Marriage might just be the most sacred relationship of all. You love someone so much that you’re prepared to vow that you’ll belong to them for a lifetime.
When we start doubting the vows we’ve once made, it seems like the whole world is crashing down around us. We may even start believing that no love will ever last.
When did it all go so wrong, and why?
Is my marriage over? How do I fix it?
If you wish to find your answers as well as be able to recognize signs of a bad marriage, do read on. I’m sure that by the end of this article, you’ll know exactly what to do.
How Do You Know When Your Marriage Is Over? 32 Signs
How do you know when the problems between you and your spouse have reached the point of no return?
Is it possible to recognize when your marriage is beyond saving?
Sometimes, even when you’re aware of the answers, it’s difficult to admit to yourself that the life you’ve built with someone might soon break up. But, since you’re here, you might be ready to finally face the facts.
Here’s how you can know if your marriage is breaking up:
1. You no longer like each other.
One of the most obvious signs of a doomed marriage is when you don’t enjoy each other for who you are anymore. Every trait that made you marry them before has now become unattractive and irritating.
Perhaps you still love them deeply, but you simply cannot like them. These two feelings are unrelated anyway.
Just because you care about someone’s well-being and would do anything for them doesn’t necessarily mean that you like them as a person.
2. You don’t spend a lot of time together.
Have you noticed that you are in the company of your spouse less and less? If so, you might have a problem.
It’s not always our desire to be away from them. Sometimes, other things get in the way. For instance, if you work constantly, you’ll naturally be dedicated to your job.
On the other hand, if you have a lot of free time yet still find none for your spouse, that could be one of the signs of an unhappy, loveless marriage.
No matter which reason it is, in the end, the lack of quality time together brings with it the destruction of a marriage.
3. Coming home is a nightmare.
Sometimes, spending time away from home can make you feel blessed because every time you come, you feel awful.
There doesn’t necessarily have to be an actual issue at hand, but you sense that something is terribly wrong. Things just aren’t what they once were.
You both feel it, but you can’t quite put your finger on it. Simply put – the connection you once felt seems to have perished.
You dread coming home because it only makes you realize how unhappy you both are, so you always find reasons to stay away.
4. You fight all the time.
Conflict is a normal occurrence. Problems only arise when it becomes too frequent.
Do you argue with your spouse almost every day?
Is every little thing a reason to yell?
If so, that’s a warning sign.
In healthy relationships, people pick up on problems together in order to solve them. That’s the main goal – to find a solution.
But, if all you do is fight, there might be a much bigger problem hiding underneath. You’re slowly but surely entering the zone of dealing with a negative spouse.
5. You don’t fight at all.
Fighting every day may be unhealthy, but so is the lack of it. You might be surprised by this sign, but it’s actually a rather important one.
Why? Is my marriage over when it comes to this stage?
Well, not wanting to have any kind of argument with your spouse indicates a lack of interest.
Think about it. When two people care about each other, they eventually want to work through their issues. Even if there’s a period of silence, they come back to each other. Not their pride nor any problem in existence takes precedence over their spouse.
If your case is different, you and your partner might not be that interested in each other anymore.
6. You get angry just by looking at them.
Does your spouse irritate you just by existing?
Is every word that comes out of their mouth infuriating?
If you see your spouse this way for no particular reason, that’s a sign. It could be that you’ve bottled up your emotions for years, and they’ve started manifesting this way.
Even when it seems like there’s no reason for how you feel, there always is. Whatever yours is, the bottom line is that you’re not satisfied with your marriage. Contemplate your reasons, and act accordingly.
7. You refuse to make an apology.
Refusing to say that you’re sorry for your actions might stem from two things: emotional immaturity and lack of respect.
Some people truly are incapable of comprehending that sometimes it’s their fault. They constantly perceive themselves as the victim. If this is either you or your spouse, you might consider seeking professional help, e.g., couples counseling.
However, if you ARE aware that you’re the one at fault and are still not ready to take accountability for your actions, that only shows how little you care for your partner.
When you truly love someone, your ego will never win, at least not in serious cases like this.
8. All the good times have faded away.
When you contemplate your marriage, do only bad memories come to mind?
Have all the good ones lost their meaning?
If the answer is yes, that’s another sign you might consider calling it quits.
Naturally, we’re going to have all kinds of experiences, each of those equally valuable. The problems we’ve gone through will help us improve as a couple, and the marvelous times will serve as a reminder that the marriage really is worth fighting for.
So, if you fail to see the latter anymore, you may no longer consider you and your partner a perfect match.
9. You aren’t friends anymore.
As Laura Hendricks once said: ”Love is friendship set on fire.”
What do you think you have left when you lose the friendship?
Is the romance enough to keep the marriage going? What if that disappears too?
Perhaps you pretended to be someone you’re not for them to like you at the beginning of the relationship. But, you can’t pretend forever because, eventually, you get tired.
And that’s one way of losing your friendship – revealing your true nature. No matter how you lost it, though, it’s a crucial element in any relationship.
10. Listen to what your body tells you.
Your marriage might be over if your body is telling you it’s over.
Do you never smile in the presence of your partner anymore?
Do you tremble every time you see them because you know they’ll start a fight?
Whatever it is, your body is sending you messages that you’re having a hard time receiving. Listen to what it has to say. If you no longer feel comfortable nor make jokes in front of them, the connection might be far gone.
If you can’t even laugh at those hilarious husband-wife jokes, then you know something’s not right.
11. You don’t care about each other’s problems.
When your partner has no desire to hear you vent nor the desire to help you solve your problem, that’s a clear sign that they don’t hold you in high regard.
Is my marriage over then?
Lacking an emotional support system may even make you succumb to an emotional affair. Since your partner can’t provide you with what you signed up for, you desperately look for it elsewhere.
Yes, it really is that simple because sometimes cutting people out of your life is the only reasonable thing to do. Continuing to live an unsatisfying life only leads to more of the same.
12. You’re not each other’s priority.
Have you noticed that your spouse never listens to you when you talk?
Is everything else somehow more relevant?
If so, that could be a sign of your marriage falling apart. If you don’t have a spouse that not only pays attention to your words but also excitedly anticipates them, you’re bound to feel alone.
So, if you notice that something as irrelevant as a video game is continuously more important to them than a conversation with you, that’s yet another red flag, but beware that giving ultimatums is not an option.
You don’t really have to have a lot in common to be compatible with someone. But, there still have to be some similarities that allow you to co-exist in love and curiosity.
If your free time activities differ greatly, so much so that you don’t know what to talk about anymore, that may be a sign.
Of course, not every marriage will be ruined by such a trivial thing. However, if you’re the type of person that really cares about this, it’s not so trivial at all. Only you know your idea of a good marriage.
14. You’re sad all the time.
What’s a more obvious sign of an unhappy union than being constantly sad?
If you notice that you don’t have even a moment of peace, whether it’s due to arguments or lack of communication altogether, it might be time to do something about it.
Talk it out with your spouse, but if you never seem to agree, perhaps it’s time for a more drastic change.
Just make sure you don’t stay in the cycle of grief because time is flying by, and we don’t live forever.
15. You’re in love with someone else.
Has the love for your partner vanished? Wait, does your partner love you back?
Have you developed feelings for someone outside of your marriage?
If you have, that could cause a major rift in your relationship. The fact that you emotionally reached out to another person shows that you no longer feel attached to your partner or vice versa.
If your partner is cold towards you, you might seek comfort elsewhere.
16. You’d be fine with your spouse finding someone else.
Do you ever picture your spouse in the arms of someone else?
Do you find yourself unbothered by the idea?
If so, that’s a major sign that you’re no longer romantically interested in them. The mere fact that you have these ideas indicates that you feel trapped in your marriage. You’re seeking escape through your imagination.
Don’t allow yourself to stay in a loveless marriage. If you really want to, move on. After all, we only have one life.
17. Having kids isn’t a mutual desire.
The wish to have kids or lack thereof can be a sign you and your spouse aren’t so compatible after all. Perhaps they aren’t too enthusiastic about being a parental figure, whereas you see no greater joy.
You can’t possibly imagine a home without children roaming around. On the other hand, your spouse almost sees them as a burden, simply wishing for some peace and quiet. That can be one of the reasons you or your wife/husband want a divorce.
While you shouldn’t force them into having the same opinion, you can’t wait for them to change either. In the end, you’ll have to make a choice: them or your ideal life? Can you even have an ideal life without them?
Only you can answer this question.
18. You have different methods of raising kids.
Perhaps you wholeheartedly disagree on how your spouse wants to raise your children, and you see it as a red flag. They may want to discipline and beat them into obedience, whereas you want to gently handle their misbehavior.
Or, maybe their treatment of children depends on whether it’s a girl or boy, and you don’t want your kids to grow up in a sexist household.
You may want to consider reaching out to a family therapist.
This may or may not be a sign, just as everything else. In the end, it only matters how important something is to YOU.
19. You lack enthusiasm for the future.
We usually enter a marriage union because we hope each day with our spouse will bring perpetual happiness. We choose a certain partner because we honestly believe we can achieve that with them.
However, when you start feeling disrespected and unloved, your perspective on a happy union changes.
When you start feeling like every day is absolute torture, and you cease to have any hope for the future, that’s a telltale sign of an unhappy marriage life.
You start accepting that this is it, and it’s not going to get any better. The excitement you had at the beginning has completely vanished.
20. You have an overall unhappy family life.
It could be that you’ve moved to your husband’s family home, and you utterly dislike his family members, or he chooses his family over you. You can’t stand that her son is always on her side, even when she’s obviously mistreating you.
Or, perhaps you’re unable to have children, which disrupted your primary plans, and now you’re not quite sure what to do.
Whatever your situation is, the bottom line is that having a joyless family life is a serious problem. So, make sure not to suppress what you feel.
21. You’ve suffered domestic violence.
It’s not uncommon to experience physical abuse by your spouse. You may feel helpless, like there’s no possible way out, especially if you depend on them financially.
Furthermore, if your spouse is constantly belittling you, gaslighting you, and making you feel like you’re not good enough, that constitutes emotional abuse, and it could have serious consequences on your mental health.
If you recognize any signs of harmful behavior in your marriage, you might want to get a divorce lawyer. It might be hard to be all on your own, especially if you have kids, but it’s not impossible to find an alternative. Don’t you deserve a better life than this?
22. You’re too different.
You often hear people say that the ideal couple is one where the partners are complete opposites. If you talk too much, it attracts you that they’re quiet. If you always visit the same places, you’re intrigued by someone with an adventurous spirit.
This isn’t entirely inaccurate. You may feel curious about someone who is so unlike you. However, spending a lifetime with them is a different thing.
If you’re a hopeless romantic who constantly wants to spend time in nature and have picnic dates, having a cold spouse who prefers fancy dinners might not fulfill your ideals.
Again, people are capable of compromise, and each situation is different. This sign might or might not apply to you.
23. You have an unsatisfying sex life.
Another sign of an unhappy marriage could be a lack of physical intimacy. Your spouse can either no longer satisfy you, or lovemaking is nonexistent altogether.
After all, we are sexual beings, and the desire for sexual intercourse is engraved in almost all of us. If your spouse isn’t able to fulfill that desire, that might be a problem for you.
But, can it be overcome? Is my marriage over when it comes to this?
Well, not if you decide that it isn’t. However, if you aren’t prepared to solve it together as a couple, that’s where the real issue comes in.
24. One of you is unfaithful.
The lack of sex may also indicate that one party is fulfilling their sexual needs elsewhere. The affair might also be emotional. Either way, if your spouse is unfaithful, there’s no greater sign that it’s time to let them go.
Some people may be prepared to work through their issues, even if it’s as grave as this.
However, if you find that you’re unable to forgive, don’t stay with them only for the sake of marriage. That will only increase your resentment as well as the overall unhappiness of your relationship.
25. You have high expectations for each other.
Do you resent your husband for not being a fairytale prince?
Does he resent you for being too bossy?
Whatever expectations you have for each other, they are ruining all the good you might have if you only learn how to let go of them.
What you need to do is realize that you’re both human, and we are bound to be flawed. Reject the idea of a perfect individual because it doesn’t exist. Set healthy expectations and love each other as you are.
26. You feel like you’re suffocating.
Is each day more miserable than the one before?
Can you no longer stand all your spouse stands for?
Honestly, if neither party can be their true selves anymore, you might want to give your marriage a second thought.
After all, you’ve pledged your love to this person. It’s supposed to be ”till death do us part,” right?
Those pledges aren’t worth anything if you have to conceal any part of yourselves, especially when you have to do it for YEARS. That’s a major deal-breaker.
27. All the work falls on you.
Do you always do the housework even though you’re employed as well?
Are you obliged to make all-important life decisions by yourself?
If so, it’s understandable you feel exhausted. Reciprocity is one of the main relationship rules for a healthy union. All the work should be split equally, so try communicating your opinions to your spouse.
If they’re unable to understand, or if they don’t even try to, that’s your cue. Trust me – you don’t want someone who doesn’t care enough to make things a little bit easier for you. You don’t have to carry the whole world on your shoulders.
28. You hide your unhappiness from the world.
Do you constantly post Facebook pictures where you both look happy?
Do you brag about how lucky you are to have met your spouse?
If you do, that might be your way of convincing not others but yourself that you aren’t as unhappy as you really are.
You refuse to let your true emotions out because you don’t know how to deal with them. But, you truly must because suppression will only make things worse for both you and your partner.
29. You don’t work as a team.
You never start any kind of relationship to completely unite with another person. Naturally, you feel connected to them. You might even feel like your souls are conjoined.
Nevertheless, you’re individuals who’ve come together to form something unique while still belonging to yourself first.
Problems only arise when the bond you’ve formed ceases to exist, and you remain nothing but two people who secretly resent each other.
Is my marriage over when this happens?
Well, not necessarily, but working as a team and mutually respecting one another is how a successful marriage should function. Also, putting the old spark back into your marriage should be your priority.
30. You bring the four horsemen to play.
Is my marriage over?
Well, if you bring any of the four horsemen into a conflict, that might not be a good sign.
What are they in the first place? Well, in this group belong these techniques: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
If any of these are present in place of mutual understanding and empathy, you’re doing it all wrong.
31. You often think about a life without them.
The dissatisfaction with your marriage may have gotten to the point where you’ve started thinking of a future that doesn’t include your husband or wife.
You picture yourself living your best life in solitude, with your kids, or with another partner. The bottom line is your spouse is excluded entirely because you simply don’t think you could ever experience true happiness with them.
Don’t forget that your imagination plays a key role. After all, it’s your wishes we’re talking about here. If you can no longer find joy in your marriage, perhaps it’s best to part ways.
32. You’ve thoroughly planned your departure.
You don’t just imagine a new life anymore. You’ve actually thought of leaving. That’s why you’re here, reading this. An elaborate plan to escape your current situation has already been made.
Perhaps you’ve spoken to your family, and they’ve told you that you could come and stay with them. Or, you’ve gotten a job, and you’re saving money until you eventually have enough to leave.
Frankly, if you’re upset enough to have done this, then the wisest course of action would be to proceed with it.
Is My Marriage Over?
In the end, only you can know the true answer. No matter how grave your issues are, though, you can always work through them, if not by yourselves, then with the help of a marriage counselor.
After all, a marriage is only over when one or both partners decide that it is. If you feel like that’s your case, there’s your answer. However, if you feel even the slightest bit of hope, that’s good news.
Each married couple suffers their fair share of trials and tribulations. It’s only natural for it to feel like it’s going to end on a bad note sometimes. But, just because it feels that way at the moment doesn’t make it true.
How Do I Fix An Unhappy Marriage?
Fixing a failing marriage can indeed be a difficult task. However, it’s only up to you to determine whether the relationship is worth fighting for.
If both you and your partner are ready to work past the issues, they instantly become smaller in the face of your mutual love and effort.
If you feel hopeful and ready, here’s what’s best to do:
1. Healthy communication
Don’t hide your negative thoughts or talk about them with someone outside your marriage. Freely express your feelings to your partner. You will never resolve any problem with silence, so start practicing having honest conversations.
If there’s a crack in your marriage, that doesn’t mean it can’t be covered with hard work and mutual understanding.
Set healthy boundaries and establish rules that each party has to honor. If you need some time apart, that’s fine too. Just beware that it doesn’t turn into complete isolation.
3. Marriage counseling
If you feel like you can’t solve your marital problems on your own, why not try couples therapy?
Discover the root cause of your disputes, and do whatever it takes to revive the healthy marriage that once was.
All In All
If you’ve come to the point where you’re wondering, ”Is my marriage over?”, I’ll tell you this much: an unhappy marriage doesn’t mean that it’s necessarily doomed.
Try to directly state all your issues to your spouse. However, if they refuse to cooperate, that might be a warning sign.
Either way, you can always fight for your marriage, but everyone has a breaking point. If you truly feel that there’s no way to get over your problems, then it’s best to finally leave.
No one is obliged to stay in a loveless marriage for any reason whatsoever. Your individual happiness comes first.