I’m sure you stumbled upon TikTok’s latest trend, “If they wanted to, they would.” While some women claim that this is the only piece of relationship advice we should all live by, some argue against it, reminding us that things aren’t always that simple.
So, what’s it gonna be? Is this line true or false? You can never know if you don’t read on!
If They Wanted To, They Would: 8 Things To Consider
Here are some important things to consider before reaching a conclusion:
1. Nobody is that busy
Let’s start with the most obvious reason why the “if they wanted to, they would” line is true: everyone finds time and energy for the people and things that really matter to them.
This might sound harsh, but at the end of the day, nobody is too busy to call, text, or be with you when you need them. Try looking at things from your own perspective: you always squeeze the people you care for in your schedule.
If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse!
You can have the busiest day in the world, but you’ll find a way to at least send your loved one a text message or give them a phone call explaining yourself. You won’t ghost them despite being well aware that they need your presence.
On the other hand, if you’re too busy or exhausted, you’ll probably bail that man or woman from Tinder whom you’re supposed to go out on a first date with.
Do you see the difference? You aren’t busy for your family members or best friends, but you’re busy for someone you met on an online dating app.
And, that’s perfectly reasonable. But, it does bring us to the next conclusion: If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse!
2. Life is too short for excuses
However, the last thing you plan on doing is accepting other people’s excuses. And, that’s perfectly fine.
After all, life is too short to sit around waiting for someone to come up with a valid excuse for not treating you right or pulling away. You’re sick and tired of people telling you how much you mean to them, but never actually showing up when you need them.
How many times have you heard your good friend telling you that they wanted to call you, but something didn’t go their way? What about your significant other who claims they love you to the moon and back, but regularly fails to give you the support you expect from them?
What do you do when you come across a situation like this? Should you believe in these empty excuses?
Well, it all depends on your gut. Do you feel like they’re lying to you? If so, run!
3. You’re not equally important to everyone
Here’s a heartbreaking fact: sometimes, you’re not as important to people as you would like to be.
Let’s take this for an example. You met a really nice guy or girl and you’re doing your best to build a committed relationship with them. You know they like you, but they’re either clearly not putting enough effort in connecting with you or they’re making excuses to avoid committing.
So, you say to yourself: If they wanted to, they would. But, why don’t they WANT a serious relationship with you?
You try to justify their behavior, and you keep on looking for excuses. However, the harsh truth is actually quite simple: at the end of the day, you’re the one who cares more.
And, as brutal as this might sound, it’s something you’ll have to accept. A lot of people won’t give you back the love you deserve. That’s all a part of life, and you just have to deal with it.
4. Life sometimes does get in the way
I hate to break your bubble, but things aren’t always as simple as the TikTok advice “If they wanted to, they would” says. You know why? Well, because life is quite unpredictable.
Sometimes, things really do get in the way. How many times have you planned to contact someone, but something unexpected happened?
Of course, I’m not talking about “a dog ate my homework” kind of thing. I’m talking about real life situations that sound like empty excuses, but are actually true.
What if the nice guy you met got hit by a car on the way to your first date? What if someone wasn’t returning your phone calls because they lost a loved one?
What if your friend or a family member hasn’t been texting you because they’re struggling with depression? What if your crush isn’t reaching out because they lost their phone and can’t get a hold of your number?
Unlimited trust vs shadow of a doubt
You have two options here. You can believe these excuses and risk being a fool. Or, you can accuse the other person of not putting enough effort in before asking for an explanation.
What’s it going to be? Well, here’s something that saved my heart from getting broken too many times, and also helped me keep my mental health.
Give the people around you the presumption of innocence. That means giving them a chance to explain themselves.
However, if they repeat the same mistake and try to justify themselves with the same lousy excuse, they won’t be getting a second chance.
5. It takes the blame off you
Possibly the best thing about the “If they wanted to, they would” concept is the fact that it takes the blame off you. Instead of questioning your self-worth every time a potential partner doesn’t text you back, just keep in mind that it was their decision that they have a right to.
Instead of allowing this to ruin your self-esteem, just remember that none of this is your fault.
They didn’t ghost you because of something you did. They weren’t unfaithful because you weren’t enough.
6. Not an invitation to chase them harder
A healthy relationship means equal effort. It’s not about one person running for their life while the other one is chasing them all the time.
Therefore, if someone is not there for you, please see it as a red flag.
I don’t care if they’re not returning your texts and phone calls, ignoring you all over social media, not giving you the amount of time you’re giving them, or ignoring you after y’all slept together.
The bottom line is the same: this is not an invitation for you to chase them harder. On the contrary, it’s a sign to back off.
As much as this hurts, this person clearly doesn’t want any more contact. Or, they’re just playing games.
Either way, the last thing you should do is run after them! They clearly made a choice, and all you can do is respect it and let them go.
7. What is meant to be yours will find a way
The “If they wanted to, they would” concept doesn’t have to be looked at so pessimistically. Instead of searching for reasons why someone wasn’t there for you or chose not to treat you right, just see it as an act of destiny.
It’s actually pretty simple: they weren’t meant to be. Or, at least they weren’t meant to last in your life.
On the other hand, whoever is meant to be yours will always find the time and energy for you. Your soulmate will find a way to your heart.
There won’t be any obstacles or red flags. Once you meet them, everything will fall in its place, and you’ll understand why it never worked with anyone else.
So please, instead of racking your brain, relax and let the Universe take care of you.
8. Some people don’t know how to “be there”
I don’t mean to justify anyone who doesn’t put enough effort into a relationship with you, but here is something you need to hear: a lot of people just don’t have the capacity to love you the way you expect them to.
Maybe they have a different attachment style, are emotionally unavailable, or really don’t know what they want. Maybe the guy who ghosted you actually wanted to stick around, but he got cold feet once he saw that he was falling in love.
Maybe your friend wanted to give you their emotional support, but chickened out once they realized they had to be someone’s rock for the first time ever.
Don’t get me wrong: this doesn’t annul them from responsibility, and you shouldn’t feel guilty for not understanding their reasons!
To Wrap Up: Things aren’t always that simple
So, is the “If they wanted to, they would” sentence true? Is it the concept that should guide you through life?
If someone doesn’t treat you right, is it because they simply don’t want to put more effort into your relationship? If someone isn’t there for you, is it because they don’t care enough?
At the end of the day, have in mind that nothing in life is black and white. Sure, the “if there is a will, there is a way” concept applies in most cases, but sometimes you have to dig deep under the surface to find the real reason and to look at the bigger picture!