52 cose manipolatorie che i narcisisti dicono durante una discussione
If you’re dating a narcissist or if your close one is a narcissist, I’m sure you’ve noticed they have a unique way of fighting. Sometimes, it’s simply impossible to decode things narcissists say in an argument.
They’re such great manipulators and they have the power to make you believe everything they say. E non ha nulla a che fare con la vostra intelligenza o ingenuità, semplicemente hanno la capacità di ottenere il controllo sulle persone così facilmente.
Sometimes, those will be direct insults but, most commonly, narcissists will use manipulative and gaslighting sentences you won’t even understand at that moment.
To help you avoid their manipulation, I’ll guide you through some of the most common phrases narcissists use. The first time you hear one of them coming out of their mouth, you need to ditch them out of your life or simply set boundaries and silence them once and for all.
Le cose manipolatorie che i narcisisti dicono durante una discussione
Let’s start with every narcissist’s favorite method and its, of course, manipulation. They have frasi manipolative comuni che utilizzano per ottenere influenza su un'altra persona.
1. “I’m not going to do anything that could upset you.”
This is what they say but the truth is completely different. However, with this phrase, they’re trying to manipulate you into trusting them, which will make it easier for them to controllarvi.
2. “I love you more than anything.”
Bombardamento d'amore è anche uno dei più importanti common narcissistic’s tactics.
They know how you feel about them and they’ll give you what you need the most; the confession of their love to you. Then they’ll use your feelings to manipulate you into doing whatever they want.
3. “I used to think you were a good person.”
Questo tipo di frase, in cui la manipolazione è abbinata a spostamento della colpa è un'enorme bandiera rossa you’re dealing with a real narcissist.
4. “You’re so sensitive.”
They’re trying to degrade your self-esteem and damage your mental health. Persone con bassa autostima sono sempre le prede più facili per i narcisisti.
5. “You have trust issues.”
Forse avete problemi di fiducia but don’t think that your narcissist tells you this because they care about your mental or emotional well-being because all narcissists have many traits in common and one of them is lack of empathy.
Vogliono solo manipolarvi e farvi credere che i vostri problemi di fiducia offuschino il vostro giudizio.
6. “Others think I’m a pretty nice guy/girl. Too bad you don’t.”
An obvious red flag of a narcissist, right? They think they’re perfect, they think everyone else finds them perfect and they’ll want to manipulate you into thinking the same about them.
7. “No one else thinks that./Everyone else thinks the same way.”
Using these sentences, a narcissist will want to make you believe that your opinion is opposed to everyone else’s and that it instantly makes it wrong.
8. “We’re perfect together.”
Un altro modo di bombardare l'amore. Don’t think they’re telling you this because they honestly think that way. Vogliono ottenere di nuovo la vostra attenzione perché ne hanno bisogno per il loro rifornimento narcisistico.
9. “I’m the best thing that ever happened to you.”
Oh, sì, certo che lo sono. Hanno un forte senso del diritto e un'opinione molto elevata di sé. Besides, they want to make you think it’s really the truth which would awaken your fear of losing them.
10. “It’s always something with you.”
Actually, both of you know that the truth is that it’s never anything to do with you. However, this is just their way of trying to avoid talking about a topic that doesn’t suit them.
11. “You’ll never find anyone as good as me.”
Si tratta di una frase molto simile a quella precedente. Narcissists have a sense of self-importance and they truly believe they’re always the best but in this way, they’re also trying to make you think that they’re truly the best choice for you.
12. “It’s my way or the highway!”
Well then, it should be the highway for you. As simple as that. If you allow them to blackmail you this way, they’ll gain complete control over you.
Tra l'altro, questo può essere utilizzato come un'arma da fuoco stato per i vostri social media. It’s really cool, right?
13. “If you do that I will not like you anymore.”
This is also another form of blackmailing and it’s the most awful one, il ricatto emotivo. When you’re in a romantic relationship with someone and they’re aware of your feelings, if they try to use those feelings to manipulate you, it’s called emotional blackmailing.
14. “Nobody likes you, they all laugh behind your back.”
They just want to block your communication with other people who might alert you that you’re in a relazione con un narcisista.
Vedi anche: 8 segni più comuni di manipolazione in una relazione
Cose che i narcisisti dicono durante un litigio mentre cercano di farvi sentire in colpa
Un narcisista cercherà anche di vi gasano con queste frasi molto comuni di seguito.
1. “You will NEVER have the confidence to leave me!”
They know about your self-esteem because you’ve probably always sought validation from them and never had the guts to stand up for yourself.
I’m sure they think you really won’t have the guts to leave them no matter what they do to you but they’ll tell you that because they’ll want to damage your self-esteem and hurt you even more.
2. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Cercate di mettere in dubbio la vostra sanità mentale? Questo è un tipico narcisista e il suo metodo preferito: il gaslighting.
3. “You’re so jealous and insecure.”
I doubt you are. You’ve probably confronted them with your doubts or maybe some evidence about their possible infidelity and they’re trying to get away with it.
D'altra parte, se lo siete davvero, dovreste lavorarci sopra e cercare di controllare la gelosia.
4. “I am not trying to control you. You are thinking about your ex-husband, and taking it out on me.”
And you didn’t even mention your ex-husband, right? I think it’s clear what they’re trying to do. Shifting the blame, plus making you feel bad.
5. “You’re not making any sense.”
In other words, they want to tell you that you’re crazy.
6. “You need to toughen up.”
They want to make you think that, because you’re being overly sensitive, you’ve started imagining things and making up some issues.
7. “You need help.”
Don’t let this sentence hurt you. The only one who needs help is them, not you.
8. “No wonder no one likes you.”
Don’t let them make you believe this. There are so many people who genuinely love and care about you, and they’ll always be there for you, no matter what.
9. “You are so childish/immature.”
Ancora una volta, cercando di farti sentire in colpa con te stesso.
10. “You’re a bad person.”
No, mia cara, non lo sei. I loro genitori narcisisti hanno fatto una persona cattiva, i vostri hanno solo fatto una persona ingenua che si è innamorata della persona sbagliata.
11. “Listen to yourself! You are losing it.”
You’re losing it because you’ve finally stood up for yourself? No, right now you’re being more normal than ever.
Vedi anche: 80 cose divertenti da dire a un narcisista per scalfirne l'ego
Cose difensive che i narcisisti dicono durante una discussione
Date un'occhiata a queste frasi che i narcisisti useranno per difendersi quando li affronterete per qualcosa che hanno fatto.
1. “You’re overreacting.”
Yeah, it’s always you, it’s never them. Yeah, right. ?
2. “That’s stupid.”
No, they’re stupid. Don’t let them affect your self-esteem.
3. “What do you get out of being all moody all the time? I hope that’s fun for you.”
If it’s true, if you’re being moody Anzi, cercate di scrivere le vostre emozioni in modo sano. However, I’m sure you’re not moody and your narcissist is only trying to make you believe that your ‘moodiness’ is guilty of your fights.
4. “I’m smarter than you so you should listen to me.”
Who says that? They’re the only ones who think so and don’t let them make you believe it’s really the truth.
5. “You’re always making shit up in your head.”
Allora, devi essere davvero molto creativo e fantasioso se riesci a inventare così tante cose nella tua testa tutto il tempo.
6. “You always take it the wrong way.”
Tell them to explain it to you then if you didn’t understand it the right way. I’m sure they won’t be able to do so because you’ve understood it perfectly.
7. “Why are you being a bitch, get over it, I’m late, I was supposed to be here at noon but it’s 2:40 pm. Do you want to go eat or not?”
Se un uomo mi inviasse questo messaggio, non mi sentirebbe mai più. E intendo davvero MAI più.
8. “That never happened.”
That’s why you should never accuse a narcissist of anything if you don’t have the legit evidence to prove it. That way, they won’t be able to tell you this.
Cose che i narcisisti dicono durante una discussione per prendersi gioco di voi
A person with NPD will try to mock and belittle you because it helps them feel like the bigger person. These are some phrases they’ll use to ridicule you and hurt your feelings.
1. “Grow up!”
They want to say they’re mature and you are not. And that you should probably admit they’re right because of it and end your argument. Well, all I have to say to you is that you’re crazy if you do that.
2. “You look stupid doing that.”
If you have fragile self-esteem, you’ll probably believe them and stop doing whatever it is that you’re doing. And they’ll once again succeed in manipulating you.
3. “You should get tested for schizophrenia.”
Se vi dicono questo, dovreste chiudere immediatamente la discussione e ogni tipo di conversazione con loro.
4. “You’re so crazy.”
You’re probably crazy because you’ve finally figured out their intentions with you and decided to confront them.
5. “You’re crazy, you weirdo, freak.”
These are very clear insults. And in a narcissistic rage, these are the phrases and ‘adjectives’ you should expect from them.
6. “Why can’t you be more like him/her.”
If you truly love someone and have honest intentions with that person, you wouldn’t compare them with your ex or any other person in the first place.
7. “You like being a victim.”
This is a very popular narcissistic phrase when they’re deflecting away from a fight.
8. “There’s something wrong with you.”
No, my dear. There is something wrong with them and don’t allow them to affect your mental health or self-esteem.
9. “You need a shrink.”
It’s not an insult to be needing or visiting a psychiatrist. However, when it’s said in this way, it immediately gives it an insulting tone.
Le cose che i narcisisti dicono durante un litigio per spostare le colpe
Il trasferimento delle colpe è una tecnica che i narcisisti utilizzano per far sentire le loro vittime in colpa per aver litigato con loro.
1. “Why do you always have to criticize me?”
They’re accusing you of being too critical because they want to make you forget their wrongdoings and things you were actually fighting over.
2. “I can’t believe you’re saying this.”
Questa è una frase molto comune che i narcisisti usano per far sentire in colpa le loro vittime.
3. “You just look for something to gripe about all the time.”
It’s always you, it’s never them. But you should be aware of the truth and don’t allow them to get to your sanity.
4. “It’s not my fault, you made me do it.”
Trust me, you can’t control nor can you ever make a narcissist do anything they don’t want to do.
5. “You need to learn to communicate better.”
Il vero problema è la vostra capacità di comunicazione, non gli errori commessi. Sì, certo.
6. “You’re the one with the problem, not me.”
And you indeed are. You’re the one dealing with a narcissist which means you have the real problem, not the other side.
7. “You’re being irrational.”
You’re probably being irrational because you’ve finally gathered the strength to confront them. Then, if that’s the case, keep being irrational.
8. “If you wouldn’t piss me off I wouldn’t have to say mean things to you.”
Quante volte vi hanno fatto arrabbiare? Li avete mai insultati e feriti come loro insultano voi? Penso di no e questo spiega tutto.
9. “It’s your fault that I feel this way.”
You can make a person feel a certain way but it’s again only up to them how they’ll deal with those emotions. That part is something you can’t affect.
10. “It’s always your fault.”
Maybe it is but it’s only from their point of view. If you take a look at the facts, you’ll understand that the truth is far away from that.
Cosa dire per porre fine a una discussione con un narcisista?
Se volete stemperare una discussione accesa o mettere a tacere completamente un narcisista, ecco alcune delle frasi migliori e più comuni per questo compito. Siate certi che queste frasi svolgeranno perfettamente il loro compito.
• “I hear what you’re saying.”
Questo è qualcosa che una persona con disturbo di personalità borderline o narcisistico ha bisogno di sentire per calmarsi. You need to make them feel understood and heard. It’s when they’ll probably shut down and end the argument.
• “We both have a right to our own opinions.”
You don’t want to continue the fight with a narcissist but you also want to make it clear that you don’t give up on your opinion? Use this sentence and they’ll understand what you wanted to say perfectly.
• “I am capable of doing what I want regardless of what you think.”
With this phrase, you’ll show your strong self-esteem and resist abuso narcisistico. You’ll show them that you’re strong and that you don’t allow any other human being to control or interfere in any way in your life.
• “Well, this is not going very well. I am sure we can do better. Let’s take a “No-Fault Do-Over” and try again.”
Questa frase vi aiuterà sicuramente a stemperare un litigio con il vostro narcisista. Naturalmente, se il narcisista è d'accordo con voi e smette di discutere finché non si calmano gli animi.
• “I don’t like how you’re speaking to me so I will not engage.”
Questo è il modo migliore per bloccare un narcisista. You simply decide you won’t engage in such toxic communication with them and turn your back on them.
• “Let’s agree to disagree.”
This phrase simply means that you don’t and won’t agree with them but you also don’t want to engage in a more heated argument.
• “I can work with this, but I draw the line to be insulted or yelled at.”
If you want to handle the argument with a narcissist with grandiosity, this is the phrase you’ll use. You’ll still be trying to argue with them in a healthy way but you’ll also fissare i confini dove si traccia il confine.
• “Your anger is not my fault and I refuse to take the blame for it.”
One of the narcissistic traits is taking their anger and their negative emotions on their close ones. And it’s definitely not something you should allow them, no matter how deeply you love them.
Don’t allow them to blame you for their anger because it’s simply up to them and their inability to deal with negative emotions.
• “I understand that you’re upset and disappointed, and I’m willing to listen to your thoughts and feelings.”
If it’s a family member or a person you deeply love and care for, you’ll talk with them in this way. You’ll show them that you understand them and you’ll try to get them to open up to you about their true feelings.
Come argomenta un narcisista occulto?
La prima cosa che un narcisista di copertura userà in una discussione con voi è lo scaricabarile. They’ll try to blame you for every bad thing and they’ll try to persuade you into thinking that you should be the one apologizing to them.
If that doesn’t work, they’ll try to convince you that you’re imagining it all. Their only goal is to make themselves seem innocent and they’ll do absolutely everything to achieve it.
Convert narcissists have a fragile ego and if you keep disagreeing and blaming them, they’ll reach out for their favorite weapon: il trattamento del silenzio. If they know you love them deeply, they are also aware that it’s the best way to ‘punish’ you for your resistance to their narcissistic methods.
Alla fine
Did you ever hear any of these phrases and things narcissists say in an argument? If you have, you should stay away from the person who said them to you because it’s obvious you were dealing with a narcisista che cercava di manipolarla.
They’ll try to insult or belittle you because they’ll want to devalue your fragile self-esteem. D'altra parte, questo permetterà loro di ottenere il controllo su di voi.
La prossima volta che iniziate una discussione con un narcisista, usate uno di questi esempi sopra citati per mettere a tacere per sempre il vostro narcisista. If you can’t throw them out of your life, at least keep them at a safe distance and don’t let them harm your peace of mind.
