The last thing any woman wants is to be in love with a man who still has feelings for his former lover. Unfortunately, that happens.
Many women end up in such a situationship and by the time they realize it, it’s already too late because they have already developed feelings for that guy.
Now, it’s time to make some confessions. I was in the ‘my boyfriend won’t cut ties with his ex’ kind of relationship once and it was heartbreaking. That’s why I understand all of you who are or were going through the same hell.
Fortunately, I have managed to get out of that hell and today, that man is my fiance. By following these tips below, you’ll manage to get out of it too.
I showed my boyfriend how much his contact with his ex hurts me, and that made him cut it off. At that moment, he chose me and proved to me that I’m the only one for him. And I hope yours will do the same.
My Boyfriend Won’t Cut Ties With His Ex: 16 Tips To Deal With It
Being in this kind of situation is really a big deal. You simply don’t know what to think about it and what to do. Luckily for you, I’m here to help you. Follow these tips below and you’ll make your man cut ties with his ex-girlfriend.
1. First of all, calm yourself down
This is the first and most important step. Calm down and don’t act in the heat of the moment. Otherwise, you’ll only make a huge mistake that you’ll regret in the end.
Take some time for yourself and think about it. Think about the reasons your boyfriend won’t cut ties with his ex and think about your relationship.
If you really love your man, you’ll have patience and try to be understanding. I know it can really be frustrating but if he says they’re just friends, there is not much you can do about it.
2. Don’t let it affect your self-esteem
Jealousy can seriously damage your self-esteem. If you start suspecting your man is seeing or has feelings for another woman, you’ll immediately think that it’s because of you and it’ll damage your confidence.
That is something you shouldn’t allow, no matter what. Having a good self-esteem will protect you from so many bad things in life and it’ll also push you to accomplish everything you ever dreamed about.
If you lose it, you’ll be a great target for other people to hurt you. Show his ex that you’re confident about yourself, your man and your love. Make it clear that you’re standing behind him, no matter what and that your love is so strong that nothing and none can ruin it.
Related: 9 Ways Jealousy Destroys Your Relationship
3. Protect your emotional and mental health
I know it’s not easy to go through this but you need to pay attention to your general well-being. If you keep obsessing about it, your emotional and mental health will be completely ruined.
Give it time and try to trust your man. If he says that nothing is going on between him and his ex-girlfriend, trust his word. Time will tell whether he was really honest with you or not.
4. Talk to your mutual friends about it
You can’t and shouldn’t go through this all alone. You should form a support group or talk to a person you’ll be able to share your feelings and fears with.
It can be a mutual friend or a family member. If you go for a mutual friend, you should ask for their opinion about your situation because they probably know something more about the previous relationship of your man.
Let people close to you help you. Don’t keep such painful things to yourself because, sooner or later, it’ll all come out on the surface, explode and have terrible consequences.
5. How was their relationship?
This is very important. And the answer to this question will definitely reveal whether the fact your boyfriend didn’t cut ties with his ex is a red flag or not.
If they were in a serious, lasting relationship and they broke up only a while ago, it’s possible that they still have feelings for each other. Even if they think they don’t, they’ll always remind each other of those memories they had together and that may awaken the old flame.
If their relationship was very short, if they didn’t even bond as romantic lovers, they probably decided it’s better for them to be friends. In this case, you really have nothing to worry about.
6. Don’t let your insecurities make you misunderstand things
Insecurities, insecurities… Frankly, we all have them and we all hate them from our gut. They make you see some things that don’t exist in reality.
If you have low self-esteem, it may make you think that your man will leave you for someone else. That’s why it’s no wonder you’re jealous of his ex he still didn’t cut ties with.
That’s why you need to find a way to silence your insecurities. Prove to them, yourself and everyone else that your love is far greater than your insecurities and everything else that is standing in the way of your relationship.
7. What does he talk about with his ex-girlfriend?
Do you know what kind of relationship your boyfriend and his ex have right now? What do they talk about?
If they talk about their relationship or things they went through together, there is definitely something suspicious there.
On the other hand, if they speak about some important things or simply as friends, you can rest assured because there is probably nothing going on there.
8. Try to understand their friendship
I know it’s not very common but there are cases where two partners decide to stay friends when they end their romantic relationship. It may sound awkward but maybe your boyfriend and his ex are indeed friends and that’s the reason they’re still in contact.
Of course, they probably aren’t best friends and they don’t speak 24/7, but they may be friends that text or speak every now and then. If your man says that is the case between them, you should believe him.
It’s hard to understand and even more difficult to accept, but you’ll need to do it if you want to maintain your relationship.
9. Try to be and stay realistic
I know this is hard because your feelings are in the middle of everything. However, you need to try to keep a realistic perspective and see things for how they truly are.
You love your man and, of course, you’re jealous because he’s still in contact with his ex. However, don’t allow your jealousy to blind you and make you do things that you will only regret later.
By keeping a realistic perspective, you’ll also keep your relationship alive. If you start imagining things that aren’t there, you’ll put your relationship in serious danger.
10. Never accuse him of cheating without a legit proof
If your boyfriend talks with his ex-girlfriend only when they find themselves at the same place, he’s probably doing it out of courtesy. However, if they talk and text almost every day, then there is probably something going on between them. Your man might get back together with his ex.
But, even if that’s true, even if they speak very often, you still can’t accuse him of anything because you don’t have any proof. He isn’t doing anything behind your back, he’s only talking with her.
If you accuse him of cheating only because he didn’t cut ties with his ex-girlfriend, that may hurt him deeply. So, don’t take any serious steps if you don’t have strong proof for it.
11. Don’t let it destroy your relationship
This can be very difficult to cope with, especially if you’re in a long-distance relationship. Your partner is far away from you and those doubts you have are killing you slowly every day and you feel like you can do absolutely nothing about it.
If you allow those doubts to harm your relationship, it will only mean that you never sincerely loved your man in the first place and that your relationship isn’t strong enough to survive it.
When two people love each other, they trust one another despite everyone and everything else. They don’t ignore their issues but they always try to find a way to deal with them in a healthy way.
12. Give him the benefit of the doubt
If you don’t have a strong reason to doubt the fidelity of your man, give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, you’re still with him despite the fact he didn’t cut ties with his ex-wife/girlfriend, and that shows that you still trust him in a way.
Be understanding, have patience and show your man that you trust him completely. However, let him also know that if he betrays that trust, he’ll lose you forever.
13. NEVER give him ultimatums
This is something a lot of people do in a romantic relationship. Giving ultimatums is one of the most common relationship mistakes that leads to a definite breakup.
When you truly love someone, giving him an ultimatum to choose between you and another person is the last thing you must do. There are so many other ways to solve issues between your significant other and you than by giving them ultimatums.
Your ultimatum may make him angry and he may choose the other person to spite you. That ultimatum may only cost you losing the man you love.
14. Snoop through his text messages
I’m not generally up for snooping through someone’s private things, however, when you’re in this kind of ‘my boyfriend won’t cut ties with his ex’ situation, you should check his phone.
Go through his WhatsApp, Snapchat, Facebook and other social media. Maybe the proof of his infidelity is waiting for you on his phone. If you find some strange text messages between him and his ex-girlfriend or proof they were sexting, you should break up with him ASAP.
However, be very careful because he shouldn’t catch you snooping through his phone. He’ll know then that you have trust issues and that may harm your relationship.
15. Is he afraid of losing you?
Did he ever tell or show you that he’s afraid of losing you? If he has, you have nothing to worry about because your man obviously loves you and his relationship with his ex-girlfriend is simply platonic.
On the flip side, if he has never shown that to you, you should remind him how his life would look if he lost you. You should give him a reason to think about losing you and maybe that will scare him.
He’s probably used to you and he thinks you won’t ever leave him. However, once you show him that it’s a possibility if he keeps disrespecting you by talking with his ex, he’ll show you whether he’s afraid of losing you or not.
16. Know when to let go and break up
Ask yourself a simple question; ‘Does he really love me?’. If you aren’t 100% sure about the way your man feels about you, it’s a huge red flag that he doesn’t really love you.
Those kinds of trust issues can’t be tolerated in a healthy relationship. It’s better to break up than to keep smothering both of you with doubts.
And if you find a clear sign that you’re dating a cheater, you should immediately leave him. Actually, the first time you run into proof that he’s being unfaithful to you, you should end your relationship.
By forgiving him and staying in that relationship you will only keep breaking your own heart. Sometimes, going away and moving on is the hardest thing to do. But it’s also the only choice you have.
Is It OK For A Partner To Still Talk To Their Ex?
It’s okay but under specific circumstances. If their relationship was long ago and if it wasn’t serious or didn’t last for too long, they probably didn’t even bond like lovers but more like friends and in that situation, it is okay.
On the other hand, if they have just ended their relationship and if it was something serious, then it’s not okay for them to stay friends or to stay in contact. It’ll bother their new partners for sure.
If their new girlfriend/boyfriend doesn’t agree with it, they should immediately end contact with their ex. They should do it out of the love and respect they feel for their new partner.
Of course, if they still have feelings for their former lover, then it’s a different story. They shouldn’t even engage in a new relationship if they have feelings for their ex.
How Do You Know If He Still Loves His Ex?
If your boyfriend still talks with his ex, it doesn’t have to mean he’s still in love with her, too. You may consider it as a red flag but it’s definitely not proof that he still has feelings for her.
However, if he manifests some other signs like, for example, mentioning her and the memories they have too often, visiting her social media, and showing interest in her love life, then you should be worried.
In the beginning, you may not notice it but the truth is, if your man hasn’t moved on from his past relationship, you’ll figure it out sooner or later. You’ll never be able to break all of his walls and get too near to him.
You’ll realize that you aren’t the only lady in his thoughts and his heart. Maybe you’ll try to deny it at first but the sooner you accept it, the sooner you’ll be able to find a solution that will protect your heart from being broken.
Is It A Red Flag If A Guy Still Talks To His Ex?
If they speak only from time to time and on special occasions, then it’s clearly not a red flag for your relationship. However, if they ended their relationship not so long ago and they still text and talk very often, it’s a clear sign something is happening between them.
Maybe your boyfriend really sees his ex as only a friend but maybe she sees him through completely different eyes. In the end, it’s not so common for guys to stay such great friends with their exes.
The truth is, there will always be some feelings left. One side will always secretly wish for getting back together with their ex.
If they were dating a long time ago and their relationship didn’t last for too much, then they may have really stayed good friends. However, my advice to you is to pay attention to what they talk about and keep your man at a safe distance.
To Wrap It Up
All I have to say to you in the end is good luck. Being in the ‘my boyfriend won’t cut ties with his ex’ kind of relationship is heart wrenching.
You can’t stop questioning him, your relationship… absolutely everything all the time and I know how overwhelming that can be.
However, I’m 100% on your side. Your boyfriend needs to leave his previous relationship in the past. More importantly, he needs to show you that he chooses you over every other woman. That will be the biggest proof of love from his side.
But, you need to tell him that. Remember, he’s just a human being, he can’t read your mind. Let him know how hurt you are about the fact he still hasn’t cut ties with his ex and I’m sure it’ll change everything. Once again, good luck and have faith in your love.
