Individuare e fermare l'abuso narcisistico

Essere coinvolti con un narcisista è un inferno in terra. Prima o poi, la persona più vicina cade nella trappola del suo ciclo di abusi narcisistici da cui sembra impossibile uscire.

Fanno luce su di loro e manipolare le loro vittime. Svalutano il loro valore e li isolano dal resto del mondo.

And that’s not even the beginning of it. The truth is that ti interpretano in modi diversi. Ma if you’ve ever dealt with a narcissist, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Well, I’m here to give you hope and to tell you that there is hope for your salvation. I’m here to give you instructions on how to identify narcissistic abuse, how to escape it, and, finally, how to heal from it.

Che cos'è l'abuso narcisistico?

L'abuso narcisistico è una qualsiasi forma di abuso messa in atto da un individuo che soffre di un disturbo narcisistico di personalità. What’s crucial here is to understand that not only physical violence counts as abuse.

Esistono altre forme di abuso narcisistico, come l'abuso emotivo o verbale, altrettanto dannose per la vittima.

Quali sono i sintomi dell'abuso narcisistico?

Identificare l'abuso narcisistico is the hardest part of the entire process. The victim is not sure whether they’re exaggerating, imagining things, or really being abused.

That’s why I’ve compiled all the signs of narcissistic abuse and explained them in detail. I promise that after reading this, you’ll be able to Riconoscere un narcisista al primo appuntamento!

1. Ricatto emotivo

Secondo la definizione, Ricatto emotivo significa quando qualcuno usa letteralmente le vostre emozioni contro di voi. It’s a form of manipulation people with narcissistic personality disorder frequently use against their victims.

The abuser knows you very well, and they’re aware they’re your weak spot. So whenever you try to leave them, they fare l'aspirapolvere: potrebbero minacciare di uccidersi o di farvi del male in qualsiasi altro modo.

Questo è solo uno dei tanti esempi di ricatto emotivo. In sostanza, il vostro partner narcisista fa diverse richieste per ottenere ciò che vuole da voi.

Un altro caso comune di ricatto emotivo è la situazione in cui il partner reagisce negativamente alle vostre scelte.

For example, if you do something they don’t like, they’ll pretend to be the victim. They will threaten to leave you or to be depressed just so you feel remorse and, eventually, start behaving the way they want.

Questo è solo uno dei modi in cui i narcisisti ottengono il potere e la controllo sulle loro vittime.

2. Illuminazione a gas

Almost all victims of narcissistic abuse have been subjected to gaslighting – a very powerful narcissistic technique and form of psychological abuse.

In pratica, quando I narcisisti vi fanno luce con il gasI sociopatici distorcono il senso della realtà. Giocano con la vostra sanità mentale finché, alla fine, iniziate a mettere in discussione tutto ciò che vi circonda.

Detto semplicemente, Il gaslighting è una forma di abuso mentale in cui l'altra persona mente, vi inganna e distorce la verità.

Ecco un esempio. Sapete benissimo come si è svolta una certa discussione tra voi e il vostro partner narcisista. Tuttavia, dopo un po' di tempo, quando lo tirate fuori, lui sostiene che si è verificata una versione completamente diversa degli eventi.

And the worst part is that they’re so sure about it to the point where you wonder if you’re going mad. Of course, you have no idea that they’re actually trying to gaslight voi.

Questo accade più spesso in relazione all'abuso fisico. Ad esempio, ricordate che il vostro partner vi ha picchiato o ha fatto qualcosa di violento.

Tuttavia, dopo qualche tempo, negano che sia mai successo. Negano di avervi insultato o di aver fatto qualcosa che possa aver ferito i vostri sentimenti.

Sometimes, it goes as far as hiding things from you or claiming that they saw you at a place you know you’ve never been to.

3. Svalutare il proprio valore

Dovete essere consapevoli di una cosa: ogni narcisista lotta con insicurezze e bassa autostima. Allo stesso tempo, sanno quanto siete meritevoli, quindi non hanno altra scelta che abbassarvi al loro livello.

That’s why they’ll do everything in their power to destroy your mental health. After all, that’s the only way for them to feel superior and manipulate you in different ways.

The main goal of psychological manipulation is to reduce your worth. A narcissistic person will find ways to get inside your head and make you feel like you’re not enough.

Potrebbero provare a insultarvi, mentre alcuni vi fanno dei complimenti a rovescio. Altri narcisisti si inventano storie di persone care che parlano alle vostre spalle e commentano i vostri difetti.

Even though they might use different tactics, at the end of the day, the result is the same. They want you to get the impression they’re the only ones you can trust. And when they achieve that, they can control you like a puppet and get you to do whatever they want.

4. Egocentrismo

When you’re in a romantic relationship with a narcissist, everything revolves around them. Even though they hide it extremely well at the beginning, you see how selfish they actually are later on.

In fact, people who suffer from NPD are egomaniacs in most cases. They’re preoccupied with themselves, and their ego becomes the only thing they care about.

In some cases, they’re unable to see the other person’s point of view, while in other cases, they’re capable of doing so but consciously refuse to.

They constantly act like you’re beneath them in every way possible. They have a sense of entitlement and that they basically have the right to do whatever they want. At the same time, terms like ‘equality’ and ‘equity’ don’t exist in their dictionary.

But a narcissist doesn’t only act like they’re better than everyone else. That’s actually what they keep telling themselves.

At the same time, things are actually completely opposite. They’re dealing with deeply rooted insecurities and serious self-esteem problems that they try to resolve by putting everyone else down.

5. Mancanza di empatia

The best way to spot someone’s egocentrism is through their lack of empathy (beware that this is also quite common for psychopaths). Actually, that might be one of the reasons attraggono gli empatici in primo luogo.

When you’re involved in a narcissistic relationship, the other person never puts any effort into walking a mile in your shoes.

They have no compassion for their victims at all. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be treating them this way constantly.

When a narcissist hurts you, they don’t think about how their actions will make you feel. They don’t think about the consequences their behavior leaves on other people.

They don’t care what happens to you, and they never take your emotions into consideration. All they can think about is how the situation will affect them, which is, again, a sign of egocentrism as well.

6. Bombardamento d'amore

If you ever feel guilty for falling for a narcissist, it’s clear that you’re not familiar with the term bombardamento d'amore.

Il termine dice tutto: il love bombing avviene quando una persona narcisista vi bombarda di amore, attenzione e affetto.

If you look closely, you’ll notice the first signs of this manipulation technique in the initial stages of your relationship.

This is when you’ll think you’ve finally met your soulmate after all the failures. You’ll meet a person who tells you they love you right away, a person who has no trouble labeling your relationship, and who talks about the future from day one.

At first, you’ll wonder if they’re too good to be true. Well, sadly, nothing they show you is real.

Questo è ciò che le persone con tratti narcisistici per attirare le loro vittime. Ti riempiono di complimenti, ti riempiono di regali costosi, ti fanno esplodere il telefono con testi and calls…

Before you know it, your sense of self-worth is determined by the amount of attention they give you. Once they realize they’ve made it, that’s when signs of narcissistic abuse start.

Their behavior completely changes, and they take away all the love they’ve been giving you. Consequently, you try your best to get the person from the beginning of the story back.

And that’s how you get stuck in this kind of toxic relationship without being aware of that.

7. Bugie e inganni

People who suffer from narcissism never show you their true selves. Why? Because deep down, they know they’re not enough.

Quindi, invece, mostrano questa versione inventata di se stessi. Vi presentano il persona che vogliono essere.

It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about narcissistic parents, co-workers, or romantic partners – every relationship with a narcissist is filled with bugie e inganni.

The problem with these people is that they actually lie to themselves. They’re not honest when they look at themselves in the mirror, so they can’t be honest with you either.

They are actually generating their sense of self-worth from your reaction. That’s why they convince you that they’re much better versions of their true selves.

The biggest problem here is that they’re extremely skilled liars. They are capable of inventing an entire fake life, backed up with social media accounts, degrees, jobs…

Analogamente a chi soffre di disturbo borderline di personalità, anche i narcisisti hanno una forte paura dell'abbandono.

Even though this doesn’t justify their behavior, the truth is that they lie because they’re convinced nobody would ever accept them for who they really are.

8. La vittima che gioca

Qualunque cosa accada nella vostra relazione sentimentale, in qualche modo, risultate essere il cattivo. Allo stesso tempo, il vostro partner fa la parte della vittima.

But if you look at things objectively, it’s actually quite the opposite. They’re the violent ones, the ones who manipulate you, insult you, and put you through other forms of abuse.

Tuttavia, in qualche modo, riescono a ribaltare la situazione e a farvi apparire come il cattivo in ogni scenario.

Even if they literally hit you, they’ll blame you. They’ll start crying and accusing you that you provoked them.

You end up being responsible for every argument you two have. You’re guilty of everything wrong in your relationship.

Sounds familiar? Well, it looks like you’re dealing with a person who suffers from NPD.

When this happens, please keep in mind that you’re the one being subjected to physical, emotional, and verbal abuse in this relationship. You’re the victim of your partner’s narcissistic behavior; it’s not the other way around.

9. Isolamento sociale

A healthy relationship gives you enough space to be yourself outside of the romance. But when you’re involved with a narcissist, they want you all to themselves.

At first, you may even find it cute. They’re obviously so in love with you that they can’t spend a minute without you around.

Ma attenzione, perché si tratta in realtà di un'altra forma di abuso emotivo. It’s clear that your partner wants to isolate you from your loved ones.

Why? Well, because it’s easier for them to manipulate you that way.

Wouldn’t your best friend or a family member warn you that you’re in an abusive relationship? Wouldn’t they try to tell you that your partner hitting you is not normal and that you’re actually going through domestic violence?

Wouldn’t they do their best to take off your rose-tinted glasses and help you see the truth?

Certo che lo farebbero, e il vostro partner narcisista ne è perfettamente consapevole. Quindi, fa di tutto per farvi escludere tutti quelli che non sono loro.

Cominciano con l'essere eccessivamente bisognosi. Inventano attività per occupare il vostro tempo e vi impediscono di contattare chiunque altro.

After that, they start planting seeds of doubt in your mind. They keep telling you that your best friend doesn’t have your best interest at heart or that your parents have always loved your siblings more than you.

Si comincia con cose sciocche, ma alla fine si inizia a evitare le persone più vicine.

If that doesn’t work, they proceed in making you jealous. They become possessive and emotionally blackmail you into never spending time with anyone besides them.

Vedi anche: 13 fasi del divorzio da un narcisista e come superarle

Quali sono i 9 tratti di un narcisista?

Secondo il DSM (Manuale diagnostico e statistico dei disturbi mentali), l'NPD è classificato come uno dei dieci disturbi della personalità. Ecco cosa dicono i 9 tratti narcisistici più comuni sono:

1. Grandiosità

2. Eccessivo bisogno di ammirazione

3. Relazioni superficiali e di sfruttamento

4. Mancanza di empatia

5. Disturbo dell'identità

6. Difficoltà di attaccamento e dipendenza

7. Sensazione cronica di vuoto e noia

8. Vulnerabilità alle transizioni di vita

9. Fattori di rischio per il suicidio e tentativi di suicidio.

Ciclo dell'abuso narcisistico

Non tutti i narcisisti sono uguali. Alcuni soffrono di altre malattie mentali, alcuni sono sociopaticiAlcuni sono psicopatici, altri soffrono di un disturbo borderline di personalità e altri ancora hanno solo un'inclinazione. tratti narcisistici.

Nonostante questo, c'è un certo schema comportamentale che tutti seguono dopo aver trovato una nuova vittima. It’s called a narcissistic abuse cycle, and here is how it usually goes.

1. Idealizzazione

All'inizio, un abusatore narcisista idealizza la propria vittima. La mette su un piedistallo e la vede come la sua salvezza.

They refuse to notice their victim’s flaws. For them, this is not just an ordinary human being – they’re the closest thing to perfection.

Naturalmente, a questa idealizzazione segue il love bombing. Continuano a convincere la loro vittima che loro due sono anime gemelle destinate a trascorrere l'eternità insieme.

This is more than love they’re experiencing. This is a destiny and a once-in-a-lifetime kind of connection.

Il problema principale è che quasi tutte le vittime confondono questa fase con quella della luna di miele, che è normale per la maggior parte delle nuove relazioni.

Ma c'è una differenza fondamentale: il love bombing e l'idealizzazione mirano a creare dipendenza emotiva, potere e controllo. D'altra parte, la fase della luna di miele è tutta incentrata sulle farfalle.

2. Svalutazione

In a healthy relationship, things don’t change much after the honeymoon stage. Yes, the butterflies fly away, but most couples keep on loving and respecting each other. The worst thing that can happen here is falling into a rut.

Nevertheless, this is where a narcissistic relationship is different. This is when victims of narcissistic abuse see their partner’s true colors for the first time.

Questa è la fase del ciclo in cui il narcisista svaluta la propria vittima. Distrugge la sua autostima e il suo senso di autostima.

È qui che iniziano gli insulti, gli abusi fisici e le varie forme di manipolazione.

3. Rifiuto

Finally, the third phase begins once the narcissist has fulfilled all of their twisted needs. They’re aware they’ve managed to ruin their victim but don’t feel sorry about it due to their lack of empathy.

Questo è il momento in cui la persona che soffre di disturbo narcisistico di personalità inizia ad allontanare la sua vittima. Their job is done here, and they’re ready to move on to the next person they’ll also break.

Suggerimenti e trucchi per il recupero dall'abuso narcisistico

Sopravvivere a questo tipo di abuso and coming out of it stronger is doable. Nevertheless, it’s easier with the help of this step-by-step guide.

1. Distacco emotivo

Before actually leaving your narcissist, it’s more important to distaccarsi emotivamente da loro. Che cosa significa?

Non è sempre facile allontanarsi da un maltrattatore. Anzi, nella maggior parte dei casi può essere potenzialmente pericoloso.

Now that you know who you’re dealing with, you can’t just walk out the door. You need an exit strategy and a support system.

What about your relationship? Start with reducing all the communication with your partner. Even when you have to talk to them, always be aware of what they’re doing.

Don’t argue with them. But when they try to manipulate you, identify their tactics in your head.

You don’t have to tell them that you’ve figured them out. It’s enough to mentally tell yourself: They’re trying to gaslight me now. I am aware of it, and I won’t fall into that trap.

Don’t fall for their false promises, and kill all hopes that things will change.

2. Nessun contatto

Dopo che li avrete lasciati, il vostro narcisista farà tutto ciò che è in suo potere per riprenderti. They’ll bargain, chiedervi di rimanere amici, beg, shower you with love, make false promises… They’ll basically become the person you once fell in love with.

This is a trap! They won’t ever change. They just want you back so they can go back to their old ways the moment they see they’ve managed to capture you once again.

But that doesn’t mean you won’t hesitate to ride into the sunset with them. Well, that’s why you have to take all precautionary measures to prevent this.

Quello che voglio che facciate è non contattare. Tagliateli completamente e per sempre!

Block their number, block their social media accounts, stop talking to anyone who’ll give you information about them, stop showing up wherever you could encounter them… Sparite dalla loro vita e pregate Dio che spariscano anche dalla vostra.

3. Sistema di supporto

I mentioned earlier the importance of a support system. Let’s make it clear: affrontare l'intero processo da soli renderà tutto molto più difficile.

That’s why you must turn to people you trust. Yes, I know that you’ve probably ignored them while you were in the relationship.

You never returned your best friend’s calls, and you even cut ties with most of your family.

Ma, ehi, questa è la vostra gente. Capiscono perfettamente tutto quello che stavate passando e vi prometto che vi accoglieranno con braccia aperte.

Quindi trovate il coraggio e chiamateli. Dite loro che volete uscirne e chiedete il loro aiuto.

First of all, they’ll give you much-needed emotional support. But not only that – they can also help you get by after you leave.

What if you don’t have anyone to turn to? Ask your healthcare provider to give you information on where you can seek help.

There are numerous support groups for victims of narcissistic abuse. You’ll get the guidance you need there.

4. Cura di sé

Ciò che la maggior parte delle vittime dimentica in tutto questo casino è di imparare a amarsi di nuovo. You’re so focused on getting out of this abusive relationship alive that you completely forget the importance of self-care.

Please, use this time to spoil yourself. Use it to remember how much you deserve. Use it to remember that you’re worthy of self-love. At last, use it to regain your sense of self-worth.

Vedi anche: L'arte di rispecchiare un narcisista

5 fasi di guarigione da un abuso narcisistico

Healing from narcissistic abuse doesn’t end the moment you leave the relationship. It’s an undertaking that dura molto più a lungo di quanto si pensi.

A dire il vero, ogni vittima guarisce con il proprio ritmo. Tuttavia, tutte hanno una cosa in comune: passano attraverso le stesse fasi di Superare un narcisista.

1. Rifiuto

All'inizio, tutte le vittime sono in fase di negazione. They refuse to accept that their partner has a severe mental health condition and that they’re their victim.

It’s not possible that this is happening to me. They were so loving and kind.

I’ve finally found my true soulmate. This is just a phase. It will go away.

Maybe it’s something I’ve done. They will go back to their old ways before I know it.

If these and similar thoughts are going through your head, you’re definitely in denial. But that doesn’t have to be so bad. After all, it is the first step of healing.

2. Vergogna e senso di colpa

Maybe it’s something I’ve done. They will go back to their old ways.

My family can never find out about this! I don’t want them to look at my partner differently! I don’t want people to think they don’t love me!

Let me cover up this bruise! I guess they’re right – I really did provoke them to hit me.

These are all common thoughts every victim of narcissistic abuse thinks. This isn’t strange for victims of emotional abuse as well as for ones who go through domestic violence.

If you can relate to this, please let me tell you that you’re not to blame. There is nothing to be ashamed of – your abuser is the only one responsible for this, and they’re the one who should be ashamed.

But this is exactly what they want. They count on your feelings of self-blame. After all, they’ve implanted it inside your brain.

Invece di nascondere le cose a chi vi è più vicino, trovate il vostro gruppo di sostegno. Apritevi a qualcuno e lasciate che vi dia il suo punto di vista.

3. Rabbia

Questa è la fase in cui si inizia a odiare il proprio maltrattatore. E giustamente.

Volete distruggerli a tutti i costi. Vuoi che paghino per ogni lacrima che hai pianto.

So you try to get even. You try to hurt them without being aware that you’re just sinking deeper.

Fidatevi di me: l'unico modo per interpretare un narcisista è quello di ignorarli. Non si può mai superarli in astuzia when it comes to manipulation because you have something they don’t possess: empathy.

4. Depressione

Dopo che i sentimenti di rabbia sono scomparsi, la depressione bussa alla porta. È la prima volta che riuscite a vedere la vostra situazione in modo oggettivo.

It’s the first time you realize everything you’ve been through. La prima volta che la realtà ti colpisce duramente alla testa.

And it’s perfectly normal for you not to be happy about it.

Instead, you feel like your narcissist has taken away your desire to live. You’ve moved on from them physically up to now, but your mind is still trapped in darkness.

Non avete alcuna motivazione per tornare alla vostra vecchia vita. Si vedono solo nuvole tempestose senza alcun raggio di sole.

Non c'è nulla di strano nel sentirsi così. But if your depression lasts longer than a couple of weeks, maybe it’s time to talk to a healthcare professional.

There are mental health professionals who’ll help you drag yourself out of this abyss you’ve fallen into. Please, ask for help if you see that this is more than you can handle by yourself!

5. Guarigione

Finally, you start to slowly accept everything that went on. Not only that – you also accept that none of it was your fault.

Dopo un po' di tempo, si è anche perdonate i vostri narcisisti. You don’t forget what they did to you, nor do you justify their behavior, but somehow, you let the anger go.

You have no trouble talking about your experience anymore. On the contrary, you’re more than willing to help other victims going through the same thing.

Maybe you’re still not ready for a new relationship, but you know that, eventually, you’ll get there. Your traumas haven’t magically faded away, but things are getting better.

Congratulations, you’ve healed!

C-PTSD Abuso narcisistico

C-PTSD sta per Complex Disturbo da stress post-traumatico. Questa condizione può essere una conseguenza di un abuso narcisistico.

Sometimes, people don’t overcome everything they’ve experienced in their abusive relationships the moment they escape it.

Instead, they develop a trauma that haunts them long after the relationship ends. Of course, this is highly treatable, but it’s important for the victim to identify their post-traumatic stress disorder and ask for help in time.

Sintomi di C-PTSD

Se avvertite uno di questi sintomi anche se vi siete allontanati da tempo dalla vostra relazione narcisistica, prendete in considerazione la possibilità di cercare aiuto:

1. Impotenza

2. La paura

3. Rabbia incontenibile

4. La vergogna

5. Flashback

Che cos'è l'abuso narcisistico? Esempi:

Some of the most common examples of narcissistic abuse are physical abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse (insulting, criticizing, shaming, bullying), emotional manipulation, threats…

Ciascuna di queste tecniche ha lo stesso scopo: distruggere e traumatizzare il più possibile l'altra persona.

You must wonder why they do it: it’s the only way for them to feel dominant and because they’re mentally ill people who enjoy making others suffer.

Cosa fanno i narcisisti alle loro vittime?

Narcissists use different methods to get inside their victims’ heads, but it all comes down to manipulation at the end of the day. Their final goal is to destroy one’s self-esteem because that’s the only way for them to feel better about themselves and feed their egotistical needs.

They implant self-doubt, guilt, and shame into their victim’s brain. They make them feel crazy and isolate them from everyone who could help them see the truth at the same time.

Per concludere

Escaping the cycle of narcissistic abuse is never easy. To be honest, it will probably be one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do.

Ma credetemi, si può fare con molto impegno, energia e dedizione.

Nevertheless, I won’t lie to you: you’ll never be the same person you were before this hit you. But hey, I’m not talking about your traumas and baggage here.

I’m talking about the strength you’ll gain. I’m talking about how after this, you’ll never settle for less than you deserve, nor will you need anyone’s approval to feel worthy.

I guess there is a silver lining to every cloud, and yours are the lessons you’ll learn.