret. Strange, right?
He comes back home smelling fresh as a daisy after a “long day at work”
If your husband comes back home smelling fresh as a daisy, yet you know for a fact that he’s worked all day and after that kept sweating in a subway toward home, it’s a telltale sign that something’s really fishy.
Perhaps he decided to take a shower with his fellow coworker after some time they spent in a hotel because of “too much work” that couldn’t be delayed for another day.
If he constantly prolongs time spent at work by making excuses such as ‘he won’t make it because they have so much to finish and deadliness are killing them’, chances are he’s having an extramarital affair.
Also, that’s a perfect excuse for being unable to answer your phone calls.
He’s overly jealous and accuses you of cheating
When someone has a guilty conscience, they have this urge to accuse others of the same crimes.
So, one of the biggest signs of cheating husband guilt is him accusing you of cheating on him, even though he’s the only one being unfaithful in the first place.
The most frequent reason why people cheat is because of their low self-esteem and the need to feel more worthy, which is a perfect explanation of his jealous and insecure behavior.
And when you combine this with the feeling of guilt, there you have it – a recipe for lunacy, where he’s desperately trying to convince himself of something that is completely untrue.
He’s constantly complaining about your habits or appearance
By doing this, he’s trying to make you feel guilty for his selfish choices and using your “flaws” to justify his physical or emotional infidelity.
So, if you notice that he all of a sudden has serious problems with your words or actions, beware – he might be doing it just because he’s looking for vindication for his cheating nature.
He’s suddenly obsessed with the gym
If you know that he’s never been the gym type of man – that whenever you tried to motivate him to be more active in the past, he would simply choose to ignore you – yet now he’s suddenly obsessed with the gym, this could be because of the following reasons:
a) He has really changed and started living a healthy life.
b) He’s cheating on you and wants to look the best he can for his new partner.
c) He’s cheating on you and because of that, he has the need to “sweat the guilt” in the gym.
If you know for a fact that the first reason is likely impossible to be true because you know your husband to the core, then there you have it.
He likes your every post, comments how beautiful you are on every selfie, follows your every move on social media, and doesn’t seem to cease.
And when you go back to the past, you can’t remember the last time he liked anything on your profile, let alone left you a comment.
If this is happening to you, chances are your husband is feeling guilty for cheating on you and that’s the only reason why he suddenly gives you more attention on social media.
He wants to make it up to you and make himself feel better about what he’s doing behind your back. (Lame, I know.)
He’s overly protective of his cell phone
Does your husband hide his cell phone like it’s something utterly confidential and you have no right to know what’s going on in his life?
Does he accuse you of overreacting every time you demand he tells what’s going on and why he keeps being so protective of his cell phone?
If yes, your husband is probably involved in the cheating business and that’s why he can’t let you near his personal belongings, because he wouldn’t survive if you finally caught him in the act.
He wouldn’t be able to handle you knowing what he’s been doing behind your back all this time because he feels irreversibly guilty about it.
He’s often unreachable and avoids spending time with you
If your husband is unreachable from time to time and always has a valid excuse for it, you shouldn’t really worry about it.
But, if he constantly refuses to answer your phone calls and most of the time you have no idea where he really is, he might be hiding things from you and that’s why he avoids spending time with you.
Every cheater is a master at hiding their real whereabouts because they have to have a strong alibi that will perfectly cover their infidelity.
And every cheater also knows that turning off their cell phone and being unreachable is one of the easiest ways to avoid questions about their whereabouts.
They also know that turning off their cell phone is a perfect cover when they’re “in the middle of the action.”
He suddenly stops saying I love you
If you can’t remember the exact time, then it’s probably been a while since the last time he actually said it.
You see, this is one of the biggest signs of cheating husband guilt because cheaters usually stop saying those three words when they feel extreme guilt for doing things behind your back.
If they said it, it would sound really wrong because their initial feelings for you are now scattered all over the place and they literally have no idea what they’re doing.
There’s a sudden change in your sex life
Sudden change may include more sex than usual or no sex at all.
If your husband has a sudden thirst for making love with you and simply can’t get enough of it, it may be because another woman has awakened his passion.
Or perhaps he feels extremely guilty for what he’s doing to you and he’s trying to make it up to you in bed.
If this is the case with him, also pay attention to whether he’s suggesting new hot positions and other things that you haven’t done before – he’s probably doing it because he learned it elsewhere.
Also, if you can’t remember the last time you made love, chances are he’s never initiating it because he’s already doing it with someone else.
He starts to pick up unhealthy behaviors
When we’re feeling guilty about doing something, it’s likely that we’ll start looking for pacifiers and something to help us cope with the feeling of confusion and guilty conscience.
So, if your husband has never been a fan of smoking, drinking, or consuming drugs, and now he’s doing it, the trigger for his unhealthy behavior could be guilt caused by him cheating on you.
He probably hopes that this new unhealthy habit will help him get through all of this without feeling much remorse, but in the end, we all collapse when we face the real truth and its consequences.
This often happens during a fight, so pay close attention to whether he ever says it when you’re having a disagreement.
If he threatens to end the relationship, he probably can’t stand his guilty conscience any longer. However, it could also mean that he’s not afraid of you leaving him because he now has a replacement for you.
In most cases, it is a mix of both: being unable to stay in the current relationship because of guilt-ridden feelings, as well as feeling encouraged to end the relationship because he’s already safe – he already has someone else.
So, if your husband has never suggested ending the relationship until now, you might want to have a serious conversation with him and ask him what exactly is going on.
How Do Cheaters Act When Confronted?
One of the most famous sayings by cheaters when confronted is the following: “You’re being paranoid.” If you confront a cheater, he will at first act like they have no idea what you’re talking about.
They will deny the existence of an affair and they might as well accuse you of being overly insecure and jealous in a relationship.
Serial cheaters will do their best to successfully send you on a guilt trip. They will try to make you feel like you’re doing something bad just by suspecting their loyalty (even though you have every right to do so).
Not every cheater reacts the same way when confronted but here are a few common sayings that are popular among cheaters:
- “I swear to you that it didn’t mean anything.”
- “I did it because you were acting distant all the time.”
- “I actually don’t know why I did it.”
- “It just happened.”
- “Wait, wait, it’s not what it looks like!”
- “It was just sex, I swear.”
- “I didn’t want to hurt you.”
- “He/she came to me!”
- “I’m not in love with you anymore.”
- “This happened a long time ago and it’s over now. I want you and not them.”
- “I’m not happy with you.”
Here’s my personal experience regarding cheaters. After my ex-boyfriend cheated on me, I’ve noticed that he’s experiencing severe mood swings all the time.
Well, back then I didn’t suspect anything because I thought it was connected with his stressful job. After some time, I asked him openly to tell me if there’s something I should know.
I did that because I started to notice other signs of cheating like being overly protective of his phone and similar. He denied every single accusation, called me paranoid, and whatnot.
But a few days later, the feelings of guilt took their toll on him and he admitted that he’s been having an affair for some time now. No, we’re no longer together.
How Do You Tell If He Is Remorseful After Cheating?
The easiest way to tell if your husband is remorseful after cheating is by observing his overall behavior. If he’s remorseful, he will take responsibility for his actions, be honest about what happened and give his best to rebuild trust again.
Here’s how you’ll know that he’s showing real remorse after cheating:
He will be accountable for his actions
You know he’s showing real remorse if he takes on the full responsibility for what happened. He will answer all your questions and he will not try to blame anyone for his actions.
Instead, he will let you know that his decision to cheat was his choice and he’s truly sorry for that.
He will not try to accuse you of anything but he will show shame and he will let you know that it’s totally okay for you to be mad and disappointed in him.
A man who shows remorse will try to look at things from a different perspective. He will put himself in your shoes and understand that you have every right to feel hurt and betrayed.
He will be patient with you and understanding
He won’t tell you things like: You’re overreacting. It didn’t mean anything to me. He certainly won’t tell you to get over it because he understands the seriousness of his actions.
Instead, he will listen to you and tell you that he’s there for you. He will share the pain you feel and he will not force your recovery from this traumatic event and betrayal.
He will be completely honest with you
He will be completely honest about what happened. He won’t try to justify his behavior but he will tell you exactly how betrayal happened.
No, he won’t tell you that they were good friends and she needed support, so things went in the wrong direction. He also won’t tell you that he doesn’t know how it happened.
Instead, he will give concise and truthful answers about the affair. He will share all the details and you will not have to question his honesty. You will see in his eyes that he’s telling the truth.
He will make an effort to move forward
He will not just tell you the details of the affair but he will make a serious effort to move forward. He might suggest couples therapy, counseling, reading books about relationships, and so on.
Most importantly, he will put a serious effort into you. He will not expect you to just get over it and leave him alone. You will not have to beg him to prove to you that he’s willing to make things right this time and compensate for his mistakes.
He will not play the blame-shifting game
He won’t tell you that your lack of effort and attention motivated him to do such a stupid thing. He also won’t tell you that he felt neglected in a relationship and because of that decided to be with another woman.
He will know that he can’t find a valid excuse for his past behavior. If the problem was your relationship, he could have told you to talk about it and try to fix things together.
If the problem was a lack of effort and attention, he could have told you that he wasn’t happy and something needed to change. He didn’t do any of that but he chose to cheat on you.
Because of that, he doesn’t have the right to play the blame-shifting game. All he can do is accept the consequences for his actions and hope that one day you’ll be able to forgive him (assuming that he’s truly sorry for that and he’s trying hard to win your trust again).
He will be an open book
Given that betrayal breaks trust, he must be willing to share things about his whereabouts and daily life with you. If a man is truly sorry about what happened, from now on he will be an open book with you.
He might also give you passwords to his accounts on his devices to prove to you that he has nothing to hide and you can trust him completely.
Not every man will do this, but if he does, then you can be one hundred percent sure that he’s showing real remorse after cheating.
He’ll openly express remorse for his actions
He won’t just tell you I’m sorry, but he will do more than that. He will express his remorse in multiple ways from listening to you to making you feel special.
He will openly express that he’s terribly sorry for hurting you and betraying your trust and he will not say it only once. He’ll repeat it over and over again until you tell him to stop.
His actions will show you that he really means it. He will not solely rely on his words but he’ll make damn sure to do everything in his power to win your trust again.
That’s how you know that a man is truly sorry for his mistakes and that he’s determined to make things right this time.
He will compensate (where possible)
Feeling remorse doesn’t only mean saying I’m sorry and pretending that everything is fine. It requires lots of understanding and acceptance of the fact that betrayal is more than just emotional losses.
Time loss should also be put into the equation. Given that heartbreak can’t be reversed, the best way to compensate is to give you his time, patience, and a promise that he won’t give up winning your trust again.
He will know that he can’t mend your broken heart overnight but he can help you feel better and he can put an effort into improving your relationship. He will know that giving you his time is the least he can do right now.
He will never demand reconciliation
When a man is truly sorry for his actions, your happiness becomes his priority. He will not be selfish or demand reconciliation. Instead, he will ask you for forgiveness and hope that you will be able to forgive him at least partially for the time being.
That is how you know that this time he doesn’t only think about himself. A man who feels remorse will never force you to forgive him.
He will give you enough time to recover from what happened and he will let you know that he’ll be there for you in case you want to talk to him.
A man who feels remorse will never demand reconciliation but will do his best to prove to you that he’s worthy of being given a second chance.
If the majority of the signs of cheating husband guilt ring true and you’re suspecting your husband is having an affair, please don’t do anything stupid or jump to conclusions yet before having a serious talk with him. After that, give yourself some time for affair recovery.
I know it’s hard to stay sane in the situation you’re in. It’s hard to prevent yourself from not bursting into tears.
But instead of doing all of that, it’s better to speak to your husband – tell him everything that’s on your heart and demand answers for his suspicious behavior.
Remember that whatever the outcome, you gain!
If he tells you that he is feeling off lately but has never cheated on you and apologizes to you for even making you think that, you’ll save yourself the agony of uncertainty and find a way to work things out.
If he admits that he’s been cheating on you, you will save yourself from wasting another second on someone who is unworthy of being with you (unless he proves you otherwise).
And, remember, it’s all in the eyes! Pay attention to his body language, the way he’s expressing himself, and especially his eyes – they tell more than words could ever say! (I’ve learned all this the hard way.)