‘Complicated relationship’ is a phrase we hear a lot these days. The term has become more widespread, thanks to the prominent Facebook relationship status option: It’s complicated.
I always wondered what people must feel to declare such a thing, and it turns out there are a number of reasons contributing to the complexity of a relationship.
It’s not like we can provide a clear definition of it, but a complicated relationship means an unsatisfactory love life.
In other words, it’s when partners struggle with insecurities and codependency, have different views on life, or other relationship problems that don’t allow them to take their relationship to the ‘exclusivity‘ level.
It’s a toxic relationship between two people who can’t find common ground despite the strong feelings they share for each other. They’re aware they can’t be together, but they also can’t walk away from each other…
How Do You Know If Your Relationship Is Complicated?
It’s actually pretty simple; if you aren’t sure what your relationship status is at every moment, and if you don’t know where exactly you stand with your partner, you’re in a complicated relationship. Full stop.
When a person is in a healthy and successful relationship, they don’t have to bother about these things because they have a clear picture of their relationship at every moment. And, if questions like this start tormenting them, they simply discuss it with their partner.
If you’re in a relationship in which you’re hesitant to call yourself a couple, I’m afraid you fall into one of these categories that definitely indicate your relationship is complicated:
1. On-again, off-again relationship
It would be great if there was some universal guide on how to build a successful relationship, but the reality is that not only is there no guide, but there are no rules at all. And, the aggravating circumstance is that every relationship is different, just like each one of us is different.
There’s no right path. There’s just a scarily big amount of small and narrow streets everywhere.
Love is messy… our feelings are messy. So, how on earth will relationships not be messy.
If you’re in an on/off relationship, you know there are a number of reasons why people break up.
It can be because of a conflict caused by different personal characteristics (the lack of compatibility), life background, stagnation, or jealousy, for example.
One thing is for sure, though… The breakup is always followed by feelings of loneliness, missing the old habits, and lacking the comfort you had with your once significant other.
And, that’s when things start to get complicated, and are usually followed by a reunion. That’s where the roller coaster begins.
On/off relationships are full of uncertainty, pain, and passion… It sounds like a good romance novel, doesn’t it? However, this kind of relationship surely isn’t worth your efforts and your precious time.
2. Friends with benefits
In the beginning, the whole idea sounds great.
You enjoy seeing each other for some casual and sexy time. Why not?
No strings attached sounds like a good plan, but in reality, it falls flat. One side is going to catch feelings sooner or later and the whole thing will turn into hell. Trust me, I’ve seen it happen so many times.
Your sex lives may be great now but, pretty soon, a simple sentence like “We’re just friends and all of this between us is just a casual thing, right?” may sound heartbreaking to you.
You will stay neither friends nor lovers. You’ll end up hating each other and yourselves for engaging in such a type of relationship in the first place.
It’s normal for human beings to feel other types of closeness after being physically close. And, unfortunately, the friends with benefits term may often mean avoiding responsibilities and acting recklessly.
Before stepping into a relationship like this, you need to think about the consequences.
I know Mila Kunis looks like the coolest person on earth in that movie ‘Friends with Benefits,’ but even she catches feelings in the end. And, you don’t want to be the one who’s saying, “It’s complicated” or, way worse… you don’t want to be left heartbroken.
3. Long-distance relationship
It’s no secret that long-distance relationships can get difficult. In order to succeed, you need to put much more effort in it than with regular relationships.
Why? Your communication can get tiring. Your relationship can easily fall into a rut and it’ll be impossible to deal with it… to get out of that rut and save your love.
It sometimes gets exhausting to write or talk about everything that happened throughout your day, every single day. You want them to be there when it happens instead.
They don’t know your friends, you didn’t meet theirs either, and the fact is that friends represent a huge part of our lives.
You don’t have the physical aspect of a relationship, and we can all agree that’s pretty important. Plus, you don’t know when you’re going to see each other, and it gets hard to live in uncertainty and anticipation.
Every new day of being in a long-distance relationship gets tougher.
Other than that, there are factors such as the financial burden or that there’s no way for the relationship to progress. In that case, you should think about your future together realistically.
Is it going to work or not?
If you want it to work, both sides need to put immense effort into making it work, and also, they’ll need to take some risks. It’s possible to beat the distance… you only need to want it and fight for it enough.
4. Secret relationship
This might sound strange, but think about it. Have you ever felt like your partner is hiding you or being unnecessarily secretive about your relationship? Like you’re secret lovers?
They never take pictures with you, and even when they do, they never make it to their social media profiles. They never write cute love captions or tag you in cute posts. And, even if you want to post a photo of you, they strongly oppose it.
If you’re in a brand new relationship, that might be okay, but after some time, it tends to become suspicious. You feel like they don’t appreciate you enough… like they are not proud to be yours.
It makes you feel like they’re having second thoughts or not taking you seriously.
To deal with it, you need to confront them and get to the bottom of their behavior. If their answers are vague and unsatisfying, that means they’re hiding something or they simply don’t care enough.
5. It feels like you’re nothing more than a hookup
The last thing you definitely want is to feel like you’re just a hookup. If you’re into them and want a long-term relationship, and they treat you like you’re something casual, then it’s complicated and totally unworthy of your time.
The ways you’ll know you’re just a hookup are when:
• They use excuses to not spend the night after you’ve been together.
• They don’t take the time to get to know what you’re like, what you love to do, your tastes or hobbies, etc.
• They don’t bother to answer your messages.
• They avoid meeting your friends and don’t talk about you to theirs.
• They don’t make any effort to make you feel special.
• They never show affection in public.
I’m sorry but if you’re experiencing this, it probably means your partner is a narcissist she/he doesn’t love you, or doesn’t see you as a long-term partner. On the other hand, it may also mean they’re just a member of the ‘non-monogamous relationships’ club.
6. You never had a healthy relationship before
This will probably sound awkward to you, but maybe it’s complicated because you don’t know what it feels like when it’s not complicated.
Maybe you’ve been hurt before, and your defense mechanism is constantly telling you to watch out if something is off.
You over-analyze every situation because you have learned that things are not always what they appear to be. And, that’s okay.
It takes time to heal and trust yourself and other people again. You learned that it takes more than a simple ‘I love you‘ for making things work.
At the end of the day, you need to have an uncomplicated and healthy relationship with yourself first in order to have the same with someone else. You need to clear out and define the relationship status of your self-relationship.
7. Love is there, but something else is missing
You love each other, you care about each other, you text all day long. You feel supported and comfortable, but both of you can’t shake off the feeling that something big is missing.
Sometimes, it feels like they’re your best friend rather than your lover. It’s like there’s something left unsaid or undone.
Neither of you ever said you’re a couple. You just happened to be there for each other when you needed it, and now it just is what it is — some form of undefined partnership with no certain objective.
And, no objective means a lack of true interest, which, furthermore, leads to many complications.
So, before everything turns into a jumbled mess and becomes a situationship, wish each other good luck and move on.
8. Forbidden relationship
Here comes the epitome of complicated. Maybe they’re your best friend’s ex, maybe they’re married, or maybe you just know they’re not good for you.
You both know you shouldn’t be doing it, but it just feels so good.
Try asking yourself whether you’re really in love or if you’re maybe subconsciously a thrill-seeker. You probably already know the answer.
After all of this, we can conclude that a complicated relationship is just a term we use to express much more complex problems. It goes beyond the Facebook relationship status.
If you are in this kind of relationship or if you’re entering one for the first time, remember that your own gut feeling will provide you with the best relationship advice.
How Do You End A Complicated Relationship?
A healthy relationship should always feel safe for both sides. There should be strong levels of understanding, respect, and commitment. If your relationship lacks any of those, if things constantly feel complicated between your partner and you, the only option you have is to end it.
But, first, you need to end it in your head. That is, you need to think it all through. Sort out your thoughts and choose a path you’ll go.
When it comes to sorting things in your heart, that will be more complicated. However, when you put the self-love and the love you feel for someone who doesn’t deserve it at all on scales, the first one will always prevail.
Be direct and open with your partner. Tell them everything you were bottling up inside of yourself for all this time. Get the closure you need in order to move on in a proper way.
It’ll be hard and heartbreaking, that’s for sure. But, with the help of time and a well-organized support system, you’ll manage to get through it and move forward with your life.
How Do You Fix A Complicated Relationship?
On the other hand, if you want to fight for your love and think it’s really worth it, you should stay and work on saving your relationship.
The first thing you need is to find the root cause of that complicity. Find and acknowledge all your relationship problems and deal slowly with each and every one of them.
Both sides need to admit their mistakes and take full responsibility for them. Also, both partners need to work on improving their communication and building a stronger level of trust between them.
If you both think it’s needed, you can also seek professional help.
The only way your relationship will get out of that rut of complicity is if both of you dedicate yourselves completely to fixing and making things work between you.
It’s not enough just to clear that complicity… you also need to work on strengthening your bond and making your relationship healthy.
Complicated Relationship Quotes
I also had to share with you these touching complicated relationship quotes I found online because each one of them describes the heartbreaking struggle so well…
1. “Love isn’t complicated; people are.”
2. “Somehow, you are both the best and the worst thing that has happened to me.”
3. “A no-effort relationship is a doomed relationship, not a great relationship. It takes work to communicate accurately, and it takes work to expose and resolve conflicting hopes and beliefs. It doesn’t mean there is no ‘they lived happily ever after,’ but it’s more like ‘they worked happily ever after.” – Carol S. Dweck
4. “It hurts having you close, but it would hurt even more not having you at all.”
5. “You and I will always be unfinished business.”
6. “We’re more than friends, but less than a couple.”
7. “People make love complicated because they do not get love the way they want to be, ever. I would rather have loved than never to have experienced this complicated and happy feeling.”
8. “My relationship with him was defined by these complex emotions: this mixture of gratitude and resentment.” – Otsuichi
9. “The only complicated things worth fighting for will change the world in some way and/or make you lots of money, and a complicated relationship will only keep you from doing either.” – Ingrid Weir
10. “I am sick and tired of all these things, you see… the problem is loving you is so complicated. You want to know what the problem with love is? No one actually knows what it really is.”
⭐I saved the best for last, of course:
11. “You deserve to be with somebody who makes you happy… somebody who doesn’t complicate your life… somebody who won’t hurt you.”
To Leave Or To Stay, That’s The Question
The complicated relationship scenario only has two options; to stay and fight for your love even though you know it’ll be hard, or to leave, turn your back on it for good, and dig it into the past forever.
And, the only place you’ll find the right answer for your situation is… your heart.
If you already tried and saw that you can’t be away from each other, maybe it’s because you aren’t meant to be apart. In that case, it’s worth the struggle and the fight.
However, if they’re not willing to put your relationship first, then you’re better off without them. Move forward and find someone who’s going to make you feel great and appreciated… someone who’s going to make you feel the way you deserve.
If you see it as unworthy of the fight, gather the strength to leave your rollercoaster relationship once and for all, and continue your search somewhere else…
Somewhere where you’re going to be needed and loved all the time, and without fear of losing your partner.