“Why do I get attached so easily?” – A question asked by many of us. We might ask this question in a variety of circumstances.
Have you ever repeatedly jumped into a new relationship and, by doing that, ignored all the red flags? You can’t stand being alone? Or just after one or two dates, you begin to believe that any man you are dating could be “the one’’?
If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then there are several possible reasons for that. If you want to stop becoming so easily attached to people, then you first need to know the reasons behind it.
So let’s not waste time and get to work!
Why Do I Get Attached So Easily: 9 Probable Reasons
It can be shockingly painful to become attached too quickly.
You can’t help but become hooked so easily. However, you realize it’s not entirely right. If you are interested in knowing the possible reasons behind this behavior, here is a convenient list!
1. You simply love people
There is a special kind of people. These people often ask themselves: “Why do I get attached so easily?”
The answer is pretty simple! They can’t help but love every human being! If you belong to this group of people, you probably know what I am talking about!
For you, it is an incomparable feeling becoming attached to someone, even if it is a completely random person.
You might discover that you bond with people quicker if you enjoy making new friends, engaging in intellectual conversation, and generally spending a lot of time with others, especially if you’re involved in a love relationship.
Is this a bad thing? The answer is both yes and no. Why?
Having a big heart can never be harmful to you if you are a good judge of character. But you wouldn’t be here if this were the case, right?
But there is no need to be upset! There is also a list of solutions down below that might help you with this problem! Just keep scrolling.
2. You need someone else to make you happy
If you are one of those people who just can’t stand the fact that they are alone and always need someone by their side to feel fully complete, then there is a high probability that you also attach yourself to people a bit too quickly.
No matter how much that person makes you happy for a moment, a minute, an hour, or a lifetime…Nothing is important if you are not happy when you are completely alone.
There is a saying that goes, ‘‘Don’t try to find anyone else if you haven’t found yourself.’’ Happiness should always firstly be intrinsic, and then it can be whatever you want it to be.
Back to the problem, if this happiness isn’t achieved, then you’ll spend your entire life trying to find someone who will make it come true.
There is a small chance that this will happen, as you will always put the responsibility for your happiness on your partner. And you don’t want to go there.
As a result of this lack of internal happiness, you always attach a bit too fast to people, and this lasts only for a short time, after which you are left unhappy again.
3. You are hyper-focused when dating
While the initial excitement of meeting someone new and great makes you spend all your energy and time on that specific person, you may also fall into the category of people who will eventually ask themselves, “Why do I get attached so easily?”
You are just so hyper-focused on that person that every other aspect of your life – family, friends, and your interests – takes a backseat.
This way, you will only do a disservice to yourself. By focusing on this relationship and only on it, everybody else will suffer your absence. They will eventually give up on you, and you will be left with nothing.
By doing this, you don’t give yourself the choice of sticking to something else. And voilà, you get too easily attached!
4. You dream of having someone special
Dreams are fantastic action-starters, no matter which action we are talking about.
But, if your lifelong dream is to find someone special and spend your life together until death do you part, then you may have problems by becoming easily attached to someone.
You rapidly become delighted when you feel you’ve found someone because you want to be in a devoted, long-term relationship with someone who loves, respects, and trusts you.
And now, more than ever, you don’t want to make a mistake so you can have a long-term relationship with them. Hoping and planning too soon is the risk here.
You might unconsciously try to “fit a square peg into a round hole” if your dream of finding a lasting partner is strong and you meet someone who might be able to help you realize that dream.
Even when they aren’t exactly what you had in mind, you can’t let go of the thought that this person is the greatest fit you have discovered and keep trying to make things work.
You continue to get more attached as you keep placing more emphasis on a potential future than on the current situation.
A huge influence on this thinking is social media and romance films that create the entirely wrong picture of how love should look.
5. You have an anxious attachment style
When someone has an avoidant attachment style, they continually work to keep their independence in relationships and avoid being too close to others.
On the contrary, a lot of people have an anxious attachment style. Most of the time, the attachment style that you will develop later on depends on your environment during childhood.
For instance, you might have a hard time building secure attachments if your caregivers were inconsistent in how attentive they were to your needs.
Over the course of your life, other relationships may also have an impact on your attachment type.
For instance, a person with a safe attachment type may experience anxiety as a result of toxic or abusive relationships.
Anyhow, if you have an anxious attachment type, you frequently yearn for intimacy.
To impress your partner in a romantic relationship, you could go above and beyond, even if it means stepping outside of your own boundaries.
Your need for constant closeness and any discomfort you have when something feels “wrong” in your love connection may also overwhelm your romantic partner. If your spouse starts acting differently, this may set off your fear of rejection and abandonment.
Ironically, the more you strive to force a flawless connection, the further your partner may slip away from you.
6. From intimacy to attachment
Sex can be another reason you get easily attached to someone. Just stop for a second and think about whether you engage in sexual activities in the early stages of a relationship with someone and how this affects your well-being.
Your subconscious mind will, after sex, start to think that you and the person you engaged in the sexual activity with have a special bond.
You find yourself thinking about someone you’ve slept with all the time, expecting things to get more serious, and having fantasies about starting a family with them before you really know them.
This only creates a toxic relationship for both you and the other person.
7. You follow emotions, not logic
Making emotionally-driven decisions makes you really vulnerable.
For instance, you might become quite upset and text something outrageously overreactive if someone doesn’t text you back. Or you might text them right away when you’re feeling lonely and ask them to comfort you.
Or perhaps you turn to them for validation when you’re feeling jealous of a different girl.
It is wonderful to be with someone and have a healthy attachment to them. Someone who will listen to your emotions, be able to react appropriately, and who will make you feel good. However, you should avoid being totally reliant on one person for all of your emotional fulfillment.
Your emotional state is entirely under your control. It’s crucial to take a step back and practice calming yourself before acting if you discover that you always respond based on how you feel at the time.
8. You rarely receive male attention
As a result of low self-esteem, the moment someone shows interest in chatting with you or even having sex, you seize the opportunity because you have a fear of abandonment and think it might be your last.
In this messed-up situation, you completely lose your self-worth and just want to keep that person in your life as long as possible.
9. You are love bombed
It may be possible that you have been love bombed. Love bombing is a serious weapon.
When someone in the beginning constantly showers you with attention and affection, it is said to be “love-bombing” because they want you to grow attached to them.
Narcissists frequently use the manipulative technique of “love-bombing” because it makes them feel good to have someone dependent on them.
If you’ve been the target of a love bomber, everything could seem wonderful at first! Receiving compliments, having someone show you kindness, and spending time together sounds pretty great.
And before you know it, emotional attachment comes knocking on your door.
5 Ways How To Stop Getting Attached So Easily
Now that we’ve figured out the different reasons behind easily getting attached, here is a list of ways to avoid such problems.
1. Deal with your anxious attachment style
First of all, you should understand the differences between love and attachment. Our attachment system can become active when we long for intimacy in general and the person we are in love with isn’t giving it to us.
You should go easy if you want to have a healthy relationship from the start.
Sit with your emotions for a bit before acting when you sense that your attachment system is becoming active. Spend time with your pals. Get fit. Take up an activity you like. Take some time to yourself.
To assist you in maintaining your temper when your attachment system is activated, you can even think about making tiny “rules” for yourself.
For instance, I don’t “triple text” anyone, as per my rule. I’m sure the other person received my initial message. And unless there is an emergency or I really have to remind that individual of something, I usually won’t send a second text.
2. Stop constantly dreaming about having someone
Each of us has a goal in life, and there is nothing wrong with your primary goal being to find someone to spend the rest of your life with.
But you should maybe focus on other things as well. You’ll relieve the pressure on your romantic relationships and yourself by concentrating on several of your dreams instead of just one.
You’ll have the opportunity to develop into your finest self. Remember, after meeting someone, it takes time to fully know if someone is a good fit for you. It’s unnecessary to form attachments right away.
Furthermore, even if someone were a good match for you, they might not be interested in starting a relationship with you. For a relationship to last a lifetime, you must be compatible, devoted, and able to satisfy your emotional needs.
And figuring out if someone is willing to commit to you for the rest of their life can take some time.
3. Stop hyper-focusing on someone
Even healthy love relationships take up a significant portion of our lives, so we need to balance them out with other relationships.
When you’re in a relationship, make sure you still see your friends. I enjoy seeing my buddies every week, and I’ve discovered that this works well in tandem with my love connection.
Keep up with the things you did before you met your love interest. Continue doing what makes you unique!
If your relationship ends suddenly, but you have amazing friendships, a career you love, and passions that fire you up, you will have plenty of stuff to keep you busy and loving life.
4. Create your own happiness
Keep in mind that you are ultimately responsible for your happiness. That authority is yours alone; no one else can take it.
Although it’s reasonable that our partners’ behavior may have an impact on our feelings and cognitive functioning, how we react and feel is still ultimately up to us.
Keep yourself from becoming someone else. Accept your ability to create happy, wonderful feelings for yourself.
The next time someone annoys you, try to avoid dwelling on what they said or did. Instead, reorient your attention to what you cherish about life.
And decide to move forward and focus on what brings you joy. No person or relationship should ever define your happiness or you.
Always keep in mind: you are your best friend!
5. Maybe it’s time for a not-so-big heart
When your heart is big, you need to guard it. Even if you start to bond with someone special, be careful not to open your heart too quickly.
Allow the other person to gain your trust over time while giving them the benefit of the doubt. You will never be hurt by setting boundaries.
Feel free to open up more and more to them if they show themselves to be a nice, trustworthy person over time. This way, you will enjoy their company and still have good mental health.
You’ll be able to develop close relationships with the proper people by being open with them (and vice versa!).
On A Final Note,
‘‘Why do I get attached so easily?’’ – this question brings with it many other questions.
Why am I like this in the first place? Do I know anything about self-love? Are emotional connections really that important to me?
Unhealthy emotional attachment is the answer to all of these questions. The reasons you get so easily attached to someone, even after just a first date, can be divided into several groups.
Your happiness may depend on other people, you follow your emotions over your mind, or you just have a big heart.
Either way, maybe the best thing to do is to acknowledge that you have some attachment issues and work on yourself before starting any kind of relationship with other people.
Make peace with your broken pieces, and then start with everything else.