You’re too busy or simply not interested in commitment at the moment, but you’d still like to satisfy your sexual desires from time to time. A guy or a girl you get along with is cute and single.
A no-strings-attached situation is all you have the time or energy for, so the two of you decide to have some fun together.
It’s been going well for a while, but recently, they’ve been blowing up your phone. Now you’re asking yourself, “Do friends with benefits talk every day?”
Do Friends With Benefits Talk Every Day?
Short answer, no. Friends with benefits don’t talk every day. Or at least they shouldn’t.
This type of relationship is all about keeping it casual. You get together, scratch an itch, and go on your merry way. Emotional and romantic intimacy isn’t a part of it.
Distance is key for a successful FWB relationship. Talking to them every day makes them a bigger part of your life than they should be.
For the long answer, keep reading.
How Often Should FWB Talk?
It may sound harsh, but you should only talk to each other when you want to meet up. Casual texting is a no-no. Only communicate to make hook-up plans.
A friends with benefits relationship is based on your mutual desire for sexual intimacy without commitment. This kind of relationship is only successful if it stays that way. If one of you develops feelings, someone is going to get hurt for sure.
The way to handle the arrangement depends on whether you were actual friends or casual acquaintances with this person before adding sex to the mix.
If you weren’t that close to begin with, you should probably have no contact whatsoever unless you’re arranging to meet for sex. Don’t try to get to know each other.
When your current FWB used to be a close friend, things get a little more complicated. The most important thing here is clear and honest communication before you agree to start having sex.
If you’re part of the same friend group, you’ll likely keep seeing each other in that context. Still, you should keep all contact to a minimum.
Why Is Your FWB Texting You Every Day?
If you’ve been unlucky and developed feelings for your FWB, you’re probably hoping that the answer to this question is something like “because feels.”
Or you’re happy with the friends with benefits arrangement as it is, and you’re hoping that the texts you’ve been getting are anything but a sign of romantic interest.
There are various possible reasons why your FWB is texting you every day. I’ll help you find your answer.
1. They’re uncertain about your relationship
An FWB arrangement is a sexual relationship. Both of you should clearly understand this. Did you discuss things candidly before deciding to become friends with benefits?
Unless you’ve explicitly defined your relationship, some confusion may arise. If you never said that it’s not a committed relationship, they may think that you’re moving in that direction.
They might be uncertain what kind of relationship they want. There’s also a chance that they had feelings for you before and agreed to an FWB, hoping you would become a couple. You can probably tell by the content of the texts they send.
The best course of action you should take is to have an honest conversation with them. Let them know how you feel and where they stand. In the long run, this will protect both of you from getting hurt.
2. They’re taking the “friend” part seriously
If you were acquaintances before involving sex in your relationship, there’s no need to deepen your friendship at this point. The only text messages they should be sending you are ones about meeting up.
Maybe they don’t know how these arrangements work and think they have to play the friend role as well. Talk to them and let them know what you expect and why you can’t talk every day.
If you were friends before, they need to understand that your relationship has changed. Some things that were normal before are inappropriate in an FWB situation.
They need to know that physical intimacy coupled with affection will lead to feelings. You know what they say: “Catch flights, not feelings.” Unless that’s something you both want, someone will get hurt.
If your friendship is very important to you, you can always go back to the way it was in the past. Conversely, it’s possible that both of you are hoping for a real relationship, and you can find out if you openly talk about it.
3. They want more of the “benefits” part
If you’re getting “wyd” texts from your FWB partner every day, it’s very likely they just want to hook up every day. As long as you’re both on the same page, there’s nothing wrong with that. If that’s too often for you, let them know.
Since an FWB relationship centers around sex, it’s fair to expect that the sex is good. It’s a chance to explore your sexuality in ways you may have been unable to in your earlier relationships.
Casual sex can be especially exciting. Leave your inhibitions (and any notion of taking things to another level) at home when you get together and enjoy it. You have nothing to lose.
4. They’re keeping you on the hook
You’ve made things clear about the nature of your relationship. You’re having fun together, and neither of you is expecting romance. And yet they send you “good night” texts and links to funny YouTube videos on the daily.
The reason could be that they’re aware that your relationship has an expiration date. They like the arrangement, and they’re trying to keep you interested. Maybe you’re their only sexual partner, and they’re not looking to date. Your FWB wants to keep you hooked.
Here’s the thing: casual relationships aren’t long-term. Soon, someone will lose interest, and they’re afraid that it will be you. If they’re annoying you with their texts, just tell them to stop.
5. They’re catching feelings
Sexual intimacy is something that often leads to emotional attachment, especially if you’re hoping that the other person feels the same.
Unless you openly talked about what you want and what you expect before you started a physical relationship, they might be unaware that you want to keep it casual.
If that’s what you want, don’t be afraid of hurting their feelings by telling them. The sooner you let them know that you’re not looking for an emotional connection, the easier it will be.
If you do want to have a serious relationship with them, then good news! Even so, talk to them. Never disregard the importance of honest communication. (Then go on and text them back. Make sure you add some heart emojis.)
(Unspoken) Rules Of A FWB Relationship
Before starting an FWB relationship, you should make it a priority to have an honest conversation and agree on the rules to avoid complications.
There’s one universal way to make all human relationships easier, and that’s to openly talk about what you feel and want. Easy to say, I know.
1. Make sure you can handle an FWB relationship
- Be honest with yourself. Can you have a casual sexual relationship without falling in love and getting hurt? It takes willingness and emotional maturity from everyone involved. If you suspect that you might develop feelings, you shouldn’t do it.
- Be very careful when choosing a partner. Everyone involved has to be emotionally ready to be capable of such a relationship. And don’t pick your best friend.
- Speaking of, don’t do it with any friends who are already precious to you, especially if this is your first time having a casual relationship. These relationships end, and the outcome can be painful.
- A very dangerous situation is if you already have feelings for someone and get the chance at an FWB relationship. Just because you might hope they’re going to fall in love eventually, this is not the way to go. Be kind to yourself.
- Protect your heart before anything else.
2. Safe sex always!
- Be open about your sex life. If this isn’t your only relationship, be honest about it.
- Expect honesty from your partner as well. Pregnancy and STDs are a reality. Your health is important, and there’s no place for shame here.
- Always practice safe sex. Don’t compromise on this.
- You’re in this for the sex, so get the most of it. Don’t be shy or hide your desires. This is a chance to explore, learn, and enjoy your sex life to the max.
3. Set boundaries from the start
- Be very clear about what you want and don’t want. Ground rules are necessary to protect you and make it enjoyable.
- The reason you’re considering an FWB relationship is because you want sex without emotional attachment. It’s important that you both agree on this.
- Practice good communication. Don’t assume anything!
- If either of you starts developing feelings for the other, you should feel comfortable saying so. On the other hand, if you set your expectations in the beginning, it’s less likely to happen.
4. Don’t expect romance
- If you want them to take you out on dates or bring you flowers, you’re setting yourself up for hurt feelings.
- Avoid getting too close or acting lovey-dovey. Don’t cuddle or hold hands. And no sleepovers and pillow talk. These little things lead to emotional bonding. If you want to stay FWB, the only intimacy you should engage in is sexual.
- If you’re looking for a real relationship, keep your heart open to meeting new people. You can still use dating apps or have friends introduce you. On the other hand, don’t be jealous if your FWB partner is dating others, too.
5. Don’t wait for the relationship to change into something more
- Always remember why you started this relationship. If you keep hoping that they might want more, it’s time to reconsider if you should be doing this.
- If you’re enjoying their company and start hanging out outside of having sex, think carefully about what to do. If this happens, it may be time to go back to being friends without benefits.
- If you start missing them and realize that you’re getting attached, find out if your feelings are reciprocated. If they’re not, it’s time to end things.
How Often Do Friends With Benefits End Up Together?
The honest answer is rarely. FWB relationships don’t last long. One or both of you either lose interest or meet someone else. Often, they end when one of the people involved catches feelings.
However, sometimes it can happen. Maybe despite all your intentions, both of you will start feeling deeply for each other. Even though you planned to stay casual, emotional intimacy can develop over time.
How Do You Tell If It’s More Than Friends With Benefits?
As rare as it might be, it’s possible that you’re one of the few whose FWB relationship actually can change into a romantic relationship. This is only possible if the both of you want it and decide to go for it.
Here are some ways to tell. (Or: the opposite of what the rest of the article is about).
1. The way you communicate has changed
- They send you “good morning” texts instead of a hook-up text. And they text a lot.
- They check in with you and ask about your day.
- They want to talk to you and get to know you. They’re interested in your opinions, ideas, and stories.
- They want to know the meaningful things and the little things about you.
- They call you to talk, and when it’s time to hang up, they drag it out.
- They tell you about themselves. About their day, their whereabouts, their thoughts.
2. They show affection
- You kiss a lot. Sometimes it’s foreplay, but it doesn’t always lead to sex.
- You cuddle and embrace. They touch you just because.
- Sex feels different. You’re more comfortable with each other.
- They start using pet names.
- It feels like your connection isn’t based purely on physical attraction anymore.
3. You spend more time together
- You hang out without hooking up and have a great time. Almost like a… date?
- You start looking for more opportunities to spend time together.
- After hook-ups, you look to prolong your time together.
- You make plans to go out.
- You stay in without having sex.
- They’re happy to share their personal information.
- You share food.
- They buy you gifts.
- You share your fears and dreams.
- You talk about sharing a future.
5. You’re becoming a bigger part of each other’s lives
- They introduce you to their friends and want to meet yours.
- You’re becoming close with their friends.
- You hang out in company.
- They take pics with you and post them on their social media.
- You’re not really hiding that you’re involved.
Do friends with benefits talk every day? No. In reality, friends with benefits should only contact each other to arrange a meeting, aka booty call.
If your FWB is texting you daily, they must have a reason. Maybe they’re not aware of what kind of relationship you’re in. If you didn’t clearly communicate your intentions, do so ASAP.
An FWB relationship can be really satisfying and fulfilling if you set some ground rules at the very start of it.
Be sure that you and your FWB partner can handle it. Practice safe sex. Set boundaries and expectations. Don’t hope for it to change into something more.
If that’s what you’re expecting, an FWB relationship is probably a bad idea. Instead, look for a romantic relationship.