You might think that you’re the only guy in the world who’s never had a girlfriend, but trust me – there are a million men out there who are in the same situation as you.
All of you have one thing in common: you’re trying to find the girl of your dreams, you’re having no success whatsoever, but you can’t seem to figure out why.
Well, we’re here to help. Here are 18 brutally honest reasons why you’ve never had a girlfriend and how you can change that.
1. You’re a shy guy
One of the first reasons why you don’t have any relationship experience might be because of your shy nature. Shyness can be quite cute, even in a man, but the truth is that girls rarely fall for it at first, until they get to know you.
It’s not that you’re just a shy guy when it comes to women: you’re simply like this all the time, which makes it impossible for girls to notice you.
Yes, it’s the 21st century and there is nothing strange about a girl making the first move, but whether we like to admit it or not, it is usually expected that guys will approach women.
Unfortunately, you don’t have the courage to do something like this. So, even when you like a girl, all you can do is dream about her from a safe distance.
Well, let me tell you that women aren’t mind readers, as much as they’d like to be. No girl will know that you’re into her if you don’t make a move.
The truth is that girls who approach guys are rare. In most cases, they wait for you to do something about it and you’re doing absolutely nothing.
I get it: shyness is a part of your personality. Nobody is telling you to change the essence of who you are just to become more likeable to the opposite sex.
However, if not having a girlfriend is bothering you (and it obviously is), you’ll have to make some adjustments. Throw away your shield and break some barriers if you’re looking for success.
As much as you would like it, the right girl won’t magically come to you. Instead you’ll have to work to get her.
2. You’re too pushy
On the other hand, if you’re not shy, you might behave in completely the opposite way. The truth is that you might be too pushy, which is also not a good tactic when it comes to hitting on girls.
It’s one thing to be the kind of guy who shows that he knows what he wants and is not afraid to get it. This is an appealing quality for all men out there.
However, it is something else if you don’t respect women’s boundaries and if you go after them too hard. In this case, they might think of you as some kind of creep or a stalker, which is not the image you want to have.
Yes, most women want commitment. They want a boyfriend who will love them and who wants a serious relationship with them.
Nevertheless, things like this take time. You can’t talk about marriage, kids, or moving in together on the first date because that will chase almost every girl away.
Remember that you can’t have everything all at once. When you meet a girl you like, don’t be too pushy.
Instead of pushing her limits and moving too quickly, let time work its magic. Take things slowly and see where it will get you.
Don’t pressure girls into doing something they don’t want. This is especially the case when it comes to sleeping together or taking some big steps towards your future together.
I know that you’ve never had a girlfriend and that you’re eager to finally find one but trust me: this is not the way to go.
Try not to overthink everything and for once, relax and go with the flow. Don’t burden yourself with what might happen and learn to enjoy each moment.
3. You’re looking for perfection
You’re a guy with your own set of values and qualities. Therefore, you have the right to have some standards and deal breakers.
You know what you’re looking for and you don’t want to settle for anything less than you deserve. After all, you shouldn’t be with the first girl who crosses your path just for the sake of having a relationship.
However, the fact is that you might be too picky when it comes to women. In that case, it is pretty difficult, if not utterly impossible for you to find the right girl.
Let’s be honest here: despite all of your good points, the truth is that you’re not perfect. You have your flaws and you expect everyone around you, including your potential dates, to accept you for who you are.
Knowing that, the question of why you keep on looking for the perfect girl arises. Take off your rose tinted glasses and face the fact that you’ll never find the girl of your dreams who fits each one of your criteria.
This goes for physical looks as well as for personality traits. Stop writing off girls who don’t look like top models from magazine covers and who don’t have a PhD in science.
Instead, give them a chance. I’m not saying that you have to end up with someone who didn’t knock you off your feet at first but what’s the harm in at least trying?
Whether you want to accept it or not, the truth is that you’re unlikely to find the girl of your dreams: A girl who has the perfect body proportions, who is incredibly beautiful, shares your interests, loves you unconditionally, and is your match made in heaven.
In fact, most people end up with someone who is perfectly imperfect for them. That’s the entire magic of love relationships.
Besides, it is important to be aware of yourself. If you’re only hitting on girls who are clearly out of your league, you won’t have much luck.
In the age of modern dating, there are plenty of opportunities to find a girlfriend. There are social media, online dating sites, dating apps and so on.
Basically, a lot of people have found their forever person without even leaving their couch. It’s not like in the old days where you actually had to go hunting for women, going to clubs and waiting for a chance to approach a girl face to face.
However, although there are many ways of meeting the opposite sex, even when you’re an introvert or a loner, the truth is that your social skills are still quite significant.
Therefore, if you’re not social, your chances of finding the love of your life decrease. I’m not saying that you should be doing things you don’t enjoy just to find a girlfriend, but you should definitely try hanging out around people more.
For example, in contrast to loners, outgoing guys always meet more people. They’re open to new experiences and don’t have trouble communicating with strangers.
Also, expanding your circle of friends might help. They can serve as your wingmen when you see a girl you like, can introduce you to some of their good friends or set you up on a blind date.
Besides, these social skills you might be lacking will come in handy when you talk to women. Girls mostly like guys who are surrounded by people and who are obviously comfortable with being in crowded places.
I get it: you’re a loner and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. However, you must accept that this might be the reason for your lack of romantic experience.
5. You’re clingy
When you ask a girl what her perfect kind of guy would be, most of them will probably give a similar answer.
They will usually tell you that they want a boyfriend who gives them all their attention, who only has eyes for them, who will prioritize them over everyone else, who will text them and call them all the time, and who isn’t scared to be vulnerable and romantic.
Well, even though all of this sounds great in theory, in practice things are pretty different. Yes, girls dig all that stuff but only later on when you’re in a serious relationship.
In fact, if you act like this from the moment you meet a new girl, she will probably see you as too clingy. Despite what you may think, that is not an attractive quality in a man.
When you fall for a new girl, don’t be needy because if you are, she is unlikely to ever become your girlfriend. Instead, she’ll think of you as desperate and she might even see your behavior as a chance to play with you.
I’m not saying that you should stop being a good guy and start acting like a douchebag just to get a girl to like you. However, don’t treat her like she’s the center of your Universe from day one either.
Remember that everyone needs space and this girl is no different. As much as you’re into her, don’t ask her to spend all of her free time with you.
Don’t gamble your entire life’s happiness on her and on the future of your potential relationship.
Also, don’t suffocate her. Don’t try caging her because she’ll just see you as an overly possessive jealous guy she needs to run away from as soon as possible.
It’s one thing to show this girl that you’re interested in her. However, it is completely different if you are all over her and if you act like she is your only chance of ever finding love.
Trust me on this one: girls smell desperation from a mile away. So please, don’t send that vibe if you want to find a girlfriend.
6. You are insecure due to your lack of experience
When you reach a certain age, it is expected that you will have at least some kind of romantic experience. After all, all of your good friends have been in shorter or longer relationships and everywhere you look, all you can see are happy couples.
However, you’re not one of those people. You think that there are some signs a guy has never had a girlfriend and that you display each one of them.
So, you feel like you’re falling behind. Subconsciously, you think that everyone knows your dirty little secret and that they can tell that you’ve never had a relationship the moment they look at you.
It’s like you missed a stage of your life. You’re all grown up but you simply never went through this romantic phase.
Nevertheless, don’t allow your lack of experience to ruin your future. You can’t change the past and go back in time so don’t let this fact determine the course of your life.
Remember: when you start hitting on a girl, there is no way she can know that she’ll be your first girlfriend if you happen to click. She might see you as shy and insecure but she can never be sure about your past experiences.
So, don’t bring that topic up in the beginning.
Instead, work on your confidence and act like dating a girl is something you’ve been doing on a regular basis ever since you can remember. Even if someone turns you down, don’t allow fear of rejection to paralyze you.
Keep going, because eventually your approach and pick up lines will work out.
Later on, when you do find a girlfriend and see that things are getting serious, you can tell her the truth. Trust me: she will feel special and flattered and she’ll probably find all of this cute.
Until then, do your best to get rid of the insecurities which are holding you back.
7. You play it too safe
You’ve already been told not to be too pushy when it comes to hitting on girls. However, according to most dating advice, being too safe is not the way to go either.
This means that you won’t make a move until you’re completely certain of a girl’s feelings for you. You won’t hit on her unless you’re one hundred percent positive that she’ll give you a positive answer.
Ideally, it would be great if things could work like this. However, in most cases, the dating reality is much different.
The truth is that in most cases, you have to risk it.
You see a girl you’re into but you don’t know whether she feels the same way. Well, you’ll never know until you try, right?
Girls like to be chased. Sometimes they play hard to get just to test your interest in them.
You should never be too pushy, because no always means no but you have to be brave enough to jump into the unknown, despite not knowing what the outcome will be.
Trust me: even if a girl turns you down, she’ll admire your bravery and respect you for it.
When you like a certain woman, don’t wait for the perfect moment to kiss her or ask her out on a date. I’m not saying that you should do something inappropriate but if you wait too long, your chance will be gone.
For example, how many times have you laid eyes on a girl you like in a club only for her to leave before you’ve plucked up the courage to go over and say something?
You need to create an atmosphere in which you can make a move. I won’t lie to you: nobody can guarantee that a certain woman won’t turn you down.
However, at least you’ll know you tried. Besides, even your failures are a valuable experience and will help you in the future.
8. You come off as a player
Has it ever crossed your mind that women don’t want to become your girlfriend because they don’t take you seriously?
Is it possible that you’ve spent your entire life up until now having causal relationships but never an actual girlfriend? So now when you really want a serious relationship, everyone sees you as a player who is about to break their hearts?
If this is the case, it’s time to change your tactics. You see, no girl wants to give you a chance if she thinks that you’re only after one thing.
Therefore, you have to convince the object of your affection that you’re really in love with her and that you have no intention of walking away from her as soon as you get what you want.
The best way for this special someone to realize that you’re serious is to stop playing. Stop chasing other women and make sure she sees she is the only one you’re interested in.
9. You give up easily
There is no doubt about one thing and I will forever repeat it to you: girls like to be chased. However, at the same time, they don’t like being chased too much, which will also be discussed.
Practically, it’s your job to find the perfect balance. On the one hand, you can’t be too needy but on the other, you have to show a certain amount of interest for this girl to even be aware of your emotions.
It means that giving up too soon is not an option. However, that is exactly what you do.
In fact, in most cases, you give up before you’ve even tried. So, how can you expect to change your relationship status under these circumstances?
The point is that you’re a quitter when it comes to girls. Your level of self confidence is incredibly low and you give up at the first obstacle or sign of inconvenience.
Well, let me tell you that dating doesn’t really work that way. In fact, developing a healthy relationship is a process which takes time, energy, patience, and effort.
Therefore, you can’t lose all of your hopes and dreams just because a few girls have turned you down. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t keep on trying to find the right one.
Also, just because a certain woman you’re interested in has failed to give you the exact feedback you were expecting, it doesn’t mean that everything is lost with her.
Just because she didn’t jump directly into your arms the moment you started talking, it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t plan on giving you a chance.
Just because she doesn’t text you back the second you contact her or she couldn’t go out with you the first time you invited her, it doesn’t mean that you should give up on her.
Be consistent and persistent. Of course, there are some situations where the only choice you have is to walk away with dignity, but it’s your job to evaluate when you should try harder and when it’s right to give up.
At first, you might have trouble assessing the situation. In that case, ask your best friend for help and with time, you’ll be able to do it by yourself.
10. You put girls on a pedestal
Girls like to be treated as real life princesses: there is no doubt about that. However, this doesn’t mean that you should put them on a pedestal.
It is one thing to respect the girl you want to date. You see her worth and would never do anything that might insult her.
That is awesome and it certainly makes you a real man and boyfriend material. Nevertheless, idealizing women is never good for your future love life.
When you start liking a girl, you immediately perceive her as way better than she actually is. You only see her good sides, while you see your imperfections and flaws.
Naturally, when you put things like this, you can’t help but think that you don’t stand a chance with her. You devalue yourself and wonder why a girl like her would want to be with a guy like you.
Well, that approach couldn’t be more wrong. You’re automatically putting yourself beneath her and that kind of arrangement will never work out for the best.
Remember that this woman you’re into is just a human being, the same as you. She has her own flaws and is made out of flesh and blood.
Don’t be intimidated by her and don’t be scared to stand in front of her. Trust me: if you put her on a pedestal and start acting as her inferior, she’ll notice it and start perceiving you as an insecure little boy.
11. You have poor body language
One of the main reasons why many guys never have a girlfriend isn’t hidden in their communication or social skills. In fact, it’s their body language which is the problem.
You see, most girls will scan you even before you exchange names and officially meet. When it comes to dating, non verbal signals and body language signs are the first things that can help you break the barrier before you actually make a move.
Even though there is nothing wrong if you approach women out of the blue, your chances of success will increase if you prepare with these non verbal gestures.
However, you’re not very skillful when it comes to this.
First and foremost, when you walk into the room, you act like you would rather be somewhere else. It’s like you want to hide from the rest of the world and go unobserved.
Also, you don’t give the impression of being a happy person. You don’t laugh and smile a lot and in most cases you have a grumpy face, all of which makes people think that you’re a negative person.
When you like a girl, you don’t try to establish eye contact. Not only that: even if a girl is clearly checking you out, you will look away instead of staring right back at her.
When you’re talking with a woman you’re into, you don’t have the courage to look her directly in the eyes. You are not brave enough to sit next to the girl you like, let alone make some accidental physical contact.
At first, you might think of all these things as pretty irrelevant. However, trust me when I tell you that good body language can get half the job done.
12. You don’t take care of your looks
When it comes to physical looks, most people will tell you that guys pay attention to a girl’s appearance more than the other way around.
Well, I hate to be the one to burst your bubble but despite popular opinion, things are pretty much the same for both sexes.
Don’t get me wrong: this is not me saying that looks are the only thing that matters for most girls.
In fact, you can be the most handsome man in the world but if you don’t have anything else to offer, it’s likely that you’ll never have a girl who really loves you.
However, it takes time for two people to get to know each other. So, you can’t expect a girl to give you her phone number because you’re a decent guy or a kind person.
After all, she has no clue about that and it’s not a reason for her to like you.
Therefore, if you want for girls to give you more of a chance, firstly you have to draw them to you. The only way to do it is to look nice and to make yourself as physically attractive as possible.
Knowing all of this, it’s possible that one of the reasons why you can’t seem to find a girlfriend is the fact that you don’t care about your looks as much as you should.
No, this doesn’t mean that you should look like you’ve just stepped off the cover of a fashion magazine. You don’t have to undergo some wild plastic surgeries or aesthetic procedures to become more likeable to girls.
However, you have to take care of your personal hygiene. You have to smell nice, shower regularly, and pay attention to your breath.
If you have a beard, you have to keep it neat. You have to brush your hair and wash it on a regular basis.
It would be nice to hit the gym as girls are crazy for guys who are fit and in shape. Start exercising or engage in some other kind of physical activity.
When it comes to your clothes, this is something you should work on as well. Make sure it’s always clean and ironed and most importantly: dress for the occasion.
Don’t walk around in your old sweatpants or a stained T-shirt, expecting girls to fall at your feet. Don’t dress like a clown and as if you’ve put on the first thing that came out of your closet either.
If you’re not much of a fashion person, just stick to the basics. Don’t experiment with styles and colors if you’re not sure how to combine them.
13. You’re not dominant
Whether they like to admit this or not, the truth is that women love alpha men. In fact, most guys who have never had a girlfriend are actually beta, gamma, or delta males while alpha guys rarely face this kind of problem.
I’m not saying that you should treat your girlfriend as if she is inferior to you. Remember that you two are completely equal in your relationship and you’re not above her in any way.
However, there is a difference between taking charge and acting like your girl is a second class citizen just because she is a woman.
Well, that is exactly what you lack: initiative. You don’t act like enough of a man and that could be the reason for your inability to find a girlfriend.
Women like men who know what and who they want. Men who are confident and who act brave, even when they’re not.
They like men who are born leaders of the pack. Men everyone else follows and listens to. Men who “wear the pants” in the relationship.
Yes, I know, there is not much logic behind this. However, women chasing dominant men is actually their primal instinct.
Subconsciously, they want to have a serious relationship with a partner who can protect them when they need it. Someone they can rely on and someone who can provide for them, if necessary.
Therefore, if you send off the vibe of an incompetent man who can’t get the job done, most women sadly won’t see you as boyfriend material.
14. You get friendzoned
The number one nightmare of all men out there: being trapped in the friendzone. In your case, this is not something you’re just afraid of – it has been your reality ever since you can remember.
The reason why you’ve never had a girlfriend is because you’ve had a lot of female friends. Ironic, right?
Ever since high school, you have been the one guy surrounded by the most girls. Unfortunately, none of these girls saw you as anything more than a best friend.
You, on the other hand, were in love with most of them.
So, why is this so? Why do girls keep putting you in the friend zone?
They obviously think of you as a good person and value your personality traits. Otherwise they wouldn’t consider you their friend.
After all, all of your female friends keep telling you that they would give everything to find a nice guy like you. There you are, standing right in front of them and yet, not one has ever taken you into consideration.
It’s not your looks either because there is no chance that not one girl in your life hasn’t considered you to be cute if nothing else.
Therefore, it must be something in your attitude.
Well, the truth is that you probably start off on the wrong foot. When you like a girl, you don’t flirt with her and you don’t make your intentions clear right away.
You’re paralyzed by the fear of rejection so you enter her life as a friend. However, the problem is that you keep that status forever.
After some time, you get so deep into the friendzone that admitting your romantic feelings would mean losing this person for good. So you settle for crumbs and you prefer having her in your life one way or another.
Sounds familiar, right?
Well in that case, it’s time to change your attitude. Stop being a shoulder for women to cry on.
Stop being their comforter and someone they come to when they need relationship advice. Stop talking to them about other men and don’t engage in girl topics such as makeup or clothes.
Show them that you’re a man and that it’s about time they start seeing you as one.
15. You don’t have a lot to offer
When you ask yourself why you’ve never had a girlfriend, you usually blame the opposite sex or modern dating, which really can be frustrating. However, has it ever crossed your mind that it’s not them – it’s you?
Maybe you don’t have a lot to offer to girls.
When you hear this, the first thing you think of is probably money. You assume that girls don’t like you because you’re not rich enough to make all of their dreams come true.
However, I’m not just talking about that. Yes, at a certain age you should be financially independent and have ambitions to prosper even further.
Nevertheless, I’m talking about other things. About your personality and other skills.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying that you have no worth. I’m just advising you to start with some self improvement before putting yourself in the dating pool.
In addition to working on your appearance, work on your inner self as well. Work on your education, your spirituality, and your emotional and mental health.
Work on your self confidence and on becoming a better person. Become the best possible version of yourself.
Become a good guy before searching for a good girl. Use all of your potential so girls around you see that you have a lot to offer and that you’re in a position to ask for a lot as well.
16. You’re frustrated
Wherever you look, guys who treat women like trash, who are unfaithful, and who play with their hearts and minds get the most women.
Most of your friends complain about douche-bags who keep on breaking their heart but eventually, most of them make up with them after the break up.
Then, on the other hand there is you. You, a nice guy, who has never hurt anybody and who would treat every girl like a queen.
However, despite all of this, you’re the one who has never had a girlfriend while these dudes have women chasing them. So, you can’t help but feel frustrated about this.
It’s been like this ever since high school and nothing seems to have changed now you’re an adult.
Where is the justice here? Why is this happening, when you’re the nicest guy alive who deserves to have the best girlfriend ever?
Well, even though I completely understand your point of view, this frustration might be one of the reasons why you can’t seem to have a romantic relationship.
You appear bitter, negative, and therefore desperate. Naturally, these are not the kinds of qualities that girls fall for.
Please, get rid of these kinds of emotions. Other guys are not the cause of your unhappy love life.
After all, nobody can steal your luck and your faith. Stop comparing yourself to others and focus on your own future.
17. You’re too available
According to some dating advice, another source of your problem might be the fact that you’re too available.
I’m not talking about your single status here – I’m talking about the fact that the girl you like feels like she can have you whenever she feels like it. And the worst part is that she is absolutely right.
This quality of yours goes hand in hand with desperation. You’re so eager to have a girlfriend that you don’t plan on missing out on the slightest chance of having one.
Therefore, you run whenever she calls. You are always there, patiently waiting for her to appear and to give you crumbs of her attention.
When you meet a new girl, everything happens on her terms. You’re never too busy to see her, you respond to her text messages immediately, and you are always in the mood to talk to her.
Even when you have other plans, you cancel them just so you can fit her into your schedule.
Well, let me tell you that this creates a counterproductive effect. The girl you like will definitely see how crazy you are for her but instead of appreciating it, she’ll probably use it against you.
She will take you for granted and start seeing you as her back up plan. Someone she can always come back to once she runs out of all other options.
You see, for a woman to really fall for you, she has to be afraid of losing you. She has to feel your absence in order to miss you and to realize that she wants you in her life.
However, you’re not giving girls that chance. You’re always there, at their fingertips and they don’t feel the need to give you the status of being their boyfriend.
18. You get too emotional too soon
Being in touch with your feelings is amazing, especially for a man. Being open about them is even better.
However, this doesn’t mean that you should wear your heart on your sleeve because this could be the reason why you’ve never had a girlfriend. It doesn’t mean that you should reveal your soul to every girl who crosses your path.
You see, women will always tell you that they like emotional guys. However, that doesn’t include you telling a girl you love her on the first date.
This is exactly what you do. You’re too honest about your feelings and you invest yourself entirely from the very start.
This is especially true when you feel like you’re losing the girl you like. You won’t hesitate to tell her that she is breaking your heart or make some other love declarations.
However, you rarely get the desired effect. Instead, you usually scare her away with all of this.
So instead of getting too emotional too soon, let her guess whether you care for her or not. Make her think and make her doubt your feelings.
At a first glance, all of this might sound like game playing. However, sometimes this is necessary if you want to get under a girl’s skin.
This is how to ask a girl out and make her your girlfriend.
