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Resentment In Marriage: 8 Things You Need To Know

Resentment In Marriage: 8 Things You Need To Know

Every marriage has its own unique set of challenges. Some of which can be difficult to overcome, such as lack of communication or trust. If you ask me, one of the biggest trials is developing resentment for your partner in your marriage.

Many couples will fester resentment towards each other for things that are out of their control, often resulting in divorce becoming a possibility. In any case, if you have your marriage goals set out, you should not experience resentment.

If you want to fight this and understand how your brain works, I am here to help you. I will cover the causes, facts, and signs of the feelings of resentment.

What Is Resentment In Marriage?

stressed couple sitting after big fight

The term resentment is not only a negative emotion but also a complex one. It can be defined as a feeling of anger, hatred, or animosity toward another person for perceived wrongs.

It is important to understand that resentment is not always bad. Sometimes it can lead to positive change if handled correctly. Today we’re going to learn about how resentment affects our relationships and how we can get rid of it in our marriages or relationships.

Resentment is a feeling of ill will, insecurities, or dislike for another person, usually someone you are close to, such as your spouse, partner, coworker, or friend. It can be caused by several factors, including jealousy, perceived betrayal, or perceived neglect.

Resentment in marriage is a feeling of anger, annoyance, or hostility towards someone or something. It can be caused by a number of factors, such as jealousy, envy, and bitterness.

John Gottman of the Gottman Institute says that one might feel like their partner hates them. This is why resentment is the most common cause of divorce. It can be caused by many things like infidelity, lack of communication, and lack of trust.

In other words, pay attention to a build up of the signs of resentment when grudges and defensiveness outgrow your mutual harboring of love. You will make your partner feel like you are ruining their mental health and well-being.

Married couples often stop noticing their partner’s good qualities and forget what a healthy relationship they once had and only see the common signs of negative feelings towards their partner.

8 Signs You Are Experiencing Resentment In Marriage

Are you experiencing resentment? Or is it another emotion? Here are the most common telltale signs you are feeling resentful of something or someone:

1. Reliving it

sad man sitting on sofa

Resentment in marriage is something that many people experience. However, there are many ways to address this emotion before it gets out of control and ruins your relationship.

Many experts believe that addressing resentment early on in a marriage can prevent it from becoming a problem later on. This is because resentment leads to conflict, which leads to even more resentment, and so forth.

This is why reliving resentment is one of the first and most common signs you are facing this emotion in your marriage.

2. Negative feelings

What can these negative feelings be? They include anger, hostility, frustration, and small things like not feeling attracted to your spouse.

Of course, resentment can be relieved in a variety of different ways. Some people find that writing about it helps, while others find that talking about it with a therapist helps.

There are some other ideas, too, such as taking up a hobby or even writing about the good times you had together.

3. Regret

girl sitting on couch thinking about something

Do you regret meeting your nagging wife or controlling husband? Regret is a sign of resentment, and resentment can be a huge problem in a marriage. It can lead to divorce, breaking up, or loss of love.

It happens when you have done something that you now regret but did not do because it was the only option available to you at the time. It’s important that we take responsibility for our actions and not blame our spouses for them.

The way to stop regret is to avoid resentment by understanding and accepting your partner’s personality traits and preferences.

4. Remorse

When one person feels remorseful, it is because they regret what they have done or said that hurt their spouse.

In the case of marriage resentment, remorse is a sign you are feeling guilty for meeting or marrying your spouse. And all that while your spouse thinks they are doing nothing wrong?

Spouses need to decide how they want to deal with remorseful feelings and how much time they need to spend trying to make amends. Remorse has been shown to be a predictor of divorce, but not everyone agrees with that.

5. Avoidance

couple sitting on sofa and working

One of the most common signs of resentment in a marriage is when couples stop talking about their problems. When couples ignore their problems, resentment builds up over time and can lead to divorce.

Avoidance of problems might feel good in the short term, but it will lead to your husband or wife wanting to leave you in the long run.

The best way to avoid resentment in a marriage is by talking about your problems openly with your partner before they become too big for you to handle.

6. Inadequacy

No, I don’t mean inappropriate friendships. I mean feeling inadequate in your marriage. It can be caused by various factors, such as your work environment, personal life, or even how you think of yourself.

The feeling of being underappreciated can lead to resentment and feelings of inferiority. The resentment and feelings of inferiority can lead to many negative behaviors and actions, like divorce.

7. Fear

sad woman thinking about something

Resentment is a natural emotion that comes with a certain level of fear. It is an emotion that signals the need for change.

You might feel fear because you are not being respected or resentful because you’re not getting what you want. Hopefully, your partner is not abusing you emotionally or physically.

8. Can’t forgive

Last but not least is the most common sign you are in a resentful marriage: the feeling that you can’t forgive your partner.

Marriage is a commitment that we make with our partners. It can be difficult to forgive someone who has hurt us, but it is important to do so as it will help keep our peace of mind.

In fact, you can forgive them. You can try doing romantic things for them or a walk on the beach to get the old fire going again.

3 Common Causes Of Resentment

stressed woman sitting with man on sofa

What causes resentment in the first place? First of all, you don’t hate your husband or wife. Here are the most common causes of resentment:

NOT BEING HEARD: It is not uncommon for people in marriages to feel unheard by their spouses. When couples don’t communicate with each other, it can lead to problems like anger, depression, and resentment.

• UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: It’s important to remember that marriage takes work and effort. To avoid unrealistic expectations, a couple should have open conversations about their relationship and how they want it to look in the future.

BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF: It can’t be the first time you’ve been taken advantage of. You need to start thinking about how your partner makes you happy and put effort into making them feel loved and appreciated.

Of course, there are many causes of resentment in marriage. Still, some of the most common include incompatibility, lack of affection and intimacy, lack of communication, and unhealthy relationship dynamics.

Here is the best marriage advice I can give you: Talk it through with your partner, get to the bottom of the problem, and start there.

7 Ways Of Getting Over Resentment In Marriage

You are not alone in this partnership, and regardless of how much you believe your wife or husband hates you, there is always a way out. Here are some of the ways you can deal with it:

1. Compassion

man and woman sitting on floor talking

In a healthy marriage, you need to respect your husband or wife. But, rage, resentment, and anger are common emotions in marriage.

They can be caused by many things, such as a lack of communication, not feeling understood, or not feeling appreciated. Some of these feelings may lead to divorce.

One way to deal with feelings of resentment is to try and understand your spouse’s perspective. You can also do activities together that will help you feel more connected with them and get over your resentment in the process.

2. Empathy

Do you believe they turn everything around on you? Try listening better. Empathetic listening is one of the most important skills to possess to make your spouse happy.

It would be difficult for the one you love to trust you if they felt like you didn’t care about what they had to say.

If a simple act like taking the time out of your day to listen can change their perspective on life, imagine what it would do for your relationship!

3. Mindfulness

man comforts sad girlfriend

Resentment is toxic and can ruin your marriage. It can cause both partners to feel unwanted, unappreciated, and unloved. How can you deal with a negative spouse? Try mindfulness techniques.

Mindfulness is a state of mind where you are present in the moment without judgment or criticism. It’s a way of being that helps you understand the world around you and your relationships with others without getting caught up in their drama.

4. Gratitude

Gratitude can even be a way to get over resentment in marriage. There are different ways we can use gratitude to help people get over resentment and move on.

You need to understand how important it is to find a way to express gratitude, as it will make it more personal, meaningful, and authentic.

Think of all the pros of growing old together or learning how to fix an unhappy marriage. Pay attention to your partner and try to make them happy.

5. Understand yourself

woman looking through window with cup in hand

Do you not want your husband to touch you anymore? Do you say hurtful things to your wife? Try to understand why this is happening.

Resentment can create an uncomfortable environment in marriage, but it can also lead to many other problems like low self-esteem and lack of intimacy. The main thing you need to do is understand the root cause of your resentment.

However, it is important to understand yourself to get over it to have a healthy relationship with your spouse or partner.

6. Counseling

Don’t get out that divorce checklist or guide on separating painlessly. There is still hope. Counseling is a way to get over resentment.

Counseling can help couples work through their issues and build stronger relationships. It can also help them understand each other better and make the best decisions for their relationship.

In therapy, couples will talk about their feelings with someone who does not have an opinion on the matter and will listen without judgment.

7. Divorce

couple signing divorce papers

Divorce can be a way to get over resentment if all else fails or you believe your partner will not cooperate. You might also be facing a few of the signs you’re in a loveless marriage.

Divorce can be a difficult process, but there are ways to make it easier on yourself through therapy or self-care practices like meditation or exercise.

The resentment that is left over after the divorce can be dealt with in different ways. One way is to forgive and forget and move on with your life. Another way is to confront what went wrong in the marriage and address it head-on instead of letting it fester inside you.

Can A Marriage Survive Resentment?

sad couple sitting on couch at  marriage counseling

Yes, my marriage survived resentment with the help of a family therapist. The point is to allow yourself to feel joy in your marriage and appreciate the little things that make you happy.

A lot of couples have to deal with resentment in their marriages. It is normal for people to feel resentful when they feel unappreciated, when they are not getting the recognition they deserve, or when their partner is not fulfilling their obligation.

The answer might surprise you. Resentment can be a major cause of divorce, and it can also lead to marital unhappiness.

Don’t worry, though. It doesn’t mean your husband doesn’t love you anymore. So what do you need to do if you want your marriage to survive resentment?

Avoid taking offense when your partner is critical of you. Learn to recognize and express appropriate feelings with them so you can both have a chance to feel heard.

Of course, communicate with one another regularly, whether it be in person, on the phone, or by writing letters. If resentment becomes a problem that affects you or them throughout the day, seek professional help.

So, stop asking yourself if your marriage is over and start working on it. Try a date night, visit your in-laws, or try a weekend getaway to New York and reignite the old flame.

In Conclusion

couple sitting on floor in kitchen drinking wine and talking

Resentment is a common issue that many couples face. It can be caused by a variety of reasons, such as lack of communication, trust, and understanding. The root cause may lie in your sex life, partnerships, or other little things.

To avoid resentment, couples need to communicate openly and honestly with each other. They should also try to understand each other’s perspectives and feelings.

Hopefully, my article will help you let go of resentment in marriage and become a better partner. If needed, talk to a marriage counselor or go to couples counseling. Remember, the goal is to take one small step at a time.

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