Como auto-alimentar o estilo de ligação ansioso (19 dicas úteis)

Todos nós temos diferentes estilos de vinculação. Na verdade, desenvolvemos diferentes estilos de vinculação ao envolvermo-nos em diferentes tipos de relações.

If you’re struggling with the anxious attachment style, also known as the ambivalent attachment or anxious-preoccupied attachment style, and want to know how to self-soothe anxious attachment, stay with me because I’ll give you the best tips to self-regulate.

Once you learn to deal with your attachment style, you’ll notice how it’ll affect and improve every aspect of your life, especially the social side.

I’ve struggled with an anxious estilo de fixação a maior parte da minha vida, por isso, acredita, compreendo-te perfeitamente. I’m going to share the experience of my path to recovery with you, and I truly hope it’ll serve you and help you change your attachment style from anxious to secure attachment.

Como auto-alimentar o estilo de ligação ansioso: 19 dicas

If you’re struggling with this estilo de ligação ambivalenteAqui estão as formas de aprender a auto-regulá-lo e a lidar com ele de uma forma saudável.

1. Aprender a respirar corretamente

So many mental health and emotional issues can be controlled by proper breathing. People don’t quite believe in it, but it’s really true.

When you get anxious about something, your breathing also changes, and if you don’t control it first, your anxiety only gets bigger. If you learn to control your breathing, you’ll also manage to calm your anxiety enough to think of a way to deal with it completely.

• Wave goodbye to your anxiety and get into a relaxed state

Pode também experimentar o ioga, a meditação ou outras actividades que o ajudem a relaxar. Uma técnica de meditação é respiração conscientee deve experimentá-lo o mais rapidamente possível.

You won’t only learn how to breathe when you have an anxiety attack, but you’ll also learn to breathe properly in general, which is highly important for your general well-being.

2. Tire algum tempo para si

O primeiro passo para curar o seu estilo de vinculação ansioso é aceitar e admitir que o tem. Para o aceitar completamente, precisa de estar sozinho.

É necessário refletir sobre as suas relações passadas. É preciso organizar os pensamentos e as emoções. E, claro, para fazer tudo isso, precisa de ter algum tempo sozinho.

• Acceptance is the first step to pulling yourself together

Only when you accept you have this type of attachment style will you be able to deal with it. If you keep denying it, that means you’re running away from facing it, and it definitely won’t help you deal with it.

3. Pensar nos factores que desencadeiam a vinculação ansiosa

Childhood trauma may be the trigger for your attachment style. However, maybe you’ve dealt with too many parceiros evitantes no passado ou pessoas tóxicas que afectaram a sua saúde emocional e mental.

Talvez a razão pela qual tem um estilo de vinculação ansioso é que esteve em várias relações tóxicas ou um ambiente tóxico durante um longo período da sua vida, e isso deixou consequências na sua saúde mental.

Agora, sempre que se envolve numa relação romântica, pensa que a outra pessoa o vai deixar e partir o seu coração.

• You can’t move on without finding the root cause

Even though I get you, and it’s true that none of it is your fault, you still need to find what triggers your attachment style and then deal with it. In other words, you can’t deal with it if you don’t know what provoked it.

Quando se encontra a causa principal, é preciso concentrar-se nela. Lide com isso primeiro, e isso acabará com a sua ansiedade.

4. Envolver-se no autocuidado

It’s important to voltar a concentrar-se em si próprio. The reason your self-esteem got so damaged is that you don’t engage in proper self-care or you neglected yourself totally.

You’re probably a people-pleaser, and I assume you’re someone who always takes care of others, but it’s time to pay yourself some attention.

• Listen to your body, mind, soul, and heart

É preciso ouvir o nosso corpo. If it’s saying that it’s tired, then slow down for a moment and take a rest.

If your mind is telling you that it’s overwhelmed, then you need to parar de pensar demais tudo. Overthinking, overanalyzing, and worrying too much won’t solve anything.

Agora, a sua alma… If your soul is showing signs of tiredness and exhaustion, if it feels neglected, then you need to drop whatever you’re doing and pay some attention to it.

And, probably the most important part: if your heart is telling you that it’s tired of being disrespected and dado por adquirido, é preciso esquecer aqueles que o fizeram sentir assim. Find people who will love you and remind your heart that it’s worthy of love.

5. A sua saúde mental e o seu bem-estar emocional são importantes

We all deal with certain things and problems in life, and most of us neglect our well-being while dealing with those things. However, that is something you shouldn’t allow yourself to do no matter what.

Your emotional, physical, and mental health need to be and stay your main priority in life forever. Everything else can wait. If you notice your health is suffering, drop whatever you’re doing and focus on your well-being.

• Get rid of whatever harms your peace of mind

This will do wonders for both your mental and emotional well-being. If you’re surrounded by people who don’t see your worth or bad, pessoas tóxicas, it’ll affect your mental health and make you feel anxious.

On the other hand, if you keep holding onto someone who continually hurts you or doesn’t want to be part of your life anymore, it’ll damage your emotional bem-estar. It’ll only deepen your anxious attachment, and you may never know how to maintain uma relação saudável novamente.

6. Preste atenção à sua autoestima

It’s high time to do a self-esteem check. If you have baixa autoestima, then it’s one of the triggers of your attachment style.

• Low self-esteem torna-o uma presa fácil para os ligação insegura estilo

And if you really struggle with self-esteem, you need to work on improving it. You can’t move on from anxious attachment if you don’t aumentar a confiança.

7. Compreende que és digno de ser amado!

E quem quer que diga o contrário, tens de o deixar sair da tua vida. Tu mereces amor e mereces ser amado da forma mais perfeita.

As long as you don’t understand this, you won’t be able to create a estilo de fixação seguro. A sua vida social sofrerá as consequências.

• You just need to learn how to recognize amor verdadeiro e deixá-lo entrar na sua vida

The reason you think you aren’t worthy of love is that you always meet the wrong people and let them into your life and heart. You fail to read them and their real intentions for you.

8. Alimentar e manter viva a sua criança interior

We all like to hang out and spend time with small kids, right? Why is that so, you think? Well, it’s simply because children are naive, funny, and kind-hearted. They always manage to make our days better.

Por esse motivo, deve tentar manter o seu criança interior vivo. You’ll laugh more often and lead a happier and more peaceful life.

• Don’t be afraid to let your criança interior fora

Also, don’t be afraid to show others your inner child, and don’t ever be ashamed of it. That child in you can only carry your biggest qualities and help you a lot when it comes to your social life.

9. Encontrar uma forma de acalmar o sistema nervoso

When you’re dealing with stress on a daily basis, I know it’s difficult to stay calm. You get nervous, and that affects your entire well-being.

• Everything is so much easier when you decide to simply chill out

No entanto, é necessário encontrar uma forma de reagir ao stress de uma forma mais forma saudável. Sometimes, you simply need to chill out and promise yourself that no matter what happens, you won’t allow it to bother you or make you feel bad and anxious.

10. Auto-regular as suas emoções

You own your emotions, and only you can regulate them. Don’t expect others to control your emotions because that is impossible.

• Stop repressing and start accepting

It’s completely okay to have negative emotions from time to time. However, you need to learn to deal with them in a healthy way and make them go away. Don’t ignore or bury them somewhere deep down in yourself because that will only make you codependente do seu parceiro.

11. Certificar-se de que as suas necessidades emocionais estão a ser satisfeitas

Part of a healthy relationship is both partners fulfilling each other’s emotional needs. And it’s a fact that you can’t expect the other person to meet your needs if you constantly choose to ignore theirs. However, the thing is also…

• Don’t expect others to fulfill your necessidades emocionais if you can’t do it yourself

É preciso aprender a conhecer a sua própria necessidades emocionais e exigências. É preciso aprender a ouvir e a compreender as suas próprias necessidades. Isto é de facto a chave para a felicidade e um estilo de ligação seguro.

12. Pôr termo ao comportamento de protesto

Sometimes, you display protest behavior, right? You start denying that you have the anxious attachment style and don’t want to face it at all.

• Muster up the courage to face reality

It’s easy to deny and ignore things. However, it won’t make them go away. As long as you don’t completely accept your attachment style, you’ll never be able to deal with it.

13. Enfrentar o medo do abandono

Este é um dos principais factores que desencadeiam um estilo de vinculação ansioso. Quando se tem padrões de vinculação pouco saudáveis numa relação, teme-se constantemente que a pessoa amada nos deixe, mais cedo ou mais tarde.

Those thoughts make you anxious, and as long as you don’t deal with them properly, you won’t be able to build a estilo de fixação seguro. É preciso compreender que as separações também fazem parte da vida e que as pessoas vão e voltam da nossa vida.

• One day, someone will come, and they’ll never let you go

It’s true that people will come and go from your life, but it’s also true that one day, someone will come, and they’ll never want to leave your life again. That’s why there is no reason for your medo do abandono.

14. Livrar-se de pensamentos negativos

Quer saber como acalmar o estilo de vinculação ansioso? Limpar a sua mente de pensamentos negativos é a primeira coisa a fazer.

You think you can’t affect it, but the truth is, you’re the owner of your body, mind, and heart, not the other way around.

• Negative thoughts alimentar a sua ansiedade

De facto, o pensamento negativo é o melhor alimento para a ansiedade e estilo de vinculação ansioso. The more you keep thinking negatively, the more anxious you’ll become. That will result in the inability to form and maintain healthy and stable partnerships.

15. Certificar-se de que tem padrões de pensamento positivos

Sei que é mais fácil falar do que fazer, mas para lidar com o seu estilo de vinculação, precisa de começar a pensar positivamente.

It’s not easy to have a positive thought pattern when you’re dealing with so many fears and issues, but if you want it really hard, you’ll find a way to redirect your mind to think positively.

• Arm yourself with positive thoughts

Your anxiety won’t stand a chance if you decide to think positively from now on.

Understand that we all go through some bad things, but if you keep a positive perspective, you’ll always come out a winner.

16. Deixar de procurar constantemente garantias e validação

I get that your low self-esteem makes you seek out constant reassurance from other people, but you need to stop for a moment and be honest with yourself… Do you really need it? Do you really have the need for low self-esteem?

First of all, stand in front of a mirror and be honest about whether the person standing in front of you deserves to wait for other people’s reassurance. Then, look around and tell me whether everything you achieved and gained to this point now doesn’t prove your worth.

Of course, it does. You just need to admit it to yourself once and for all. Stop doubting your self-worth. You are worth so much more than you think you are, and it’s high time you realize it.

• Get the validação de que tanto precisa você mesmo

After changing the way you see yourself, now it’s time to change the way you speak to yourself. You need to validate yourself instead of procurar a validação dos outros.

Sê amigo de ti próprio, não inimigo. Basta ser realista consigo próprio e encorajar-se um pouco através de uma conversa positiva consigo próprio.

17. Rodeie-se de pessoas que o amem sinceramente

A maior parte de nós tem consciência do seu estilo de vinculação, mas a maior parte também opta por guardá-lo para si, receando que os outros possam fugir se o descobrirem. Infelizmente, isso é muito errado.

If you’re dealing with an attachment style that doesn’t allow you to engage in a relação romântica or harm your social life, it’s highly important to share it with someone you love and trust.

This is really one of those things you can’t deal with and go through alone. You need to have your loved ones near you, and they need to know the demons you’re dealing with.

• Your support group will help you get through this

Your loved ones will do whatever it takes to make you feel accepted and loved. They’ll also help you find ways to end your anxious patterns and build a secure attachment style.

They’re there for you, and they’ll constantly remind you of your worth and how much you actually deserve to be loved. You’ll get all the validation you (think) need from them.

18. Don’t run away from engaging in intimate relationships

Uma pessoa ansiosa pode também ter dificuldade em estabelecer uma ligação íntima com os outros. Simplesmente tem medo da proximidade emocional, pelo que opta por evitar esse tipo de relações em vez de enfrentar os seus medos.

That’s probably the biggest similarity pessoas ansiosas ter com evitadores. No entanto, se quiser aprender a acalmar a ligação ansiosa, tem de deixar de fugir das relações íntimas.

• Dealing with your fear of intimacy

First of all, try to find what triggered your fear of intimacy. Once you find the root cause, deal with it first – it’ll help you control your fear and leave it in the past.

Also, talk to your partner about it. If they honestly care about you, they’ll understand you. They’ll take things slow and wait until you show them clearly that you’re ready.

There is nothing wrong with going slow in a relationship, but avoiding intimacy will definitely harm your relationship. Sooner or later, it’ll create emotional disconnection or blockage between you and your partner.

19. If you’re in a relationship, make sure it’s a healthy one

No matter your feelings towards your partner, you should never stay in a relationship where you don’t feel respected, loved, and appreciated. Because if your SO doesn’t make you feel that way, it’s more than obvious they don’t love you.

When you engage in a romantic relationship, put effort into making it work and building healthy foundations for it. If you constantly fail to make your relationship a healthy one, then you need to know when it is the time to end it because it’s a sign that you and that person aren’t meant to be.

- Ama-te a ti próprio em primeiro lugar e acima de tudo

Don’t waste your time on the impossible. Don’t ever allow anyone to make you feel unworthy of love or to make you doubt your self-worth.

É preciso amarmo-nos a nós próprios e sabermos sempre quem somos na vida. No momento em que se apercebe de padrões pouco saudáveis na sua relação, tem de lidar com eles imediatamente ou desistir dessa relação.

O que desencadeia o apego ansioso?

 

 

 

Nos anos 50, os psicólogos John Bowlby e Mary Ainsworth desenvolveram a revolucionária teoria da vinculação. Fizeram a sua investigação e concluíram que cada pessoa desenvolve um estilo de vinculação na primeira infância, o que afecta as suas relações adultas mais tarde.

Ou seja, cada estilo de vinculação é desencadeado por primeira infância eventos. If someone was emotionally neglected or abused by their parents, they’ll probably form an anxious attachment style.

Além disso, lidar com parceiros evitantes e tóxicos pode ser um O estilo de vinculação ansioso é o gatilho para o desenvolvimento do estilo de vinculação ansioso. A baixa autoestima e o facto de duvidar do seu valor próprio também podem causar este tipo de ligação.

If you don’t feel good in your own skin and don’t have a good self-opinion, you’ll constantly seek validação de outros.

That need for reassurance will make you engage in a codependent relationship, which means you won’t be able to build and maintain a healthy relationship with another human being.

Outros factores que desencadeiam este estilo de vinculação podem ser o facto de alguém ter expectativas irrealistas e ser co-dependente noutra pessoa. Esse medo constante de ficar sozinho ou desiludido pode ser a causa da ansiedade de vinculação.

Quais são os sinais de apego ansioso?

Existem muitos sinais de um estilo de vinculação ansioso, e a maior parte deles são bastante claros e demonstram claramente os padrões de vinculação ansiosos de uma pessoa. No entanto, os mais óbvios são o apego, a codependência e a necessidade de segurança e validação constantes.

A maior diferença entre o ansioso e o vinculação evitante estilos é que o pessoa evitante foge da ligação emocional e tem medo de se envolver numa relação séria, relação saudável. Por outro lado, as pessoas ansiosas são com medo de um separação devido ao medo de serem deixados sozinhos.

Um pessoa ansiosa é quase sempre co-dependente sobre os seus parceiro romântico devido à sua baixa autoestima e porque precisam deles para validação.

Also, someone with anxious attachment has self-worth issues and feels unworthy of love. They’ll tolerate toxic and unhealthy behavior from their partner because they think they deserve it but also because of their fear of abandonment.

They’re constantly in search of a romantic partner because they can’t function alone (at least, that’s what they think), unlike fearful avoidants who run away from love because they’re afraid to be hurt.

Como é que se sente uma ligação ansiosa?

You feel unworthy of love and everything good and positive. When you find that one person who loves and accepts you, you stick to them no matter what because you think you’ll never find another person who’ll love you again.

You become codependent on your loved one, and you’re basically ready to do whatever it takes just to keep them by your side. Losing them becomes your biggest fear, and that thought makes you anxious 24/7.

Sempre que se apercebe de um perigo potencial na sua relação, as emoções fortes dominam-na e a sua baixa autoestima faz-te acreditar que o teu parceiro vai romper convosco.

Começamos a pensar que tudo o que fazemos é mau e precisamos que o nosso parceiro nos lembre constantemente que isso não é verdade. Also, your confidence crashes completely, and getting positive feedback from your partner means everything to you. That’s why you never stop seeking validation from them.

Anxious attachment style feels like everyone else is better than you. Your own thoughts are killing you, but it seems like you can’t find a way to run away from them. Anxious attachment makes your day-to-day life miserable, and until you decide to break that cycle, you’ll never be truly happy.

Em conclusão

Então, descobriu como acalmar o estilo de vinculação ansioso? Compreende agora melhor este estilo de vinculação?

Espero que sim e que as minhas dicas o ajudem a construir um estilo de vinculação seguro.

Even though most people think that attachment styles are connected with attachments someone makes in early childhood and with their primary caregivers and can’t be changed later in life, it’s not true.

It’s connected with our childhood, but by working on yourself, you can change your attachment style. Conheço muitas pessoas que passaram do estilo de vinculação ansioso, ansioso-evitante ou evitante e construíram um estilo de vinculação seguro.

Well, I have a little confession to make… I belong to that group of people too. I rewired my brain, and today, I’m proud to say I have a secure attachment style. And trust me, if you follow these tips carefully, you’ll be able to build this style too.