Límites poco saludables con la ex mujer (13 tipos + cómo solucionarlos)
Sé que probablemente te cueste admitir que tienes límites poco saludables con tu ex mujer. Después de todo, solías estar CASADO.
¿Cómo podrías NO estar cerca de ella? ¿Cómo podrías dejarla completamente?
Todas esas preguntas son válidas. Pero has olvidado hacerte la más importante:
¿Qué sería lo mejor para mi salud mental? ¿Cómo afectarán mis decisiones sobre mi ex mujer a otras áreas de mi vida? ¿Cómo puedo establecer límites saludables?
En los párrafos siguientes encontrará las respuestas a todas estas preguntas.
13 tipos de límites poco saludables con la ex mujer
¿Te preguntas si tienes límites poco saludables con tu ex mujer? Echa un vistazo a los 13 comportamientos tóxicos a continuación para tenerlo claro:
1. La ira es inútil.
En destrucción del divorcio is real. One partner usually blames the other for the problems that led to it. But, addressing the issue isn’t the same as constant fighting.
When you want to solve the problem, you don’t care about being right. You only want peace in the marriage again.
But, if you argue only for the sake of arguing, that’s something you need to fix.
¿Por qué? Por dos razones:
1. Whatever issues made you separate don’t even matter now. You already made up your mind that el divorcio era su única opción.
2. Since you aren’t together anymore, as guilty as the other person is, you can’t play the blame game anymore.
That’s an obvious example of unhealthy boundaries with ex-wife. If your angry outbursts happen too often, that’s even outright emotional abuse.
It doesn’t matter whose fault it is anymore. What’s done is done.
2. Jealousy won’t bring her back.
Do you meddle with your ex-wife’s new partner or vice versa?
If so, let me remind you that you decided to end things. You signed the divorce papers. You don’t owe each other any explanations anymore.
I know it’s hard to ignore your spouse while you’re separated y verlos estar con otra persona, pero ambos tomaron su decisión DE SEPARARSE.
Of course, it’s going to hurt, but that doesn’t mean that you have any right to openly complain about it.
Suffer in silence… until it doesn’t hurt anymore. Trust me, acts of jealousy aren’t good for either of you.
Instead of getting angry, try finding a new girlfriend yourself. But, make sure that it’s not an relación de rebote malsana. Debería gustarte por ELLA.
3. We weren’t made for only one love story.
Si dejas que tu ex mujer tenga demasiado espacio en tu cabeza, las cosas se pondrán feas.
You need to convince yourself that she’s in your past now. Learn to appreciate the memories without letting them control you.
If you focus on what you had with her, you’ll never allow yourself to see someone else as an ideal new girlfriend.
Su matrimonio ha terminadoAsí que, ¿por qué no nueva relación ¿una oportunidad?
¿Sabes cuánto tiempo puedes perder si sigues aferrándote a ella?
What if your ideal person is right under your nose, but you can’t see them because you’re stuck somewhere you no longer belong?
Piénsalo un rato.
4. Away from the eyes, away from the heart…
Well, not really… but constant chatting isn’t going to help either!
¿Cómo esperas seguir adelante de tu ex mujer si habláis todo el tiempo?
Cuanto más habléis, más difícil os resultará encontrar a otra persona. Puede que os hayáis divorciado por una buena razón, pero (supongo) probablemente haya años llenos de amor detrás de vosotros.
No matter how much they hurt you, it’s not easy to forget someone you’ve lived with for so long.
Hazle un favor a tu corazón y deja de hablar con ellos más de lo debido. Llámalos solo si REALMENTE lo necesitas, pero si no, aléjate.
A veces, puede que inconscientemente busques razones válidas para acercarte a ellos (lo cual es un signo de apego malsano), por lo que le aconsejo que preste atención a este aspecto.
Every time you feel tempted, ask yourself: ”But do I need to do this? Can’t I solve this on my own?”
Créeme, cuanto más lejos estén de ti, más rápido sanarás.
5. If you can’t kill the connection, at least don’t deepen it.
Your ex-wife has been with you through thick and thin. Understandably, she’s the first person you’d like to call in times of need.
Sin embargo, cumplir ese deseo es algo muy distinto.
If you keep reaching out to her, you won’t ever get her out of your head. You need to learn how to aléjate de ella y confiar en otras personas.
When someone helps you deal with a problem, you get attached to them. It’s only natural. So, you can imagine what a problem that is when your EX-WIFE is in the picture.
No matter how tempting it is to call her, solve your issue on your own. It’s not fair to drag her into your world again.
She’ll probably be glad to help you, and then you’ll create a never-ending cycle of a relación tóxica.
Sí, eso sería tóxico. Si crees que estar tan cerca de tu ex mujer es normal y bonito, piénsalo otra vez.
6. Deja el pasado en el pasado.
Chatting with your ex-wife is bad enough, but if your conversations revolve around your past, that’s a recipe for disaster!
Si, por alguna razón, tienes que seguir en contacto, cíñete a temas más ligeros. Hablad de cosas triviales, contad algún chiste o simplemente tratad los asuntos que tenéis que resolver juntos.
The shorter the visits, the better because there’s no need to stir up memories of past happiness.
If you keep reminding yourselves of how good it was, it’s only going to be harder to suelta.
Treating them as a stranger is even more awkward if you’ve ended on good terms, but that’s precisely why you have to be careful.
You divorced for a reason. In your eyes, it was obviously unforgivable. Don’t let love blind you.
Just because you love someone doesn’t mean they’re the right person for you.
I know that’s the biggest lesson I learned, and I hope it’ll help you, too!
7. Sex isn’t always ‘just sex.’
To you, sex might seem harmless and fun, but if you’re doing it with your ex-wife, it’s anything BUT.
This is someone you used to live with, someone you genuinely loved. It’s impossible to just turn your emotions off.
If anything, they can only become stronger. When you’re already emotionally attached to someone, physical intimacy brings you closer together.
Don’t play this game. If you want to be with her, you shouldn’t have signed the papers in the first place. Satisfy your sexual desire elsewhere…unless this isn’t about sexual desire at all…
Sé sincero contigo mismo sobre lo que quieres. Sólo entonces podrás hacer algo al respecto.
8. Abandona tus antiguos roles.
A ver si lo entiendo. Decidieron divorciarse, ¿y aún así actúan como marido y mujer?
Esa es LA definición de límites poco saludables con la ex-esposa.
If you both agreed on separation, you can’t have the same demands as when you were together.
Before, you were two individuals involved together. You both had wants and needs the other person had to take into consideration. That’s what partnership is all about.
Lo que tienes que darte cuenta es que esto ya no es una asociación. Que actúes como si lo fuera es una rasgo tóxico que necesitas trabajar.
Puede que se haya divorciado legalmente de su ex mujer, pero aún debe trabajar en la separación mental.
9. If someone decides to leave you, let them…
It can’t get worse than this. If you are so hung up on your ex-wife (or vice versa) that you use the court to stay close to them, you really need to do some soul searching.
This isn’t only about you. You are actually affecting the life of another human being.
You refuse to disengage from her and ruin her chance at happiness due to your selfish love. Yes, I’m sorry, but if you genuinely loved her, you wouldn’t treat her this way.
If you see that she’s doing fine without you, then cortarle el rollo. You can use the legal system against her as much you’d like, but that will only create resentment.
In a desire to keep her close, you’ll only drive her further away. Is that what you really want?
On the other hand, if you want some sort of revenge, isn’t it better to use your time to build a una vida más feliz ¿para ti? ¿Por qué perder el tiempo en una relación arruinada?
Sean cuales sean tus razones, la persona más perjudicada, al final, ¡eres TÚ!
10. Your children aren’t toys.
¿Existe un ejemplo más desagradable de límites poco saludables con la ex mujer que utilizar vuestra relación de coparentalidad para vengaros el uno del otro?
Maybe you’re talking negatively about her all the time and turning your kids against her. Or maybe she’s seeking child support and alimony not for her kids’ sake but out of anger?
Do you even realize what you’re doing? Instead of being a good and loving parent, you see your children as pawns in a game of revenge.
Remember – they exist for you to LOVE.
If you’re still resentful towards your ex-wife, why not talk to her about it? If it’s too awkward, there’s always a trusted friend, family member, or even a therapist.
But, please, leave the kids out of it. Don’t give them trauma. Even if they’re not fully aware of what’s going on, it has an impact on them.
Divorce is hard enough for them. Don’t make it even harder.
11. Be a good parent… for a good reason.
You’re using your own children again, but this time, in a more “loving” manner.
¿Qué significa eso?
Bueno, básicamente, los tratas bien por todas las razones equivocadas.
You don’t really care about raising them properly. You don’t care about being a good parent. You care about being BETTER than the other parent.
It’s all a competition to you. You don’t know any other way to take out your anger on your ex-wife.
Actions don’t matter. Motives do. Treat your children well not out of resentment but out of love.
The world didn’t come to an end. It was only your marriage that ended. Your little ones still need you.
12. Eres responsable de tu propia felicidad.
Yes, your ex-wife may have ruined your marriage, but she didn’t ruin your whole life.
Lo que tienes que entender es esto:
Other people aren’t responsible for your happiness.
Cuando te hacen daño, ellos SON los culpables, pero TÚ eres responsable de su propia recuperación.
You won’t accomplish anything by blaming your ex-wife. You will only feed your negative feelings until they drive you insane.
It’s understandable if you’re angry. You have every right to be angry. But, that’s not the emotion that deserves your full attention.
Elige el amor. Elige el autocuidado. Elige la superación personal.
Una mentalidad de víctima nunca te lleva a ninguna parte. Sólo aumenta tu miseria.
13. Todos merecemos nuestra paz.
Divorciarte de tu mujer = mantenerte al margen de su vida personal.
That means you can’t keep showing up to her workplace or sending her textos tóxicos . You can’t go through her stuff or stalk her social media accounts.
She may have been yours, but she isn’t anymore, and you have to respect her choice.
You both lead new lives now. What’s going on in hers shouldn’t concern you anymore.
Así que, la próxima vez que empieces actuar posesivamenteo comprobando su lista de seguidores en Instagram, o preguntando por ahí sobre su nuevo novio, hazte esta pregunta:
Why am I wasting my time doing this for someone who doesn’t care about me anymore?
Nada de lo que hagas va a cambiar nada. Estos límites insalubres con ex esposa sólo puede hacer que usted más miserable.
¿Cómo establecer límites con la ex mujer?
Si quieres arreglar los límites poco saludables con tu ex mujer, echa un vistazo a los siguientes consejos:
1. Cambia tu mentalidad.
This is the most important step. You need to sit down and feel your emotions. Cry your heart out if you must because keeping it inside won’t help you.
Pero, si te dejas emocionalmente vulnerable, you’ll be able to see things more clearly.
You’ll be able to admit that your marriage is history now. You are only an EX-HUSBAND to her, and there’s no point in going back to your old life.
You aren’t together anymore, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Obsessing over the old times can only bring you pain. It’s time to stop reopening the same vieja herida.
2. Say what’s on your mind.
You can’t just make up boundaries in your head. Since they concern your ex-wife, you have to actually let her know what you want and need.
She’s not a mind reader. She can’t respect your boundaries unless you clearly state them.
¿Qué es lo que aceptas con respecto a ella? ¿Qué no podrías aceptar nunca?
Piénsalo un poco y llámala. Pero ten en cuenta también que en este juego deben participar dos. Pregúntale por sus propios límites.
Maybe your new girlfriend is a bad stepmom to her children. When a stepparent is a negative influence, you can’t blame your ex-spouse for interfering.
If you happen to have a blended family, make sure to remember that the children aren’t only yours. Your ex, too, has the right to make the decisions.
La comunicación es la clave. Nunca sale nada bueno de la ira o la comportamiento pasivo-agresivo.
Por primera vez, sed sinceros el uno con el otro sobre vuestras necesidades (¡manteniendo las distancias!), y por fin podréis mantener una relación sana.
3. Don’t get too close…
You might think that being friendly with your ex-spouse in the post-divorce period is the mature thing to do, but you’re looking at it the wrong way…
Yes, not arguing when you get together IS mature, but this is more about your mental health than your maturity. You have to do what’s right for YOU.
Cada vez que te acerques más a tu ex cónyuge, estaréis más conectados el uno con el otro, y será aún más difícil olvidarla.
Así que, si realmente debes mantener el contacto, olvídate de tu relación pasada. Imagina que la persona que tienes delante es un vecino al que apenas conoces.
Talk about what you have to talk about and move on with your lives. Trust me, that’s best for your own well-being.
Dejar de revisar el pasado
¿Has admitido por fin que tienes límites poco saludables con tu ex mujer? ¿Estás listo para establecer nuevos límites y cuidar mejor de tu salud mental?
Sé que los viejos hábitos son difíciles de erradicar, pero tienes que tomar las riendas de tu propia vida, lo que significa dejar atrás el pasado.
It might be easier said than done, but you can start by refusing to look back. By this, I don’t mean ”You can’t think about it” but rather ”When you think about it, don’t act on it.”
Eres más fuerte de lo que crees.
