Having to look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself: “My husband hates me” is one of the things every woman dreads the most.
But sadly, there are women who’ve been through the hell of this realization. And they will all tell you one thing: it’s one of the most painful things you can experience.
But how do you know if he’s really stopped loving you, or if this is just a phase you’re going through? What if this is temporary and can easily be solved? Or even worse, what if it isn’t?
Well, first look for signs that can tell you that his love has turned into something different. You can’t solve a problem until you’re 100% sure that you have it in the first place.
If you conclude that this is the case in your marriage, below you’ll find necessary tips that’ll help you save your marriage!
What Are The Signs My Husband Hates Me?
What are the signs your husband hates you? Well, even though every person in this world processes and displays their emotions in a unique way, there are some common behavioral patterns men display when they fall out of love with you.
I know because I’ve been through a similar situation. Here are the red flags that made me admit to myself that my husband hates me.
Lack of communication
Lack of communication doesn’t necessarily mean that the love is gone, so what you should do is listen to what your gut is telling you.
If you feel tense while he’s around and yet you’re not talking, you’re not yelling or fighting, that could mean that something’s up.
When we’re connected to someone, we can sense their emotions and that affects us.
So, if there’s tension and negative feelings, but no communication, your gut might be right.
The biggest issue here is that your husband literally refuses to talk to you. Yes, your marriage is a two-way street. It means you should both carry a part of the responsibility for the state of it.
Nevertheless, if we’re honest, your husband feels like he doesn’t have anything to tell you. Even if you try talking to him, he hits you with the silent treatment.
When you two have an issue that needs to be resolved, he refuses to work on it. You no longer share your little inside jokes and you don’t talk about how you’ve spent your day.
No deep conversations
If someone else saw you, they would never notice something is wrong. You two have empty, meaningless conversations but the deep connection you once shared is long gone.
People often mistakenly assume that the couples who don’t raise their voices or argue are the happiest. Well, let me tell you that in some cases, this can’t be further from the truth.
Sometimes, you despise the other person to the point where you think they don’t deserve even an insult coming from you. So you just stop talking to them.
I hate to break it to you but this is probably what’s going through your husband’s head. And that’s a sign he hates you.
You fight all the time
All couples fight and whoever tells you otherwise is lying. To be honest, there are arguments in every relationship- sometimes you have a dispute with your parents, best friends, siblings, family, or coworkers.
This is a part of human nature. We get upset about something, there are times when we yell and it all turns into a big fight.
But it’s different when it comes to your marriage. If you’re honest, you’ll admit that you and your husband fight all the time. Actually, you can’t think of the last day you guys didn’t have the smallest fight.
You can’t even have a normal conversation without one of you snapping and starting a fight.
If it’s him in most cases and if he blames you for his problems or for every little thing that happens, that’s a sign he’s comfortable with making you feel bad.
This is also one of the traits of a narcissist, but if he wasn’t like this from the first time you met him, then he probably doesn’t belong to this toxic crew.
So, unless he’s ready to sit down and address the problem (instead of being a full-time asshole), this could be something that’s going to affect you really badly if you decide to stay.
Lacking reasons to fight
The worst part of this is that most of the time, you don’t really have a valid reason to fight. You get in the middle of this huge argument but in the end, you can’t even remember how it started.
This is a sign of tension between you two- and not the good kind.
It’s one thing if you have a certain issue that you can’t seem to overcome. Yes, it’s a serious marital problem but sooner or later, you’ll find the solution.
Nevertheless, it’s worse when you fight about nothing. This is hard to accept but the fact is that your husband can’t stand you.
He is constantly frustrated by your marriage and all he does is pick fights to get rid of his negative energy. Don’t worry- this doesn’t have to mean that he is a toxic person.
I’m sure he isn’t doing this on purpose. He is not even aware that he’s always in the mood for fighting.
He hardly puts any effort into the marriage anymore
When you watch a romantic movie, it always ends with a couple standing in front of an aisle. They overcame each one of their obstacles and are off to their happy marriage.
The battle doesn’t end at the aisle
Bullshit! What happens next? It’s like everything is done the moment you tie the knot. You’ve reached your goal and now, all you have to do is enjoy the fruits of your hard work.
Well, I hate to be the one to break everyone’s bubble, but the real struggle starts after you say your vows. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that getting married equals going to hell.
But I won’t tell you that it’s easy either. Your job is not done here – it’s only starting.
And that’s the problem with most people, especially men. They simply don’t understand this.
A guy will move mountains for you when he’s hitting on you and when you’re at the beginning of your relationship. But when he goes down on his knees and you accept his proposal, he thinks it’s okay to stop trying and ignore every marriage advice.
That’s exactly how your husband behaves. Step by step, he stopped putting effort into your marriage and started taking you for granted.
You can’t remember the last time he did something nice for you, not even the dishes after dinner.
If he used to remember every important date, like your anniversary and birthday, and now he straight-up ignores them to the point where you feel heartbroken, that’s a sign he’s full of hate.
Why is he like this?
It doesn’t necessarily have to be hate toward you, it could be hate toward himself or the idea of your marriage because he feels like he would’ve had more success had he stayed single.
Maybe he’s gotten tired of playing adults and would trade everything he has to go back to his bachelor life.
This could’ve been caused by setbacks in his career or something bad that happened to him. But he’s not ready to admit the real cause of the issue and that’s why he has a hard time stopping acting like he doesn’t care about you or your marriage.
At the end of the day, he might be depressed as well. Maybe he doesn’t have the strength to get out of bed every morning, let alone throw you a birthday surprise.
Instead of jumping to conclusions, the best thing is to ask for professional help before things get any worse.
He takes you for granted
He thinks that you’ll be there no matter what he does, no matter how badly he treats you, and for some reason, it irritates the crap out of him.
No matter how ugly he behaves, you still love him, and he hates you for it.
He hates you because you’re taking the high road, you’re still fighting for the man he once was, and it’s making him feel bad.
He’s not mature enough to leave, he’s not strong enough to fight, so he drowns himself in hate toward you.
I know it’s so hard and heartbreaking to hear all of this, but the sooner you open your eyes and see the real truth, the sooner you’ll find a safe place to rebuild your marriage.
Why is he taking you for granted?
Sadly, your husband taking you for granted is nothing uncommon. Actually, it’s one of the most common marital problems couples who have been together for a long time experience.
In this case, we’re not talking about actual hatred. To be exact, it’s indifference.
It doesn’t mean that he stopped loving you. It’s just that the butterflies in his tummy flew away and he forgot how it felt to be in love with you.
He’s gotten used to your presence in his life and started seeing you as a roommate or an old friend. Besides, don’t forget that men are born hunters.
You no longer present a challenge for him. He’s certain that he’s won you over for life so he lost interest.
See also: 7 Red Flag Signs He Is Taking You For Granted
You can’t remember the last time you made love
Physical intimacy is crucial for every romantic relationship to survive. Of course, if you want a healthy relationship, it can’t be the only thing connecting you.
But whoever tells you that sex is not important is lying.
When everything is great in the bedroom, you don’t really pay attention to how significant it actually is. You take it for granted and assume that this is how things work out in all marriages.
On the other hand, you’ll definitely notice a lack of intimacy or if things aren’t working out the way you expect them to.
And that is exactly what’s going on with you and your husband. You literally stopped having sex.
This is not just a phase or a rough patch you’re currently going through. Your intimacy issues have become more of a lifestyle.
This is usually the number one sign that the love is gone. When a man loses interest in having sex, you know that something’s really wrong.
Intimacy is more than making love
But it’s not only about making love. It’s usually combined with complete avoidance of physical intimacy (no kisses, hugs, or cuddling sessions).
It’s not all about physical pleasure- intimacy is important because it brings you two closer to each other. It strengthens your bond and it’s something that makes you lovers and not just best friends.
So, the problem is not just the fact that you don’t turn your husband on anymore. I know that this realization alone destroys your self-esteem but trust me, it has nothing to do with your looks.
This is something deeper. He doesn’t have the need to be physically close to you, to hold you in his arms, and to become one with you just for a moment.
Why does he avoid intimacy?
If you want to save your marriage, you’ll have to figure out what’s going on before actually doing something about it. You’ll have to get to the bottom of this guy’s reasons so you two can work it out together.
I know that the first thing that goes through your mind is that you’re no longer attractive. Or that he can’t stand looking at you, let alone touching you.
Even though the latter could be true, let’s not jump to any conclusions, and let’s not sentence a man without giving him the benefit of reasonable doubt.
Now, there are several reasons for couples not having sex – he may have lost his job or fallen sick – but if everything is fine with him, then you know it’s not that he’s incapable of making love. The bottom line is that he’s just not interested.
He gets irritated when you talk
The first time I thought to myself: “My husband hates me” was when I caught him rolling his eyes on me while I was talking. Just to be clear, we weren’t arguing at that moment, I wasn’t complaining about anything nor was I criticizing him.
He literally heard my voice and he rolled his eyes. You could see it in his face that he was annoyed by me.
It’s not something he did on purpose. It was just a natural reaction coming from inside of him- which made the situation even more heartbreaking.
If this is something you can relate to, you know how I felt at that point. On one hand, you can’t blame someone for being annoyed by you. You can’t get angry at him since this is not something he does- it’s the way he feels.
On the other hand, you can’t walk on eggshells around him for the rest of your life, just so you don’t do something that might potentially bother him.
It sucks, I know. If you don’t work on this problem, it only becomes worse.
After a while, he becomes so irritated by your presence that he has the need to confront you even when you say that the sky is blue.
Whatever you say, it’s stupid to him. He’s lost his respect for you, so if you’re telling him about your day at work, he makes comments about how your job is pointless anyway.
Every wife hates to hear this because it’s really painful and disrespectful at the same time. This is exactly what makes every wife think: “My husband hates me.”
And if you’re trying to tell him how you feel, he straight-up tells you that you’re exaggerating or you’re crazy.
You feel like he hates you for just breathing around him, and well, there’s the possibility that he might. Don’t let him belittle you, try to show him that he’s hurting you. Most importantly, stand up for yourself!
You suspect he’s cheating
If he’s suddenly so mysterious about his life when he used to share everything with you and if he’s suddenly overly active on social media, that’s a sign he’s losing interest in you.
If he’s carrying his phone around with him all the time, even when he’s taking out the trash, if he’s laughing at something he saw on his phone, but acts offended and irritated if you ask him about it, that could be a sign he’s cheating on you with his ex-girlfriend or someone new.
If he snaps at you for asking questions about his privacy and his emotions, he doesn’t want to be around you anymore.
He doesn’t want to share his life with you the way he used to because he no longer sees you as his best friend, lover, and partner in crime.
Why cheaters hate on their partners?
The funny thing about cheaters is that they rarely blame themselves for their misdeeds. On the contrary, they have a habit of trying to put all the responsibility for their actions on the partner they cheated on.
Makes no sense, I know. But that’s exactly what’s happening to you if your SO hates you but at the same time, you suspect that he’s being unfaithful.
It’s just his defense mechanism. It’s easier for him to hate you than to look at himself in the mirror and cope with what he’s doing.
Deep down, he knows he’s wrong but he keeps on doing it. So he has to find an excuse for his nasty behavior.
Don’t think that I’m justifying him in any way- I’m just trying to explain to you why he hates you. Trust me- none of it is your fault.
What Are The Signs Of A Failing Marriage?
If you’re wondering whether your spouse hates you, it’s likely that your marriage is breaking apart. Some of the red flags of a failing marriage are constant fighting (without an actual reason), absence of intimacy, trust issues, physical or emotional abuse, lack of understanding, and lack of respect.
If this is something you can relate to, let me tell you that it’s a final moment to do something about your marriage. Don’t get me wrong- I’m not saying that you necessarily must save it.
But the fact is that you’ve reached a crossroads. You’ll either get a divorce and move forward with your life or do your best to build a happy marriage.
Either way, the fact is that you can’t keep up with this situation for too long.
Saving your marriage
What’s important to know is that you’re not alone. There’s a really thin line between love and hate.
So, while there’s hate (or you believe there is), there’s still a chance for love to be reborn.
Once he stops caring about you and once you see that he’s done fighting, there’s no going back.
But as long as he fights, as long as he sticks around and shows any kind of emotion, there’s still hope because it takes two to make a marriage work!
Saving a marriage is not an easy thing. Sometimes, forgiving seems like the hardest part.
I’ve been in the same situation and I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about giving up, but now I’m glad I didn’t because I learned that everything is SOLVABLE only if your desire is strong enough.
Now, let me reconstruct the above sentence into this: Saving a marriage is not an easy thing – but in the end, it’s totally worth it!
I know it’s hard to forget that someone who’s supposed to make you feel safe is the one who hurts you the most. I know it’s hard to forgive him for breaking your heart. But, trust me, the hardest part is leaving when you want to stay.
The hardest part is saying goodbye when you want to say “I love you.” So, fight for your marriage, fight for your love! There’s only one like it, and that one belongs to you.
See also: 5 Effective Ways To Put The Old Spark Back Into Your Marriage
Why Do I Feel Like My Husband Hates Me?
I hate to break it to you but if you tell yourself: “My SO doesn’t love me anymore“- he probably doesn’t. Yes, there is a possibility that you’re imagining things just because he hasn’t been treating you the way you’re used to lately but usually, your gut is telling you the truth.
But let’s be clear that hate might be too harsh of a word. He might be bothered by something you did or maybe he isn’t as in love as he used to be.
Either way, I’m begging you not to jump to conclusions. Give it some time, observe your husband’s behavior and try to make the most realistic judgment possible before you act on everything going on.
Why Does Your SO Hate You?
The moment you realize that your marriage partner really does hate you, the first question that goes through your mind is: WHY? What happened to make him feel this way?
This man loved you to the moon and back. And now, suddenly, you see he literally detests you and that is why you feel like he no longer loves you.
The truth is that he’s probably been displaying signs of hatred for a while now but you just failed to notice them or you’ve noticed there was something wrong but couldn’t put a finger on it. Well, there could be numerous reasons for his change in behavior.
It’s not just the lack of love that’s the problem, it’s pain, frustration, and everything else.
His inability to deal with struggles can lead to him bottling up his feelings, which can manifest as anger and hate.
Or your relationship might not be going well. If you’re having problems, that could just be his way of dealing with them, like pulling away, using the silent treatment, or acting in a way that makes you believe he hates you.
What To Do If Husband Hates You?
If your husband despises you, first you have to figure out whether your marriage is worth saving or not. If you think there is no point in fighting for it- just leave and find a way to heal the best way possible.
On the other hand, if you think your relationship is worthy, start with talking to him honestly. Do your best to understand what’s the problem and how to solve it with joint forces.
You recognized some of the signs and now you wonder if there’s any hope. There is.
He wouldn’t have stuck around for this long if he didn’t love you in some capacity. Now you must be wondering why he’s not showing it.
Most men don’t articulate and express their feelings well, unlike women.
You want your marriage to succeed. You’re still not ready to give up, but you’re wondering how to make your husband love you again.
Don’t worry, any couple can find love again if both partners are willing to work at it.
Take things slow and if you don’t work it out together, there’s no shame in seeking professional advice or marriage counseling.
I’m sure there are plenty of qualified and dedicated marriage counselors out there waiting for you to simply ask for their help.
But before doing that, make sure to check the following tips that’ll help you see things more clearly and save your marriage:
Honesty
Honesty is the first step toward regaining love and that’s why it is important for both of you to be honest with each other.
So, instead of only thinking about that one sentence “My husband hates me,” sit down and tell him how you really feel right now and be prepared to accept his reply, even if it hurts to hear it.
This is not the time to play mind games. This is not the moment to be passive-aggressive and to wait for him to magically change.
Trust me- this kind of behavior could cost you your marriage. Instead, get the courage and tell him that you’ve noticed his change of heart. After all, you have nothing to lose, do you?
Not everything is black and white and you could both be to blame for your marriage falling apart.
And try to open up more often – don’t ignore your feelings, don’t ignore the pain; it’ll only pile up until one of you snaps again.
Communication
Most couples come home from work, turn on the TV, do house chores, deal with the kids, and never talk to each other.
They go to bed exhausted and separated, drained from the difficulty of everyday tasks, but without sharing the load with someone. Healthy communication is the next step to take.
Try to make a deal that you’ll talk to each other every day for a certain amount of time and that you’ll stick to that decision.
There’s no way you can know how he feels if he doesn’t tell you. And there’s no way he’ll know what you need from him unless you make him aware of it. Communication is key, so treat it that way.
You’d be surprised to find out that even just a bit of talking goes a long way.
You’ll feel closer to each other and you’ll find a way to enjoy each other’s company like you used to.
Of course, the first topic on the list is your husband’s resentment. I know you’re heartbroken and can’t get yourself to listen about how he stopped loving you.
Nevertheless, this is a must. You two must find the root of your problems and the only way to do it is through honest communication.
Become friends
If there is no more passion between you two, why wouldn’t you try being friends? That’s just for a start, of course, until you awaken the spark.
Remember that you are not just lovers– you’re partners in crime. And that includes friendship, as well.
A good trick is to talk to each other in the third person. Pretend that your husband is your friend who is complaining about his wife- who is not you.
What would you tell him? What advice would you give him? How would you observe this entire situation, if you weren’t the lead role?
This might sound absurd at first, but if you come to think of it- it certainly does give you a broader perspective on things. Of course, you can play this game both ways.
Related: Dominant Husband: 10 Ways To Be The Alpha In Your Marriage
Meet each other’s needs
Remember when you first started dating and you wanted to do anything just to make the other one happy? What happened to that?
Your obligations, kids, work, and stress took away your will and time for that? You no longer know what his needs are? Or did you start taking each other for granted?
Well, it’s about time to change that. It’s time to win each other over again.
Try to find time to take care of each other. You really need a massage after a long day?
Offer him one too, if he’s up for it. Does he need help with a work presentation? Give him some of your focused attention. Trust me- it’s all about the little things that make the biggest difference.
Don’t make excuses – if you do, he won’t turn to you next time. Show each other that you still matter, that your feelings and needs matter, but make sure it’s not a one-sided relationship. Work together.
Try something new – together
When was the last time you went out on a date night (a week ago, a month ago, or last year)?
When was the last time you followed your passions together? Remember how you used to dream about visiting the Grand Canyon and watching the sunrise together?
How you were excited about holidays, weekend trips, and new places to visit? How you wanted to learn new stuff together?
Take a cooking class together, take a break from the kids, play video games.
Prepare for a date separately and meet in a bar, as you used to when you first met.
Remember all the dreams you shared with each other and try to make them happen.
Go bungee jumping, take an art class, take a brand-new Porsche for a test drive.
Do anything that will bring you excitement and inspire you to say the following sentence: “Last night was great! We had such a great time together!” There are no limits, as long as you’re together.
Just for a day, try putting your problems aside and do your best just to make the best out of this time, without any burdens. I know that you can’t snap your fingers and put all the pain away.
But here’s a piece of advice: in the beginning, pretend that you’re happy. Force yourself to laugh and to enjoy every moment.
Trust me- after a while, it will become a reality and there won’t be any need for pretenses anymore. A day like this will serve you to recharge your batteries before you go back to fighting with your demons.
See also: Doing These 5 Things Will Make Your Partner Fall More Deeply In Love With You
Work on yourself
While you’re trying to save your marriage and work things out, don’t forget to save yourself too. Don’t lose yourself along the way while you’re trying to find love.
Yes, your marriage is important- I get that. But the relationship you have with yourself is even more significant. At the end of the day, you’re always stuck with yourself.
Don’t let this struggle eat you alive. Don’t forget to have some “you-time”, just to take a break from all of this mess.
Treat yourself to a spa weekend, hit the gym, and try to eat healthily instead of getting takeout.
Of course, you can also relax together.
I know it’s easier to order food than cook it, but you can literally make a healthy meal in under 30 minutes – something the whole family can do, plus you get to spend quality family time together at the same time.
Make doing the dishes fun, or dance around the kitchen while you’re cooking (remember that dancing improves our mental health and boosts our mood.)
Make the best out of your day and show your husband that you still have that spark inside you, that you’re still that amazing woman he once fell in love with.
Show him that you’re even better than you used to be, but to do that, you have to fall in love with yourself first.
Try to understand
This one goes both ways. Understand that what you’re going through is not something uncommon and is certainly not something fatal for your marriage.
You can still work it out, you can still fall in love with each other again, but first, you need to understand each other, because marriage doesn’t work any other way. Stop looking at things from your perspective only.
Remember that truth is never universal- everyone has their own version. The key is to understand each other’s version and to take a walk in one another’s shoes.
So, if he’s having trouble at work, show him that you believe in him, that you have no doubts about his skills and ability to solve a crisis. Understand that he deals with problems differently than you do.
Women are proven to handle multitasking better than men, and we take care of business, the house, the kids, AND still manage to make our husband happy. But men are not as good at handling more than one task at a time.
So keep in mind that if his best might not seem enough to you, that’s not a sign that he hates you. Show appreciation and support and he’ll show them back to you as well.
Fight for your marriage
I’ll be honest with you: you won’t achieve anything if you’re the only one doing all the work. The willingness to save your relationship has to come from both of you.
Remember that you’re a team. Truth be told, you both screwed up your marriage and now it’s time to join forces in bringing it up from the ashes.
Work together, fight together. Agree that you will do it together, that you CAN do it.
Make a list of reasons why you want to save your marriage and why you fell in love in the first place.
Make a list of things that you once loved and cherished about each other.
It’ll help you to see that it really is worth it. It’ll help you to understand how much you’ve changed over the years and that your love has also changed.
You matured differently, and so did your love. Now it’s time to work on it once more, to truly show you care about each other.
Couples Counseling
There are times when people can’t seem to cope with their problems on their own. And there is no shame in that at all.
If you and your husband gave your best to save your marriage but have reached a dead end- it’s time to start with couples therapy.
A couples therapist will help you get to the source of your problem before fixing it. After that, they’ll give you strict directions on how to rebuild your relationship.
But let me tell you that they’re not magicians. Couples counseling can’t help you unless you’re both determined to help yourselves.
My Husband Hates Me But Won’t Leave- What Should I Do?
First and foremost, you have to be aware that people say all sorts of things when they’re angry. Therefore, you have to figure out if your SO really can’t stand you or he just said that because he wanted to hurt you in the midst of an argument.
Either way, you should observe his actions more than his words. The crucial thing here is that he doesn’t think of abandoning you, no matter how much he allegedly hates you.
The fact is that he hasn’t left, has he? To be exact, he’s not even making any preparations for doing so.
It’s not like you caught him looking for a place to live or saw him packing his bags. The most radical move this man ever did was threatening to leave.
And by now, you should be aware that these are nothing but empty threats he is unlikely to fulfill.
But that doesn’t mean that you should just sit back and do nothing. This is still an issue you have to work on before things explode or go any further.
Final Thoughts
When we decide to spend our life with someone, we don’t expect it to fall apart. We don’t expect that the person who promised to love us till death do us part will stop caring.
We don’t expect to all of a sudden be occupied with that one sentence: “My husband hates me.”
But sadly, these things happen. What I want you to know is that even if he stopped loving you and even if you don’t succeed in saving your marriage- it’s not the end of the world.
Instead, why wouldn’t it be your own, personal, new beginning?
