Walking away from someone you love is probably the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do- even though it might not seem that way.
When we talk about break-ups and the ending of a relationship, we always focus on the person left behind.
Everyone is concerned about how this person feels and about their emotional pain, assuming that walking away is a piece of cake.
Leaving someone and breaking the relationship off is the easiest thing that can be done, right? Well, not always.
Everyone assumes that the person who takes this step doesn’t have any emotions and that they don’t feel any pain. Otherwise, they wouldn’t do it, would they?
But the situation is completely different if you are walking away from someone you love.
So, how do you know it’s time to move on, even though your heart is telling you to stay? Most importantly- how do you actually do it?
Well, if you read on, you’ll find all the answers to your questions and more.
How Do You Know When It’s Time To Walk Away From Someone You Love?
No matter how much you love another person, if they don’t love you back or simply don’t treat you the way you deserve, it’s more than a reason enough to turn your back on them.
Besides, if your gut is telling you to move away from someone- listen to it- it knows what it’s talking about.
The bad outnumbers the good
Your relationship should make you happy. I won’t lie to you: this doesn’t mean that it will be all butterflies and roses.
I don’t care if we’re talking about a romantic relationship or a relationship with a friend or a family member: there will always be some ups and downs. That’s just how life works.
But the problem arises if the downs are more frequent than the ups. And I’m not talking about a temporary phase here.
This is not a rough period you and your partner fight to overcome- because we all have those. Now, this has become your relationship reality.
The other person doesn’t make you laugh or smile- they make you cry. You’re not looking forward to seeing them because you know you’re up for a fight.
Your partner should give you positive energy. Instead, they bring your mood down and darken your spirit.
They should be the one to push you forward. Instead, they keep on holding you back.
Do most of these things sound familiar? If the answer is yes, what are you still doing in this toxic relationship?
If it’s causing you more stress than relaxation, I’m sorry but moving on is the only option you have. That is, if you don’t want to spend the rest of your life feeling miserable.
I know that you’re scared. This is your comfort zone and you already know how to deal with this kind of pain.
You’re convinced that leaving will hurt even more. But trust me- this pain will be only temporary.
In the long run, you’ll feel like you’ve lost a heavy burden (because that’s exactly what this relationship represents for you.)
You have no future together
Sometimes, things are doomed to fail, as much as you want them to succeed. If you and your partner have no future together, things will never work out, despite all the love you might be feeling.
I know that this is actually what makes your love even more interesting. At the bottom line, you know this relationship isn’t possible and that’s what makes the attraction so fatal.
But hey, sooner or later, you’ll have to look the truth in the eyes. You’ll have to stop wasting any more precious time of your life and call it quits.
Well, why can’t that moment be now? If you see that something is a recipe for a disaster, what is there to wait before you part ways with this person?
Instead of postponing the inevitable, just make a clear cut. Instead of looking for excuses to stay, leave and never look back.
Trust me- you can’t change the outcome. I don’t know if this is a forbidden love we’re talking about, if this is someone you have different life priorities with or you’ll just never be loved the way you deserved.
Either way, the point is pretty much the same. And the final result will be the same.
Yes, the truth is that you should live in the present moment. But it’s about time you start thinking about your future as well.
Deep down, you know it’s time
Sometimes, your intuition is stronger than anything else. There are times when you really want to stay next to someone but deep down, you know that you’re stuck in a toxic relationship.
Maybe something is telling you that your seemingly perfect romance is about to become abusive, that your partner is not what they want the world to think or just that you won’t be happy together.
You don’t have a logical explanation for this but it’s like a tiny voice is screaming loudly that you should run. On one hand, you love this person to the moon and back but at the same time, you have this uncontrollable urge to escape this relationship.
Sounds weird, I know. But if this is something you’ve been experiencing lately, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
Well, in that case, let me give you a piece of advice: never ignore your intuition. It exists for a reason.
It’s possible that your subconscious self notices some red flags you’re deliberately blind and deaf for. These are not false alarms- you’re detecting a heads up that you should pay close attention to.
I’m not saying that you must run for your life on the first sign of warning. But if this keeps on happening and at the same time, you’re lying to yourself that you can make your relationship work- it’s time to walk away.
You’re not respected
No matter what the other person might be telling you, there is no romantic love without respect included. In fact, there is no love in general where there is no respect.
These two things go hand in hand with each other. If you’re not respected- you’re not loved either.
And what more do you need to leave this toxic relationship? It’s about time you stand up for yourself and call it quits.
Maybe your partner is unfaithful. Maybe they try to control you. Maybe they don’t appreciate everything you do for your relationship. Maybe they treat you as the submissive one.
The examples and the possibilities are endless. But every relationship expert will tell you the same: lack of respect is one of the red flags you mustn’t ignore.
Remember what you deserve. Open your eyes and understand that this is not a healthy relationship you should spend another minute in.
Your love is unrequited
We’ve all been there. We’ve been in love with our best friends, coworkers or people who don’t take us seriously.
Loving someone who doesn’t love you back is no shame. These things happen, especially if the other person has been leading you on.
They’re probably giving you false hope. They never told you they actually loved you but they keep on sending you mixed signals that leave you confused.
One day, they act like they’re one step away from getting their act together. They send you signs they’re in love with you and you think you’ve finally achieved your goal.
But then, when they see that you’re crazy for them all over again, they change their story and go back to ignoring you.
Trust me: this guy or a girl don’t love you and never will. They enjoy the attention they’re getting from you and that’s all.
But you can be in a romantic relationship with the person who doesn’t love you as well. This option is much more painful.
They’re with you because they’re scared of change or because they know they can’t find anyone better. Either way, the point is that their behavior patterns are clearly showing you how much they don’t care.
You shouldn’t stay next to someone who doesn’t love you back, no matter how much you love them. Your love isn’t enough to compensate for their indifference.
I hate to break it to you but there is nothing you can really do here except leaving. Don’t spend any more minutes of your life waiting for a miracle that will never happen.
You need a real relationship where you’ll be loved and cherished, the way you deserve. But you can never find it as long as you’re stuck with this misery.
The trust is violated
Besides love and respect, there are other foundations of a healthy relationship. One of them is trust.
If the trust gets broken beyond repair, it will be hard to make the relationship work. I’m not saying that it’s impossible but it is definitely one of the reasons to move away.
What will you do if you can’t rebuild it? Will you spend the rest of your life next to someone you can’t trust? Absolutely not because that would equal spiritual suicide.
If you stay, doubts will become your loyal companion. You’ll question every word that comes out of your partner’s mouth and eventually, these suspicions will eat you alive.
Do you want this for yourself? I bet not.
The same goes both ways. If your better half doesn’t trust you even though you haven’t done anything to make them feel that way, there is nothing much to do but to pack your bags.
Sooner or later, these tensions will be the end of you.
You aren’t compatible
Have you ever been in a situation where a guy or a girl rocks your world but you both know you’re not cut out for each other. You’re different, don’t want the same things in life and are both too stubborn to change your ways.
Compromise is just a word in a dictionary as far as you’re concerned. Both of you stick to your attitudes and there is no chance of meeting halfway.
What’s even worse- there is no hope that the situation might change in the future. You’re simply not compatible.
This might be true love but sadly, breaking up is the only reasonable option.
Forget about the passion for one moment. Forget about the fireworks and butterflies.
Let’s be real: do you two have a chance of working out? I’m not saying that this is not true love but trust me- staying in this relationship is more likely to lead you to a broken heart than leaving on time.
You’ve stayed for all the wrong reasons
You have a hard time being alone. You’re terrified that you’ll never find love. You want to fit in with your best friends and have a romantic partner as well. You think you’ll die alone.
Sounds familiar, right? I could go on and on like this forever. These are all the reasons people stay in bad relationships.
If you’ve been thinking about walking away from someone you love for some time now but kept staying for all the wrong reasons- stop doing that!
I don’t care if you two have a history together. I don’t care what your best friends and family members will say.
I don’t care if this person is your safe harbour. I don’t care if they’re your comfort zone and whether you’re terrified of stepping into the unknown.
I don’t care about all those wrong reasons you still haven’t packed your bags. And neither should you.
How Do You Walk Away From Someone You Love?
You can’t leave a loved one in a blink of an eye. It’s a process that includes grieving, putting everything on a scale, regaining your sense of self-worth and finally, reaching your happiness.
If you wonder how to walk away from the person you love, read this step-by-step guide that will help you do things with the least emotional consequences.
Make a list of reasons
For starters, let’s include some common sense in all of this. I’m not saying that you’ll disregard your emotions completely but they can’t be the only thing making the decision on your behalf either.
The first step is to make a list of reasons for and against leaving. Be as realistic as possible and put everything on a scale.
Put love on the list as well. But if you’re wondering how to walk away and romantic love you feel is the only positive thing on your list- everything is more than clear.
On the other hand, if your loved one doesn’t respect you, keeps on hurting your mental health or is a selfish jerk who thinks of their own needs only, without paying attention to you- there is no much doubt about what you should do.
The best thing is to write this list down on a piece of paper. This is the way to literally see all the differences between the pros and the cons.
Don’t rush yourself into anything. Take some time to figure things out and you’ll see that new items will pop out on your list.
Remember that love isn’t enough
You loving someone and them loving you back is not enough. I know that the world would be a much better place if love is the only thing that matters but hey, this is not a fairytale or a romantic comedy- we’re talking about real life here.
If you two don’t have similar short term and long term goals, if they don’t appreciate your efforts and sacrifices and if you’re emotionally neglected, everything else is in vain.
This is especially true if there is infidelity or abuse involved. Your partner might swear their eternal love to you but if their actions don’t match their words- what else besides leaving can you do?
You’re an adult and there is no point in pretending that you’re living on a ninth cloud anymore- especially if you’re in the middle of hell.
For a change, let your reason guide you. Turn your brain on and it will show you the right way.
Put yourself first
Sometimes you love your partner to the bones but you know it’s about time to start loving yourself more.
You are very well aware of the intensity of the emotions you feel for them but you simply have to choose yourself over that person.
And the only way to do that is to walk away from the person who is making your life harder, despite all the love that might exist between you two.
There comes a time when you feel like you are losing your sanity around someone. You see that you are losing control of yourself because of that someone.
And most importantly—you see that you will lose yourself if you stay by this person’s side.
Well, it’s about time you choose yourself over the person you love and to think about your own well-being. That’s the only way to make the right call.
Yes, romantic love is important. But trust me, self-love is even more significant. One you realize that putting yourself and your happiness in the first place, you’ll understand that staying next to someone who is breaking your heart is not even an option.
Stick to your decision
Making this decision will be one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do- I won’t sugarcoat it. But once you make it, there is no going back.
You have to stick to it through good and bad days. And yes, there will be bad days. But you’re strong enough to survive them.
You won’t accomplish anything by walking away from someone you love and then returning to them once you start to miss them.
First of all, they won’t take you seriously. They’ll think they can continue playing with you however they want.
After all, your comeback gave them the green light to keep on treating you like garbage. You’re back, aren’t you? Well, that must mean that you’re perfectly okay with the way things were.
What is even more important, you’ll take one step ahead and two steps back. You won’t be at square one- you’ll be in the worst position than before.
So, instead of giving up, just keep walking through the storm.
The light at the end of the tunnel is near and your rainbow is waiting for you on the other side. You just have to go through it, as hurtful as it might be.
Go no contact
You know what they say: Out of sight, out of mind. Well, there is a lot of truth in this saying.
Knowing this, you’ll understand why you have to cut all possible ties with your ex. You can’t expect to get over your ex if you allow them to stick around.
No calling them when you’re feeling low. No texting them when you miss them. No stalking their social media profiles and liking their posts. No asking your mutual friends about their whereabouts.
Now that you’ve gotten the courage to kick this toxic person out of your life, it’s time to throw them out of your heart as well.
The only way to really do it is to apply the no contact rule. Believe me, every communication with them (or about them) will only reopen your wounds that just started healing.
Work on yourself
How much energy did you spend on this person who was never worth it? How much time did you waste on chasing them around?
Now, you’ll redirect all of this effort to the most important person in your life- yourself. Keep yourself busy and work on becoming the best possible version of yourself.
First of all, you’ll have less time to think about the one you left behind. If you start working on your goals in this instance, before you know it, you’ll forget they ever existed.
Also, all of this will boost your self-esteem. Once you finally realize your self-worth and once you are proud of everything you’ve accomplished, you’ll wonder why you haven’t made the decision of leaving sooner.
Allow yourself to grieve…
It’s perfectly natural to feel bad after walking away from someone you love. It’s normal to miss the person you cared for so much.
So, don’t repress your emotions. Don’t act like everything is in order when you’re actually falling apart.
I know that you’re just trying to run away from the pain but this is not the way to do it. Instead, the first stage is allowing yourself to grieve.
If you feel like crying- cry. If you feel like spending an entire day in your pajamas, reading sad love quotes and watching cheesy romantic comedies- that’s exactly what you should do.
… but don’t lose hope
Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean that you should let your pain define you. That won’t bring you anywhere. Don’t turn your failed relationship into a temple and don’t idealize it.
Most importantly: don’t ever lose hope that one of these days, you’ll start feeling better. Because you really will.
Remember: After the rain, comes the sun. I promise you that you will find the kind of love you deserve- you just have to have faith.
This is not the end of the world, even though it might seem that way. You’re not unlovable and you didn’t lose the ability to love others.
Ask for support
Finally, there is no shame in asking for help. You’re going through a hurtful period and you’ve got your heart broken. Besides, at some level, you’re aware that your decision broke it.
It’s nothing strange to feel overwhelmed by all of this. If you don’t want professional help, at least turn to your friends and ask for their support.
Fill them in with everything that’s going on and ask them to be around. Trust me: you’ll get over it much easier if you’re not alone.
Is It Okay To Walk Away From Someone You Love?
The answer all relationship experts will give you is simple: Yes, walking away from someone you still care for is perfectly okay if that’s the right choice for you. I’m not saying it won’t be painful but that doesn’t make it wrong.
Walking away from someone you love doesn’t mean you’ve stopped loving them. It just means that finally, you’ve started loving yourself more.
It means that you’ve put your well-being in the first place and that you’ve decided to do whatever it takes to make yourself as happy as possible.
There is nothing selfish about that. Actually, it’s a bold move.
Quotes About Walking Away From Someone You Love
Sometimes, a complete stranger can turn your pain into words better than you would ever do. You know why? Because you’re not the only one going through this situation. Since the beginning of time, people have been forced to walk away from someone they loved.
That’s exactly why I chose some of my favorite quotes about breaking your own heart like this- so you could see that you’re not alone. Here they are.
1. “The chains that break you, are the chains that make you. And the chains that make you, are the chains you break.” – Anthony Liccione
2. “Part of being a winner is knowing when enough is enough. Sometimes you have to give up the fight and walk away, and move on to something that’s more productive.” – Donald Trump
3. “Knowing when to walk away, is wisdom. Being able to is courage. Walking away with grace, and your head held high, is dignity.” – Ritu Ghatourey
4. “Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.” – Herman Hesse
5. “Just pick up your courage and walk away. Don’t waste time. The longer one drags on, the amount of pain accumulates.” – Dick Hirayama
To Wrap Up
Finally, I want you to know that walking away from someone you still love is the bravest thing you can do.
If this is something you’ve done, you were strong enough to disregard your feelings, despite how all-consuming they were.
You were strong enough not to listen to your heart because you knew it wasn’t going to bring you anything good.
You were strong enough to choose what was right for you in the long term, even though you knew making that decision would lead to your heartbreak.
It means you were strong enough to break your own heart, for the sake of the greater good.
It means you were mature enough to do the only thing that needed to be done if you wanted to save yourself.
And that is why you should be proud of yourself.
Friday 29th of June 2018
I had to walk away from somebody who I loved deeply just a couple days ago despite wanting so, so much to stay and to love and to get taken for granted, so this really hit home. Thank you so much, Selma.