Being involved with a narcissist is a snakepit! Everything they do is for all the wrong reasons, and eventually, you could end up in their abuse cycle.
At first, narcissists seem infatuated by you only to have you hooked. That’s why kissing is a big part of their plan.
If you’ve experienced some doubts about your partner being a narcissist, you might have asked yourself: do narcissists enjoy kissing? Of course, there is no quick answer to the question.
I am here to help you through their mind games in this article. You should not put up with manipulation and gaslighting, even though the relationship might have seemed perfect in the beginning.
Remember, they only kissed you because they knew you’d be fascinated with them.
I don’t want to be the one who tells you the bad news, but you need to think long and hard about your narcissistic relationship and, if needed, how to escape it.
Therefore, don’t kill the messenger, and proceed to read why intimacy is important to narcissists, the pros and cons of kissing through their eyes, and some questions that might help you.
Do Narcissists Enjoy Kissing? 9 Reasons Why They Do
After reading and understanding what a narcissist wants, you will be able to spot a narcissist as soon as you have your first kiss:
1. Manipulating you
The first and foremost reason why you might ask whether narcissists enjoy kissing is because you felt manipulated. Is your partner only kissing you to get something out of you? You might be dating a narcissist then.
You might see kissing as a way of connecting, while they see it as a way of manipulating you into submission and getting what they want.
It could be sex or power, but it could also be something puny like going to a concert to show you off or you paying for dinner.
Most normal people enter a relationship in search of a life-long partner. On the other hand, most narcissists look for a toy to manipulate, and get a high off of their narcissistic supply of validation and egoism.
Therefore, your partner might be kissing you intending to manipulate you.
2. Love bombing
As most of us know, at the beginning of your relationship with a narc, you will feel like you’re in seventh heaven. This is because a narcissist loves to seem like the perfect partner.
They have it all: perfect social media posts, candle-lit dinners, long walks on the beach.
This is all with one goal: To manipulate you and get what they want. In the worst case, narcissists might not even be there for a reason. They might just like the power of abusing you.
In any case, narcissistic partners will use kissing, holding hands, hugging, and other forms of intimacy to get you hooked.
This is why the relationship’s start might seem fairytale-like. This is why narcissists will use all means necessary to “catch” you and keep you in their claws.
3. New achievement unlocked
Yes, you read that right. They might kiss you as a personal dare or as an achievement. Kissing you might seem like a way to reach their goal, and intimacy is the key to this goal.
They realize that kissing is the way to go with you, and they will abuse this tool until they get what they want.
Once they kiss you for the first time, the high might be over for them. But, for you, it will be all about wanting more. Winning you over is their challenge, and kissing is their way to go.
Of course, if you make the game easy or boring for them, they are sure to leave and look for other players. But, if you keep being a worthy challenge for them, they are sure to come back and try to score new achievements.
4. Control over you
Mostly, narcissistic partners use kissing and cuddling to gain control over you. Therefore, if you’re still asking whether narcissists enjoy kissing, the simple answer is that they enjoy controlling you while they kiss.
In fact, they use kissing as a way to hook you to their charm, and once they get a hold of you, they control you as their plaything. Kissing, in this case, isn’t about you and your needs, but exclusively about them and their selfish emotional connection.
Of course, this is one-sided. While you’re infatuated by their seemingly perfect romance, all they want to have is total control over you. Needless to say, this type of relationship can lead to abuse in the long run.
5. Because of the thrill
In the same way as an achievement, kissing can also be a high for your narcissistic partner. You have something they want, and winning you over through an emotional connection might be their way to reach their goal.
Of course, they feel like they are on drugs when they’re kissing you. This is not due to their feelings of love towards you, but towards their goal.
The thrill can be in the form of their narcissistic desires. Of course, narcissists feel a high from finding new partners to control. You might be the tool to reach that new high, and kissing you leads to their goal.
6. They’re in a good mood
Once you’ve established a relationship with your narcissistic partner, kissing might be a way to deepen your trust towards them. As said above, every relationship with a narcissist has a hot and heavy introduction.
During this time, the narcissist will have their ups and downs, and according to this, you might feel like walking on eggshells.
Sometimes, your relationship is in a bad place if they’re feeling down. But, if they feel good, kissing you might be their way of improving your connection.
Therefore, once you ask yourself whether narcissists enjoy kissing for the first time, you are starting to doubt that your partner is a narc. If you suspect that you’re in an abusive relationship, make sure you leave your toxic partner as soon as possible.
7. Getting what they want
The first rule of narcissists is that they will not do anything if there is a chance they won’t be rewarded for it.
This reward can be material, and it is mostly considered to be a physical pleasure. Therefore, if kissing you is not inside their plan, it will probably not happen.
Anything that is not rewarding to them is considered useless and discarded. The same goes for people. Once they reach their narcissistic high, they can discard the people in their lives.
In the end, any sign of affection from a narcissist means they are planning on getting physical pleasure or any other kind of reward from it. Therefore, kissing is their means of getting what they want.
8. There’s a catch
It’s not you, it’s me. This saying is valid in narcissistic relationships mostly because narcissists don’t kiss you because they like you, but because they will get something out of it.
Therefore, if they’re not looking for physical relations, there must be something they can get from you.
The catch can be power, reputation, or control. Mostly, narcissists look for partners they can control, and who will not challenge them. If this is the case with you, your narcissistic partner is looking to manipulate and control you.
If you can’t see a reason behind their interest in you, remember that it could be for a personal high or for the thrill of the game. You’re there to gratify their impulses. You are replaceable and below them.
9. No more kissing
The kissing, hugging, cuddling, and holding hands that once were present in your love bombing phase of the relationship has faded away. The hardest to swallow and most obvious sign of a narcissistic relationship is the low after the high.
Kissing was once a tool to get them where they are now. This means that kissing is out of the game for them because they are where they need to be. Often, during the low period of a narcissistic relationship, these relationships end, or the abuse starts.
Therefore, this final reason is their way of manipulating you even after the honeymoon phase ends.
See also: Narcissistic Stare: How To Recognize And Deal With It
Why Some Narcissists Don’t Enjoy Kissing
“But, that’s the thing about narcissists. They can try to fool you with all their heart, but in the end, they’re just fooling themselves.” – Ellie Fox
Of course, not all narcissists enjoy the same things. After their love bombing phase is over, you will most likely experience a decrease in intimacy and affection from them.
This is when their narcissistic abuse starts. Romantic partners should never experience such extreme ups and downs present in a narcissistic relationship.
Needless to say, this low is the time when your narcissist soulmate will not enjoy kissing and intimacy. It is the last thing they are thinking about. Instead, they are plotting ways to sabotage your romantic relationship and self-esteem.
If your narcissist partner has a problem with kissing, it might be due to these factors:
- It makes them feel something for you: Kissing releases hormones, making them feel like they’re in love, which is not what they want.
- Not in line with their agenda: If they have a plan, they might suppress kissing or intimacy to manipulate you.
- Lack of empathy: They don’t wish to build a relationship with you, but rather just use you for their means.
- Grandiosity: They believe they are above you, and they might suppress intimacy due to this.
- Building walls: Kissing and intimacy are all signs of losing control, and if there is anything a narcissist hates, it’s losing control.
- They find it boring: Once they get you hooked and in a relationship, they might throw away their weapon and never use it again.
In the end, it might be all of these reasons. If your narcissistic partner is holding back on intimacy or on kissing, you could interpret it as a telltale sign of narcissistic personality disorder.
Hacking Kissing And Intimacy In A Narcissistic Relationship
While everything might seem fine or even perfect, in the beginning of the relationship, most narcissistic personality disorders overfocus on their partner.
These relationships are full of passion and seemingly full of love. Soon, their narcissism starts to show through abuse or split personalities.
Now, intimacy in a narcissistic relationship is more than just about physical pleasure. In fact, there is sexual and emotional intimacy in every relationship. Intimacy is a mutual openness and emotional connection between two people.
As you might know, narcissism is caused by trauma where one has felt powerless, which is later projected as a narcissistic disorder where one wants to control others.
Therefore, a narc will look to intimacy and kissing as a means of control over you.
In the end, we can conclude that narcissists love kissing and intimacy, but never for the right reasons. In fact, they kiss their partner because it is a way of seducing them, and later, getting them hooked.
If you’re still unsure whether you’re kissing a narc, look for other telltale factors like grandiosity, lack of empathy when caught off guard, self-importance, love bombing at the beginning of the relationship, and at least one toxic relationship in the past.
Are Narcissists Good Kissers?
No, narcissists are generally not good kissers because their kisses are hollow and acted out.
At first, you might feel like their kisses are amazing, but eventually you’ll start to feel like they are kissing a mannequin, and that they are using their kisses as a manipulation tool.
At first, while your relationship is in its first phase, kissing your narcissist partner might make you feel good. But, soon, once the masks come off, you see that, in fact, all of it was part of their plan.
Does A Narcissist Like To Be Touched?
Yes, they like to be touched if it is a means to their goal. If not, and the touching has no point or benefit to them, they dislike it and don’t tend to partake in it.
Generally, sexual narcissists like to be touched only if it gets them what they want. Other narcissists are not interested in being touched.
They are not interested in physical contact, hugs, or cuddles with their romantic partner unless the contact serves as a means for them to get what they want.
The roots of narcissism are still being explored, but it is known that people with the disorder have difficulty with social relationships.
This difficulty may be due to a lack of empathy or because their past traumas get in the way of engaging in meaningful contact. It is often the case that they will only touch others when angry, which is a form of domination.
Why Do Some Narcissists Avoid Intimacy?
Narcissists are afraid of vulnerability and losing control, and therefore, they are scared of intimacy. Intimacy means they are in love, which is not a positive trait for narcissists.
They are emotionally unavailable and afraid of intimacy because it means that they would become vulnerable to someone else. Narcissists like to stay in control and protect themselves.
They are individuals who have an inflated sense of self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy.
Therefore, their long-lasting trauma projects itself on their relationships, making them most often manipulators and abusers.
Some narcissists avoid intimacy altogether because they had traumatic relationships in their past, and they are afraid to touch base with them.
To Wrap Up
Escaping the claws of a narcissist is never easy, and that is what narcissists also know. If they lower your self-esteem and manipulate you, you won’t have the means to leave.
Therefore, one should stop their relationship with a narcissistic partner the instant they realize with whom they are dealing.
If you suspect you’re in a narcissistic relationship, make sure you flee as fast and as far away as you can. Once you ask yourself, do narcissists enjoy kissing, and whether you’re really in a narcissistic relationship, it’s time to be honest with yourself.
First, determine whether your romantic partner is, in fact, a narcissist. If that’s a yes, see whether you need therapy or other help with leaving. Lastly, never look back.
Don’t beat yourself up. I know how narcissistic traits can seem inviting initially, but once the honeymoon phase stops, you’re either stuck in a loop or you successfully escape it.