So, your ex boyfriend broke up with you. It doesn’t matter whether this was a long distance relationship, a long term relationship or something that lasted only a couple of months; what matters is the heartbreak period you’re going through.
After a couple of days, the initial shock still hasn’t passed but you have no time to lose; instead, you have to get the broken pieces of yourself back together and come up with a strategy plan.
If you catch yourself thinking: “He broke up with me, what should I do?”, here are the exact steps you should take.
5 Things To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Broke Up With You
1. Keep your dignity
When your significant other decides to end things and wants you out of his life, the first impulse you have is to beg him not to do it.
You want to bargain with him to stay and you’re even ready to emotionally blackmail him just to not leave you.
At that point, you’re ready to do whatever it takes just to keep him by your side.
You don’t care whether he’ll stay out of pity or out of love, as long as he doesn’t walk away.
Even though I’m not claiming that pride should come before true emotions, I’m here to beg you not to beg for anyone’s love and attention.
Trust me—you’ll be sorry for being so desperate once the initial shock goes away.
Instead, keep your head up and most importantly—don’t ruin your dignity. Don’t cry, scream or make any irrational moves.
Take his decision to break up like the adult you are. Tell him that you accept it and wish him all the luck.
After all, he has the right to break up with you at any given moment.
It doesn’t matter if he swore that he’d love you forever or if he promised you the world; be grateful that he was honest enough to tell you it’s over.
2. Don’t see it as the end of the world
The number one mistake most girls make when they catch themselves thinking “He broke up with me” is to see the end of the relationship as the end of the world.
Instead, it can only be a chance for a new beginning.
I won’t lie to you—being left behind by the person who was the center of your universe is anything but easy.
And nobody expects you to get over him or your break-up overnight because that would only mean you never loved your significant other in the first place.
Nevertheless, you shouldn’t sentence yourself to a life of emotional suffering either. Stop with those thoughts that you’ll never move on and that you’ll miss this guy forever and have a little faith in yourself.
Be optimistic and determined to get over him.
Just because one chapter of your life is over, it doesn’t make your entire existence pointless.
He wasn’t the only source of your happiness and strength—you are.
No matter what you might think now, you will forget all about him and no matter how you feel at this moment, you will eventually start feeling much better.
Just give time a chance to heal your heartbreak. Don’t think of this as the worst thing that could ever happen to you because it actually might be the best; you probably just fail to see it right now.
3. Contemplate why it happened
They say that the worst thing that can happen after the break-up is not getting closure.
You have been dumped and you don’t even know why it happened.
Did he stop loving you? Was it something you did?
How long had he been thinking about leaving you? How long have you been living in a lie?
Did he find someone new? Was there anything you could have done to prevent this from happening and to keep him by your side?
These are all the questions going through your mind. Naturally, you want answers; you want an explanation you didn’t get.
Well, even if you didn’t see your break-up coming, it is clear that it happened for a real reason and that a lot of things went on between you two.
And instead of asking for closure from your ex, use this post break-up period to contemplate your entire relationship and why it came to its end.
Remember that it takes two to tango and that you both probably did something for your romance to fall apart.
Think about your mistakes but don’t put all the responsibility on yourself.
Also, think about everything he did to you throughout your entire relationship.
Try figuring out what made him leave you and whether his reasons were justified or if he actually just needed an excuse to escape.
4. Give yourself some time to reflect
Instead of constantly calling and texting your ex, which will just push him even further away, use this period to reflect.
Think about him and your relationship and most importantly—try some introspection.
What is it that you want from life? Was your relationship making you happy or was it nothing but a habit?
What would you change between the two of you, if you had the chance? Was this break-up a natural set of events or do you think it happened out of the blue, without any real reason?
How do you see yourself a few years from now? Is this the man you can imagine yourself growing old with or just someone you want to be by your side at this moment?
Did you love him? And do you still love him?
Do you think he loved you for real? According to your opinion, are all of his emotions gone or does he still have some feelings for you?
Please, be as realistic as possible while giving yourself answers to each one of these questions.
Disregard what your heart wants to hear for a moment and face the truth, even if it’s painful because it is the only way in which you can get to the bottom of things and see them as they really are.
5. Decide whether you want your ex boyfriend back
Now that you have all of this sorted out in your head, it’s time to make a big decision and answer the most important question of them all: Do you want this man back or not?
Are you ready to fight for him to return into your life or do you think it’s better to let him go and leave him in the past, where he belongs?
This is the moment in which, after all this contemplating, you’ll have to decide what the direction of your journey will be from now on, whether you’ll invest your entire energy in trying to make up with this guy or you’ll put all of your energy into doing your best to forget about him.
Even though your emotions are an important factor here, there are other significant things on the scale as well.
Yes, the first question is whether you still love him (because obviously, you won’t chase someone you don’t care about anymore) but you need to ask yourself if this relationship is worth fighting for in the first place.
Was the reason for your break-up something you two could objectively overcome or is it likely to haunt you forever?
Are you able to forgive him for leaving you or do you plan on holding it against him for as long as you are together?
Does your romance deserve a second chance? Objectively speaking, can it be rebuilt and is there a point in trying?
10 Things To Do To Get Your Ex Back
He broke up with me will he come back? The love of my life broke up with me.
If these and similar sentences have crossed your mind and you decided you want to try to win this man back, just follow this step by step guide and he’ll be yours in no time.
1. Give him time and space
So, I guess that your first impulse is to chase this man as hard as you can.
You want your ex boyfriend back and you plan on choosing ways to make him yours again.
After all, you’re afraid that he’ll forget about you as soon as you move away from his life.
You’re scared that whatever is left of his feelings for you will vanish if you’re no longer in his sight.
Therefore, you decide to stalk him. You think that the wisest thing you might do is remain at his feet, making sure he knows you’re still there, patiently waiting, right where he left you.
Wrong! In fact, this is probably the worst thing you could do.
On the contrary, you have to give this man space and time. The same way you had to contemplate your relationship and break-up, so does he.
After all, how can you make him be afraid of losing you if you’re constantly there?
That is exactly why you simply must make him feel your absence in order to learn how to appreciate your presence.
Instead of attacking him and asking this guy to come back to you right away, give him an opportunity to miss you.
Give him a chance to see how his life would have looked without you in it and let him realize that he can’t make it without you.
2. No contact rule
I’m sure you’ve already heard about the famous no contact rule.
It’s actually pretty simple; you cut your ex out of your life completely for a certain period of time (preferably three months but if you can’t last that long, 30 days will work as well).
The no contact rule literally means what it says—you have absolutely no contact with him for this given period of time.
No, you’re not allowed to remain good friends, you are not allowed to check up on him, to wish him a happy birthday or a happy Valentine’s Day, to remind him of that doctor appointment you remembered he has scheduled, to tell him you miss him, to give your ex boyfriend back his stuff or to see what he’s been up to.
Don’t phone call him, don’t send him text messages, don’t check his WhatsApp status and don’t show up in the places you hope you might encounter him.
Moreover, even if he reaches out to you, tell him you need time to process things and ask him to get back to you after a month.
I won’t lie to you—doing this is even harder than it sounds. After all, you think you’ll die without this guy in your life and you’re supposed to cut him off completely.
Nevertheless, it has to be done. He has to see that you’re not a puppy who will go running after him and that he can’t have you whenever he pleases.
3. Don’t freak out if he starts dating
The worst thing that can happen when your boyfriend decides to end things with you is that he finds a new girlfriend while you’re still trying to get him back and still haven’t found a way to get over him.
Well, if something like this occurs, it doesn’t mean you should lose hope.
Don’t think that he’s replaced you just like that. As much as it hurts, do your best to look at things realistically and reconsider the fact that maybe your reaction is exactly what he wants.
There’s a good chance that this is nothing but a rebound relationship he is using to get over you with more ease or to make you jealous.
So, instead of making a scene about it, act like a lady and pretend to be completely indifferent where this situation is concerned.
Please, don’t become one of those crazy ex-girlfriends who go around ruining their ex’s new relationships and stalking him and whomever new he’s dating.
Besides appearing to be a desperate lunatic, you’ll also give him another reason to continue with his rebounds because he’ll see that he got the feedback he wanted from you.
Trust me—the only way for this guy to stop jumping from one relationship to another is you ignoring it completely.
After all, you two broke up and he is entitled to have a new girlfriend, as much as it bothers and hurts you.
4. Try not to obsess over him
While you’re trying to make up with your ex, he and your relationship are the only things on your mind. Well, that is a huge mistake.
Instead of obsessing over this man, use this whole time to work on yourself.
I’m not saying that you should make all the changes he’s asked you to but a good piece of advice would be to reconsider your behavior and personality and to turn yourself into the woman you are destined to be.
Whether you’d like to believe me or not, the truth is that people have a way of sensing each other’s vibe and energy.
Basically, you can go no contact and pretend to be ignoring this guy but if you spend all of your time with him in your thoughts and overanalyzing his every word and move, he’ll feel that and he won’t be drawn to you.
Besides, obsessing over him will bring you no progress and it will get you nowhere.
Yes, he might have left your life physically but as long as he is still the first and the last person you think of every single day, you haven’t moved an inch and you’re still practically in a relationship with him.
5. Let him come to you for the first time
You’ve let some time pass by, you haven’t rushed things, you processed the sentence “He broke up with me” and you have thought everything through.
So, now is time for some concrete actions regarding this man coming back into your life.
The best possible scenario would be to let your ex reach out to you for the first time, instead of the other way around.
Therefore, at this stage, it would be great if you could do something to provoke his reaction and to make him be the one who’ll call or text you.
For example, you can make sure you two start bumping into each other.
Dress your best and ‘accidentally’ show up somewhere you know you’ll see him.
If you’re still friends on social media networks, post something that would make him send you a DM.
Of course, you won’t be posting sad and pathetic status updates.
Instead, you can try an inside joke or something else you know will tease him.
However, the trick is to send him mixed signals, so he won’t know whether this is all a coincidence and he is imagining things or you’re really aiming it directly at him.
Another way to provoke this man’s reaction is to try and make him jealous.
You don’t have to actually find a rebound relationship but you can ask a friend to help you send this guy hints that there is someone new in your life.
Be careful about this and always have in mind that your final goal is to get your old relationship back.
Therefore, you don’t want your ex to think that you’re fully over him and that you’re in love with someone new because this could present a problem if you two get back together.
Instead, make him wonder what’s going on. Do something which will keep you in his head and put him in a situation where he won’t be able to resist but to contact you in one way or another.
6. See him in person
Once your ex reaches out and you two start texting or talking on the phone, suggest to him that you meet face-to-face.
First and foremost, when he sees you, he won’t have the strength to act indifferent and he won’t have space for his mind games he’s trying to play through texting.
Secondly, you’ll be able to read through this man’s body language signs only when you see him in person.
How is he looking at you? Is there any passion or love left in his eyes?
Does he sit next to you? Does he hug you and kiss you on the cheek (but dangerously near the lips) when you meet?
Is he trying to accidentally touch you? Does he smile when you’re talking?
Don’t worry if he’s angry or resentful—it means he still has feelings for you.
On the other hand, maybe he is scared to show his true emotions and acts like he couldn’t care less but don’t let that discourage you either.
After all, you’re the one who knows this guy best so it’s your job to read between the lines and through his body language signs.
Be honest with yourself and see whether he’s playing you or if he is still into you.
7. Show him your progress
Don’t just hangout, see this as a chance to show this man how far you’ve gotten without him.
Make sure to look your best; dress the way he likes and do the same with your hair and make-up.
However, besides your appearance, what are even more important are your intellectual and emotional progress.
Be calm and don’t make any drama if that is the thing that bothered him while you were together.
Don’t brag but casually mention all the things you’ve done regarding your self-improvement.
If you traveled, accidentally mention the places you visited (but remain vague about your travel companions) or tell him about a new language you’ve been learning or a hobby you’ve taken up, for example.
Help him realize that you’re perfectly able to get along without him and make him scared of losing you completely.
8. Take responsibility for your mistakes
After you’re done with updating him and the small talk, it’s time to start talking about your failed relationship.
Don’t worry if he doesn’t start the subject first and find a way to subtly bring up the past.
You won’t ask him to get back together with you right away but you can begin the conversation by showing him how mature you have become during this whole time you weren’t together.
For starters, own up to the mistakes you made in the relationship.
Don’t lie and pretend that everything was your fault (when it clearly wasn’t) just to make him feel better and to get him back to you.
However, show him that you realize why he left you and make sure he understands you don’t plan on repeating the same wrong moves which partly led to your break-up.
9. Call him out on his actions
The next step is to call your ex out on his actions as well. Nevertheless, while you’re doing this, don’t let the conversation turn into an argument or a blame game.
Don’t let him sense your resentment and don’t show him that you hold grudges for some things from the past.
However, show him that you took some time to reflect on your entire relationship and that you’re deeply hurt and broken-hearted by his actions.
Most importantly—make this man realize that you’re ready to forgive him this time but that it doesn’t mean that you’ll keep on doing so if he plans on continuing with his bad behavior.
Don’t let him see this as a green light to keep on leaving you and coming back the way he pleases.
I know that your ego might not allow you to express the intensity of the pain you felt during this break-up and your ex doesn’t need to know all about your sleepless nights or about each tear you cried for him.
However, if you don’t point out at the damage he caused and if he gets the impression that you were completely unharmed by him walking away from you, he’ll have no trouble doing it all over again at the first sign of inconvenience.
10. Create an action plan
Now that you two have gotten it all sorted out, you can proceed toward making a concrete action plan regarding your relationship that you clearly both want to be renewed.
It is more than obvious that things weren’t working out in the past and your break-up is more than enough of a sign that it’s time for some new ground rules.
Be honest with each other and about the things that are bothering you.
Decide on the things you want to change and about the improvements you hope to achieve.
Most importantly—do your best to reach a compromise. Meet each other halfway and make sure this new arrangement suits you both the best.
10 Things To Help You Forget Your Ex
On the other hand, if you have decided to leave this man and your previous relationship behind you, there are some tips and tricks which can help you forget him with more ease.
1. Accept that it’s over
The worst thing that you can do when you’re in the process of letting go of someone is staying in denial about it.
I know that you would rather not experience this entire situation and that you want all of it to be a bad nightmare that you will wake up from the next morning.
However, as much as you hate to admit it, this is the harsh reality. And you’ll just have to deal with it, sooner or later.
Therefore it is much better to do it now than to spend weeks or months waiting for things to go back the way they used to be.
You decided that you don’t want to fight to get your ex back, which means that you’re perfectly aware that you’re better off without him.
So, stick to your right decision. Stop waiting for him to come back and stop waiting for a miracle that will never come.
Accept that it’s over and focus on your present and future instead of the past that you can’t change, as much as you would like to.
2. Give yourself enough time to grieve…
Nevertheless, facing the awful reality doesn’t equal magically getting over this man.
Don’t push yourself forward and don’t expect to be okay the very next day after he left your life; remember that you’re just a human being made of flesh and blood.
After all, this was someone you loved deeply and had a long term relationship with.
A man you probably planned a future with, your lover and your best friend, so it would be unnatural to forget that he ever existed in the blink of an eye.
Therefore, please don’t be ashamed of your pain.
Don’t listen to others telling you that it’s not a big deal and that it’s about time to move on with your life and that you’re taking too long to get over your ex.
First of all, remember that we all have a different pace when it comes to repairing our broken heart.
Besides, it is much better to heal in a healthy way and to give yourself enough time to heal than to rush yourself and do nothing but bury your emotional baggage that will come to you sooner or later.
So, please, don’t repress your emotions. Don’t ignore your sadness and pretend it’s not there, expecting it to disappear that way.
Instead, face it, look it directly in the eyes and promise yourself that you will overcome it.
Show your pain that you’re stronger than it and that you will defeat it, one way or another.
3. … but don’t dwell on the pain
However, don’t see this as an excuse to dwell on the pain forever. Don’t let it define you and make you become nothing more than a dumped girlfriend.
Yes, you’re brokenhearted and nobody is trying to minimize your emotions.
However, besides being this guy’s ex-girlfriend, you’re still a daughter, a sister, a friend and most importantly, a woman who has a range of other feelings besides this all-consuming pain.
The best thing you can do for yourself at this stage is to set up a date.
Up until this day, you’re allowed to cry, scream and do nothing but think about your ex.
However, when this day comes, he is out of your thoughts.
If you can’t stop thinking about him completely, at least gradually reduce the time he’s allowed to have in your mind.
Trust me—you’re stronger than your heart and mind. You’re in charge, not the other way around.
4. Learn how to forgive
When the person you thought you could trust your life with leaves you hanging, without thinking twice about the consequences it might leave on you, you are not just heartbroken, you also feel betrayed and abandoned.
This is especially the case if this break-up was preceded by affairs, abuse or a toxic relationship in general.
Naturally, you can’t have positive emotions toward a man who caused you this much harm.
Even though you might possibly still care for him, the love you feel is mixed up with hate, anger and resentment.
In fact, it is likely that you want to get even. You assume that everything would fall into place if you just got the chance to plot revenge on this guy and give him a taste of his own medicine.
And nobody blames you for this.
However, I’m begging you to do your best to forgive him. Find the strength to accept your ex’s apology, even if you didn’t get one.
Instead of stooping down to his level, be the better person and rise above him. Besides, don’t forget that the best revenge is to keep on going, without ever looking back.
Don’t do it for him—do it for your own sake. Do it because it’s the only way to set yourself free from the chains of everything he’s done and the only way to move on for real.
5. Cut him off completely
The next step in trying to get over your ex is kicking him out of your life for good. Cut ties with this man and make sure he realizes he’ll never be welcome in your world again, not even as your good friend.
The difference between breaking all connections and going no contact lies in the different goals of these moves.
When you go no contact, you’re trying to win your ex back and when you cut all ties, you’re doing it to make your recovery easier.
Therefore, have in mind that you’re not doing this to prove a point to him or to make him run back to you; you’re doing it to keep him out of your sight, mind and heart.
For starters, unfriend all of this guy’s social media profiles. The last thing you need now is to spend your days stalking him on social media and keeping yourself updated about his love life.
If necessary, change your number and block him on WhatsApp. If you think that he’ll be calling you, don’t leave that option open.
Also, get rid of everything that might remind you of your ex.
If you think you’ll regret throwing away all of your memories, such as his clothes or gifts, ask a friend to hold on to them for you until you’re ready to wear them or have them in front of you without them serving you as a painful reminder of your failed past relationship.
Stop listening to the songs you connect with him, stop looking at actors who look like him and stop turning around every time you see a car similar to his.
Also, if you have some mutual friends, distance yourself from them as well.
I know you love these people regardless of your ex but your entire healing process will be pointless if you spend time with his close friends or family.
6. Work on yourself
After you’re done with that step, the next one is dedicated to you and your self-esteem only. Instead of wasting all of your time obsessing over your ex, use this opportunity to work on yourself.
Do whatever you can to become the best possible version of yourself and to improve your self-esteem—not in spite of this guy and not to prove a point to him; do it because you want to.
Do it to prove to yourself that you can and will make it without him and that you don’t need him to push you forward.
7. Keep yourself busy
Most importantly, keep yourself as busy as possible. Don’t hide your pain in work or study but at least in the beginning, don’t leave yourself too much free time.
If you’re bored, it is more likely that you’ll start remembering your ex and start thinking about your past relationship.
Moreover, in this case, there is a bigger chance of you making the mistake of your life and reaching out to him.
Therefore, the best thing you can do is find a new hobby, start learning new stuff or even get extra hours at work.
It wouldn’t be bad if you start exercising as well because that will also help you keep a healthier mind and body.
If nothing else, call your close friends to hang out with you. Ask them not to mention your ex and to amuse you with some other topics.
8. Don’t jump into a new relationship…
Rebound relationships never brought anything good to anyone. After all, whoever managed to successfully fight fire with fire?
I bet that one of your first impulses is to get a new boyfriend. Besides wanting to make your ex jealous, you think that a new interest would help you get your mind off of things.
However, let me tell you that this is a mistake and not the way to handle your broken heart.
Remember that moving on is much more than jumping into a new relationship and that forcing yourself to do something you’re not ready for will only deepen your wounds and make you feel even worse.
Also, why would you want to drag someone innocent into your mess? No human being deserves to serve you as a tool to get over your ex-boyfriend or to help you accept the end of the relationship.
So, instead of doing something you’ll probably regret later, stay single for a couple of months and don’t commit to something which might bring you even more headaches.
9. … but be open to dating
Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that you have to stay off all dating apps or that you are required to shut yourself off completely to the possibility of ever finding someone new.
Instead, find a balance between being open to dating and not looking for someone specific. Sounds hard to achieve, right?
Well, the trick is for you not to reject it if a guy you happen to like appears in your life.
It is not to let your previous relationship interfere with your new life and not to allow your emotional baggage and past traumas to weigh you down and prevent you from moving on.
Despite what you might think now, not everyone is like your ex. Not every guy will leave you hanging and hurt your already damaged heart.
On the other hand, don’t go actively searching for someone new and don’t make it your only goal to find a new boyfriend and start your new life in a certain period of time.
Don’t be desperate for the man of your dreams to show up and don’t force yourself into doing something you actually don’t want to do.
For a change, relax as much as possible and cut the overthinking. Go with the flow and see where it will bring you.
10. Turn it into a lesson
The last but certainly not the least important thing you have to do regarding this matter is learn from it. It is understanding that everything happens for a reason and for some bigger cause.
This man obviously wasn’t meant to be yours because otherwise, you would have never lost him in the first place.
Therefore, you should consider yourself lucky for breaking up with him now, in time, than spending years next to him, just to end up without him.
Remember that God always has a plan, that you’re not always aware of. So, be thankful for all the closed doors and for all the losses because I promise you that this one will turn out to be the biggest gain of your life.
