One of the most famous effort in relationships quotes says: “If you put time and effort in a relationship, it will last”.
Therefore, you can’t expect a romantic relationship (or any other for that matter) to magically grow into something worthwhile, no matter how much time you spend in it, if you don’t actually try to make something out of it.
Sadly, in modern dating, most people forgot about this.
They forgot the importance of effort and the impact it has on the perseverance of a romance. So, what does putting effort in really mean?
Different people have different love languages, so it is perfectly natural for all of us to express our emotions, attention, and affection in different ways.
However, there is also a huge difference between having a partner who doesn’t have the same love language as you and and one who doesn’t put enough effort into your relationship.
A huge difference between a man who might not be showing his love for you the way you would want him to and a man who couldn’t care less about you or the future of your relationship.
After all, you don’t ask for too much—you just want someone who puts equal effort in a relationship as you do because those effort in a relationship quotes which say that you can’t be the only one fighting really are true.
You’re not looking for a Prince Charming to pamper you, but you are aware that there exists a minimum of effort which is required for a healthy relationship and a healthy love life.
However, you can’t help but see that your boyfriend isn’t even giving you this minimum, and that his absence of effort is slowly killing your romantic connection.
Well, here are 10 clearest signs that you’re absolutely right and that your relationship is not meant to be.
1. He doesn’t take you out on date nights
One of the first red flags that a man has stopped trying (or that he never tried enough) is the fact that he doesn’t take you on date nights anymore.
Yes, every guy will probably do his best to take you out to a fancy dinner on the first few dates, but this doesn’t mean that he should stop doing this as soon as you become his girlfriend and as soon as he sees that he has you.
After all, you’re not looking for too much—he doesn’t necessarily have to make a spectacle or throw a huge surprise every time you two meet, but it would be nice if he would occasionally make an effort in taking you out.
To be honest, you can’t remember when was the last time that the two of you engaged in any kind of couple’s activity.
You don’t go out in the movies, you don’t take road trips, you don’t spend lazy Sundays in nature…
Instead, lately, you constantly spend time at your or his place—at a nearby coffee shop as the best possible case scenario.
The worst part is that you’re actually trying to initiate some kind of change and transform your situation into a great relationship because you’re definitely not one of those women who expects a man to do all the work while she lays back like a Princess he is supposed to spoil.
However, the problem is that your boyfriend rarely accepts your proposals, and even when he does, he acts like he is doing you a favor by agreeing to go out with you on a proper date.
2. He doesn’t notice the little things
When you fall in love, you notice every single detail about the other person.
You know the name of his first pet, you remember his mother’s birthday, and you don’t fail to notice that he’s wearing a new sweater that looks smoking hot on him.
Well, despite whatever someone might tell you, men are not much different in this aspect.
They also pay attention to the little things about their significant other when they care about her. Nevertheless, this is not something your current partner is doing.
He fails to notice details about you, doesn’t give a damn whether you’ve gotten a new haircut, doesn’t realize when you’re having a bad day, and acts like he doesn’t see you in general.
The truth is that most of the time, he forgets important dates regarding you and your relationship.
Even when he remembers your anniversary or your birthday, he doesn’t put any effort into surprising you or into making this day special.
3. He doesn’t take care of you
Men are born protectors. A real man enjoys keeping everyone he loves safe—especially his wife or girlfriend—and he loves being the rock she can lean on during hard times.
So, if your guy doesn’t take care of you, it is one of the clearest signs that he is not putting effort in the relationship.
This is not someone you can count on and not a person you can call in the middle of the night if you’re going through some problems.
This guy doesn’t give a damn if you have a flat tire or need some repairs around the house.
He doesn’t care whether you’ve gotten home safely, if you’ve eaten or if you had enough sleep.
Yes, you’re not a baby and you don’t need someone to parent you, but it is nice knowing you have a man you can rely on by your side when you’re going through some difficulties or hard times.
4. You’re his second choice
Let’s face it—this man is never putting you first, and he is not giving you the place you should have in his life.
In fact, you constantly feel like you’re his second choice, and that is the last thing a happy relationship should make you feel.
He doesn’t have a problem with cancelling your plans at the last minute nor does he see you two not spending time or seeing each other for more than a week like something alarming.
The truth is that you’re this guy’s safety net—someone he is texting when everyone else is busy, a girl he calls when his friends cancel on him, and the person he comes to when he has nowhere else to go.
He puts everyone and everything in front of you: his friends, his family, his job, his hobbies.
You’re the last one on his priority list, which definitely shouldn’t be the case and which is a red flag indicating that you’re not in a good relationship.
5. He doesn’t want to talk about the future
It is definitely not OK to suffocate your partner with the marriage and kids talk right on the first date because that would just make you look like a desperate lunatic.
However, if you and your boyfriend have been together for a longer period of time and if you really think that you two are meant to be, it is perfectly normal to make some plans for the future.
However, this is not the case with your relationship because your man simply refuses to talk about anything regarding the direction of your relationship—as if he doesn’t see the two of you ending up together.
It is not that he just doesn’t want to make some big future plans, he refuses to talk about your next vacation, as well, let alone get involved in conversations which, for example, include giving his house keys, setting up the engagement date or meeting each other’s parents.
I hate to break it to you, but it is quite obvious that this man only sees you as something temporary, and he doesn’t plan on putting effort in a relationship which is not meant to be, according to his views.
6. He doesn’t work on your arguments
When you meet a guy who avoids all types of fights, you assume that you’ve hit the jackpot and that he is without a doubt healthy relationship material.
However, most relationship coaches actually see this as a red flag of someone’s lack of effort.
Yes, you heard it right. If a man doesn’t work on your arguments, he doesn’t want to work on your relationship either.
Let’s face it—real life relationships aren’t fairytales, and it is impossible to constantly avoid disagreements, especially if you give a damn about the other person.
Don’t get me wrong—I’m not advising you go out there and find yourself a guy who will make a fuss about every little thing or an abusive, toxic man who is picking fights all the time.
Nevertheless, you shouldn’t be with a guy who is so indifferent towards you that even arguing with you is a pain in the ass for him.
This is exactly what is going on with your boyfriend. He is never putting effort in changing some things about your bad relationship, even if it means arguing about something.
Not only that, he doesn’t care about making your fights as productive as possible and doesn’t see it as a way to take your relationship to the next level or as a chance for you two to learn something new as a couple.
Instead, when you have some kind of problem, he has a nasty habit of ignoring it and expecting it to go away.
He tends to give you the silent treatment even when you try to resolve something because working on your issues is clearly the last thing on his mind.
In fact, you feel like he wouldn’t move an inch even if you decide to leave him and as if he couldn’t care less whether the two of you are together or not.
He wouldn’t try to stop you and definitely wouldn’t make an effort in changing some things about his behavior just to keep you around.
7. He doesn’t care how he looks
Most people think that it is not a man’s job to spend time trying to look handsome and attractive to his significant other.
Well, let me tell you that they couldn’t be more wrong because it is both partner’s duties to keep on seducing their loved one, despite the length of their relationship.
Nevertheless, it seems as if your man has become too relaxed when it comes to his appearance.
I’m not saying that he has to wear a tuxedo every time he is about to see you, but he doesn’t care about his personal hygiene, doesn’t give a damn about what he is wearing, and doesn’t have the decency to dress up, even on special occasions.
It is more than obvious that he isn’t ready to put some effort in you finding him attractive.
He doesn’t care if some other guy who pays attention to his looks might catch your eye or whether you’ll fall out of love with him any time soon.
8. He doesn’t try to impress you
Another sign of a man’s lack of effort and a sign that he is taking you for granted is the fact that your boyfriend doesn’t have the urge to impress you.
I’m not saying that he should be lying or pretending to be someone he’s not just so you would fall for him, but when a man loves a woman, he definitely wants her to see him as way better than he actually is.
Remember how this guy did everything in his power to show you his feelings?
Remember how he tried hard to make you think that he is the smartest and the most handsome man in the world?
Well, those times are ancient history now because he clearly doesn’t have the need to grow in your eyes anymore.
At the end of the day, the truth is that he is convinced that you’re not going anywhere, no matter what he does and despite the poor way he is treating you.
He is no longer romantic, you can’t remember when was the last time he told you “I love you”, and basically doesn’t lift a finger to persuade you in staying next to him.
9. He is not interested in your life
One of the best quotes on effort in relationships says that someone’s effort is a reflection of their interest in you. And that can’t be truer.
A good relationship is not perfect, and real life is not a fairytale.
However, if you think that your man texting you to see how your day has been, checking up on you and being interested in your daily activities or spending time with you is a privilege, you’re definitely nowhere near a great relationship.
That is exactly how your partner has been acting lately—as if you should be grateful if he gets involved in your life—because most of the time, he behaves like the things that concern you are none of his business.
He is not trying to be someone you’ll share your troubles with. He is not giving you a hand when you need it, and he is definitely not your shoulder to cry on. Not only that—I can bet that this guy knows nothing about you.
He doesn’t have a clue about your love life history, isn’t interested in the people you spend time with, knows very little about your job, and never puts an effort to get to the bottom of your personality.
He is not familiar with your deepest fears, hopes or aspirations.
He doesn’t know your dream vacation destination, favorite color or your childhood best friend’s name.
And you know why this is so? Because he never put an effort into finding out any of these things.
Besides, if you see things realistically, you’ll notice that he never made you a real part of his life either.
He doesn’t want to introduce you to his closest ones, his social media profiles look like you don’t exist, and he’s never let you in all the way.
10. He is selfish in the bedroom
One of the most important quotes about effort in relationships says the following: “Love is what is left in a relationship after all the selfishness is taken out.”
Therefore, you can’t expect a relationship to work out if one or both of the people in it are only concerned with their own well-being.
Well, one of the first ways to spot a selfish boyfriend is to observe the intimate relationship you have with him and his behavior under the sheets.
Yes, love is much more than the physical touch, but the majority of relationship coaches will tell you that this aspect can also be responsible for a bad relationship.
You see, when a man wants a relationship to work out, he is spending time to get to the bottom of your needs.
He is trying hard to please you in the bedroom as well and doesn’t only think about his personal satisfaction.
However, this is exactly what your partner is not doing. He is not using physical touch to make both of you happy, comfortable, and satisfied, and he is only interested in making himself feel good.
He doesn’t make an effort for you to be as relaxed as possible, and he doesn’t care whether you enjoy your make out sessions and the sex which comes afterwards.
The worst part is that he never takes your emotions into consideration after the sex is over either.
He rarely cuddles with you or tells you “I love you”, despite knowing that these are the words every woman would like to hear after sleeping with the man she deeply cares about.
At the end of the day, it is clear that this man cares only about himself because otherwise, he would try harder to make your intimate relationship better, and he would put his maximum effort into transforming your romance into a happy relationship.