When you’re grieving over a shattering break-up, all you want is for this seemingly endless emotional pain to go away.
It’s not that finding love after heartbreak only looks like mission impossible – it is also the last thing on your mind right now.
You’re convinced that you could never love anyone again and that you’re done with romance for good. You question the existence of love. Your painful experience turned you into a bitter and resentful person – something you’ve never been before.
Nevertheless, sooner or later, you realize that this is not the way to go. You understand that finding love after heartbreak (or after one of the three loves in life) is the only thing you miss and need to really move on with your life.
But now, after all this time, you don’t know how. Where do you start? How do you get rid of your fears? How do you open your heart to someone new?
It’s normal to ask all of these questions because finding love after heartbreak is scary and tough. However, it is even more rewarding.
Prepare Yourself For Love After Heartbreak
You can’t start a new relationship without settling accounts with your past. Well, technically, you can, but it wouldn’t be fair or right.
This is why you first have to heal your broken heart and prepare yourself for new love to come.
Cut ties with the past
Your primary goal here is to move on, right? Well, you can’t expect that to happen if you stay trapped in the same place.
I hate to break your bubble, but your relationship is over. You and your ex aren’t getting back together, and it’s time to accept this.
The sooner you grasp it, the sooner you will be able to find a healthy relationship and true love after heartbreak.
Therefore, the first must-do is to cut all ties with your past. Trust me: this is the only way to leave your heartbreak behind.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m not advising that you erase your ex and your entire relationship from your memory. This would be impossible to do.
But you don’t have to keep reminding yourself of them either. Don’t turn your life into a sanctuary dedicated to your past romance.
If you’re still in touch with your heartbreaker – go no contact this instant. Stop fooling yourself that you can stay friends with the person who hurt you this badly.
Get rid of everything that reminds you of them. If you want to keep a few little souvenirs, hide them away from yourself, and remove them from view.
No more stalking their social media profiles, no more asking your mutual friends about them, and no more detective work about their new significant other. Don’t live in hope that one day they’ll come knocking on your door.
I don’t care if you got the closure you wanted, if some things were left unsaid, or if you’re still looking for answers.
I know that cutting ties with the past hurts, but you have to come to terms with the fact that your relationship is history, and it’s time for you to pack it away.
Allow yourself to grieve
I know what you expect me to say after this pep talk: pretend that your heartbreak never happened. Well, that’s actually the worst thing you can do at this point.
A healthy healing process includes acceptance. It’s all about looking your pain in the eyes and defeating it instead of running for your life.
Yes, it would be easier if you could just bury your trauma deep inside of you.
Sweeping things under the carpet and moving on with your life as if you’d never been through this hell sounds tempting, doesn’t it?
Well, this way, things would be less complicated for you temporarily. You wouldn’t have to go through the different stages of grief, and you could jump into a new relationship with the first person that shows up.
But what would happen in the long run? That’s right: your suppressed emotions would find their way back into your life.
They would reappear and haunt you when you least expect them. So, let’s not allow this to happen, and let’s process them the healthy way.
That’s why I advise you to allow yourself to grieve.
Don’t only mourn the loss of your ex. Grieve the death of your hopes and dreams, the breakage of your relationship, and the loss of the person you once were.
Don’t run away from your pain because that’s what cowards do.
Don’t feel weak for going through this stage, and instead, see it as a sign of your strength. Trust me: not many have the ability to cope with their darkest emotions and thoughts.
Release your emotions
When your heart broke, it left a bunch of open wounds behind. It tore down inside of you and burst into a million pieces.
You mustn’t allow each one of these pieces to remain stuck inside of you. You don’t have to just let go of your ex: you also need to let go of all the sadness that’s been eating you alive.
The way to do this is by not keeping your emotions bottled up – get them out of your system one way or another.
So, if you feel like crying, that’s what you should do. If you need some time off from your busy life and want to spend a couple of days eating ice cream in front of the TV, who am I to judge you?
However, the best way of releasing your emotions is, without a doubt, writing. Don’t worry. You don’t have to possess a remarkable talent for it.
A piece of paper can handle much more than you might think. It will take all of your pain on its back, and it will serve its purpose.
Start writing a release journal and note your progress every day. Remember that nobody will be reading this, so you can be 100% honest.
There is no shame in expressing your feelings by writing about them. This is nothing but a coping mechanism that will make you better.
Rely on your support system
You’re a self-sufficient, independent individual who went through the worst possible things alone. You don’t need anyone patting you on the back and telling you that everything will be okay.
Besides, the last thing you want is to expose your vulnerabilities to your loved ones. After all, what exactly can they do?
They can’t take any of your pain away. They’ll only start worrying about you, and you’ll unintentionally drag them into your problems.
Well, this is where you are wrong. As much as you think you don’t need anyone, a strong support system will help you out a lot.
Who doesn’t need a real friend they can call in the middle of the night? I know I do.
Don’t worry: none of these people will think of you as pathetic. Going through something like this is perfectly normal, and I promise you that they’ll understand your pain.
Not only that: these people will hold your hand through all of your hardships. They will show you that you’re not alone, and they will give you hope in a better tomorrow.
Trust me: having a friend who just listens to you without saying a single word beats grieving in silence any day.
But what about those who don’t have close friends they can count on? And those who can’t find comfort in anyone? Are they sentenced to suffer in silence?
Of course, not. There is always the option of joining an actual grief support group full of people who have gone through the same things you’re going through.
No, these groups are not only reserved for those grieving their loved one’s deaths. Please, feel free to look them up near you and join them – these people will know how to help you.
Remember your worth
The biggest problem about your heartbreak isn’t this overwhelming pain that’s been consuming you. I know what you must be thinking: “There is something worse?” Well, sadly, there is.
You see, the pain only seems to be unbearable. But you and I both know that eventually, it will go away.
However, the impact all of this has left on your core confidence and self-image might be permanent. And that is something you have to start working on immediately.
Looking for love after heartbreak is utterly pointless if you see yourself as unlovable, isn’t it?
Nevertheless, this is precisely what you’ve been doing all along. Don’t lie to me: I know the truth. It’s like I’m seeing you right now.
There you are, doubting your worth and worrying that no man or woman would ever want you – that you’re broken beyond repair.
Not only that: you also wonder why you weren’t enough for your ex. Newsflash: your value has nothing to do with your relationship status.
You have a lot to offer, despite all that has happened. You still carry a loving heart inside of your chest – you just can’t feel it at the moment.
Let time do its magic
I’ll be dead honest with you: your broken heart won’t heal in a matter of days. Truth be told, sometimes, this process lasts for months.
But eventually, time will do its magic. And all you need to do is let it – you need to give time enough time.
This isn’t a request for you to sit down patiently and wait for a miracle to happen. Of course, your life should flow on its course.
However, the trick is that nobody can tell you how much time will pass before you’re ready for new love because we’re all different.
But what I can promise you is that it will happen. Things will get easier with every day that goes by. One morning, you’ll wake up and see that this is it: you’re ready, and there are no more past traumas holding you back.
Better yourself
The final step in the process of preparing yourself for love again has nothing to do with your ex or with the person you’re about to meet. Instead, it’s all about the most important person in your life: you.
To attract a good quality woman or man, you need to be the best version of yourself. I’m not saying that you’re not lovable just the way you are, but you should definitely engage in some self-care.
However, attracting romance shouldn’t be your final goal here. In fact, if you work on yourself while obsessing about how to find love, you’re unlikely to succeed.
You have to better yourself to be satisfied with the person you’re becoming. You have to improve your life to be happy on your own, with or without a significant other.
This is your chance to rock the single life: a chance to enjoy every breath you take – a chance to find your true purpose and the chance to realize the importance of self-love.
Trust me on this: happiness attracts happiness, and love attracts love. Therefore, when you’re content with yourself, potential soulmates start appearing out of nowhere.
When you love yourself the right way, you’ll only draw those who deserve to be in your life.
It’s ironic, isn’t it? To find romantic love, you have to stop craving it. But that’s the beauty of it all.
Getting Back Out There
Everyone keeps advising you just to throw yourself back into dating. After all, how hard can it be? Well, in your situation – harder than anyone might think.
The dating pool
One thing is for sure: if you feel like you’re emotionally available, you really should go back to the dating pool. Don’t turn this search for love into your number one priority but don’t run away from it either.
Yes, you can join dating apps, you can go speed dating, and you can tell your friends that you’re looking for your special someone.
However, being in the dating pool is much more than this. It means reopening your eyes to the opposite sex.
It means smiling back at that cute coworker who might be into you. It means flirting with that attractive stranger trying to maintain eye contact across the room.
It means agreeing to go out on that blind date your best friend set up for you. Because let’s face it: what do you have to lose?
After all, you’re single as a pringle. You’ve thrown away all of your emotional baggage, and that makes you more than ready to mingle.
Learn from your mistakes
Now that you’re ready for a new relationship, you’re also mentally and emotionally capable of analyzing your past relationship.
No, you shouldn’t spend all of your time reminiscing about it.
Instead, I just want you to take everything that has happened as a lesson. The love you felt for your ex is gone, and you’ve mourned your relationship.
This can only mean one thing: you’ve finally acquired the ability to process things objectively. And that’s what you should do: stand back and observe your past romance as if you were a bystander.
This is the only way to look at things realistically – the only way to realize your mistakes and learn from them.
Maybe you chose badly last time. Or you had your own share of wrongdoings you failed to see back then.
Maybe your fatal flaw was giving yourself too much without asking anything in return. Or you spent years trying to save a failed relationship.
Whatever it was, now you know better. This devastating experience taught you a lot.
So, please, don’t repeat your toxic relationship behavior patterns. Isn’t it obvious that they aren’t taking you anywhere?
Don’t settle for a rebound relationship
The trap almost all brokenhearted men and women fall into after a painful past relationship is getting into an even worse one.
You don’t have to end your single life at all costs, and you definitely shouldn’t settle for a rebound relationship.
Don’t be with someone just because you’re scared of dying alone or because you can’t seem to find a healthy relationship.
Don’t look for your ex in other people, and most importantly: don’t use them to heal your scars.
Come on. You know you’re better than that. You’re better than breaking someone else’s heart in an attempt to repair your own.
This is exactly what will happen if you give rebound relationships a shot.
The other person might fall in love with you, thinking that this is the real deal while you’re still preoccupied with your healing process.
Please, be honest and fair. It’s way better to wait until you’re fully recovered before starting something new than stringing an innocent person along.
Besides, this toxic relationship won’t bring you anything good either. It won’t teach you how to love again. Instead, it will bury you even further in misery.
Jumping from one person to another is not the way to go
Hey, if you feel like hooking up with a new guy or a girl every weekend, I’m no Judge Judy. But please ask yourself if you’re doing it because you really fall for all of these people.
Do you feel like this is what you truly want? Or is this your way of trying to fill the void your bad breakup left inside of you?
I bet I know the answer. And I’m sure you do too.
Jumping from one relationship to another is not the way towards finding love after heartbreak.
Now you must wonder: “So, how am I supposed to find my soulmate if I don’t meet new people?” Look, nobody told you not to date.
But, go out with people you genuinely like. Try building something bigger with the people you feel a genuine connection with – not with those you’re just physically attracted to.
Be clear about your standards
Now that you’ve learned from your past mistakes, it’s safe to say that you have a completely new set of rules.
There are some deal breakers you never paid attention to before, and you probably raised your standards in the process.
Good for you! This doesn’t make you too picky – it means that you’ve grown as a person and that this heartbreak served its purpose.
So please, be clear about what and who you want. First of all, be honest with yourself about your standards and then be open about it when meeting new people.
I’m not saying that you should be too demanding or that you should only agree to date someone perfect. As much as you’re into a guy or a girl, there will always be something you don’t like about them.
But the question is: Do you feel like this is a little quirk you can tolerate? Or is it a deal-breaker you could never put up with?
Whatever you do, don’t make compromises with yourself. Look for the kind of a person you know you deserve, and don’t ever settle for anything less.
Cling onto faith
Finally, never lose hope that love will come to you, sooner or later. Don’t be obsessed about finding it but deep down, have faith in its arrival.
First and foremost, lose the idea that you can only love once in a lifetime. Yes, you loved your ex – otherwise, they wouldn’t have had the chance to break your heart.
Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean that you won’t learn to love again with the same intensity or even more.
Maybe your ex was your soulmate at that given moment, but that doesn’t mean they’re meant to be yours forever.
Please, don’t give up on love, despite all of your disappointments.
Even though it hurt you, love is beautiful in its essence, and it would be a pity for you to miss it just because you had one painful experience.
Dos And Don’ts Of Your New Relationship
You’ve done everything by the book, and now you’re here: closer to your final goal than ever. You’ve found someone you see yourself falling in love with.
But your job isn’t done here. There are still some steps to take unless you want to ruin this relationship before it even starts.
Not everyone is like your ex
Let’s get one thing straight: you’ll get nowhere if you compare everyone to your ex.
I know that getting over this person doesn’t mean that you got over the fear of going through the same pain all over again.
You think to yourself: “What if I am a magnet for heartbreak?” “What if the next one leaves me devastated, the same way my ex did?”
Don’t worry: this is perfectly normal, and everyone in your situation has the exact same thoughts. But you have to learn how to chase them away.
If you let negativity cloud your vision, your overthinking might ruin your potential relationship.
Look, I won’t lie to you: nobody can guarantee that your new boyfriend or girlfriend won’t break your heart. However, this time you won’t let them.
You’re not the person you once were. Now, you have what it takes to recognize the red flags in time, so you won’t stick with someone who is likely to do you harm.
Besides, you can’t predict the future. Sometimes you have to take risks and follow your heart’s lead.
If things fail once again, at least you’ll know you tried. You’ll be proud of your bravery to take a chance and jump into the unknown, despite your painful past.
Put your maximum effort in
When you do find love after heartbreak, don’t hold yourself back. Instead, put your maximum effort in, as if you’re in love for the first time ever.
Don’t let your past ruin your future, and don’t make your new partner pay for your ex’s mistakes. Enjoy every moment of your new romance, give in to love, and see where the magic takes you!
Finding Love After Heartbreak book
Finding Love after Heartbreak is a bestseller written by Stephan Labossiere, a famous relationship expert.
In his book, Stephan speaks to anyone who’s been through a bad breakup they can’t seem to recover from and anyone who is convinced they’ll never find love again.
In the first volume of a two-part series you can purchase on Amazon and other platforms, he teaches you how to release your past hurts and open up to future love.
This great read won’t make all of your problems go away, nor will it magically heal you. However, it can serve as a guide through your journey of finding your soulmate and believing in love again.
To Wrap Up:
Now you see that finding true love after heartbreak is much more than jumping into a new relationship. It’s a real enterprise that includes plenty of self-work, introspection, and personal growth.
There will be moments when you’ll want to give up on this journey, moments when you’ll lose faith, and when despair will get the best of you.
Please, don’t let those moments of weakness defeat you. Trust me: once you reach your goal, you’ll see that it was all worth it.