If your partner or someone you’re dating is currently an inmate, I bet you can’t help but wonder, How can a convicted man/woman love me?
I only have one thing to say: Absence makes the heart grow fonder. So, if they truly loved you before they went to prison, they will continue loving you despite the circumstances.
Here’s how I see it.
A prison relationship is a form of a long-distance relationship. When you look at it that way, it’s easier for you to endure the distance.
Being prison pen pals is also a legit form of epistolary relationship (something every regular couple should practice from time to time).
So, yes, being in a “prison relationship” will test your love and patience, but you have nothing to worry about if your feelings are mutual.
But, how will you know? Below you’ll find the surefire signs an inmate really loves you and how you can make your relationship last!
8 Signs An Inmate Really Loves You
Sometimes, it’s really hard to decipher whether your partner in prison has strong feelings for you because you don’t see each other often.
However, there are some subtle and not-so-subtle things that can tell you whether they truly love you (or not).
If the majority of the following signs resonate with you, then you have nothing to worry about:
1. They write you sentimental letters
We all know that inmates have plenty of time to think, rethink, and overthink. So, yes, you can be sure they will also think about their feelings for you and your relationship.
They have a strong urge to convey their deepest feelings in love letters, and they can’t wait for you to read them and write them back. Be sure they’ll reread it multiple times once they get your letter.
If you ask me, a romantic relationship is nothing without emotional love letters.
To the non-inmate couples reading this: I’m not saying that you should exchange love letters throughout the entire year but occasionally would be a good thing.
2. Your care packages mean the world to them
Do you know what one thing will make any inmate tremendously happy? Care packages! Receiving care packages is a form of connecting with the outside world and their life before prison.
So, pay attention to how they react when you bring them their favorite things, food, etc. Now you’re probably wondering: But what does this have to do with them loving me? Trust me, it does.
If they tell you that your care packages brighten up their day, and they never forget to express gratitude for it, then you know how much it means to them. They don’t only care about receiving it, but they appreciate the effort and love that you put into it.
This can also be seen as receiving gifts, which is one of the five love languages. If this is your partner’s love language, then it can’t get better than that!
3. The spark in their eyes is consistent every time you visit them
I’m sure you’ve seen it in movies multiple times.
An inmate impatiently waits for their loved one to come to visit them… and as soon as they see them, their eyes become brighter and sometimes fill with happy tears.
This spark is exactly what you need to look for whenever you visit your fellow prison inmate. Because the eyes never lie.
If they’re genuinely happy to see you every time you visit them, know they really mean it. The spark in their eyes tells you their love for you is stronger than ever, and you have nothing to worry about.
4. You talk about important things in life
Topics of your conversations are also important. Do you only talk about day-to-day life, or do your conversations go more in-depth?
Talking about important things in life = having meaningful conversations.
If your inmate partner is only interested in small talk, then this means they’re not really interested in connecting with you on a deeper level.
Deep and inspiring conversations are the fuel of every relationship (especially a long-distance one like yours). Such conversations leave you feeling fulfilled for hours and days before talking again.
If this is something you already practice, then it’s one of the clear signs an inmate really loves you.
5. They don’t call you only when they need something
This is brilliant and one of the easiest ways to know whether an inmate really loves you or not.
I’m sure you all agree that if someone calls you only when they need something from you, they aren’t being genuine. (It’s happened to me multiple times in friendships and romantic relationships.)
So, if your love interest doesn’t only call you when they need you to bring them something or do something for them, you can be sure they truly care about you.
They don’t see you only as their middleman between prison and the outside world. They see you as the love of their life, and they want to know how you are feeling, what you’re doing, and so on.
They’re interested in your well-being and not only about you telling them what’s going on in the world. That’s how you know their feelings for you shouldn’t be questioned.
6. They tell you that they’re ready to change
This is probably one of the hardest and the most genuine signs an inmate really loves you. The truth is, we all make mistakes during the journey called life, and no one should be judged for it. The same applies to your loved one in prison.
Now that they have plenty of time to think about their past actions (specifically about what brought them there in the first place), they have a chance for quality self-reflection.
If they tell you that they’re ready to change and will never repeat the same mistake to end up in prison again, believe them. If a man/woman is ready to change, they won’t only do it for themselves but also their loved ones.
If they’re ready to change for the better, it’s because they truly love you, and they don’t want your relationship or you to suffer.
7. They talk about the future
Ah, the sweet taste of new beginnings! I can only imagine how hard it is to stay optimistic when you’re in prison, but I guess it’s possible to even find a silver lining there.
Love is a miracle. When you’re in love, you have no problem being positive regardless of where you are. Also, you have no problem talking about the bright future that awaits you once you’re out of prison.
If they talk about the future and already make plans even before they’re out of there, know that they’re truly ready to change. From now on, they have solemnly sworn to themselves that they’ll do their best to make it up to you.
They want you to be happy. They want to create a happy future for both of you by making plans in advance and reassuring you that they’ll manage to bring them to life.
8. They aren’t pen pals with other men/women
I’m not sure if you’re familiar with this, but there are sites where you can become pen pals with prisoners. One such site is called Write A Prisoner. You can email them or send them a letter (a physical letter).
Keep in mind that some prisoners are on these sites for other purposes such as educational opportunities, finding mentors, and similar.
What I’m trying to say is that if your inmate partner has an online profile on such sites only to be pen pals with other women/men, then this is a red flag. It’s like having a dating profile in the real world, which can also lead to potential visits.
If they aren’t into this sort of thing, you know the only person they think about is YOU. They’re not interested in meeting other people because they’re solely focused on you. Why? Because they love you.
How To Make Your “Prison Relationship” Last
Making your prison relationship last requires patience, effort, and creativity. As a matter of fact, it’s like maintaining any other relationship, but the only difference is the circumstances. Here are the things you should pay special attention to in order to make it last:
• Exchange as many letters as you can
Know that every letter you write them will be their keepsake. When they’re feeling down, they’ll reread your letters, which will make them feel instantly better.
Also, this will help you maintain your connection. Writing a letter is a great way to express your deepest feelings and desires, so exchange as many letters as possible.
It will make your relationship stronger and your partner’s days brighter.
• Visit often
I’m sure you’re already using this option to the fullest potential (visiting them whenever you can) according to prison visits policy.
But it doesn’t hurt to remind you to visit them often because letters are not enough to keep the spark alive in a relationship. When you’re not able to visit them, you can always make a phone call.
There’s also another type of visit known as a conjugal visit, which is a great thing for couples. During a conjugal visit, an inmate is allowed to spend a few hours or days in private with a visitor. I bet you know what this means. ?
• Make every conversation meaningful
If you’re dating someone in jail, it’s important to make every convo meaningful because this is the basis of your bond.
They might not share every bad thing that happened to them in prison, but you can encourage them to try to unburden themselves. Let them know that you’re there to listen to them whenever they’re ready to share things with you.
Also, talk about your plans for the future as if everything is normal. Don’t let the distance of prison interfere with your dreams or positivity. You’re stronger than that.
Make every conversation worth their time and yours because time is the most valuable currency.
• Be creative when expressing your love and affection
Yup, it’s important to be creative when it comes to romantic gestures, even when your partner is in prison.
Don’t just repeat “I love you” several times a day, but show your affection to your loved one in various, creative ways. You can write them a love story, sing them your favorite love song, or you can bake a cookie in the shape of a heart.
There are so many ways to express your love for one another, and this goes both ways. Your partner in prison can also find a way to express their affection through letter writing or similar.
• Tickle their imagination
Just because your partner is in prison doesn’t mean you should stop seducing one another. Your sexual attraction can still be at its peak, and all you need to do is tickle each other’s imagination.
Here are a few ideas:
Dress up when you’re about to visit them (especially during conjugal visits).
Talk to them in a seductive voice via phone calls.
Spice things up when writing letters.
Whisper into their ear a few dirty talk phrases (if you’re able to).
Tell them that you’re thinking about them A LOT.
The more you’re thirsty for one another, the more you’ll feel connected. That’s how attraction works regardless of whether you’re in prison or not. As long as you’re attracted to one another, you won’t have a problem finding a way to express it.
• Don’t let anyone interfere with your relationship
I’ve learned this the hard way: A healthy relationship is a relationship where a couple decides for themselves and doesn’t let others interfere.
By this, I mean family members and neighbors who won’t stop gossiping and giving you unsolicited relationship advice.
If they judge your partner for being in prison and disapprove of your relationship, don’t listen to them (unless you think they’re right).
At the end of the day, what matters are your feelings and not what other people say. Set boundaries from the first time they start to interfere in your love life. This will help you protect yourself.
Here’s my rule of thumb: My love life is nobody’s business. If they want to give me advice, I’ll listen to them, but in the end, I’ll do what I think is right and not what others tell me to do. Having a private relationship is definitely the way to go. Period.
After going through these signs that an inmate really loves you, I’m sure now you’re convinced that everything is going as smoothly as it should. As always, trust your gut feeling because mine has never failed me.
Here’s my humble confession that might bring you comfort as you’re waiting:
I’ve been pen pals for 2 and a half years with a guy I really like, so yes, you can do it, too! I’m about to see him in the next few days, and I’m SO excited about it. I’m sure you’ll also be excited about welcoming your bae back into the outside world soon.
When that happens, you’ll realize how powerful love truly is. “No matter how long it takes, true love is always worth the wait.” – Unknown