As of the moment, I am done. I hate to be the one to say it. I hate giving up, but this time, I’m left with no other option. Actually, you left me no other option.
I hate cutting all our ties from the times when I was happy. (I was happy being the key words here.) But it’s been a while since the last time I felt true happiness.
I’ve caught myself holding onto something that maybe wasn’t even there.
I hate having this feeling and this need to give it another shot. Something keeps telling me that just maybe, if I gave it one more chance, we could make it work. If I tried harder this time, maybe things would be different.
The only problem is, it wasn’t me that needed to give us another chance. It wasn’t me that needed to put more effort into all of this.
I am not the one that’s leaving this relationship in debt. I’ll make sure I keep reminding myself about this.
I’m done putting all of my efforts into someone who is living on the glory of old fame for a long time now.
I am done questioning myself whether I am worth enough just because someone I’m with doesn’t care to make an effort.
I hate to be the one to text first and start the conversation all the time. I hate to be the one that always needs to insist on something to spend some time with you—don’t I deserve to get some attention as well?
You were polite towards me, but that’s not what I needed. I needed love, efforts, and for you to make me feel like you are my home.
Like I made you feel that I am your safe haven. I needed to know that I can count on you as much as you can count on yourself.
The ugly truth is you were never insecure about me; you were insecure about yourself. The only problem is—you’ve projected it onto our relationship.
I’ve done everything to prove to you that you have me and you’ve done nothing but fail me over and over again.
I accepted and fell in love with you the way you were and I would have lasted like that for a thousand years more, but the feeling wasn’t mutual.
You made me question everything I am, and I always wondered what it is that I need to change in order for you to notice me.
I’ve tried to meet your expectations; I tried to be likable by you like I’ve never tried for anybody else in my life.
I have no idea what more there is to be done. So I’m finished. I’m out of ideas to make you love me again or make you love me at all.
Now, I am left insecure about everything we had before. You’ve made me question everything we lived together and everything I felt.
I’m wondering what the hell made you be with me in the first place.
I wanted this to be worth it. I really did. But I hated being the only one wanting it.
I’d hate to look back in a few previous months and see them as wasted, but that feeling is getting under my skin slowly.
I’d hate to see I’ve wasted my time and all my love on someone who took it for granted.
I’m done trying to make you bigger in the eyes of my friends. I hated them for saying I’m wasting my time with you.
I tried to prove them wrong and instead of that, I proved them right.
There is no future for us as I feel now. So, I am done trying to make you try. I am done trying new things to make you happy.
I am done waiting for your wake up. You’ve been asleep for too long. And I’ve moved far away while you were sleeping.
I am done making you my priority when in fact, I was just an option to you.
The sad part is I never stopped believing in you. I never gave anybody’s negative talk about you the benefit of the doubt because I was the one sure you were born to do extraordinary things. Perhaps you were, but only not with me.
I am done cheering for you and disregarding my life for someone who I’m not even sure cares about me.
I don’t blame you. You didn’t ask for any of this. It’s just when I love, I give everything.
I give myself all in because I expect everything in return. I don’t do half-assed love. I either do it right or don’t do it at all.
I guess that’s how it goes in relationships—you never know if somebody is worthy or not. You have to let them show it to you until you’re already in it too deep.
I am done trying to be the sparkle of your life. I am done trying to make you happy and proud of me.
Because I just can’t meet the expectations you have of me. I just can’t be that girl you want me to be.
Obviously nothing I do is ever enough for you and you’re never fully satisfied. So I’m done.
In order to fill the void you feel, I’d would have needed to be somebody else and that would kill me. I’d hate to see me change for you just so you could set a new milestone again.
Would it ever end? Would you ever be completely satisfied with the way I am or the way I would be? I doubt it.
I’ve given my best, and the saddest thing of them all is the fact that my best wasn’t enough.
I never noticed my flaws until I met you. Then, upon looking at myself in the mirror, I kept wondering if I’d changed some things, would you have wanted me more?
But there would be always something you’d like to change about me, so what’s the point? It’s easier to let you find someone else than it is to completely change myself.
I’d just like you to know that I am not the first one to give up on us. You are the one that walked away a long time ago; you just stayed physically present.
I am just doing what you did to me a long time ago, but I am having the balls to do it right.
Walking away from something that’s hurting me now is less painful than staying. Because for me, to stay would mean to die.
By walking away, even if that walk is painful, I’m giving us the chance to meet a person who’ll love us the way we deserve. I am sorry I couldn’t be that person for you.
I know that the first few days officially without you will kill me. Because no matter what happened, you were my favorite part of the day.
You were my sanctuary and I loved curling up next to you. I loved the illusion that I had you, even for a little.
In the first few days, you won’t even notice I am not there. Even if you notice my absence, you’ll thank God for the space you’ve got.
But, eventually, it will all hit you. And I promise you’ll miss me.
You’ll miss the person who took care of you. You’ll miss the person that loved you unconditionally.
You’ll miss the person that did everything to make you happy.
And you’ll think of me as the person who doesn’t care about you anymore.
I know our roads are going to cross again and you’ll meet me holding another man’s hand and greeting you with a smile.
You’ll see I’m steady and I might secretly want that guy to be you. I might find in that guy everything I was waiting for from you.
I won’t ever be steady upon meeting you. I’ll always observe you as a bunch of my ‘what ifs’ because I hate to see us fail.
I will have found somebody who’ll care for me as I cared for you. I will have found somebody who’s gonna respect me like I did to you.
I will have found somebody who knows I’m worthy just as I saw you once like that.
I will have found somebody to whom I’ll mean the whole world, just like you did once to me.
And that’s when it will hit you. That’s when you’ll realize what I’ve known from the beginning.
We could’ve had it all, if you had just cared enough.
You’ll see me with the person who had no need to see me with somebody else to know my value.