When you’re in your 30s, it feels like everything starts speeding up at an incredible pace. You’re no longer in high school, and finding out that your friend is getting married or is pregnant isn’t the biggest rumor you’ve heard during recess – it’s actually the only type of news you’ve been getting lately.
On the other hand, nothing much is happening in your serious relationship. So, you can’t help but wonder how long to date before getting engaged in your 30s.
Well, that’s why I’m here – to clear all your doubts away and give you the answer you’ve been looking for.
How Long To Date Before Getting Engaged In Your 30s
I’ll tell you right away: there is no set time in which you must get engaged if you’re in your 30s. But if you want expert advice, six months is the bare minimum you should date someone before even starting to talk about putting a ring on it.
I mean, this is the minimum amount of time you need to get to know the other person. What matters even more is that the honeymoon phase is over.
Don’t even think about getting engaged to someone whose true colors you haven’t seen. When you’re in the honeymoon phase, nothing they do bothers you. However, that changes with time, and you need to see whether you two can really put up with each other.
Of course, the answer to this question depends on many factors. Not every relationship reaches the same level of seriousness after the same amount of time.
Sometimes, you meet each other’s families, go on a few vacations (or at least weekend getaways) and talk about the future in the first three months. On the other hand, there are situations where you haven’t made things official and have no clue where you stand after a whole year of dating and sleeping together.
Do you see where I’m going? It all depends on the dynamics of your relationship.
10 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Getting Engaged In Your 30s:
I know you’re wondering how long to date before getting engaged in your 30s, but trust me, there are also other questions to answer before taking this big step. Some of these questions will make you understand that the amount of time you’re dating someone is not the only thing to consider before tying the knot. Here are the most important ones:
1. Am I doing it for peer pressure?
Before you ask yourself, “how long should you wait before getting engaged?” you must ask yourself, “why do you want to get engaged in the first place?” Does it have anything to do with your age?
Would you even think about spending the rest of your life with someone if you weren’t 30 years old? Would you see them as your forever person if you were younger?
I know that most of your friends are already married with kids or at least engaged. You must be thinking about your biological clock ticking as well.
However, trust me when I tell you that you mustn’t think about these factors when making such a big decision. This is not high school, and it’s not the same as when you started wearing make-up just because all of your friends were doing it.
Repeat after me: you can’t get engaged because of peer pressure. Well, technically, you can, but it shouldn’t affect your decision in any way whatsoever.
2. Are we financially stable?
I hate to be the one to burst your bubble and kill the romance, but getting engaged and eventually tying the knot is not all about love. There is this thing called financial security you also have to keep in mind before making such a big decision.
If you want a successful marriage, both you and your significant other must be financially stable. You’re not teenagers, and as harsh as this sounds, at this age, you should be aware that you can’t live on love.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that you must marry rich. I’m not telling you to marry for money if you don’t love the person you’re with either.
However, if you two can’t pay rent, put food on the table, and take care of other living expenses, it means you should wait to get engaged a bit longer.
Wedding planning itself takes a lot of time and money, let alone the actual marriage. Please, don’t forget that this is also an important part of the equation.
3. What about compatibility?
How long to date before getting engaged in your 30s? Well, before I give you the answer to this question, I must ask if you two have checked your relationship compatibility.
I guess you’re in a serious relationship by now. But have you spent a significant amount of time by yourself to know whether you function together or not?
Let’s forget about butterflies now. I’m not talking about all those great, romantic dates you had together.
I’m talking about spending time together in terms of living together. Trust me, dating someone and living with them are two completely different concepts.
Can you stand being with this person 24/7? Yes, I know that you won’t be spending all of your days together, but sometimes, that will happen as well.
Do you have similar schedules? Do you have the same viewpoints on life and the future? Do you agree on important values? What about your likes and dislikes?
Look, the truth is that you’re both old enough to change the essence of your personalities. Therefore, if you can’t find common ground on some important things, maybe you should reconsider your decision to get engaged.
4. Do we want children?
Here’s something else you should consider before choosing your life partner: how do you both feel about having children. Do you even want a family? If yes, when?
Do you plan on working on having kids right away, or do you think you should wait? How many kids do you hope to have? Do you have the same opinion about raising children?
This is another non-negotiable. If you don’t want kids and your significant other dreams of becoming a parent, you can’t marry them and expect them to change their mind sometime in the future. Of course, it goes both ways.
A lot of couples date for a significant amount of time without tackling this topic. Don’t get me wrong – you shouldn’t be talking about it in the first couple of months of dating usually.
However, if you’re already wondering how long to date before getting engaged in your 30s, it means that you’re in a serious relationship, and these questions must be answered.
Step-parenting
If this is not your first marriage and you both (or one of you) already have children from a previous relationship, this is also a factor that needs to be considered before answering the question of how long to date before getting engaged in your 30s.
You’re not bringing a new person into your life only – you’re bringing a step-parent into your child’s life, and that is a huge deal.
The same goes both ways. If your potential partner already has kids, are you ready to take on the role of step-mom or step-dad?
5. Are they making me a better person?
Instead of rushing things just because “it’s time” or because you are at the “average age to get engaged and married,” why don’t you ask yourself some more important questions, such as, “are they making me a better person?”
Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that your potential life partner should change you. On the contrary, you should only get engaged to someone who loves the true you.
However, they shouldn’t make you lose yourself, and they should definitely not get the worst out of you.
If you’ve been together for enough time, they should know you enough to get the best out of you. They should be the wind beneath your wings and the person who makes you become the best possible version of yourself.
If they’ve achieved that, it really doesn’t matter if you’ve been together since last year or three months ago.
6. Do we have fun together?
Life is hard enough on its own. You never know what kind of difficulties await you along the way.
Of course, the right person won’t back out on you the first time you encounter a problem – that shouldn’t even be a debate.
However, you should spend the rest of your life with someone who is fun to be around as well. But be careful, I’m not talking about the fun you have when you meet someone new.
If you two have reached the one-year mark and they can still make you laugh like no one else, it’s definitely time to start discussing engagement – if you get along in other ways as well, that is.
7. Are we in love, or do we love each other?
This one might sound weird, but trust me, I haven’t made a mistake with this question. Actually, it’s one of the most important questions to ask yourself before figuring out how long to date before getting engaged in your 30s.
Being in love is awesome. There are butterflies in your tummy, and you feel like you’re in seventh heaven.
Everything your person does is incredibly cute, and you think you could forgive them for anything.
Well, this is a fairytale. On the other hand, getting engaged and eventually married is real life. And for that, it’s not enough for you to be in love with your partner. You must love them.
That’s right, there is a huge difference. Being in love with someone and loving them are two different concepts.
You love someone when you’ve seen them at their best and their worst. You love them when you can put up with them being sad or angry.
You love them when their presence feels like home – when they become your best friend besides your lover.
So now you tell me, how long does it take for a couple to reach that phase? I’ll help you and tell you that there is no universal answer – it’s all individual.
However, if you’re still not there, it’s a good sign that you shouldn’t get engaged just yet.
8. Is this a healthy relationship?
Try looking at your relationship as an objective bystander. Does it look healthy?
Do you two respect each other? Are you free to speak up and state your opinion even if you disagree?
How often do you fight? Are you capable of spending an entire week together without a huge fight?
What do you do after fighting? How do you resolve your arguments? Do you take it to the bedroom, sweep it under the rug, or talk about it?
Are you two equals? Do you prioritize each other? Do you put approximately the same amount of effort into this romance?
Take off your rose-tinted glasses and do your best to answer these questions as honestly as possible. Each of the answers is important because they all determine whether you’re in a healthy relationship or not.
Keep in mind that some couples don’t manage to build a healthy relationship after years of dating while others do it in months!
9. Am I happy?
Is this person making you happy? And most importantly, do you think they have what it takes to keep on making you feel this way for the rest of your life?
Because that’s the only thing that matters at the end of the day – if you’re genuinely happy with someone or not.
You can love them to the moon and back, and you two can share the same life values and plans for the future, but if they’re making your life even more difficult than it already is, what’s the point?
I know what you must be thinking now: everyone should be happy on their own. And I couldn’t agree more. But your partner should make you at least a bit happier!
10. What is my intuition telling me?
Finally, you must ask your gut feeling for an opinion as well. Is it too soon for you to talk about getting engaged? Or is it just the right time to tackle this issue?
Do you feel like you’ve had the chance to get to know your significant other enough? Do you feel safe with them?
Do you see the two of you getting old together? Can you picture them as the mother or father of your children?
Sometimes, you have to turn off all logic and let your heart guide you. That’s the best way to make the right decision!
How Long Do People Date Before Getting Engaged In Their 30s?
According to some research on couples who got married in their 30s, most respondents said they got engaged in the first year of dating. If they hadn’t made it official, they started living together or at least began discussing the possibility of getting engaged.
How Long Do People Date Before Getting Engaged?
Even though there is no determined timeframe under which you should get engaged, most couples get engaged somewhere between one and five years of dating. However, there are other factors that impact this number, such as age, education, financial stability, and other individual differences.
Does Dating Get Harder In Your 30s?
Looking at things from one perspective, dating really does become more difficult when you reach a certain age.
First of all, there are fewer single people to date. Also, you assume that you have less and less time to settle down, so many people jump into serious relationships and marriages out of pure peer pressure.
Another thing that makes dating harder in your 30s is all the emotional baggage everyone carries by that age. You’re not just falling in love with a new person – you’re also learning to love all of their heartbreaks, abandonment traumas, trust issues, and everything else that has shaped them into who they are today.
Of course, it goes both ways. You’re bringing all of your emotional baggage as well, and you’re learning to love someone all over again.
But you know why dating is actually easier in your 30s? Well, for the first time ever, you know what you want. And most importantly, you know what you don’t want.
You won’t lose time and energy on relationships that are doomed to fail from the very first date. You have standards and important dealbreakers, and you’re not ready to change for anyone!
Is It Too Late To Get Married In Your 30s?
Firstly, let’s get one thing straight: it’s never too late to get married if you’re marrying the right person. If you feel like it, you might as well get married in a nursing home. Or you don’t have to marry at all – the choice is all yours.
Actually, according to many experts, it’s better to get married in your 30s than sooner. At this age, you’re mature enough to know what you want, what you’re ready to put up with, and what you shouldn’t tolerate, no matter what.
This is the age when you learn to recognize true love but also the age when you know that love isn’t the only thing necessary to spend the rest of your life with someone.
It’s the age when you no longer romanticize love and when you’re more than capable of seeing all the red flags. The age when you’ve probably reached some level of financial security and when you can take care of yourself.
So, according to all of this, it looks like the 30s are actually the best age to get married!
To Wrap Up:
The most important thing is not to obsess over the question of how long to date before getting engaged in your 30s. Trust me: you won’t be late whatever you decide and whatever happens.
Even if you don’t get engaged and even if the worst-case scenario happens and this relationship fails, so what? You still have a lot of time on your hands.
Time for heartbreaks, first dates, and time to master this dating game. Just make sure you follow your own pace and don’t let anyone tell you there is a time frame in which something like this must happen.