Ever met someone who just shines selfishness? Or were you deceived like most of us and believed you were dealing with a nice person, only to find out you were wrong?
One of my burning hatreds is when people only care about themselves. In fact, these people mostly don’t even know how they are acting. They believe they are being normal.
They think that stomping all over people to achieve their own happiness is the new normal. In fact, they do it in all of their relationships: Family, friends, and romance.
Are you fed up with trying to make this person care about you? It’s frustrating when all you hear them talking about is “me, me, me.” They shut down all possibilities of talking about anything else, like yourself.
This is why I am providing you with a guide to selfish people. I will teach you why some people only think of themselves, how to tell if they are selfish and self-centered, and how to deal with them.
Why Do Some People Only Care About Themselves?
Let’s face it. There are so many people out there that only care about themselves. This, in addition to only being interested in oneself, is called selfishness. The point of all of our relationships is to give.
If only one side gives, the relationship turns into something negative for both sides. And according to John A. Johnson, PhD., “selfish behavior is not only immoral, but it is also bad for your own psychological well-being.”
Is there a better way to keep humans away from selfishness? In fact, most of us are still selfish, even when it’s not good for us (or the ones around us) in the long run.
But why do people only care about themselves? Here are a few reasons for people’s selfishness:
• SELF-INTEREST: Some people only care about their lives because they are selfish. They don’t care about the feelings of others and only think about themselves.
• PAST TRAUMA: Others may be selfish because they are afraid of being hurt or rejected. They don’t want to get close to anyone because they are afraid of being hurt again.
• INSECURITIES: Some people have low self-esteem and think that no one would want them if they were to get close to them.
• NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY: Commonly, these people also happen to be narcissists. You should stay on the lookout for signs of narcissistic abuse, even if they are good friends or family members.
Of course, in some cases, focusing on your own needs can be good, especially when talking about healthy relationships. It is in our human nature to look out for ourselves first, and after that, comes altruism.
Therefore, when communicating in a romantic or platonic relationship, always make sure you are not being selfish. Of course, also make sure you’re not involved with someone with narcissism as a personality disorder. But remember, there is a difference between narcissism and being self-centered.
17 Signs Of People That Only Care About Themselves
Here are some of the telltale signs people only care about themselves that you can use to spot on a first date:
Are they constantly questioning what you’re doing? And are you worrying whether your actions make sense to them? Regardless of whether we’re talking about a narcissistic mother-in-law or partner, there will always be a sense of disapproval between you.
They will question whether you’re enough and if what you’re talking about is relevant. There is no escaping their judgment. It might get to the point where you won’t be able to voice your opinion because you’re scared of their judgment.
Narcissists are people who have a lot of self-love, and they don’t care about other people’s feelings. They manipulate you to get what they want. Every situation in your relationship is about them, not the both of you.
They are so self-centered and selfish that they manipulate you to get what they need. In their own life, they are the only person that matters, and they will manipulate you until you believe this as well.
3. Planning a scheme
There is one evil trait all narcissists have in common: they have a plan for you. Even if your person of interest isn’t a narcissist and is just self-centered, they will most probably have a plan for you.
You’re in their life to fulfill a purpose, and then you will be discarded. In any case, people that only care about themselves will plan out how you fit in their high school story, their personal life, and help them blow up on social media.
This one is pretty obvious, but most of us need reassurance that inconsiderate people only care about themselves. In fact, these co-workers only hang out with you when it’s convenient for them. When it’s not, they are nowhere to be seen.
You will notice the difference between regular friends and lovers, and this person is that when you’re in a crisis – they will not be there for you. They only focus on their personal life and own interests with total disregard for the other person.
5. Makes everything one-sided
Okay, this sign someone only cares about themselves is best seen in a romantic relationship. Of course, it can also go for friends and family members.
In fact, it’s always you who reaches out first, regardless of whether it’s a fight, an idea to hang out, or a family reunion.
This person is nowhere to be found unless it is convenient for them to reach out or if they have nothing to gain from it. But once they reach out, it’s love bombing every time.
6. Attack is the best defense
Are they overly aggressive when you confront them? Or do they want to spoil the fun when you’re feeling good? Narcissists hate seeing you happy, and that is why they will constantly attack you with their negativity.
If you want to know how they treat others, and you included, listen to how they talk about others and how lowly they think of them. In fact, you might just be the person they use to dump all their negativity on and proceed with their day afterward.
Yes, someone who only cares about themselves is never interested in the things others have to say. In fact, this is one of the most common signs you’re dealing with someone who isn’t true in their intentions.
They never ask what you’ve been up to, how you’re doing, and how you’re feeling. They are not interested in what you have to say. Only when you’re talking about them, do you see any interest. It might even evolve into self-depreciation for you.
8. No difficult talks
Narcissists hate talking about difficult things. Are you talking about your relationship plans? Do you remember how you used to date or spend a lot of time together? Have these times passed, and do you need them to change?
It’s a no-go from them. They would rather talk about their own self or talk about other people then. In fact, this is a coping mechanism where they shut out their own narcissism and look for a way out or attack you.
9. No honesty
Does talking to them sound like a podcast of lies and dishonesty? They lie about their whereabouts, dates, and other little things. Even worse, they might not be fully honest with you about how they feel.
Remember, the foundation of every healthy relationship is trust. Don’t settle for anything less than 100% honesty that comes from the heart. So, you should look at dishonesty as a sign of a toxic relationship or a failed one.
Yes, another sign you have a selfish person on your hands is how they treat you. Generally, in relationships, you have love and respect for your partner.
When you’re dealing with a narcissist or selfish person, they, in fact, don’t care about your feelings. This is why they disrespect you.
After the phase of disrespect comes love bombing. This is a classic sign of narcissistic abuse when a partner showers you with love after showering you with anything but love.
11. Not accountable
Of course, they did so many bad things to you, and they might have even abused you, but none of these things is their fault. You will doubt yourself more this way.
Therefore, another sign you’re dealing with people that only care about themselves is that they are not held accountable for anything they do.
In other words, they might knock a glass of water over, and it will all be your fault because you left the glass there. They are not accountable for any of their actions because you made them do most of them.
12. Ahead of others
I and my needs are always in front of others and their needs. Of course, they will always put themselves ahead of all your needs because they’re the most important part of your relationship.
Putting themselves in front of others in a time of need is a classic sign you’re dealing with a narcissist. In fact, they might even expect you to do things for them out of the blue. Of course, you should not give in to their wants because they won’t do the same for you.
13. No weakness
People who don’t admit to having weaknesses most commonly only care about themselves. They will not admit to being the weakest link, which makes them ultimately weak.
In other words, these types of people are not open to showing others their soft side. This is because they believe they will get hurt or suffer in some way. This is, for them, a punishment for showing their weaknesses.
Everything needs to be done as soon as possible. It also needs to be done perfectly. Also, you’re the worst person that ever lived, and they’re an angel. This is what narcissists believe the world is like.
They exaggerate everything they can just to pressure you into doing something for them. So, if you see some exaggeration from your person of interest, you can be sure it is a sign they are a narcissist or selfish person.
15. No public failure
People who are afraid of showing weakness in public are often weak. Narcissists are afraid of public failure because they are so invested in their own self-image.
They need to be seen as perfect and infallible. When they fail, they feel like a fraud and that their whole identity is a lie.
This is linked to childhood trauma, and you can see it as a sure sign this person does not care about you the same way you care about them.
A narcissist and selfish people are often charming and charismatic people who make you feel like you are the most important person in their lives. But this is all a facade, and when the mask slips, it can be shocking to see how manipulative and cruel they really are.
They want to dominate you. They want to control you, and they will do whatever it takes to get what they want. They are not satisfied with just being in your life. They need to be the center of it.
17. I deserve everything!
And last but surely one of the most important signs we are talking about a selfish person is that they believe they are entitled to much more than the average person.
Narcissists are people who have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. They believe they deserve special treatment and are very sensitive to criticism.
Dealing With People That Only Care About Themselves: 10 Ways
So, you’ve figured out you have a narcissist, selfish person, or someone who only cares about themselves on your hands. Here are 10 self-care steps you can take to put that narcissist back in their place:
1. Find a goal
The actual reason you should be getting over a narcissist is to make a change in your life. Of course, for the better because losing an emotionally draining person can be so refreshing.
This should be your goal, getting to the bottom of this person’s ego, finding a way to change their behavior, or simply motivating yourself to leave them as fast as possible.
The best way to hurt a narcissist is to focus on yourself and show them how much you matter. Even if your selfish person isn’t a narcissist, focusing on yourself and showing caring for your body and mind is your goal now.
A lot of people forget how much they matter in an emotionally abusive relationship, so don’t forget to remind yourself of your worth.
3. Accept it
Regardless of the situation you are in, you will have to accept that a lot of people only care about themselves. In your case, you will also have to accept that your partner, friend, or co-worker is selfish, self-centered, narcissistic, or just plain doesn’t care about anyone.
You will have to guide yourself through figuring out a way to leave or stay. There are many ways manipulative narcissists harm you, and you should not put up with it.
4. Quotes and motivations
You wouldn’t believe how many quotes and other motivational social media posts actually helped me live through a relationship with someone who only cared about themselves. So, find yourself some inspiration and keep fighting.
Remember the power you once had, and let it guide you. Of course, we are all masters of our own lives, and other people should never have so much power over us.
5. No attention
The best way to fight a narcissist who knows you have figured them out is to give their behavior zero attention. This way, they will have no power over you and will not be able to harm you emotionally.
The best way to do this is to disappear from their lives as soon as possible. I know most people can’t do this right away, so the best way is to fight your opponent with zero attention.
6. Talk about you
Another great way to deal with people who only care about themselves is to try and work with them. This way, you will still have the partner or friend you once had, and they will become a better person. Of course, not just for you but everyone else as well.
Of course, this can backfire, and you could become a victim of narcissistic abuse, so try to tread lightly around their ego. The first step is to start talking about yourself and your own life slowly.
7. Limit time
Narcissists need constant attention and admiration from others. This can be a problem for the people in their lives, especially when they spend too much time with them. Even if your person of interest isn’t a true narcissist, they will still need your attention.
There are many ways to limit time spent with narcissists. You could avoid them altogether, set healthy boundaries, be honest about your feelings and stop seeing them, and, most importantly, never give in to their demands.
8. No power
Selfish people want you to do their bidding. Once they have you in their grasp, it will be hard for you to get around it. This is why they need to know that they no longer have any power over you.
Stop listening to their needs because they have never listened to yours. Tell the narcissists they need to stop being a narcissist before they can reenter your life. Then, get as far away from them as possible.
9. Find someone better
Suppose their constant negativity and toxic traits are getting on your nerves, and it’s messing with your self-esteem. In that case, it is time to stop seeing them, regardless of whether we’re talking about a friend, colleague, or significant other.
It’s time to face it: The time to move on is long gone, so do it as soon as possible. Remember, if you hang out with selfish people, you might become selfish too. So find a pure-hearted friend and hang out with them.
10. End it
You read that right. If there is no change even after you’ve tried to help them with their selfish behavior, and if they have not stopped their abuse, and you’re still suffering from narcissistic victim syndrome, it is time to end it.
If this person hinders your life and makes you miserable every day, it is time to say goodbye. No one needs this type of negativity in their lives, and no matter how important they are to you, it’s not worth it.
Return The Favor
Once you have identified the problem and ask yourself: Am I being selfish? It is time to reassess your relationship. Do you want to walk away from them? Or do you want to address the problem?
Remember to keep an eye out for narcissistic or sociopathic behaviors in everyday life and focus on your well-being.
Hopefully, you’ve realized not everyone only cares about themselves. Some of us are happy to help others. I hope this article helped you figure out if the people around you are selfish and how to deal with them.