Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. The truth is that most of the time, we don’t get each other.
But I think that among all the things every woman wants to know about guys, there is one ultimate question we’ve never gotten an answer to: Why do men hide their feelings?
You see it everywhere you look. You see guys hiding pretending to be heartless as if having emotions is a sign of weakness. So, why is that so?
Well, lucky for you, your years of wondering and wandering have come to an end. Here is where you’ll find out why men hide their feelings.
But that’s not all. If you want to use your words to inspire him to trust you and open up to you, learn how to do this RIGHT HERE.
Why Do Guys Not Express Their Feelings?
A lot of men find feelings and emotions scary. Unlike women, a man’s capacity for feelings and their emotional expressions are completely different or they simply don’t exist.
That is one of the reasons why most men are incapable of showing their true feelings and maintaining intimate relationships with their loved ones.
To understand why men hide their feelings, first we have to go back to the point where they were still boys because there lies the root of the problem.
From a young age, boys are taught to be self-reliant and to hide all of their insecurities because every human being is familiar with the fact that ‘boys don’t cry’.
And boys were always spending time with other boys who were also taught to behave in the exact same way.
Competition games, football, wrestling, war games (you name it), have all contributed to making boys (today’s men) act like tough and rough warriors, devoid of emotions.
Unlike girls, boys were never encouraged to express their own feelings, to show their sensitive sides, or to show certain body language signs because all of this would have displayed their vulnerability and make them look ‘weak’.
And that is why these boys (today’s men) tend to hide their feelings and develop their own coping mechanisms.
And that is why women are constantly asking themselves: “Why do guys hide their feelings?” aka, “Why do guys act like total idiots and jerks?” and continue to read tons of dating advice telling them to wait for a real man who knows how to show his feelings, aka a unicorn.
But the real truth is that we can’t really blame men for being ‘emotionally immature’ and not in touch with their feelings because they were literally taught so by society.
They grew up in a more complex environment and harsh conditions that have altered their mindset and by it, their future behavior.
To understand more about how their mind works, here is a list of real (and somewhat surprising) reasons explaining why men hide their feelings!
See also: 6 Ways Men Express Their Feelings Without Using Words
9 Reasons Why Men Hide Their Feelings Revealed
They don’t understand what they really feel
One of the reasons why men hide their feelings is because they simply don’t understand what they feel. Sounds unrealistic, I know, but that’s how things are.
They have trouble identifying their feelings. An average man knows that something different is going on.
He knows that he’s grown an unfamiliar emotion. But if you asked him what it is, he probably wouldn’t know how to explain it. A lot of people are like this in general.
For example, almost every guy in this world would rather be angry than sad. As a man, he’s allowed to feel anger but sadness is out of the question.
Before he knows it, he expresses his sadness through different outbursts and tantrums. That’s how he hides his negative emotions from himself and from the rest of the world.
Falling in love is complex and for the majority of people (men), it’s another confusing emotion.
And when we don’t understand something, it comes to us naturally to hide from that thing or in this case, to hide our feelings.
So, when a man starts feeling overwhelmed by not understanding what is really going on, it comes to him naturally to retreat to his man cave and hide his feelings.
Sadly, when this happens, many women think that they need to use force in order to get a man to open up to them.
But the only thing men really need is encouragement and more time to accept their emotions and finally understand what they really feel.
Also, journaling is a great self-help method for this one. For a guy who doesn’t know how to identify their emotions, it’s a great thing to keep a record of everything they feel. Having all of their emotions listed in one place will help them materialize and understand them.
Emotional intelligence
This kind of behavior is actually the most obvious sign of low emotional intelligence (or even the lack of it). Someone can be the smartest person in the world when it comes to finances, art, social relations, and a bunch of other stuff.
Your IQ can be incredibly high but that has nothing to do with your emotional intelligence. That’s exactly what happens with these men who don’t understand their own emotions.
Consequently, they have trouble resolving their feelings, controlling them, and managing them the right way.
They get scared of their feelings
Let’s assume that a man understands perfectly what he feels but he decides to hide his feelings.
Why is that so? It is probably because he’s shy or scared of what he feels. He’s scared of his feelings because he’s totally overwhelmed by them.
Falling in love is something that changes us completely and many people (especially men) are afraid of the things they have no control over.
When your body and mind start falling in love and when you start developing feelings for someone, you cannot influence any of it.
You can only watch how you’re making a fool out of yourself while staring at a person you really like and being mute for half a minute because you have no idea what to really say to them.
You can only blindly follow your emotions and let them rule your world or you can just hide.
Most men choose the second option because they get too scared of all of this.
And who can blame them? Let’s face it- feelings can be quite scary, especially if we’re talking about negative emotions we would preferably erase.
Often, they just need more time and continual encouragement that what they feel is okay and that nothing bad will happen to them.
Men need more time to get in touch with their emotions
Believe it or not, contrary to women, men definitely need more time to get in touch with their emotions.
Let’s suppose that a man and a woman have been on several dates by now and they’re really crazy about each other and they would like to spend time together.
But who do you think will be crazier in love?
The man or the woman? Of course, it is always the woman and this is not a coincidence.
The same goes for break-ups.
In most cases, the woman is the one grieving her previous relationship right after the split. Why? Because she’s aware that she’s lost her loved one right away after it happened.
At the same time, her ex will probably be out there partying, having the time of his life.
But what happens after a while? Well, the woman gets over it. She processed her emotions and found a way of healthy healing.
On the other hand, that is when the real pain hits the guy. Do you see how more time he needed to get in touch with his real feelings?
Because of this, it often happens that a woman loses her interest when a man finally realizes what he really wants. Oh, the irony!
Women don’t need that much time to realize what they really feel or what they really want because from an early age, they’ve been encouraged to show their feelings and that is why they don’t have any difficulty understanding them.
We could say that when a woman is one hundred percent sure that this is it, a man is only halfway there because he needs more time to get in touch with all those feelings and emotions.
See also: 9 Signs He Has Deeper Feelings For You, Even If He’s Never Said It
They don’t want to lose power and appear too vulnerable
Remember what I said about boys pretending to be rough and tough warriors devoid of emotions? Well, that is one of the biggest reasons why men hide their feelings.
They don’t want to lose power and appear too vulnerable in front of someone they like because they are taught to exhibit their masculine traits only. Let’s be honest: in our cruel world, indifference equals power.
This can be especially seen in romantic relationships. It’s like we all compete who’ll show fewer emotions.
Of course, the one who can’t take it anymore and confesses his love, jealousy, or other emotion is the loser. And no guy can let that happen, can he?
They are convinced that if they show a woman what they really feel, they will appear too sensitive which (according to them) is not an attractive trait to have because they are men and they are supposed to be rough and tough.
But when a man starts feeling safe with and free of judgment from a woman he really likes, he will gradually decide to be an open book with her.
They are afraid that they will kill the chasing game if they don’t hide their feelings
We all enjoy hearing that someone is crazy about us and we enjoy it when they show us they’re interested. These situations build up our self-esteem, whether we like to admit it or not.
And we all know that there is always someone who is more open than the other person when it comes to the initial stages of dating.
That someone who is more open is, in most cases, a woman because she gets in touch with her emotions faster.
And since many men (just like women) enjoy being chased, they choose to deliberately hide their feelings so that the chasing game lasts longer.
But usually, once they sense that a woman starts losing interest in playing this type of game, they instantly change and start showing what they really feel.
They get afraid of losing the woman they really like and that is why they choose to finally unravel their feelings.
Playing hard to get vs being too available
You’ll often hear about women playing hard to get. But trust me- men do it as well.
Why? Well, for the same reason we do it- because they think it’s the only way to attract and keep the other person around.
Modern dating has imposed a notion that being too available triggers the other person to lose interest.
If you’re always on someone’s hand reach, they start taking you for granted. The moment they see that they’ve won you over and that the battle is over, they move on to the next prey.
Basically, what I’m saying is that a man is capable of pretending to be totally indifferent while he’s actually head over heels for you. Nevertheless, it’s up to you to figure out whether he’s playing hard to get because he’s scared of losing you or he’s just playing with you.
See also: 16 Proven Signs He Is Falling In Love With You
They are afraid that their feelings will be used against them
Every man is perfectly aware of the fact that the moment he shows his feelings, the game changes.
A man knows that once he tells a woman how he really feels about her, she will have more power over him and his feelings might be used against him. Every guy in the world is terrified of the following situation:
He says his girl how he feels. Most importantly- he does everything in his power to prove it to her.
But suddenly, she changes her ways. It’s like she finally got his permission to start doing whatever she wants.
After all, he loves her, doesn’t he? He won’t leave her just like that, so she can basically treat him the way she wants.
I’m not saying that this is likely to happen. But this is the scenario every man who hides his feelings is terrified of.
Men are afraid of women using their feelings to make them jealous or constantly reminding them of their feelings and asking for reassurance. They are also afraid of new standards that will force them to always give their maximum.
They want to be in love but sometimes they are afraid that their decision to show how they feel will backfire on them.
In most cases, this is closely connected with insecurity and past painful events where someone has used their feelings against them and now they’re afraid that the same thing will happen again.
Sometimes, they wait for the woman to make the first move
If a man is afraid that his feelings will be used against him, that he will lose power and appear too vulnerable, or if he doesn’t trust a woman yet, he will wait for her to make the first move.
I know this sounds cowardly but that’s just how they’re wired and we simply can’t blame them for that.
Sometimes, a man will wait forever (if needed) for a woman to show her feelings so that he feels safe to finally show his own too. The last thing he wants to be is ridiculed. Nobody enjoys being rejected so he prefers to keep his emotions bottled up until the right moment comes over the possibility of getting hurt.
Who likes being rejected? That’s right- absolutely no one. Well, men are no exception.
So, this is basically not about hiding their feelings but is more like postponing and waiting for the perfect moment to show them.
See also: 6 Early Signs He Might Be Catching Feelings For You
They were hurt in the past
Not all men were like this from the beginning. Not all of them had a hard time showing their feelings in the past.
Some men hide their emotions because they got their heart broken in the past.
Let’s picture a random, average guy. Sometime before, he let the wrong girl in.
He gave her his body, heart, and soul on a silver platter. He thought she was the one and didn’t hold any parts of himself back.
This guy exposed himself completely. He got emotionally naked in front of her, expecting the same thing from her.
But boy, was he wrong. She didn’t only hurt him- she also made him heartless and emotionally damaged.
So, from that point on, he changed for good. Something deep inside of him got broken beyond repair.
It wasn’t just his heart. This guy lost himself and there was nothing to be done about it.
That was the moment he decided he would never put himself under that kind of risk again. He had to do something to protect himself.
And the only logical thing was to shut his feelings down for good. Or at least, never to show them to the world, no matter what.
Does this sound familiar? The truth is that more guys than you think went through the same scenario.
This is actually one of the common reasons why men hide their feelings. They wouldn’t admit that this once happened, even if their life depended on it.
They were told to
Just look around you. Look at social media, TV, media, and society in general. Even though things are improving, men are still being told that they shouldn’t express emotions.
That is, unless they don’t want to be perceived as weak and girly. The problem was even worse in the past.
From their early childhood, they were put in a box. They were expected to always be strong and fearless.
Gender stereotypes
When you think of gender stereotypes, the first thing that goes through your mind is discrimination against women. Well, newsflash: the real world is hard for both men and women.
Even though that is a serious issue, let’s not forget about how men are stereotyped as well. They face different cultural expectations they frequently are unable to meet.
This thing is usually called a “Man box”. For example, guys are not allowed to ask for help.
This goes for their emotional concerns, mental health issues, and other things, as well. It’s like they’re not allowed to say that they’re depressed, emotionally unstable or that they need some professional assistance.
At the same time, every guy should know how to change a tire, a lightbulb, or even build a house.
Of course, they aren’t allowed to complain about anything. They can’t say that they have a hard time going through life or that they’re sad or heartbroken to anyone- not even to their best friend.
Toxic masculinity
Have you ever heard about the concept of toxic masculinity? It’s one of the gender stereotypes men have been facing ever since the beginning of time that sadly is still present in our society.
In short terms, this concept represents men as aggressive, dominant, and heartless. For a guy to be a macho man, he has to learn to always be tough and never to show emotions.
Often, this toxic trait leads to sexism and violence. But of course, the first thing that characterizes toxic masculinity is the suppression of emotions.
If this is the case with the guy you know, don’t judge him because this is not the choice he deliberately made. But don’t pretend that this is acceptable behavior either. In that case, what you are doing is giving him a heads up to continue with his toxic patterns.
What Are The Signs That A Guy Is Hiding His True Feelings From You?
When you’re trying to figure out if a guy is in love with you but tries to hide it, you have to pay attention to the little things that give him away.
Some of the most common things that reveal his true intentions are the way he looks at you, his uncontrollable jealousy flashes, and the fact that he goes out of his way to help you out.
But if you want to be positive that he is hiding his true feelings, here are some subtle signs to look for.
His body language reveals the truth
You can control what you’ll say so this guy doesn’t have to necessarily confess his love for you. Nevertheless, what he can’t control are the things he does without being aware of them.
As much as he tries, he can’t control the non-verbal signals he’s sending you. His body is attracted to yours and that is something he’s unable to hide.
Eye contact
The first thing to pay attention to here is this man’s eyes. The fact is that he can’t hide happiness whenever he sees you. It’s like his eyes sparkle for a moment before he goes back under his armor.
There are two possibilities here. He’ll either try to maintain prolonged eye contact or he’ll look away whenever you cross his path. Both are good signs.
If he does the first thing, he is trying to see whether you like him back. On the other hand, if he’s too shy to even look at you in the eyes- he’s definitely hiding something.
Physical contact
He’ll be all over you and everyone will notice it. He won’t cross the line nor will he actually try kissing you.
But he will hug you all the time, hold your hand, and use every opportunity he gets to touch you.
Nervous behavior
Another body language sign you should pay attention to is this man’s nervous behavior. You know how people act when they’re lying? They look away, they blush and they shake their legs.
Practically, this man is lying to you all along. Well, he’s not lying to hurt you but he is hiding something huge so it’s natural for him to be nervous all the time.
He is secretly jealous
This guy is not your boyfriend. Technically, he has no right to be jealous of you dating other men or being in a relationship. But you can’t order your heart around, can you? Well, neither can he.
The same way he hides his affection for you, he also does his best to hide his jealousy. Nevertheless, there are some situations in which it comes out on the surface.
For example, he’ll always name a bunch of flaws in every guy you mention. It’s like he’s trying to tell you that none of them are too good for you and that you should choose him instead.
Also, you can literally see the way his tone of voice and facial expression change every time you mention a man in your life, let alone if you introduce him to one.
Shouldn’t this alone be proof enough that he has strong feelings for you but hides them?
He is always around
This is the guy who pushes you forward and roots for your self-improvement. At the same time, he’s also the one who helps you move or does some small repairs around your house.
When you come to think about it, he’s your emotional and physical support. Somehow, he’s always around when you need him the most.
I know what you must think- he’s probably just polite and friendly. But come on, he lives a busy life, do you really think he would run to help you if he doesn’t have any romantic feelings for you?
He sends mixed signals
It seems that this man can’t make up his mind about you. This is also one of the reasons why men hide their emotions: because they have no clue about what they want.
One day, he acts like your best friend, tomorrow he sends you all the signals he’s into you, and the very next day, he starts ignoring you as if he couldn’t care less about you. One day, he texts you first, and then the next ten days he barely acknowledges your existence. That’s when you start asking yourself: Is he waiting for me to text him?
When something like this happens, your first thoughts are that he’s deliberately playing with you. He wants you to chase him and he has no real feelings for you.
Even though this can be true if you’re dealing with a player, this kind of behavior can also be a sign that he is fighting his feelings for you.
Is it possible that he isn’t hiding his emotions from you only but himself, as well?
He’s your number one social media fan
He’ll never tell or directly show you that he’s literally obsessed with you. But he has his ways of finding out more about your life.
When you come to think of it, this guy is always the first one to watch your Instagram and Snapchat stories. He likes everything you post, especially your selfies.
You’ve even caught him talking to you about something he could have only found out if he analyzed your feed carefully.
The thing is that he feels “safe” while stalking you online. He thinks he isn’t as exposed as he would have been if he talked to you in person.
At the same time, he gets all the intel he needs. He has a complete insight into your life, without getting up from his couch.
He has a problem with expressing his feelings in general
It’s rare for a guy who is usually in touch with his emotions to hide his romantic feelings for you. Of course, it’s possible for things to go that way but in general, men who possess a high level of emotional intelligence don’t have a problem with confessing their feelings for a girl.
That’s exactly why you should pay special attention to his other relations. Is he a closed type of person?
If you work together or hang out frequently, have you ever seen him crying or getting all emotional? This would be perfectly normal if you two spend a lot of time together.
Or is he always this tough guy who can’t be bothered by anything? Does he show signs of toxic masculinity?
Does he have at least one person he opens up to? Or is he the type of person who keeps everything to himself, bottled up?
In that case, it’s likely that he hides his feelings for you as well. This man is emotionally distant from everyone. He has no idea how to connect with his feelings, let alone express them the right way.
Other people tell you he is into you
It’s funny how an objective bystander often sees more than you who are directly involved in the story. Your situation is no exception.
If your friends keep telling you that this guy is obviously crazy about you but you’re the only one who can’t see it, it’s time to listen to them. It’s impossible for all of them to be wrong, while you’re the only one right.
Your gut is telling you
Finally, when your stomach is telling you that something is true- it probably is. You know that female intuition is an incredibly powerful force. So, why do you choose to ignore yours?
In fact, you should consider yourself lucky for having this strong gut feeling on important matters in life. This is one of them.
If your intuition is telling you that a man likes you, he doesn’t have to confirm his feelings. I assure you- what you feel is right.
It’s just something nobody can explain. You sense his vibe and deep down, you know it very well that he looks at you as more than a friend.
You see the way he looks at you, the way he talks to you, and the way he smiles when you enter the room. Don’t worry- you’re not imagining things.
Are Men Better At Hiding Emotions?
Men are definitely way better at hiding their emotions. After all, they’ve been trained for it their entire life.
Most people will tell you that men are less emotional than women. But that can’t be further from the truth.
Let’s not forget that at the end of the day, we’re all just human beings- made out of flesh and blood, despite all of our differences. It’s common sense that some people are more emotional and some less, regardless of their sex or gender.
Actually, according to some recent studies, men are more sensitive than women. They’re just professionals at hiding it.
Final Thoughts
Unlike women, men will always have difficulties expressing their feelings because of their background (especially their childhood) where they’ve been taught to always appear as masculine as they can.
The main reason why men hide their feelings is because they are taught that emotions are literally for pussies. That is the main root of this everlasting problem (if it can even be called a problem).
It’s actually no longer seen as a problem, as it has become the norm and more and more women are dealing with it on a daily basis.
If you’re a woman reading this, please do not lose patience. Remember that the majority of the fear and them hiding their feelings stems from discouragement by society.
Also, remember that every man has the potential to be an open book and it is just a matter of time when he will be ready to show you how he really feels!
On that journey, I wish you good luck and I send you lots of love and patience!
