Even when you’re happy in a romantic relationship, you can’t take it for granted. Instead, you should always be mindful of the fact that it takes effort to build and nurture the intimacy necessary for a happy relationship.
Feeling bored in a relationship shows you that there’s something about it that isn’t working. In a way, boredom is a good thing because it lets you know that you should pay attention to what’s going on and what you need to change.
Is It Normal to Be Bored In A Relationship?
When we talk about being bored in a relationship, it can mean one of two things. One is the comfort you feel when the excitement you felt early on in a relationship has lessened over time, while the other is a sense of dissatisfaction with the relationship that comes from a lack of effort.
1. Comfort
The first kind of relationship boredom is completely natural. When the honeymoon phase wears off, you become adapted to your relationship. The initial passion you felt for your significant other cools off over time, and the rollercoaster of intense feelings settles down.
Boredom is not the same thing as being comfortable. When a relationship is stable and steady, it means that it’s based on commitment, affection, understanding, and support. Being comfortable with your partner means that you trust them and can be yourself with the other person.
It also doesn’t imply that it is impossible to keep the relationship exciting because you have grown used to it. True happiness in a long-term relationship comes from striking a balance between excitement and intimacy.
2. Boredom
Boredom is caused by a lack of communication and effort. When one of those two things is missing, you fall into routines and lose interest.
Without deep conversations to get to know your partner on a profound level, you only learn superficial things about them and believe there is nothing more to them. When you take your relationship for granted, you become dissatisfied and unhappy. Your love life loses both excitement and the feeling of fulfillment.
Feeling bored with your relationship doesn’t automatically mean that it’s over. Most couples go through rough patches, and it’s important to remember that problems in your relationship need work, not giving up.
Boredom is a red flag letting you know that you need to pay more attention to your relationship and motivates you to make a change in the areas that aren’t working.
It is critical to address boredom as soon as you notice it because it can lead to more serious problems. Unless things change, you’ll start to feel a loss of interest, affection, and attention for your partner, which could lead to the end of your relationship.
Signs Of A Boring Relationship
If you’ve been experiencing some of these problems, it could indicate that you’re feeling bored in a relationship. It’s more likely that only a few and not all or most of these signs apply to you.
Use this list to guide you and let you know what you should look out for and recognize the things you should be paying attention to:
1. You don’t try to solve the problems in your relationship.
• You ignore your problems even when you notice them.
• You don’t deal with them because you don’t know how.
• It seems too hard to solve your problems, so you don’t want to bother at all.
2. You have nothing to talk about.
• You don’t share things with your partner.
• Even small talk is difficult.
• You’re not interested in what they have to say.
• You don’t talk about your feelings.
• You’d rather sit in awkward silence than try to find something to talk about.
3. You avoid spending time with your partner.
• You make excuses not to spend time together.
• You dislike spending time together.
• You prefer spending time with other people.
• It’s much more enjoyable being on your own than with your partner.
4. You’re often irritated with your partner for no reason.
• You’re always annoyed with your partner but don’t know why.
• You feel like you’re both looking for the slightest flaws in each other.
• You lash out at your partner over small things.
• You pick senseless fights.
5. You feel like you have nothing in common.
• You feel like your opinions are completely different.
• You feel like you don’t want the same things.
• You don’t share any interests.
• You feel like you’re not really friends.
6. You wish you could change your partner.
• You don’t like your partner’s behavior, personality, or how they treat you.
• You wish they could be different from what they are, but you don’t talk to them about it.
• You feel distant from your partner, so you don’t understand them.
7. You think about what it’s like being single.
• You look at other people, curious about what it would be like to be with them.
• You’re thinking about what dating someone would be like.
• You wonder about what it would feel like not to be in a relationship.
8. You feel less attracted to your partner.
• You’re not as interested in your partner sexually as you used to be.
• Your emotional attraction is not as strong.
• It feels mutual.
9. Your sex life is no longer exciting.
• You don’t have sex as often as you used to.
• When you do have sex, it’s more exercise than fun.
• You’re not sexually interested in each other.
• You don’t feel like working on your sex life.
10. You don’t have fun together.
• You can’t remember the last time you had fun together.
• You have more fun on your own than with your partner.
• When you want to do something fun, you’re reluctant to include them.
11. Your relationship has become routine.
• Your relationship feels like a chore and an obligation.
• You are in a rut, and every day is the same.
• Nothing your partner does surprises or excites you.
12. The sense of romance is gone.
• There’s no joy in small shared moments and touches with your partner.
• Neither of you tries to be romantic.
• Your relationship feels cold.
13. You’re concerned about the future of your relationship.
• You two never talk about the future.
• Thinking about the future makes you feel uneasy.
• You’re wondering if you even have a future together.
14. You don’t appreciate each other the way you used to.
• You’ve lost interest in your partner’s life, thoughts, and feelings or interests.
• You aren’t as attentive to each other as you once were.
• You take each other for granted.
15. You’ve stopped caring.
• You don’t feel like it’s worth bothering to try making your relationship work.
• You don’t really care what happens.
• You’re starting to feel like things are hopeless.
Causes Of Relationship Boredom
A lack of trying, intimacy, and communication can cause boredom in a relationship. Here’s how it happens:
1. You don’t have meaningful conversations.
Only having casual conversations or talking about unimportant things will make your connection suffer. If you don’t talk about your feelings but instead focus on small talk, gossip, or similar, it’s difficult to feel like you and your partner understand each other.
2. You don’t listen to each other.
Unless you’re really listening to what the other person is saying when you’re talking, it’s impossible to learn things about them, which is how you should keep discovering new things about each other.
3. There’s no emotional intimacy.
If you don’t allow yourselves to be vulnerable with each other and share your hopes, dreams, thoughts, and opinions, you won’t be able to establish an emotional connection. Without an emotional connection, it’s impossible to feel the closeness of a true partnership.
4. You’re ignoring your feelings.
When you ignore your feelings about your relationship or your partner, you won’t be able to deal with them. Hurt feelings that are left to fester can cause resentment and anger. Instead, you should work on developing a relationship in which feelings are discussed and accepted.
5. You’re not making an effort.
Not showing your partner interest, attention, and affection and not being there for them when they need you is often caused by an unwillingness to work on a relationship and not a lack of feelings. The reason for this is because you believe that a relationship should work on its own.
6. You’ve become overly comfortable.
Even when you’re confident in your relationship, you can never take it for granted. When things are working, it’s easy to get stuck in your comfort zone and stop giving your attention to the relationship. You have to support each other and talk to each other – if you’re not really trying, even the happiest relationship won’t work.
7. You’ve forgotten about romance.
When you stop making an effort for each other, and you’re never romantic, charm can disappear from your relationship. Casual touches, flirting, and compliments go a long way in making things more exciting and fun.
8. Changes in your life are affecting your relationship.
Money issues, too many work hours, a new baby, and other life matters can have an impact on your relationship. For example, married couples who are trying to build a stable life can often feel a lack of excitement caused by focusing on practical things instead of their relationship.
9. You’ve lost yourself in your relationship.
If it’s always ‘we’ and never ‘I,’ you might have invested too much in the relationship and lost yourself. You need more time to care for yourself before you dedicate your efforts to your relationship.
10. You’ve neglected your personal goals.
You might grow to resent your partner once things settle down if you put all the plans you used to have on hold when you enter your relationship. Having things to work toward are necessary for personal fulfillment.
11. You don’t have interests of your own.
If you’ve invested too much of yourself into your relationship and all your interests and hobbies are shared with your partner, you might start feeling suffocated.
12. You don’t share any goals and interests.
Conversely, if both of you have very distinct goals and interests, you can feel as if you’re not connected at all.
13. You’re not making time for each other.
If you’re too busy to make time for your partner and vice versa, you’re prioritizing other things over them. Make it a habit to include each other in your lives, and don’t neglect to give each other time and attention.
14. You don’t give each other attention.
If you’re neglecting each other’s needs, ignoring each other, and not learning new things about each other regularly, you will grow apart. Giving your partner attention is necessary.
15. You have unrealistic expectations
After the honeymoon phase, most relationships settle down and become more solid and less intense. If you thought that this change wouldn’t happen to you, something as natural as becoming comfortable around your partner might make you feel like things are not okay.
16. You forgot why you like your partner.
When you forget why you were attracted to your partner in the first place, you might lose sight of why you’re in the relationship at all. Pay attention and try to recognize the things about them that once excited you.
17. You’re neglecting physical intimacy.
When you don’t feel excited about having sex together, and it becomes just something that should be done, it loses its purpose. If your sex life has become routine, it might be pushing you apart instead of bringing you closer.
18. You never have arguments.
Never arguing in a relationship can be worse than arguing too much. Complacency and too many compromises stop you from sharing things that the other person might not agree with for the purpose of keeping the peace. Embrace arguments – allow yourself different opinions, and let your partner share theirs.
19. You’re stuck in a routine.
If you’re always doing the same things and going to the same places, sooner or later, you become stuck in a rut. A lack of new experiences can make you stop feeling attracted to your partner because you become too used to them, and they never surprise you anymore.
20. You expect things to get better on their own.
Not trying to solve problems is one of the reasons behind unsuccessful relationships. Problems rarely go away on their own, and the longer you neglect things, the more difficult to solve they become. Every relationship needs work and effort.
What To Do If You’re Bored In A Relationship
It takes work to cultivate a healthy relationship, but it shouldn’t be a struggle. You must avoid complacency and make an effort to nurture intimacy. Show your partner that you appreciate them and make them feel loved.
Furthermore, you must not neglect your own life outside your relationship. Unless you’re happy with yourself, it’s unlikely that you’ll be happy in your relationship. These are the steps to fixing your relationship.
1. Figure out if you’re really bored or actually comfortable.
First of all, examine your expectations. Being content isn’t boredom, and your expectations might be unrealistic if you believe that every day has to be exciting and intense.
Furthermore, if you’re used to more drama in a relationship than your current one has, you might be confusing stability with boredom. On the other hand, if you’re feeling restless with your partner, things might not be working.
In this case, think about what parts of your relationship are boring and what you should change to make it better. Figure out whether you’re committed to making the relationship work and if you want to be in it in the first place.
2. Focus on your personal life.
Think about whether your boredom extends to the rest of your life or if you’re only bored in your relationship. The feeling of boredom can be caused by the monotony of daily life, personal problems, or mental health issues.
Are you making an effort in other parts of your life, or are you just coasting? Make sure you’re first happy and fulfilled outside of your relationship, and then you can focus on your partner.
3. Explore the true reason behind your boredom.
When you’ve established that it’s not your expectations or your personal life and that you actually are bored with the relationship, try to determine the exact reason for your boredom. When you find why, commit to solving your problems and don’t only look for a temporary solution.
What feels boring in your relationship? Maybe you’re doing the things you’ve always done, but you or your partner may have changed. Use this chance to learn more about yourself and each other and decide to never stop learning.
Commit to talking to each other about your problems, laughing together, and developing an emotional connection.
4. Work on intimacy.
Intimacy, the feeling of being close to your partner, is key in a relationship. To work on it, you must choose to be honest with your partner about your feelings and thoughts. Focus on real communication: opening up and talking to your partner without fear and inhibitions.
Think about the things you do like in your relationship, and don’t neglect those either. Put in the work necessary to feel close to your partner through physical intimacy as well as emotional connection.
5. Awaken romance.
Romance is the part of relationships that makes things exciting. You don’t have to spice things up with things like role-playing or regular date nights if that’s not your thing, but instead, find a way to consistently show your partner affection and attention.
Be thoughtful and attentive to your partner’s needs and wants. Be present, and don’t be distant. Don’t save romantic gestures for special occasions, but do things just because.
Include things such as hand-holding, cuddling, kissing, touching, flirting, and paying compliments into your everyday interactions to bring you closer to your partner and make your time together sweeter.
6. Try new things together.
Trying new things together can help you reconnect and find ways to bring the passion and excitement back. Shared new activities mean shared new experiences, memories, and feelings. Spend time together doing fun things, such as trying a new hobby or a new restaurant, or do something meaningful for the both of you.
7. Try relationship counseling.
If you believe that it would be useful or you need hands-on guidance, visiting a couple’s therapist or a relationship coach together may be your best bet. Getting help for relationship issues is nothing to be ashamed of, and working with a professional can give you tools to solve your problems.
When Should You Break Up?
So you’ve tried things like sharing interests, having date nights, and maybe even visiting a relationship expert, and none of it was enough to make you feel better about your relationship. If nothing works, you shouldn’t ignore the option to end the relationship.
These are signals that suggest that maybe this relationship isn’t meant to be:
1. If you decide that the relationship is not worth saving.
When all is said and done, if your relationship feels more like a chore than a partnership, and you don’t feel like putting in work, dragging it out will only end in resentment and even more heartache than breaking up when you realize it’s wrong and you don’t want to try.
2. If you’ve tried everything and you’re still unhappy.
Boredom is one of the reasons relationships fail, but it’s not the only one. Even if you’ve tried to deal with the problem of feeling bored, it won’t help if there are other things that stop you from being happy, such as an absence of trust, different priorities, or lack of commitment.
3. If your partner is holding you back.
When you’re determined to work on yourself – your mental health, your interests, your career, or any other aspect of your life – and your partner isn’t giving you support, or even worse, holds you back, your relationship probably doesn’t have a future.
4. If you’re incompatible.
Even when there’s attraction, feelings, and desire for a relationship, a lack of compatibility can make a relationship impossible. If your values, lifestyles, sexual needs, habits, or other qualities don’t fit, you’ll only be forcing a relationship with someone who isn’t for you.
5. If you’ve fallen out of love.
If one of the reasons for drifting apart is because you’re not in love with your partner anymore, it’s not likely that those feelings will come back. If, instead of arguments, you choose contempt; instead of listening to each other, you get defensive; if you’ve checked out instead of trying to solve problems, it might be time to call it quits.
Nurture Your Relationship
Being bored in a relationship can be a phase or a cause for alarm. How you deal with it all comes down to whether you believe in your relationship enough to put in the work. The way to escape the boredom is to show genuine interest in your partner and focus on building intimacy.
When your significant other truly becomes your partner and someone you appreciate, love, and trust, the kind of boredom that signifies a problem in the relationship will go away. The only kind of boredom you’ll feel is the good kind, where you can sit around together and do nothing and enjoy those moments.
