You don’t know it for sure, but does your gut feeling keep telling you that something is off with your man? Trust me, I’m experiencing déjà vu right now because that eerie feeling is so familiar to me.
I was doubting my man’s fidelity, too, and unfortunately, my doubts came true in the end. I will share with you the most definite signs he’s cheating on you, so you can check whether your doubts are true or not.
The truth is, we all want lifetime love and passion with our significant other, but most of us aren’t aware of all the hard work and effort it truly demands.
Love may have struck us out of the blue, but it’s up to us to keep it alive. But, keeping love alive all by yourself is not true love.
No matter how much you hate cheaters and betrayal, it still happens to you. Even if you did nothing wrong, even if you didn’t deserve it, you still get cheated on by your partner.
That’s life, and unfortunately, despite the pain that all of that unfairness gives you, you simply can’t affect or change some things. You can only choose how you’ll deal with those things and whether you let them weaken you or make you stronger…
What Are The First Signs Of Cheating?
There are a few not-so-obvious signs of infidelity and, sadly, most of us aren’t able to realize them on time. Those first, let’s call them micro signs of cheating, could save us a lot of pain and trouble only if we would be able to notice them on time.
Avoidance, being secretive about his cell phone, his body language closing off, suspicious credit card bills, changes in physical appearance, withdrawals, more activity and strange text messages on his social media accounts…
Those are all some little things and the first red flags that your man might be seeing another woman.
At first, you won’t pay much attention to these things, but as they come piling up (and they will, trust me), you’ll be more and more suspicious of him.
You’ll even try to confront him on several occasions, but he’ll somehow manage to convince you that you’re imagining it all.
Most men use that blame-shifting technique and, unfortunately, most women fall for it. He’ll try to make you blame yourself for even thinking that he’s being unfaithful to you.
As I said, in the beginning, his cheating ways and techniques will manage to make you believe that it’s all in your head. You’ll start wondering if you are just being paranoid or is he really cheating on you.
BUT, if you pay attention to these telltale signs he is cheating on you, you’ll have a good reason to confront him, and then he won’t have another choice but to admit it all to you…
15 Warning Signs That He’s Cheating On You
To save yourself from a cheating partner, and to save your heart from a painful heartbreak, here are the telltale signs to look for in his behavior to know for sure if he’s cheating.
1. He strays from his everyday behavior
When you’re in a long-term relationship, that is, when you spend a certain amount of time with someone, you get to know the real them… the way they react to certain situations and problems.
But, when that behavior drastically changes, it might be a sign that he’s/she’s cheating on you or that they are just under pressure about something else.
This alone isn’t a sure sign he’s cheating, but in combination with other signs, it’s definitely a good indicator that he’s being unfaithful.
The truth is, you can learn so much simply by observing a guy’s body language.
For example, if he keeps his posture closed while you’re talking, or if he keeps blocking eye contact or does some other unfamiliar moves while you’re talking about his potential infidelity, you should consider it as you’ve caught him cheating.
He may be a good liar, but his body language definitely won’t be able to keep up with his lies. Sooner or later, his body language will uncover the real answers to every question you’re currently so desperately looking for.
2. He acts hot and cold
When a guy starts acting hot and cold all of a sudden, it’s a huge red flag that something is bothering him. In combo with all these signs (or most of them), it surely means that he’s cheating.
The thing is that he’s losing the game and he’s becoming aware of it. The whole thing is getting out of his hands and he simply doesn’t know what to do about it anymore.
All of his covers are slowly blowing up, and he knows that it’s just a matter of time when you’ll discover what he has been doing behind your back.
The worst thing is that he actually doesn’t know what he truly wants anymore. His feelings are all over the place, and he’s only sinking further into the abyss of his own lies.
One day, he thinks that he loves you and that is when he behaves ‘hot’. While, on other days, he thinks he has caught feelings for the other woman and that makes him behave ‘cold’ towards you.
3. He starts hiding his phone
Whether he goes to the bathroom or takes out the garbage, his phone is always with him.
He turns his phone away from you while he’s texting, he always leaves it facing the screen down, and it simply makes you think that he is trying hard to never allow you to see what’s happening on it.
In addition, he even sometimes keeps it on Airplane Mode while he’s with you.
All those efforts to hide his phone just confirm your gut feeling. Either he is hiding something from you or he is hiding you from someone…
4. Sudden and unpredictable mood swings
Pressure forces him to be constantly on the edge, causing unpredictable mood swings.
It almost seems like he has male PMS (if that even exists) or something like that. He’s so afraid that he might get caught that he can no longer think straight.
In some moments, he becomes uncontrollably angry and then he suddenly changes the record and becomes too nice to you. He brings you flowers and does some nice things for you only to snap at you as the day goes on.
You feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells around him because you don’t know how to behave anymore. It seems to you that you provoke those mood swings he has all the time, but even you are not sure how you actually do it.
It’s not you, it’s not about you, it’s not because of you.
Your (cheating) partner probably has too much going on in his head and in his heart and even he isn’t able to cope with it anymore.
It’s obvious that he’s tearing apart at the seams, and it’s just a matter of time when he’ll come clean to you about everything.
I know it’s hard, but you should try to control yourself and behave as if nothing is happening… as if you don’t notice what’s tormenting him. That will totally drive him crazy and he’ll snap in one moment and admit it all.
5. He picks fights ALL the time
This is one of the most obvious signs he is definitely cheating on you. However, there are two probable scenarios as to why he is doing it.
The first one is because he’s just trying to make you break up with him. He has the guts to cheat on you, but he isn’t so brave when it comes to admitting and dealing with it.
On the other hand, it may also be because of that whole double life he’s living. He simply can’t stand that pressure anymore and he needs to vent it out somehow.
Yes, getting into a fight with you may be just a way for him to vent out all of his negative and stressful feelings. However, if you answer those provocations in the right way, it’ll only make him stressed out even more.
When he starts to nag about something or does something in order to provoke you into a fight, you should just keep quiet. You should back down or even try to calm him down.
When he sees that he isn’t able to provoke you, it’ll make him even angrier. In one of his rage episodes, he’ll come out about his infidelity without him being aware of what he is doing.
6. Obvious change in appearance
Let’s put it this way, he’s trying to look great for the other woman because he’s still trying to seduce and win her over.
He loses weight, brings back his muscle tone, and carefully chooses what he’s going to wear, especially if he’s leaving without you.
He shaves daily, combs his hair, and always wears cologne. His bank account activities show that he’s spending more money on new clothes, colognes, and fancy restaurants.
All those things sound even more suspicious to you because you recognize the pattern. You know that he did all that at the beginning of your relationship while he was trying to win you over.
7. He loses track of details
As he spends more time with both you and his mistress, the memories of his time spent with her and the memories of his time spent with you will start to blur together.
Schedules get crossed, and he won’t be able to keep track of where he was on any given day.
He will get confused and talk to you about a movie you two never saw together, but he saw it with his mistress, or he will propose to go to that restaurant you went to a couple of weeks ago (but you never did).
However, that confusion will be enough for you to start doubting his fidelity. As he continues to lie to both of you, he’ll only fall deeper and deeper into his own web of lies.
Sooner or later, one of you will find out the real truth, and you’ll probably wish to share it with the other one. It’s funny how his own lies will betray him and backfire on him.
8. He’s trying to make up with expensive (guilt) gifts
You were fighting for days, and now, all of a sudden, he’s nice (maybe even too nice) with you.
He shows up at your workplace unannounced and brings you flowers or your favorite takeouts. He surprises you with tickets to your favorite band. He treats you with a nice and luxurious wellness and spa retreat.
It’s like he’s trying to buy your forgiveness, right? And, you know what? He probably is.
He may also do it because he wants to remind you of how nice and thoughtful a man you have, so you can keep that in mind once you find out about his betrayal. That’s pretty bold, right?
9. There are privacy requests all of a sudden
All of a sudden, he needs his privacy respected. He sets whole new boundaries and asks you to strictly respect them.
He closes the door while he’s working or checking emails… He locks his phone and hides the password from you… And, all those phone calls he’s getting from his ‘cousin’ lately, but hangs up the moment you enter the room? Yeah, it’s not his cousin.
All the nice things you used to share, he now hides. For you, it seems like he’s completely blocking you out of his life… and I know, it tears your heart apart.
You’re losing trust in your man and you have every right to do so.
Whether you like it or not or whether you can come to terms with the truth or not, the fact is that these are all small but pretty clear red flags that your man is leading a double life.
When you truly love a person, you can never exclude them from your life. When you respect someone and want to build a future with them, you don’t keep secrets nor do you have some hideous privacy requests because you’re a team.
You stop functioning as the private, separated ‘I and you’ and start functioning as the beautiful, united ‘we’.
10. The emotional disconnection is obvious
On the one hand, your fights… on the other one, your doubts… it’s completely natural that all those things have started to drive you apart.
Even if you didn’t confirm your doubts and can’t tell for sure if your man is really cheating on you, the fact is that mistrust is spreading through your relationship like wildfire and you can do absolutely nothing to stop it.
You just sit there and wait for it to burn it all to the ground.
It’s not that you’ve stopped loving him, but you’re aware that your emotions aren’t as deep and as strong as they were before.
That trust breach caused you to disconnect emotionally, and you feel like you don’t even recognize him anymore. You feel like he isn’t the man you fell in love with.
Your love and your relationship is weakening because doubts are prevailing the trust. And, the truth is, you can’t stay connected… you can’t keep loving someone you don’t believe anymore.
11. His schedule is altered
Office affairs are an awfully common thing, and they happen because of the amount of time we spend with our co-workers. The fact is that most of us spend more time with our co-workers than we do with our partners.
However, if you’re in a long-term relationship, this means you already know your partner’s work schedule.
You know when they have the lunch break, when their work starts and finishes… and even if there are some sudden changes in their work schedule, you’re the first one they’ll inform about it.
This leads us to the following conclusion; if your man suddenly stays at work late or leaves on suspiciously long business trips, that could be a sign he’s having an affair.
In fact, most cheaters use work excuses to cover up their affairs.
If you notice any changes in your man’s work schedule or if he uses his work as an excuse to avoid seeing you too often, you should take it seriously. Maybe he isn’t cheating, but he’s definitely desperately trying to hide something from you.
12. Your sex life has changed
A sudden change in what is regular or familiar in bed is a big warning sign of cheating.
Your man can be satisfied with the amount of sex his mistress gives him, which causes a lack of sex in your relationship.
But, on the other hand, most men experience a huge rush of testosterone, which manifests as new confidence during sex.
They feel strong and masculine, like every woman on this planet wants to sleep with them. Their egos are growing daily, and with it, their sex drive starts increasing rapidly, too.
So, if you notice your man is more aggressive or demanding in bed, maybe you should follow your gut and get to the root cause of that sudden change in his sexual appetite.
13. You started recognizing the patterns of gaslighting
Maybe you didn’t recognize it at the beginning, but you surely do now. He’s trying to stay in charge of your relationship and all this messy situation that he provoked by gaslighting you.
Yes, that’s how bad it may become IF you allow him to control you in this awful way.
He’ll try to get into your head and make you start questioning your own sanity. You’ll start blaming yourself for thinking that he might ever betray you.
It’ll completely undermine your self-esteem. Once again, you’ll end up begging him not to leave you because of your ‘false’ accusations.
That’s only if you allow it all to him, of course. If you recognize on time that you’re being gaslighted, you’ll manage to resist it and make him feel sorry for trying to make a fool out of you.
14. He already mentioned breakup more than once
If your guy had tried to bring on the breakup talk a few times already, it’s an obvious red flag that he wants to end things with you and that he doesn’t love you anymore.
Well, of course, the reason for it doesn’t have to be a new relationship, but it’s definitely one of the probable case scenarios.
Maybe he still didn’t realize it because his feelings are mixed or because he doesn’t want to hurt you. Maybe he does still love you, but he feels awfully bad for betraying you and can’t stand looking you in the eyes anymore.
Another (not so ‘good’ reason) for this may be that he still isn’t sure how the other side feels about him. He doesn’t know where he stands with the other girl, and he simply doesn’t want to lose you both.
If this is the case, there are two probable outcomes. Either he’ll come clean and break up with you as soon as the other side chooses to make things official between them.
OR, if his plans with the other girl fail, he’ll keep lying to you, pretending as if nothing happened, and praying that you never discover the truth.
That’s why you should never take his ‘breakup talks’ lightly.
The first time he raises that topic and starts threatening a breakup, you need to get to the bottom of it and see why he is even thinking about ending your relationship.
15. You just can’t keep ignoring your inner voice
Even if your man doesn’t admit it to you after you confront him, you still won’t be able to get rid of your gut feeling.
That voice deep down in you is telling you that your entire relationship is a steaming pile of turds… that everything you believed in was a complete lie… that the love you were ready to die for was a huge lie.
I know how hard it is to cope with these intense and overwhelming feelings. As much as you try, you simply can’t resist them, and you let those feelings consume you completely.
You become stressed and depressed. On the one hand, you’re still not ready to let go of the man you love, and on the other hand, you know deep down in your heart it’s the right decision.
You’re aware that something bad is happening and that your breakup is inevitable.
However, you still choose to stay in that lie for a little while longer because you don’t have the strength to give up on your love…
Listen to that inner voice, but don’t blindly follow its advice.
And, you don’t have to. You don’t have to quit on your love just because your partner had one weak moment and wasn’t able to control himself.
There are so many couples who survived infidelity, recovered after the affair, and built an even stronger relationship after it. If your heart feels ready to give him a second chance, don’t hesitate to do so.
After all, there is absolutely nothing that true love can’t overcome or deal with.
As the family therapist, Elvina Lui, says: “While it is hard, many couples overcome the damage from infidelity and make their relationship stronger. The key is rebuilding trust from the rubble for both people to keep showing each other that “you are worth this, and I believe in us”.
What do you do when you suspect your boyfriend is cheating?
Now, you probably want to know what you should do if you find out he’s being unfaithful. If you suspect and find some good signs your man is cheating on you, the next logical step for you to take is to confront him.
You don’t ask him directly, but you confront him with all the proof you have about his infidelity. You simply ask him in a polite way to explain to you what those things really mean.
A cheater will never confess immediately, or at least not until they’re ready for it. So, don’t expect your man to come clean to you as soon as you confront him.
Also, while confronting him, you should take notes about his body language while he’s answering your questions. If he keeps lying to you, if he keeps denying his betrayal, his behavior will surely give him up.
Once they start feeling they’ve lost the validation they desperately need from their current partner, they start looking for it in some other place.
However, if a person has issues with self-esteem, that also means they aren’t able to control their body language, especially in situations that are too stressful for them.
Even if he decided to admit it all immediately, it still doesn’t mean the suffering stops there for you. The fact is that you’ll need a lot of time to accept it all and sort it out in your heart and in your mind.
The most important relationship advice you need to hear right now is that no matter what happens, no matter the outcome of your confrontation, you should never blame yourself for anything.
You can’t blame yourself for loving a man who decided to betray you and that love you feel for him. Love is a pure gamble… sometimes you win, but there are times you’ll have to lose… big time lose.
I really hope you didn’t recognize any of these signs he’s cheating on you and that it’s indeed happening only in your head.
Most couples go through some phases in their relationships where they start drifting apart and, unfortunately, that may lead them to make some very wrong decisions.
On the other hand, if you did, and now you’re surer than ever that your man is being unfaithful to you, I truly hope you’ll gather the strength to confront your cheater.
If your doubts come true, if he admits his infidelity, don’t blame yourself and don’t have regrets.
Remember, you’re the one who leaves that relationship with your head held high.
Forgive your cheater and take everything that happened to you as a huge lesson… a lesson that will guide you through the future. Don’t even think about getting revenge.
Now it’s time to focus plainly on yourself and grab your life by the horns. Shift all the love you felt for him to yourself, and promise to yourself that you’ll never, no matter what, betray yourself.