I know you want to scream and demand from him to tell you why he’s been acting this way.
I know you feel confused and frustrated because you don’t know why he never texts you first even when he’s clearly present on social media. And you have every right to feel this way.
You have every right to ask yourself: Why doesn’t he text me first? Is he trying to play mind games with me or is he interested but is not much of a texter?
Whatever his reason, the truth is this: Don’t text him and he will text you. What does that mean? Well, read on and find out!
Why You Should Never Text Him First
You don’t need a relationship expert to tell you that when a guy likes you, he WILL make an effort. It doesn’t matter what internal issues are stopping him – he will find a way to initiate a conversation with you.
Granted, perhaps texting isn’t his way of showing affection. But, if you notice that he isn’t doing much of anything else either, then he doesn’t really love you.
Stop texting him first. If you notice that he doesn’t reciprocate, reject him once and for all. You’ve had enough heartbreaks. Now, learn to love yourself more.
Why Doesn’t He Text Me First? 20 Possible Reasons
It can be hard to determine why a man doesn’t text you first, so if you’re not entirely sure, take a look at the following relationship advice.
Here are 20 possible reasons a guy doesn’t text you first:
1. He has other priorities at the moment
This one means he’s interested in you, but he has some other priorities at the moment and after he’s done with them, he will get back to you.
Other priorities include his job, family, pets, friends or things like that.
The most confusing part is that he won’t tell you what is going on in his life because he doesn’t want you to worry about him.
That is why he will keep replying to you and will never make you question his happiness or intentions.
He’s aware of the fact that he cannot make you his priority (for the time being) until he’s done with whatever he is doing and resets his list of priorities.
If you sense that this might be the case, you can simply try asking him what is going on in his life and if there’s anything he would like to share with you.
If he keeps refusing to tell you anything, reassuring you that everything’s fine with the two of you but he just needs some time for himself, it means you shouldn’t worry because he will be back in no time.
2. He’s interested in you, but also in others
This one is similar to the first one, but the main difference is that his priorities are his potential girls and not some other things he might be dealing with.
Guys sometimes make priorities in accordance with how hard to get you are.
And in their mind, if you’re playing hard to get, you must be a good catch (which doesn’t necessarily have to be the case).
If these potential girls don’t text him first, he will make them his priorities because if they don’t text him first, it means they’re hard to get, and he will have to win them over.
He will subconsciously multiply his efforts in trying to win them, and that is why he’ll take you for granted.
He will not text you first because he knows that you’ll be the one texting him first, and that is why he doesn’t bother. But, this doesn’t mean he is not interested in you.
He is, but he’s also interested in others as well, and it will take some time until he realizes exactly what he is doing and how he wants it to end.
3. He’s unsure about his feelings for you
When a guy is unsure about his feelings for you, he will withdraw, and withdrawal means he needs some time to digest his feelings and admit to himself whether he likes you or not.
Perhaps he’s been hurt before and now he’s afraid of emotional vulnerability.
He doesn’t want to open up to you because he’s afraid you’ll take advantage of him like someone else in his past might have done to him.
That is why he will try not to text you first because if he does, it will make him even more confused and uncomfortable.
But, when you text him first, he will try to ignore it, only to realize that he cannot, and if he doesn’t text you back, he will ruin everything.
So, he decides to text you back, but then the next day, he finds himself again contemplating his feelings towards you.
It’s an endless circle of confusion, unsaid feelings and anticipation.
The best thing to do is to ask him in person what his intentions are or give him an ultimatum to come to his senses and to text you back when he’s ready to.
4. He doesn’t like texting, but he likes you
I know it sounds contradictory. How could he like me but not like texting with me? The truth is, many guys are bad at texting.
They see texting as a way to share simple information, arrange dates, meetings or for emergency texts when you cannot call the person.
I was absolutely freaking out the first time I dated a guy who liked me but wasn’t that into texting.
It was a nightmare to always be the one who had to text first in order to stay in touch.
And when I asked him why this was so, he simply told me that he’s not that into texting which has nothing to do with spending time with me.
So, he liked me and liked spending time with me but couldn’t find a way to get over that texting-phobia thing.
If he tells you this, know that it is 100% true, and you should accept it as it is.
If you try to force him to change, he will feel pressured to be something he’s not. Just leave him be, and with time it will get better. I promise you.
Besides, it’s not on you to chase him. Once he starts missing you, he will come back. Don’t text him and he will text you!
5. He’s too busy to think of texting you first
Perhaps your guy is a hard worker, and the only thing he can think of is his work and the things he has to do during the day.
These guys don’t have time for texting, but if they really like you, they will always make sure to find some time to text you back.
They don’t ‘ignore’ you because they want to. It’s due to the nature of their job, schedule, and meetings.
That is why he will always text you back because he appreciates your efforts to text him first, but he regrets hurting you because he’s not as good at multitasking as you are.
If a guy is doing one thing, he will not be able to think about anything else until he accomplishes the thing he’s just started. If he’s deep into his job, chances are he will erase the possibility of texting you first, but will never hesitate to text you back when he’s finally ‘relieved of duty’.
6. He’s playing hard to get
Yup. Some guys use this tactic only because they are trying to play hard to get with you.
He wants to feel desired by you and to make you work hard to win him, and that is why he’s deliberately avoiding texting you first. But, he will never fail at responding.
He will always make sure he responds so that he can give you a little bit of himself so that you can come back for more. Creepy, I know.
But that’s just how some men function. They want you to do all the work while he’s laying back, waiting to enjoy the fruits of your hard work.
The truth is, if he’s playing hard to get, it means he’s not that interested in the first place. The only person he’s interested in is himself.
By doing this, he’s trying to appease his egocentric self and make you feel less important or valuable. Always be careful with men like this.
7. He doesn’t text you first because he knows you’re going to text him first
Some guys are just lazy when it comes to texting. They don’t play hard to get, and they have time to text you first, but they simply refuse to do it because they know you will be the one who will text first.
And they stick to it. They stick to this selfishly lazy regimen, and they let you do all the work.
He might like you, he might be head over heels in love with you, but he will never text you first because he doesn’t even think of doing it.
He’s too preoccupied with waiting for you to text him first, and he thinks this is the right thing to do.
He knows that whatever he does, you will always reach him first, and that is why he feels comfortable with the fact that he’s not doing anything.
Try ignoring him for some time, and I’m sure he will realize that there’s something wrong with his behavior. Don’t text him and he will text you first – I guarantee it.
After all, it takes two to tango and not just one.
8. He is afraid of commitment
If he never texts you first but gladly replies to your texts, he might just be afraid to commit.
When a guy is afraid of commitment, he will act confusingly, and he will subtly annoy you with things like not texting you first.
There are many reasons why a guy would be afraid to commit. It might be because he is overwhelmed by your emotions, he doesn’t want to lose his freedom or he feels like you’re too into his personal space.
Now you probably think: If this is the reason, then why would he even bother replying to my texts?
It is because he is fighting his feelings for you. The other part of his brain is telling him that he should text you back to see where it’s all going.
The best thing to do is to let him think and weigh all the pros and cons of his decision to participate in your life or not.
Commitment issues are really draining, and you feel like whatever you do is simply not enough. It is hard to force him through texts to commit to you and start texting you first.
He will do it only when he is ready, and that is why you should leave him be for the time being.
9. He’s afraid he’s not good at texting
Not all guys are confident and straightforward when it comes to texting.
Some guys have serious issues with this to the extent of being anxious to text you first.
That is why they choose the safest option of all and that is to let you text them first. Then, they will simply reply and hope for the best.
In their mind, it is easier and safer to follow your intentions and topics regarding conversation than to overthink about you becoming upset if they text you about something you’re not interested in.
You will recognize this type of guy if his replies to you are really short or he only uses emojis, and if his personality is telling you that he might be the type of the guy who is a dry texter, especially if he really likes you – the pressure will be even higher.
You should somehow try to encourage him to be more open to you, and once he starts feeling like he can tell you anything or ask for advice, he will become more casual about it.
10. He wants to play casual
Unlike playing hard to get, playing it casual is another type of ‘game’. Playing casual means he doesn’t want to feel obliged to text you first or to text you when you expect him to.
He wants you to stay casual and not to count how many times he has texted you first or how many times you texted him first.
Obviously, he’s not into any kind of relationship, but this doesn’t mean that he’s not into you.
He might be into you, but he also might want to play it casual with you.
Maybe he’s been in a few relationships before you, and now he wants to chill for some time until he gets bored of it.
He will always text you back because apparently, he wants to stay in touch with you but also wants you to know that he’s not ready for anything big.
He just wants to have a good time with you, and if this grows into something bigger, he might as well change his mind about staying casual and start texting you first instead of waiting for you to do it.
But, don’t you ever do it! Don’t text him and he will text you because he loves the chase!
11. He’s not interested in you
The reason some guys text you even if they’re not interested in you is that they’re too polite.
This one is really annoying because why would he waste your time replying to your texts when he’s not interested in the first place?
Additional clues are if he is replying with ‘yes or no’ or he’s constantly making excuses when you propose a second date night, movie night or something similar.
It is a clear sign that he is not interested in you but will keep responding because he thinks it’s the right thing to do.
Obviously, he is not straightforward or he is just afraid of disappointing you.
Whatever the reason be, it is really unfair when someone is giving you false hope.
Again, you can try to quit texting for a while to see if something’s going to change.
If not, then you know what time it is. It’s time to leave him alone and text someone else who will be more than happy to reply to your texts and even text you first.
12. He is an introvert
If your guy is an introvert, chances are he’s unable to text you first because his introvert nature is not letting him.
Unlike extroverts, introverts have a hard time opening up to someone and taking the initiative.
That is why they choose to remain dormant until someone knocks on their door/texts them first.
It is really hard to blame an introvert for this because it is not their fault.
They live in this world with fear of being judged for everything they do. And the more they are into you, the more anxious they become.
So, they decide to wait for you to text them first instead of texting you first because they get too anxious about it.
They get too anxious even when they have to reply to your text because they are afraid they are going to mess it up. And they don’t want to mess it up.
They want you to understand that they have issues with opening up to you, and if they respond with some weird texts, it is because they’ve been contemplating too much about how to properly respond.
In order to decipher the real reason he never texts you first (but always responds when you text him), you should also pay attention to his personality traits, intentions, his past, body language, etc.
These may seem trivial, unnecessary details, but believe me, they will help you see the bigger picture behind the concept of not texting first.
13. He’s just playing with you
Does he send you ‘good morning‘ and ‘goodnight‘ texts only to suddenly ghost you for the next couple of days? Would you even be having text conversations if it weren’t for your strenuous efforts?
If you are the only one keeping these conversations alive, then it’s not because he has bad texting habits.
He might be the type of man who is a good texter only when he needs an ego boost or sexting.
If a man isn’t consistent in his efforts, then he’s probably there because you make him feel good, not because he actually loves you.
Yes, don’t text him and he will text you – but what’s the point?
See this as the big deal that it is and move on. Don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t appreciate you for who you really are.
14. He doesn’t want to hurt your feelings
Not all men are players. Not all men are going to text you just so they can have fun. Some actually see you as a human being with feelings they don’t want to hurt.
He wants you to see straight away that he’s not interested in you because he doesn’t want to string you along. He knows that even if he is just polite, you will get your hopes up unnecessarily. So, he simply doesn’t reach out to you at all.
15. He is still in love with his ex
Some men are perfectly aware of it, and others only feel it subconsciously, but the truth is that many men can’t commit to someone new because they can’t stop thinking about their ex.
Does he still shudder at the mention of her name? Does he still keep her gifts? Does he still have her photos on his profile?
If so, then that might be your cue. Try to let him go because you deserve someone who has no one but you on his mind.
16. He doesn’t think you feel the same
This is a classic because men really ARE clueless when it comes to figuring out whether you like them or not.
You could be giving him the most obvious hints, but alas, he just won’t see them for what they are.
So, if you notice that he’s into you but, somehow, can’t seem to make a move, he probably thinks you won’t reciprocate. What can you do?
Well, the best course of action would be telling him how you feel about him directly. However, if that scares you, you can just describe your perfect man in front of him. Talk constantly about his good traits and how you would love to have someone like that for a partner.
Once he sees that he is what you’re looking for, you will have helped him make the first move, and eventually, he’ll ask you out on a first date.
17. He is actually very shy
Yes, shy men do exist. It doesn’t matter if he has a tendency to talk a lot in front of you. That could just be nervous blabbering. He could still be shy when it comes to facing his feelings for you.
Does he have a hard time maintaining eye contact? Do his best friends tease him whenever you’re around? Do you sense that he’s uncomfortable every time he speaks to you face-to-face?
If so, he likes you.
Try to make it easier for him. Don’t give him one-word answers, but rather be truly interested in whatever he has to say. Show him how much you care about him, and you will see how he will relax in no time.
18. He was disappointed in the past
A man’s behavior can tell you a lot about his past. If you see that he’s having a hard time committing to you or saying ”I love you,” then that means that he was really hurt by a woman in his past. He shouldn’t be judged for it.
If you notice that he still has feelings for her, that’s a different matter and a major red flag. But, if he’s merely hesitant to open up to you because he believes each relationship is doomed, be the one to convince him otherwise.
Show him in the best way you can how you are not here to play games but to genuinely love him and form a loving relationship with him.
Choose your words carefully and strategically (for a good purpose) but also let your behavior speak for you. You will encourage him to finally send that first text!
19. He is too insecure to make a move
When he thinks about his own looks and personality, he keeps finding flaws and reasons for you not to be with him. If a man is this insecure, I am sure you can understand why he hasn’t texted you yet.
So, if you’re really interested in a relationship with him, show him how worthy he is of you. Show him that he’s just your type and that all his flaws are utterly adorable.
Trust me, that text message will then appear on your phone sooner than you think!
20. He doesn’t want to be seen as desperate
He seemed so interested the last time you saw him, and now it’s as if you don’t exist. He can’t devote any of his free time to sending even one text.
This is because he doesn’t want to appear overly eager to impress you as he thinks that it will drive you away.
Men have really fragile egos, and the thought of you rejecting him after he put in a lot of effort is unacceptable to him.
What you should do is just show him how much you appreciate every little thing he does. Show him that none of his efforts go unnoticed.
He will start acting differently after this encouragement, that’s for sure.
Don’t Text Him And He Will Text You…
Yes, show him how much you like him to encourage him to make a move, but never be the only one who tries. Don’t text him and he will text you first.
The best dating advice anyone could ever give you is to never make an effort for a man who doesn’t do the same for you.
A man who truly loves you will double text you and make sure that you never question his feelings for you.