When you break up with someone, your whole world becomes a limbo filled with romcoms, tons of ice cream, crying, being unable to fall asleep, and convincing yourself that you’ll never fall in love again.
Of course, it doesn’t have to necessarily be in that exact order, but you get the idea.
When you’re going through a breakup, all you can do is think about them, what you could have done to make things different, and what they are doing right now.
When you break up with someone, you can’t stop visiting their profile on social media and secretly hoping that they will eventually text you (assuming you still have feelings for them). In some cases, you can’t stop thinking about Why did they block me?
Or you might start convincing yourself that you’ve already moved on in a record time, but you know yourself that chances of this being true are really low.
When you break up with someone, you end up feeling lost, confused, tempted to do things you know you shouldn’t but worry not. The no contact rule comes to the rescue!
What is the No Contact rule?
Basically, the no contact rule is a period of time during which you refrain from contacting your ex. This means no texting and no calling.
It also means no visiting their social media, stalking them, or visiting them in real life.
The no contact rule means cutting contact in every sense of the word so that you can clear your head, get some space and time for yourself and apart from each other.
If performed correctly, this rule helps you heal properly from the breakup, and it also speeds up the healing process.
It enables you to grow as a person, but it can also help you reunite with your ex the correct way if you both believe that getting back together is the right thing to do.
The importance of the No Contact rule after a breakup
To demonstrate the importance of the no contact rule, I’ll use three practical examples:
a) Let’s say that you want to forget about someone and move on, but you keep visiting their profile, you keep texting, calling them (or maybe both) while still hoping that you’ll somehow magically heal and forget them.
b) Now, let’s say that you have no idea what to do after a breakup. You’re feeling totally confused, and you’re not sure whether you should move on or reunite. You still have feelings for them and hope that one day you’ll get back together, but you’re not sure whether you should. So, you keep texting them, calling them (or maybe both) in the hope that you’re somehow magically offered a solution to your problem.
c) Or you’re one hundred percent sure that you want to get back together, but you’re not sure whether they want the same thing. So, you keep texting them, calling them (or maybe both), hoping that they will eventually change their mind.
Now let me ask you one important question: Do you think that in any of these three examples, contacting them after a breakup is a good idea? If yes, why? If not, why not?
Since I can’t know your answer, I’ll just explain to you why it is not a good idea to keep contacting your ex after a breakup. The answers are pretty simple:
a) If you want to forget about them and move on, contacting them will only make you even more confused, and you will not be able to stop thinking about them.
b) If you have no idea what you should do after a breakup, it’s better to give it some time than to go in the wrong direction by making impulsive decisions.
c) If you want to get back together, but your ex is not sure about it, contacting them will make them feel pressured and make things even worse. Instead, you need to give them some space and time to think about what they really want.
That is why, my ladies and gentlemen, the 90 days no contact rule after a breakup is your best bet. If you don’t believe me, I have a solution for that too:
Why does the no contact rule always work?
I myself used to be skeptical about the power of the no contact rule, but once I started applying it, my life and perspective on breakups changed drastically.
I used to be one of those people who couldn’t do anything without thinking about my ex and feeling the urge to contact him.
I wasn’t even aware of how torturing all this was, and once I applied the no contact rule, I blossomed.
I’m not saying that the transition was easy. It was painful, distressing, and overall challenging, but the most important thing is that it’s DOABLE, and any of you can do it only if you really want to.
If you’re still skeptical or indifferent about this rule, here’s why the no contact rule always works:
- It gives you space to detox and clears your head
- It gives you a new perspective on things
- It gives you the chance to put yourself back together
- It reminds you that you’re the creator of your own happiness
- It gives the other person space to miss you (which is great if you miss them too)
I like to see the no contact rule as some kind of rehab. When you spend so much time with someone, you, in a way, become addicted to them because they are an important part of your life.
That’s the main reason why you can’t stop thinking about them and why you feel the temptation to contact them after a breakup.
By applying this rule, you’re allowing yourself to reconnect with your true self and clear all the negativity that accumulated during the time you were together.
If you want to move on, it’s essential that you give yourself some space and time to heal properly.
If you want to get back together, it’s also essential that you give your relationship some time to cool off and heal as well.
The No Contact rule and male psychology
Many women asked me about the no contact rule and its influence on the male species.
Some of them (for some reason) thought that this rule doesn’t work for them, and others were just interested in how men perceive it.
Let me answer the first question: Yes, the no contact rule works on everyone, and men are no exception.
If you’re wondering how they behave during the rule, this is exactly what happens inside his mind during the no contact rule (accompanied with my comments in the brackets):
• He will be confused. (OMG, she used to text me and call me all the time, and now I’m starting to think that this woman is no longer alive. Maybe she finally moved on or met someone else – or maybe both.)
• He’ll wonder about what’s happening in your head and life. (I wonder if she still likes me. She might still be in love with me, but she doesn’t want me to know it, and that’s why she’s ignoring me. I wonder what she’s doing right now. Maybe she’s thinking about me too but pretending that she’s not. Wait, is that even possible?)
• He might also feel angry. (I hate this woman. Who does she think she is ignoring me like that and deleting me from her life? I know what she is. She’s a passive-aggressive manipulator, and I’m better off without her anyway. If only I could stop thinking about her and delete my feelings for her, my life would be easier.)
• He also might start missing you (assuming he still has feelings for you). (I can’t stop thinking about the way she smiles, the way she eats her favorite chocolate, the way her eyes spark with joy whenever she sees me. Well, whenever she used to see me. God, I miss her so much, and it’s killing me.)
Note: One of the biggest signs he misses you during the no contact period is if he starts texting you.
I hope these explanations helped you understand what exactly is going on in his mind once you go no contact. There are two possible outcomes here:
a) He will either develop stronger feelings for you and initiate reunition.
b) Or he will eventually move on.
There’s also one important thing you should keep in mind. Not every male will respond to the rule in this way. If you go no contact with a narcissist, things might be different.
One of the things that will happen when you go no contact with a narcissist is them pretending to take responsibility and promising to change.
They will do this because they know they messed it up, and there is no chance you would want to get back together if they don’t promise you that they will change.
Now the question is: Are they really ready for a change, or are they only saying they are to manipulate you? Beware.