Do I still love him or am I just staying with him for practical reasons and convenience?
That is a question I have asked myself quite a few times in life and not once was it easy for me to face the facts.
Breakups are just the worst, and I have to say, there have been times where I deluded myself into thinking it was a smart idea to stay in a doomed relationship just so I wouldn’t have to go through all that inevitable heartbreak.
I mean, who in this world wouldn’t do everything in their power to try and salvage a relationship that you feel has potential to go the distance?
Nothing is perfect, no relationship is without its glitches and faults, so why wouldn’t you work on saving it instead of just giving up at the first sign of trouble and deciding you no longer love him?
Unfortunately for me, it always turned out, my gut feeling was right.
It somehow always signaled to me that I should call it quits, but my stubborn ass ignored it, hoping it was somehow wrong.
If you are going through this impossible dilemma right now and you are constantly asking yourself, “Do I still love him or am I just prolonging the inevitable?” just listen to what your gut feeling is telling you.
Your heart is always going to want to stay and work out your issues.
After all, there is so much love, history, and good times between you two that it would be foolish to just leave off the bat!
But there are times where you just know.
Deep down, you have your answer.
You’ve just buried it so deep, hoping it wouldn’t resurface and you could keep living your fantasy, avoiding the harsh reality that has come upon you.
Nobody can blame you. We all want our happily-ever-after and we would all do whatever it takes to find it and keep it.
But sometimes what you don’t realize is that what you are actually doing is sacrificing your happiness and your joy.
You are denying yourself your right to be genuinely happy by staying in a relationship in which you are not fulfilled.
Don’t settle for mediocre love. Don’t settle for broken communication and half the effort on his part.
Don’t stay where you don’t feel like your authentic self and where your spirit is crushed.
You owe it to yourself to find that someone who makes you all giddy from the inside out.
And if your current partner is not doing that, you’re with the wrong person, and that’s okay!
You are still a good person if where you currently are isn’t where you want to stay forever.
You are the only one who knows what sparks joy in you.
If your gut is telling you that you’re not where you’re meant to be, listen to it! It’s almost always right.
If you’re wondering whether you still love him or if you should finally let him loose, here are 5 signs that point out it’s time for you to move on to better things:
1. Your fights have become too frequent and too intense
Every couple fights. Arguments are a normal occurrence in healthy long-term relationship because they are a way to get your partner to see things from your point of view and to get them to understand where you’re coming from.
It is not a way to make the other partner feel bad about themselves or kick them while they’re down. You’re going to fight. That’s a fact.
But what matters is that you do it with some ground rules that ensure that you’re actually trying to make things better without worsening the situation or diminishing your partner’s feelings.
Firstly, make sure that the direction of your argument is towards a joint solution with minimal damage to your relationship.
No low blows. No dredging up old (resolved) arguments just to prove your point. Focus on the problem at hand and nothing else.
Secondly, try to see things from your partner’s perspective.
Try to understand what he’s trying to tell you and always keep in mind that he is not trying to hurt you.
He is merely trying to make you see things a little differently.
Arguments are not an excuse to be abusive in any way. They are not an excuse to make your partner feel like shit and violate their trust.
If this is what your relationship has come to, it’s time to take a break.
2. There is zero effort on his part to make it work
You can love him all you want, but when you’re the only one actively putting in effort and working on your relationship while he’s just sliding along, it’s time to rethink this whole thing.
When you realize that he doesn’t even ask how you are anymore nor does he try to do the little things that would go a long way, now that is a sign of a broken relationship.
You can still love him, but when he can’t be bothered to equally participate in the partnership you’re both in, he’s not worth your time.
Not putting in effort and not even caring to is a clear sign of disrespect.
You can make all the excuses you want for him, but when a man loves you, he’s not just going to sit there while you’re busting your ass trying to fix things.
A man who loves you is not going to let you be the only one invested in your relationship because he knows how painful it is to feel alone when you should rather feel backed up by your man.
And quite frankly, if he isn’t trying, he probably doesn’t even care enough about you anyway.
Take that as your biggest sign to leave, and don’t ever think about settling for this treatment again.
In this situation, even if you do still love him, he’s just not the guy for you. Recognize that, respect yourself enough, and let him go.
3. You don’t say “I love you” anymore
Naturally, you don’t need to say those three words all the time in order for them to be true.
After a while, you both just feel it so intensely, that there’s no need to throw it around as much.
You do still make sure to say it, but there is simply no need to push it. The love is just there and you both know it.
But when you notice that you can’t remember the last time you heard him say “I love you” or vice versa, now that’s a sign that you should start worrying about your relationship and joint future.
If you don’t feel the need to say it to him anymore, start wondering why that is.
Usually, when you stop feeling how you used to feel, you gradually stop saying it without even realizing it.
And if this is the case on both parts, that could be a sign that you’re both falling out of love.
Try saying it to him and pay attention to how it makes you feel. If you have to force it and it doesn’t really feel natural, you may no longer feel it.
When you have to pressure yourself to express your love to your partner, chances are the love is no longer there.
The sooner you admit it to yourself, the better it is going to feel when you let go of what is no longer making you grow.
4. The relationship has become more like a routine
There is nothing better than finding that one person you want to spend every waking moment with and experience everything life has to offer by each other’s side.
Waking up together and facing life’s challenges just seems better when you’re together.
Granted, there are going to be days that won’t feel like such a rush of emotions where you can’t wait to see them, but even on those days you’ll know that it’s all normal and you still love him just as much as you did before.
However, when your relationship feels like it’s in a rut and there is no more excitement to see each other, talk about all the things that have happened to you that day, and you don’t even feel the need to change it, you might have a problem.
When things become boring, there is nothing that makes you happy about going home to him, and you don’t even feel like that’s a problem, your relationship may have just become nothing but a daily routine.
You might even avoid intimacy to the point where snuggling together doesn’t even sound appealing anymore.
You have sex only on certain days, and even then, you need to make yourself do it.
It’s not that he’s pressuring you, more like it’s become a robotic routine that you feel you should do at times, even though the need is no longer there.
Love is not supposed to feel like a routine, so if you feel this has become your reality, it’s time to end it ASAP.
5. When you think about your future, he’s simply not in it
This is the clearest sign of them all.
It is only natural to envision what the future holds for you, and when that happens, if your partner is simply not there, then you probably have a good reason to leave.
If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, it is perfectly normal to think about your joint future and how you plan to level up in your relationship.
But if you don’t feel like he belongs in your life for the long haul, you probably shouldn’t even be asking yourself if you still love him.
You clearly don’t!
The man you love and want to be with for a long time is somebody who would be in the forefront of your future plans!
But if you have to force yourself to place him in your thoughts about the future, things are probably better off if you break up with him.
It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with him, it simply means that your relationship has run its course and it’s time to move on to better things!
Don’t feel bad. Anything that’s not making you happy or fulfilled doesn’t belong in your life.
Better things will come along and when you find the one who’s supposed to be in your life for good, you’ll just know because you’ll never have to wonder about him.