The truth is that in most cases, you as a husband are the last one to notice the signs your wife wants to leave you.
You simply don’t want to see the facts and you’re lying to yourself that it’s nothing but a short term crisis in your marriage. However, there are times when, like it or not, the harsh reality must be faced.
Times when a husband has to accept that his marriage is coming to an end, that his wife no longer loves him, and that she’ll probably file for divorce soon.
So, if you are not sure whether you’re imagining things or there really is something to worry about in your marriage, we’re here to help.
Just read the following list of the most common signs a wife wants to leave her husband and see whether you can relate to any of them.
1. She is always picking fights…
All marital couples fight and it is inevitable that at some point, you and your spouse will also argue about some things which later turn out to be silly and unimportant.
After all, I’m sure you’ve had disagreements since the first day of your long term relationship.
However, now everything seems to be different. In fact, it seems like your wife is constantly picking fights as if she enjoys arguing with you.
She acts as if she waits for a perfect opportunity to fight about literally anything. Well, if this is the case, it’s definitely an alarming sign that she might be thinking about divorcing you.
However, there is a possibility that she doesn’t have a “strong” enough reason to leave.
This woman clearly doesn’t have the courage to tell you straightforwardly that she wants out of the marriage, so she is making up reasons to clear her conscience.
Of course, you’re always wrong in all of these arguments.
It’s actually pretty simple: for her, it’s easier to perceive you as the bad guy than admit that she is responsible for the breakup of your marriage.
She is doing her best to provoke you into saying things you don’t actually mean or doing something to prove that she is completely right for wanting to start the divorce process.
Besides, there are clearly some unresolved issues between you two and emotional baggage from the past which is causing this tension you both feel right now.
Maybe you haven’t worked on your problems properly and have tried to sweep them under the carpet. Well, everything you’ve both tried to run away from has risen to the surface.
It might seem like you and your wife are fighting over every little thing.
If your wife is constantly picking fights, she is clearly not satisfied with your marriage but she doesn’t have the bravery to tackle some of the more serious issues.
Consequently, that dissatisfaction shows in your everyday life and it results in this drama you’re going through right now.
2. …or she’s stopped arguing completely
This might sound odd but if you’re wondering how to tell if your wife wants to leave you, you should also pay attention to the way she avoids arguments.
The truth is that too much fighting has never done a healthy relationship any good. However, don’t think it’s a good sign if your partner doesn’t want to argue with you at all.
Trust me: as long as a woman nags, she cares for you. She might sound annoying with all of her requests, but that is a sign that she still loves you and is still investing in you.
As long as she complains about something in your marriage, it means that she is trying to change things for the better. It means that she has hope that she can make a difference.
However, once a woman becomes silent on the storms that are happening between you, sadly she’s let you go and there is not much you can do.
Even though she hasn’t told you this directly, inside of her head, your marriage is pretty much over.
At first, you might enjoy this kind of environment in your relationship. Everything may seem to be going smoothly and it might appear that you’ve finally achieved peace.
However, this kind of situation can actually be quite alarming.
This is especially the case if your wife suddenly changed her ways and shifted from being a drama queen to someone you can’t fight with, even if you want to.
Sadly, this means that she’s probably given up on your marriage.
This woman has become tired of repeating herself and of arguing over the same things for years and she thinks any further conversation is completely pointless.
She has no energy left to fight with you or to fight for your marriage. She literally doesn’t care what happens next.
Basically, this woman doesn’t want to work on your issues. She doesn’t care if you can’t find the middle ground and she is not interested in putting any effort into your marriage anymore.
She doesn’t care if you do things your way, if some things are left unsaid, or if you think that she is wrong about something.
In fact, the biggest problem is that it looks like she’s lost all of her emotions towards you. She doesn’t hate you but she doesn’t love you either.
This woman has absolutely no hope that your marriage can be saved. She’s just let it be and now she is focusing on rebuilding her life without you around.
3. She withholds affection
There is one thing you need to know about women: they’re very different to men when it comes to affection. No, this is not just something they want you to believe – in most cases, it’s the truth.
As a man, you can probably sleep with any girl you find attractive. Don’t worry, I’m not saying that you will make a move on every female around you, especially if you’re taken or married.
And off course, you won’t try it on with your friends or coworkers either. After all, there are some social or moral norms which prevent you from hitting on literally every woman around you.
However, if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll admit that technically, you could sleep with everyone you physically like, if you’re given the opportunity.
It’s enough for you to think a woman is attractive. You don’t have to develop any deeper emotions for her and you can forget that she ever existed the next day.
Well, in most cases, women don’t function that way. In fact, they need to have a deeper emotional connection with a guy in order to engage in any kind of physical contact with him.
Therefore, if your wife is withholding affection, it’s time to ask yourself whether your marriage is coming to an end.
I’m not only talking about sleeping together here.
I’m also referring to the fact that she doesn’t hold your hand the way she did before, she doesn’t kiss you with the same passion, she avoids your hugs at all costs and has stopped telling you “I love you“.
I won’t lie to you: all of this can be an indicator that she’s fallen out of love with you.
Her body doesn’t have the need for your presence anymore and she simply can’t and doesn’t want to force herself into pretending she feels something she doesn’t.
I hate to be the one to break it to you but this can also be a sign of her infidelity.
I’m not saying that she is actually involved with someone else but she might be emotionally attached to another man now and she simply can’t bring herself to kiss you, let alone do something more.
Naturally, this doesn’t have to be the only reason for her behavior. Maybe she is going through a rough period, just doesn’t feel her best, or has fallen out of the habit of saying “I love you” all the time.
That’s why you need to talk to your wife regarding this topic, before jumping to any conclusions.
If she gets all defensive and tries to convince you that you’re making things up, sadly, it’s probable that you were right about her reasons.
See Also: Lesbian Wife: 10 Telltale Signs You’re Living With A Closet Lesbian
4. She’s stopped talking to you
What many married couples fail to notice is the importance of communication in their marriage.
In fact, healthy communication is so significant that the lack of it can be the number one sign that your marital union is about to break apart.
At first glance, you might think this is something you don’t have any issues with. You assume that a lack of communication just means your wife is ignoring you or giving you the silent treatment.
Well, let me tell you that the problem is actually much deeper under the surface. It’s not enough for you two to have a little everyday small talk for your communication to be on point.
After all, you are life partners and should be best friends. It means that your wife should talk to you about literally anything, including the little things that annoy most husbands.
She should see you as her comforter – the one person in the world she can tell literally everything to, without the fear of being judged.
You should be the one she shares her problems with and the one she comes to for advice every time she is in trouble.
It should be you whose opinion she appreciates the most and who she shares her darkest secrets, deepest fears, and wildest dreams with.
As her husband, you should be the first person she runs towards to tell you everything good and bad that has happened to her.
However, you can’t relate any of these sentences to your marriage. In fact, somewhere along the way, your wife has stopped talking to you.
Yes, she talks about the weather or your kids but she’s stopped really communicating with you. If you think about it, you’ll see that you know nothing about this woman’s life or thoughts anymore.
She doesn’t talk to you about her day, about the things that are bothering her, or about those which are making her happy.
She doesn’t value your opinion anymore and she treats you like a stranger, instead of the man she plans on spending the rest of her life with.
See also: Unhealthy Boundaries With Ex-Wife (13 Types + How To Fix Them)
5. She loves it when you’re not around
When you’re at the beginning of a healthy relationship, you want to spend every moment of your free time with your new love.
You can’t get enough of this person and it seems like an eternity wouldn’t be enough for you two to spend it together.
However, after a while, it’s natural that this changes. The butterflies and the initial infatuation go and it’s time to keep this person around and to make them a part of your regular life.
After all, you have other obligations besides your relationship.
You have best friends you also enjoy spending a lot of time with, a family you love being around, a job you like doing, hobbies which fulfill you…
Therefore, you stop being so obsessed with your loved one. The last thing you want is to grow tired of each other.
This continues when you get married, as well. Even if you could, you and your wife don’t want to spend every moment of every day next to each other.
After all, just because you got married, it doesn’t mean that suddenly you’ve become conjoined twins. You are still separate individuals with your own interests and lives outside of the marriage.
Besides, having enough personal space and time is good for your mental health and it’s beneficial for your relationship.
It gives you a chance to miss each other, which strengthens your emotional connection.
Therefore, if your wife asks for some time for herself, that shouldn’t be a problem. This is especially the case if she is burdened with kids, the house, and other everyday duties.
In that situation, it’s perfectly normal that she needs a break from the entire world, including you. So, please don’t be insulted over this.
However, you do have a problem if she appears to be more than happy every time she gets to spend time away from you.
In fact, she loves it when you’re not around and uses every opportunity to avoid spending time with you, especially if we’re talking about alone time.
Your wife doesn’t want to go out on dates anymore, she refuses your invitation for a romantic getaway together, and it’s like she arranges her schedule so she can see you as little as possible.
In fact, every time you come home, she can’t help but look disappointed to see you.
6. She is not interested in your life
You know how we already discussed the fact that this woman doesn’t let you in her life, mind, and heart? How she’s grown distant from you and shut you off completely?
Well, your troubles sadly don’t end there. In fact, your wife is not interested in your life, either.
Even when she sees that you’re feeling down, she won’t ask you what’s wrong. She doesn’t care about your feelings and she is not there to help you out with your issues.
This woman has stopped listening to you. She no longer remembers little things about you, she has no idea what you’re telling her, and she completely ignores your complaints.
Your wife is not there to comfort you when you need a shoulder to cry on and she doesn’t put any effort into making you smile. She doesn’t share your sadness or happiness.
The truth is that lately, she knows nothing about your life. She is not interested in your friends, job, or hobbies.
Whenever you try talking to her, you feel like you’re talking to a wall. There is absolutely no feedback on her behalf and it is evident that she can’t wait for you to be done.
Even when she acts as if she’s listening to you, you can’t help but notice how distant she actually is. She is not engaged in your life, issues, and dilemmas and couldn’t care less about helping you out with them.
The same goes for her jealousy. Don’t misunderstand me: I’m not saying that a good sign of her unconditional love for you would be possessive behavior.
However, it is completely normal for a woman who loves you and cares for your marriage to be slightly jealous.
I’m not saying that it’s okay for her not to trust you but even if she is completely sure about you, she’ll be a little scared of losing you.
Nevertheless, your wife doesn’t behave like this. It seems that you could be flirting with another woman right in front of her eyes and she wouldn’t even notice.
In fact, she might even be happy that you’ve found a replacement because that would make it easier for her to abandon you with a clear conscience and to put all the blame for the break up of your marriage on you.
She is not concerned about your whereabouts, she doesn’t care who you spend your time with, and it looks like she couldn’t care less if you are unfaithful.
7. She’s become secretive
Another of the bad signs your wife wants to leave you is her sudden secretive behavior.
As already stated, just because you are married, it doesn’t mean that your spouse doesn’t have the right for some personal space and time.
The same goes for her privacy. She has no duty to tell you every little detail about her life, nor do you have the right to snoop around her phone and things.
However, the concept of privacy significantly changes when you get married.
After all, you and your significant other now share a life together and it is perfectly natural that you should have no big secrets.
That is exactly how things worked between you and your wife in the past. You shared almost everything and neither of you hid anything from the other.
Nevertheless, that’s all changed lately. In fact, your wife has become secretive and you’ve even caught her lying a few times.
All of a sudden, you know nothing about her daily habits. You don’t know where she is, who she spends all of her free time with, and she tells you nothing about her new, changed schedule.
She works late without ever mentioning she got a promotion or a raise. Your wife starts hanging out with people you’ve never met before and know nothing about.
Not only that: she is also extremely secretive about her phone. You’ve never been in the habit of going through it but it was always right where you could see it.
Now things have become way different. She carries her purse and phone wherever she goes and she makes sure she never leaves them unattended near you.
Not only that: you also noticed that your wife has been getting a lot more phone calls and text messages.
She’s constantly texting someone in your presence and can’t help but smile whenever she is on her phone or laptop.
All of this points to just one thing: she is probably being unfaithful. Maybe she’s met someone or started seeing a coworker.
However, it doesn’t necessarily mean that your wife is actually having an affair. There is a possibility that she’s started to like someone new and she is only flirting with or texting him.
Or is she just planning on putting herself out there? Maybe she wants to find herself a safety net before actually leaving you and is exploring her options before actually visiting the divorce attorney.
She might have installed some dating apps or met someone online. Either way, this kind of behavior is unacceptable and it certainly comes under the category of unfaithfulness.
The worst part is that she gets all defensive when you try to confront her about all of this. She is trying to make you look like a fool and claims that you’re just imagining things.
For example, when you ask her who she’s been texting or where she spent her day, your wife starts arguing with you.
She accuses you of being overly possessive and tells you that you’re invading her privacy, without ever giving you a concrete answer to your question.
8. Everything about you annoys her
When you fall in love with someone at first, you like everything about them, including the parts of their personality that are probably not so appealing to others.
You love their flaws because they make them who they are and you wouldn’t change a thing about your sweetheart.
However, with time, when the butterflies fly away, it is inevitable that both partners take off their rose-tinted glasses.
You can’t help but see each other for who you really are and you stop idealizing your significant other.
Even then, though, you have no intention of changing your partner. You accept them completely, including their imperfections.
Well, that is exactly how things used to work in your marriage. Unfortunately, everything has changed with time.
Now it seems that everything about you annoys your wife. The funny thing is that she is mostly annoyed by the things she loved about you when you first met.
It seems that she is even bothered by the way you perform your basic functions.
All of a sudden, she can’t stand the way you snore at night so you’ve started sleeping in separate bedrooms.
She is freaked out by the way you chew your food too loudly, she doesn’t like the way you dress or cut your hair, she can’t stand the scent of your perfume…
At one point, you become scared that she’ll have something to say about the way you breathe.
Well, it’s one thing if this is just a phase that lasts a couple of days. Maybe your wife is just nervous about other things and is taking it out on you.
In that case, you either talk to her and tell her that you’re not her doormat or just let her be because she’ll stop with her nasty behavior soon enough.
However, if this has been going on for a while, you certainly have a problem. It’s a telltale sign that this woman can’t stand your presence and that she is sick and tired of you.
I know this sounds harsh but that’s exactly how things are. Don’t beat yourself up about this because it’s just the way your wife feels, regardless of how you behave.
In fact, you could be the best husband in the world but she probably wouldn’t change her mind about you.
If you become romantic, she’ll be sickened by it too, if you buy her presents, she won’t like it, and if you start courting her all over again, she’ll think of it as too cheesy.
This kind of behavior can also be a bad sign of infidelity on her part.
Maybe she’s met someone new and now she is comparing the two of you and is bothered by the fact that you are no longer the man she is in love with.
9. She focuses more on her appearance
There is absolutely nothing wrong with a married woman who still takes care of her appearance.
In fact, it’s a great thing and is much better than a woman who stops paying attention to her looks the moment she says “I do”.
Nevertheless, if your wife has suddenly put all of her focus on her appearance, despite the fact that it wasn’t so important to her in the past, she may be trying to impress some other man besides you.
She’s started exercising and has become obsessed with becoming fit overnight. She’s changed her diet and counts her calories, even though her weight has never concerned her much.
She’s changed her hairdo and her entire style.
She is constantly buying new clothes and she pays special attention to her laundry. She puts on a lot more makeup than she used to and she’s started using a different perfume.
Basically, your wife is doing everything in her power to go back to looking like a young girl. She spends hours in front of the mirror.
Sounds familiar, right? Well, at first you might have been happy to see this change.
You were delighted that your wife had started paying more attention to herself and you thought she was doing it to be prettier and more attractive for you.
However, after a while, you figured out that this transformation has nothing to do with your marriage.
She still couldn’t care less how she looks when you two are home alone but puts all of her efforts into looking her best whenever she goes out without you.
Well, I hate to be the one to break it to you but it is likely that she is trying to leave a good impression on some other guy.
Maybe she is not being unfaithful but she is definitely in love with some other man who she’s trying to seduce.
Your wife has no interest in reviving the spark in your marriage. She doesn’t see the need to win you over and she expects you to love her no matter how she looks.
However, she wants to be as beautiful as possible for her new crush. She always has enough energy and money to invest in her looks, since she knows it’s the first thing most men notice.
10. She’s told you she needs a break
Let’s be real: divorcing and actually visiting the divorce attorney is a huge step. Therefore, it’s completely normal that your wife doesn’t have the guts to tell you that she wants out of your marriage.
No, I’m not saying this woman fears you. However, she did promise to love and cherish you for as long as she breathes, and telling someone you’re leaving them is never easy.
That’s why many people do something different instead of immediately asking for a divorce: they ask their spouse for a break from their relationship.
Basically, they want to put their marriage through a test. The couple still remains married but take some time off to figure things out.
This is exactly what your wife has been mentioning lately. She’s told you she needs a while for some introspection and to decide whether marrying you was a mistake.
She wants to see whether she will miss you and if she can make it without you. She wants to figure out if your marriage is worth saving or if it’s broken beyond repair.
Well, she wouldn’t have this break on her mind if you weren’t having some marriage problems, would she?
Therefore, if this is something your wife has been suggesting, please take it very seriously.
In fact, asking for a break is usually one of the warning signs your wife wants to leave you but doesn’t know how to do it.
She might be already seeing someone else and wants to give her new relationship a try.
Nevertheless, she doesn’t want to cut all ties with you since she is not certain that things will work out with this new man.
On the other hand, there is also a possibility that she is being really honest about her intentions.
Maybe she is not sure about your marriage anymore and wants you both to think things through alone.
Either way, if you want to save your relationship, this is a chance to work on it. Remember that she hasn’t said her final goodbye just yet so there might be a chance of fixing your marriage.
Just don’t let her play with you. Don’t make your wife think that she can go out there and do whatever she wants, while you patiently wait for her to change her mind and come back to you, no matter what.
Have a talk with yourself and see whether this break is something you can deal with. If the answer is yes, agree to her proposal.
However, don’t forget to set up some basic terms.
First and foremost, set a date by which you’re both required to make a decision about whether you’ll get divorced or if you’ll give your marriage another chance.
Also, be specific about going back in the dating pool.
Remember that there is a possibility of you getting back together so don’t give her the green light to see other men if that will be an issue in your marriage in the future.
Another thing you should agree on during this break is the amount of contact you can have. Of course, if you have children together, you’ll have to stay in touch, whether you like it or not.
On the other hand, if it’s just the two of you, find a compromise. Will you go completely no contact so you can make a decision with a cold head or will you call each other occasionally?
11. You’re no longer her priority
Your wife has never been the selfish type. In fact, she did everything in her power to prove her love for you and made sure you always knew how much she cared for you.
Well, lately, she’s become a real narcissist and an ego-centric. She’s been putting her needs before yours and she’s been acting as if compromise is the last thing on her mind.
Whether you like to admit this or not, the truth is that you are no longer your wife’s priority.
It’s not a problem that she’s putting herself first or that she loves herself more than she loves you – that is also what you should be doing.
The issue is that she’s been putting everything and everyone in front of you. This woman is treating you like her second choice and last resort and not as the person she chose to share her life with.
Her family, best friends, coworkers, job, hobbies, and everything else seems to be more important than you.
Your needs and emotions come last and she acts like she couldn’t care less about how her behavior affects you.
This can be seen even in the little things.
She cancels the plans you two had whenever someone else calls her but she will never rearrange a get together with her friends just because you’ve asked her to.
Your wife forgets your birthday or anniversary date. She doesn’t put even the slightest effort into surprising you for
Valentine’s day or into being romantic on any other occasion.
She doesn’t take care of you and is no longer worried if you’re safe and sound. The worst part is that we’re talking about a woman who was always attentive.
She used to be worried whether you slept well, if you ate enough and if you were tired.
Don’t misunderstand me: I’m not telling you that your wife should act like your mother but behaving like this is also not acceptable.
She is no longer making sacrifices for the sake of your happiness. Everything has to go her way and your desires are completely irrelevant.
This woman isn’t doing anything to please you or to make you happy. She is nowhere to be found when you need her the most and most of the time, you feel like you’re alone in this marriage.
12. She wants to become more financially independent
Even though you are married, some kind of financial independence between partners shouldn’t be a question.
In fact, even though one of you doesn’t have a job, you are still completely equal in your relationship and your wife shouldn’t be in a situation where she needs to beg you to give her some money.
This is especially true if she is a stay at home mom. Even though she doesn’t earn, she still contributes to your household and should in no way be subordinate to you.
However, you are still a couple and live under the same roof. It means that you have a lot of shared expenses and that most of your finances should also be common.
One of the telltale signs your wife wants to leave you is the fact that all of a sudden she wants to become more financially independent.
You see, if she plans on filing for divorce, it means that she’ll have to live by herself. It also means that she needs some starting capital to do so.
After all, she probably plans on moving out and now she won’t have your finances to rely on. That is exactly why she is saving and wants to become completely independent when it comes to money.
If she is not working, she will be actively looking for a job, even though you are getting along just fine without an extra income in the house.
On the other hand, if she has a job, she’ll become secretive about her financial situation. She’ll probably hide money from you or lie that her paycheck has been reduced.
The worst part is that she doesn’t have a concrete answer to your questions when you confront her about this problem. She is clearly hiding something or doing things behind your back.
Sadly, this kind of behavior can also be another warning sign of her infidelity. Living a double life costs money!
13. She doesn’t include you in her future plans
When you said your wedding vows, both you and your significant other promised to spend your life together.
You both decided that you wanted to grow old next to each other and that one day, only death would part you.
That means that your wife saw a future next to you. Therefore, when she stops including you in her plans, it is certainly a red flag you should be concerned about.
She has probably already decided to leave you – she just hasn’t informed you about it yet.
When she looks ahead to her life a few years from now, she doesn’t see herself as a married woman; at least not married to you.
Of course, she doesn’t say this directly. However, you’re smart enough to notice the hints.
It’s like the pronoun “we” doesn’t exist in her dictionary anymore.
She only talks about the things she wants to do, about the way she hopes to arrange her life, and about future plans which include only her.
Everything starts with little things. She makes dinner plans without even mentioning you, she plans a vacation with her friends but without you, she talks about going away for a weekend and so on.
The worst part is that one day she started making long term plans as if she was completely single.
When she talks about changing careers, moving out, or even starting her life in a new city, she never consults you about it.
The sad truth is that you’ve already been erased from this woman’s life and she hasn’t even had the decency to tell you about it.
14. She refuses marriage counseling
Truth to be told, every long term relationship and marriage has its issues. What I’m trying to say is that not every marital crisis means the end has come.
In fact, there are trained professionals and marriage counselors who deal with these kinds of issues. After all, this could just be a phase you and your wife will successfully overcome.
However, there is just one condition for you to defeat this challenge. You both have to be willing to work on your marriage and have the desire to save it.
When she refuses marriage counseling, it is without a doubt one of the sure signs your wife wants to leave you.
She is not interested in dealing with your marriage problems and she doesn’t want to put any effort into giving your marriage another shot.
According to her, everything between you two is pretty much over and she probably won’t change her mind. In that case, you should probably see this as a red flag that your divorce process is inevitable.
