The ultimate question every woman asks herself after a failed relationship: When do guys start to miss you after a breakup.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter who was the dumper: it’s perfectly natural that you wonder when you’ll start crossing your ex’s mind.
I bet girls have tried to figure this out for ages, but the truth is that there is no universal response. Well, despite that, there are certain situations in which every man will think of his ex-girlfriend, whether he admits it or not.
When Does A Man Start To Miss You After A Breakup?
So, if you’ve just ended a romance and keep asking yourself when do guys start to miss you after a breakup, then here are some secrets your ex-boyfriend wouldn’t want you to know.
Let’s cut to the chase. Your ex starts to miss you when…
…you stop missing him.
The answer to the question, when do guys start to miss you after a breakup, is actually pretty ironic. The core of this entire mind game we’ve all found ourselves trapped in is hidden in reverse psychology.
So, you should actually ask yourself how to make a guy miss you after a breakup.
When you ask yourself this question, you’re ready to do whatever it takes just to blow this man’s mind… Whatever it takes besides one thing and one thing only: you’re not ready to stop missing him.
Well, that’s the entire irony of human relationships in general, and of your situation in particular. I don’t know how and why it happens, but it’s pretty obvious that people send off some kind of energy to their loved ones.
You and your ex-boyfriend can be miles apart, but trust me: he senses that you’re still crazy over him. You might put tons of effort into showing him that you’ve moved on, but that won’t work if you’re still obsessing over him.
You might pretend that you’ve forgotten all about him, but if you’re still desperately waiting for his return, he’ll simply know it. And, the worst thing is that deep down, this will be a signal for him that he can have you whenever he pleases.
In some weird and twisted way, this guy is still taking you for granted, even if you’re not actually doing anything to prove him right.
That’s why the best answer to the question of when do guys start to miss you after a breakup is: when you stop missing them.
Why? I suppose because most of them are born hunters. They want you more when you stop wanting them.
After all, we’re not so different either. Whether you like to admit it or not, you’re always more interested in a man who doesn’t chase you and who acts pretty indifferent towards you.
How do you stop missing him after the breakup?
So, the next question that arises naturally is how do you stop missing a guy after a breakup? Wouldn’t it be great if you could just make this decision, snap your fingers, and erase your ex-husband or boyfriend from your memory?
Nevertheless, sadly, things don’t always go as smoothly as you would want them to. Forgetting about someone takes time, devotion, energy, and effort.
And, that’s exactly what you’ll invest in because this is the only way to get the desired result.
What you need to stop doing is putting all of your focus on this man. Even though he is physically absent from your life, the truth is that he is still present in every breath you take.
Well, you’re the one who has the power to control your own thoughts and that is exactly what you’ll start doing. Stop talking about him to your good friends, stop looking at your old photos, and stop searching for guys who look like him.
Every time you catch yourself obsessing over him, redirect your thoughts to something else. Keep yourself as busy as possible and put your attention somewhere else.
I don’t care if you engage in a new project at work or just watch a movie – whatever keeps your mind off your breakup.
Do the things that make you happy instead of allowing your sadness and nostalgia to overwhelm you and keep taking the best of you.
Trust me: before you know it, your ex will sense that you’re losing interest in him. He’ll feel that he isn’t getting any more energy from you and it’ll make him realize that he is losing you.
That is when this man will go crazy over you. He’ll start missing you like crazy and even though he’s pretty convinced that he can’t come back to your life, he’ll do everything in his power to at least get back in your heart and mind.
…you go no contact.
Following the no contact rule has proven to be the most effective way to make someone miss you. The name says it all: it’s your job to cut all possible ties with this man for at least one month.
Why is no contact so beneficial?
The trick about the no contact rule is that it’s pretty much a win-win situation for you. Your primary goal here is to figure out how to get this guy to miss you.
It’s to show your ex how it is to live without you. It’s to show him that you won’t always be at his arms’ reach and that he can’t treat you the way he wants. Well, technically, he can, but you won’t be around to put up with it.
But, getting this guy back is not the only benefit of the no contact rule. Cutting all ties for some time can do wonders for you as well.
This is your chance to forget all about him. Since you’re the one who started this process, you won’t spend this time wondering where he is and why he is giving you the silent treatment.
For a change, he’ll be the one obsessing over you. In the meantime, you’ll use this period to get used to the idea of not having this man around.
You’ll use this time to teach yourself how to live without your ex present. You’ll use it to stop missing him.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying that this will happen for sure. But hey, at least now you stand a chance against your emotions.
The bottom line is that he’ll either realize he can’t live without you or you’ll realize that you can live without him. Either way, you’re the one who wins this game.
RELATED: What Is He Thinking During No Contact? (8 Most Common Thoughts)
…you push yourself closer to your best self.
Working on yourself should be a must-do in all life situations. Being in a loving relationship can’t serve as an excuse to stay trapped in one place and not invest in some serious self-improvement.
Instead, a healthy romance needs to be an inspiration to always do better. But, that ship has sailed, hasn’t it, so it’s pretty pointless to talk about everything you should have done while you were still with this guy.
Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean that everything is lost. Instead of lamenting over your pathetic destiny and crying over your bad luck, this is the time to become your best self.
I know that you miss this guy and all you want is for him to miss and want you back. But, if you spend days, weeks, or even months only focusing on your break-up, you won’t get anywhere.
It’s not that you won’t make any progress – you’ll actually take a few steps back.
I don’t care how sad you are. You’re not allowed to spend all of your time in your bedroom crying. This is not an excuse to stop taking care of yourself, and when I say this, I’m talking about both your looks and your mental health.
This is not the time to stop dressing up and putting on make-up.
I know that sometimes, you have a hard time getting up from bed every morning, let alone living as if nothing has happened, but do you really want to run into your ex looking like a real mess?
Besides, his opinion of you should be the last thing on your mind. You have to invest in yourself in order to realize that you can make it without him.
Don’t focus on only looking your best. Educate yourself, engage in new activities, and do everything you can to achieve some self-improvement. Work on your dreams and strive towards your ambitions.
When he finally realizes he can’t live without you, don’t be the same girl he left behind the last time. Instead, be a million times better.
Not just that: be the best possible version of yourself.
If you’re trying to figure out when guys start to miss you after a breakup, the answer is actually pretty simple: when they see how far you’ve gotten without them by your side.
Let’s put things this way: On one hand, you have a situation where your ex sees that your life is falling apart without him.
You’ve gained or lost a lot of weight, maybe you’ve lost your job, you’re looking your worst whenever he sees you, you’re stuck in your house, you’re not taking care of your appearance, you’ve given up on everything you’ve been working on while you were still together.
Let’s be honest: this is what you would rather do. You have no energy left, and the only thing you want to do is cry until eternity.
On the other hand, there you are, better than ever. You’ve gotten a promotion, you’ve started exercising, you’re always dressed to impress, you’re traveling with your friends, and you’ve started doing that thing you’ve been talking about for ages. It’s clear that you’re living your best life.
So, let’s put these two imaginary girls next to each other. Whom do you think he’ll miss more? Will he come back to the desperate and depressed girl, or will he choose the strong and fierce one?
Even if he comes back to you in the first scenario, it will be out of pity. But, if you make the other situation happen, believe it or not: this guy will go crazy over you.
All of a sudden, he’ll see that you never needed him – you just wanted him around. You’re not emotionally dependent on him, and you’re perfectly capable of being your best self without him.
Trust me: that will trigger him more than everything else.
…he realizes what he has lost.
RELATED: 10 Clear Signs He Misses You Badly (But Won’t Admit It)
This is a tale as old as time. It’s actually pretty typical, and that’s exactly why it will probably happen to you as well.
There was a guy and a girl. The girl loved the guy unconditionally. She was always there for him no matter what happened.
She supported him through all of his decisions. She was there to catch him when he was falling and there to glue him back together when he was breaking.
The girl’s love for him was unconditional. But, instead of appreciating that, he came to think that there was nothing he could do for her to give up on him.
Eventually, the two broke up. It doesn’t matter who left whom. Maybe she got tired or he thought he could replace her in a moment.
The important thing is that the guy didn’t move a finger to keep the girl. Instead, he was even relieved.
He got tired of her constant need for attention. He got sick of her nagging and worrying about him.
Finally, he was free. He could do whatever he wanted without any remorse.
It sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Well, if you’re the girl in the story, I have some good news; your guy will start to miss you the moment he realizes what he lost.
And that will, I promise you, happen sooner than you think.
He’ll be searching for you in every other woman!
At first, he’ll go from one girl to another. For the first time ever, he has the chance to live his life as a bachelor. This was his dream all along.
There are no more of your boring texts and phone calls. He can act the way he wants without having to justify his moves to anyone.
But hey, guess what: his new girl will give him what he was getting from you. He’ll try hard to find the one without realizing that he is actually searching for you in all of these women.
Then, it will hit him. He will finally understand what was so obvious all along. He will understand that he should have appreciated the things he was taking for granted.
And, that’s when he’ll start to miss every single detail about you, including the things that annoyed him. He’ll realize his mistakes once he sees that you’re nowhere to be found.
This man will see that he is the one who can’t live without you, not the other way around. He’ll realize that he made the mistake of his life when he let you go.
RELATED: He Blocked Me: What Does It Mean And What To Do About It
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet
In this case, there is nothing you should do to make this man miss you… nothing except be patient.
Trust me: when something like this happens, karma does all of your dirty work for you. Sooner or later, this man will realize that you’re one of a kind and that you’re a treasure he shouldn’t have lost.
But, don’t get me wrong and think it’s okay to wait for him forever. He will come to his senses – there is no doubt about that.
Nevertheless, please don’t put your life on hold until that happens.
…you move on with your life.
If you ask your older friends or family members when guys start to miss you after a breakup, they will all probably tell you the same thing: the moment you move on with your life.
This one is actually quite similar to the part in which he starts to miss you the moment you stop missing him: they’re both ironical and connected to reverse psychology.
But, when you get these responses, it’s likely that you won’t believe them. You assume that the people who love you are just using these empty phrases to make you feel better and to help you cope with your pain.
Nevertheless, trust me when I tell you that this really is the truth. The moment your ex sees that you’ve gotten over him and that you’ve kept on living your life as if he was never a part of it, the situation will change.
Of course, this is especially true when it comes to a new relationship. Once they see that you’ve replaced them, they’ll feel the urge to fight for their place next to you.
The oxytocin levels in his brain will increase and he’ll remember how emotionally attached to you he actually is.
It doesn’t matter if a man truly loves you or not – either way, he thinks of you as his just because you were with him. Well, the moment this guy sees that you’re in a new relationship or that you’ve just gotten back to the dating market, he’ll go wild.
Yes, you two broke up before. Nevertheless, he still considers that you belong to him in a way until someone else fills his shoes.
But, the moment that happens, he will get all competitive. The fact is that your ex feels the need to prove to both of you that he is better than any other guy you might run into and that he is irreplaceable.
RELATED: The Power Of Walking Away From A Man: Let Him See What He Lost
Rebound relationships are never the answer
All of this certainly doesn’t mean that you should engage in a rebound relationship just to make your ex jealous or to convince him that you’ve really moved on.
It’s actually pretty similar to the part where you stop missing him. In both cases, he’ll know if you’re faking it.
Besides, a rebound relationship won’t bring you anything good. First of all, it will make you feel even worse than you felt before.
After all, if you still have feelings for your ex, you won’t be able to pretend that everything is sunshine and rainbows in your new romance.
You’re a human being – not a robot, so it’s natural that you can’t kiss, hug, and cuddle with your new boyfriend while your heart is somewhere else.
You can lie to yourself in the beginning, but sooner or later, you’ll have to face your true feelings. There is no point in trying to mask your pain with a new relationship because it will catch you when you least expect it.
And, let’s not forget about this new, innocent guy whom you’ll hurt in the process. There he is, lucky that he found the perfect match, and completely clueless that you’re just using him to make your ex jealous.
How would you feel if you were him? Not so great, that’s right. So, please, don’t treat anyone the way you wouldn’t like to be treated.
Breaking someone’s heart just to get what you want will backfire on you one way or another. Trust me: it’s better to heal in a healthy way and start dating a new guy when you’re ready. The worst thing you can do is force something.
…you become the ungettable girl.
Is there anything worse for a guy than seeing his ex become the ungettable girl? I think not.
There she is, the girl everyone in his surroundings wants. Their mutual friends keep telling him that all guys crave her.
Everyone dreams of being with her, but he is the only one who had her… and he managed to lose her.
Now, he can’t reach her. No matter what he does, she’ll never be his. He’s perfectly aware of this situation and his position is eating him alive.
Sounds great, right? Well, it’s your job to become the ungettable girl for your ex. Once that happens, I promise you: you will drive him crazy.
How to become the ungettable girl?
First and foremost, let’s come to terms with what being the ungettable girl means. Is it the woman who looks her best all the time? Is it the one who has a great personality and a kind heart?
Are we talking about the girl who makes everyone laugh? About the one who helps others selflessly?
Or, the one you can’t mess up with no matter how hard you try? You know the type: the dangerous one, the one who will get even with you, and the one you don’t even think about fooling.
Well, let me tell you a little secret. The ungettable girl is all of the above. She is a high-quality woman who has the entire package. She has both the looks and the brains.
But, that’s not enough. This girl has the “it” factor. She possesses this incredible aura that nobody can stay immune to.
She is fierce but never rude. She knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to get it, but doesn’t walk over dead bodies to achieve her goals. She is a good person, but never a fool who lets others use her.
This woman is every guy’s dream, and you can become her – you just have to work on yourself and on your priorities.
Finally, when you become this girl, the most important thing is to show your ex that he can’t have you. He had his chance and he lost it, and now he has a lifetime to regret that.
…you forget how you feel and remember what you deserve.
It’s not uncommon for a girl to forget who she really is when she gets trapped in a relationship with a guy who doesn’t appreciate her. If you can relate to this, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
When you’re involved with a narcissist or an abuser, he does everything in his power to devalue you. This guy is perfectly aware of his flaws, but his only goal is to hide them from the rest of the world, especially from his romantic partner.
He knows that you’re above him in every possible way. At the same time, he doesn’t have the capacity to improve himself. So, what does he do?
He starts brainwashing you
In order for you two to become equal, this man puts his maximum effort into bringing you down to his level. After all, he has no other choice if he wants to stick around.
If your man does his best to convince you that you’re not enough and that you’re good for nothing, it’s a telltale sign that he’s trying to use the brainwashing technique in order to have full control over you and your life.
He insults you and belittles your entire personality. Nothing you ever do is okay, and practically, he becomes your tutor – the person who keeps telling you how to live your life.
This man is clearly intimidated by you and he tries hard to turn your strengths into weaknesses. His only goal is to diminish your worth, to heat up your insecurities, and to make you doubt yourself.
Of course, he doesn’t succeed in doing this at first. But, after a while, he manages to convince you that you have no value and that you should be thankful for him putting up with you.
So, where does that leave you after the breakup and after losing his validation? You’re a wreck convinced that you’re not meant to be loved, and brainwashed into thinking that you are not worthy.
Your self-esteem is at its lowest, especially now when the only man who agreed on being with you walked away. Well, that’s exactly what he wanted all along.
He was so scared that you’d replace him with someone better that he had to make sure your self-image would remain destroyed even after his departure.
Even though you shouldn’t even ask yourself when do guys start to miss you after a breakup when this kind of a man is concerned, I’m here to give you an answer: when you start seeing your own worth.
And that, my dear, will happen only when you free yourself from his narcissistic, manipulative techniques. It’ll happen only when you look at yourself in the mirror and stop seeing the woman he wanted you to think you are.
Instead, you finally see a beautiful, intelligent, and strong woman you actually have been all along.
Well, that is when your ex-partner sees that he lost control over you. He wants you back – there is no doubt about that.
Nevertheless, this man doesn’t want to reconnect with you because he loves you. He is frustrated because he lost his victim. He is scared that he lost his chance of destroying you for the second time.
In this case, you have to forget all the love you might feel for him. Instead, you must remember what you deserve.
I know you think you got what you wanted. You craved his presence for so long, and there he is in front of you, out of the blue, asking for a second chance.
But, do you really need a man who is diminishing you? Is he worthy of losing your self-worth and dropping your own life from your hands?
…you stop social media oversharing.
Social media is a huge part of our lives. That includes romantic relationships and breakups.
You don’t have to literally end a relationship by changing your relationship status back to single, but if nothing else, you’ll fight some social media battles with your ex. After all, that’s what almost all ex romantic partners do.
They post selfies with other guys or girls, photos of them having a great time, or status updates on how they rock their single life.
The intention is clear: they’re doing all of this in an attempt to make their ex jealous.
Then, we have the other group – the people who do all the opposite. They post sad status updates, quotes about lost loves, and love songs about breakups and heartbreaks.
These people don’t hesitate to visit the places they used to go to with their exes just to remind themselves of the good times they used to have together. They post selfies with their mutual friends just to show them what they’re missing out on.
The intention is again clear: they’re, as well, trying to get their ex back – they’ve just picked a little more obvious and maybe a pathetic way to do it.
So, which approach is better? When do guys start to miss you after a breakup?
When you use social media to make them think that you’re over them or when you turn your profiles into tributes to your fallen relationship?
Well, the answer might surprise you, but guess what: you shouldn’t be doing any of these two things. In fact…
You should give him the social media silent treatment
No, don’t block your ex. Give him the opportunity to keep on searching your name, but don’t overshare your life.
This doesn’t mean that you’re forbidden to post anything. It’s just that your ex doesn’t have to know every little thing about your life.
Trust me: this will make him wonder. It will inspire him to investigate more about your whereabouts, and before you know it, he’ll start missing you.
Come on, if you keep on posting dozens of stories every single day, he will still see your face all the time. So, how do you expect him to notice that you’re gone?
Besides, I assure you that you could use some time off social media. Turn this into a kind of social media detox.
See also: Does My Ex Miss Me After The Break-Up? 15 Signs You’re On His Mind
Does Silence Make A Man Miss You After The Breakup?
After everything you’ve found out about the no contact rule above, you are probably wondering if it always works. You want to know what he thinks about when you have no contact at all. Can anyone guarantee you that your ex will start to miss you after this period of 30 days is over?
Well, I hate to be the one to break your bubble, but sadly, the answer is no. But, the good news is that you can see this as a test of his feelings for you.
Look, if a guy doesn’t start missing you after not hearing a word from you and not seeing you for an entire month, the harsh truth is that he doesn’t love you.
I don’t know if he isn’t really that into you or if he has gotten over you, but the bottom line is the same.
The truth is that he was relieved by the fact that you left him alone for this time. He didn’t go crazy when he realized you were nowhere to be found because he doesn’t want you around in the first place.
It sucks, I know. But hey, at least now you know where you stand.
On the other hand, if your ex has at least an atom of emotions for you, the no contact period will get you two exactly where you want and he’ll be missing you like crazy.
Related: 20 Signs He Is Hurting After The Break Up (And What To Do)
What do you do after the no contact period?
Just because the no contact period is over, does it mean that it’s safe to get all clingy and start calling and texting your ex like crazy? Of course not.
For starters, it would be best to let him be the one to reach out first. After all, you used this trick to test his feelings and intentions, so please don’t mess things up just when your ex is about to take his final exam.
On the other hand, if you think that he is too shy or too scared to make the first move, then now is okay to start sending him some hints and mixed signals.
Don’t tell him that you want to get back together, but make it obvious that he has a green light to come to you after everything.
Final Thoughts
Now that you got the answer to the question, when do guys start to miss you after a breakup, getting your ex back will be a piece of cake. But, that doesn’t mean that all of your problems are magically solved.
You have to be honest with yourself: do you really want to get together with him because you think he is the right person for you or do you just want to make him miss you, so he could heal your broken ego?
