Getting ghosted feels terrible. You’re left with a bunch of question marks above your head and without any answers in sight.
But you know what’s even worse? Ghosting after first date!
You thought it was a great first date, and you were looking forward to seeing them again. And you were convinced they felt the same way.
However, after sending them a couple of texts, all you got was silence. Was it really that bad? And why didn’t they tell you they didn’t like you?
Why do people ghost other people in the first place? And what is the best way to handle ghosting?
Read on to find out!
Ghosting After First Date: 12 Reasons Why It Happens
I wasn’t present on your date, so I can’t give you a clear answer to why you got ghosted. But what I can offer are 12 common reasons why ghosting happens.
1. They are unfaithful
The first possible reason why ghosting after first date happens is that you’re the other woman or the other man. Of course, you have no idea that your date is already married or taken. They tried fooling you and told you they were single and ready to mingle.
However, the truth is that they tried to cheat on their primary partner with you. Of course, they didn’t want to be honest about their relationship status until they were sure you’d fallen for them.
They gave it a go but failed. Why did they disappear?
Well, maybe they got caught and are dealing with this huge drama back at home. In that case, you’re the last thing on their mind.
Or they just realized you wouldn’t be the best affair partner in the world. They came to the conclusion that you wouldn’t provide them with the secrecy they need or just that you wouldn’t agree to be the third person.
2. They didn’t like your looks
This is a hard pill to swallow, but maybe they ghosted you because they didn’t like your appearance. This usually happens when you meet someone for the first time in person after a lot of online dating.
If you two matched on a dating app or just talked on social media— it is possible that they didn’t like what they saw when you two went out on a date.
Don’t get me wrong— I’m not saying that you don’t look similar on social media and in real life. But the truth is that we’re all more attractive on our dating app profiles.
No, this doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re unattractive. You’re just not their type, or they think that you two wouldn’t make it a good couple physically. Don’t take it personally, and don’t let something like this ruin your self-esteem.
3. They weren’t into your personality
Or maybe they simply didn’t like your personality? It doesn’t mean you displayed any bad behavior, and you might think that you two had a great first date.
However, the other person clearly doesn’t see you two as compatible. It certainly doesn’t mean that you don’t have some amazing traits and qualities.
And even if it really was a good date, something about your character turned them off.
Yes, I know what you must be thinking. It would be hell easier if they could tell you what’s wrong, so you don’t repeat your mistakes.
But that’s exactly why people ghost— so they don’t have to explain themselves.
4. You intimidate them
This is usually one of the main reasons men ghost women after a good first date: they chicken out. You two met, and everything was going great until the next day when he woke up and realized you were more successful than him.
Or maybe you are more attractive, make more money or just have a better place in the social hierarchy. Either way, this guy came to the conclusion that you’re out of his league. He is intimidated by you!
He can’t handle it and being next to you is destroying his self-esteem. But naturally, he won’t tell you that you’re too much for him— or to put things this way, that he’s too little for you.
Instead, you’ll just get radio silence. No phone calls, no text messages, nothing.
This way, he gets the chance to feel better about himself and restore his destroyed ego.
5. They got back with their ex
Here’s another common reason for ghosting after first date: the other person is in a long-term relationship. Actually, let’s put things right: they were technically broken up (or taking a break) when you two went out on a date.
The person who ghosted you was single at the time of your date. But they were emotionally unavailable— that’s for sure.
Maybe they were looking for ways to get revenge on their ex. Or they saw you as a perfect chance for a rebound relationship.
Either way, the point is that it worked. They got back together with their ex, and they forgot you ever existed.
Tough luck, I know. But hey, be lucky it happened right away!
6. They just wanted to get laid
So, you two met on Tinder, Hinge, or some other dating app. Or they approached you in person— it doesn’t really matter.
The point is the same: they had only one thing in mind— they planned on getting you in bed. Of course, they didn’t have the decency or the courage to propose casual sex upfront.
So, they probably sent you a bunch of romantic text messages and lied that they wanted something serious. Sadly, you didn’t notice the red flags, and you fell right into their trap.
But when you finally went out on a date, they noticed that you two clearly don’t want the same things. You’re not into anything casual, and you’re looking for real love.
From their point of view, in this case, ghosting someone looks better than telling them your true intentions.
7. You’ve been catfished
When you think of catfishing, I know what comes to your mind. You think of a fake Tinder, Hinge, or social media account. We all know the drill: they take someone else’s photos and information and trick you into going out with them or just texting them.
But you two already had your first date. You’ve met this person who ghosted you, and they really do look the same as in their photos.
Nevertheless, they can still be catfishing you. Is it possible that they’ve given you false information about themselves?
Maybe you’ve gotten their real name, and that’s about it. They lied about their age, job, and everything else.
Now, they’ve realized that they’re playing with fire. They could get caught easily, and that’s why they chose to disappear.
8. They don’t want to hurt your feelings
Ghosting someone is awful, toxic, and disrespectful— nobody can question that. And even though I’m not here to defend your ghoster, let’s try looking at things from their perspective.
They didn’t do the right thing, and I’m not trying to argue against that. But that doesn’t automatically make them an insensible jerk.
Maybe they didn’t tell you the real reasons why they don’t like it because they didn’t want to hurt your feelings. I know that this is not the way to do it, but it’s the way they chose.
At the end of the day, it’s easier for you to be angry at them and to see them as an asshole who didn’t have the decency to send you a text back than to hear them tell you they don’t like you.
Once again, no dating coach will tell you that their logic resonates with common sense. But it is what goes through a lot of people’s minds when they decide to ghost someone.
9. They met someone else
A lot of people engage in the act of ghosting after first date simply because they meet someone new before the second date with you. In this case, they won’t ghost you right away.
Instead, you’ll be getting phone calls and a text back every once in a while, like everything is in perfect order. But all of a sudden, you’ll notice they start making excuses when you ask them when you’ll meet up for the next date.
Isn’t it obvious that they’ve lost interest in the meantime? And the only reason that could happen is that someone who captured their attention entered their life.
Please, don’t compare yourself to this new person. Don’t go through their social media, looking for clues about someone new. It’s their choice, and you should respect it.
10. You’ve given them the ick
You know what getting the ick means, right? It happens even in long-term relationships when you love your partner to the moon and back.
And suddenly, they just do something that grosses you out completely. It is not logical, and in most cases, it makes no sense whatsoever. However, that one thing they say or do gives you the biggest turn-off ever, and there is not much you can do about it.
Well, I’m sorry to break it to you, but you’re the one who’s given the other person the ick. You did something you’re not even aware of, and that killed all the attraction this person felt for you.
Why didn’t they say anything? Well, deep down, they know they’re being irrational.
I mean, you can’t say to someone you don’t want to see them anymore because of the way they ate their spaghetti. Well, technically, you can, but you’ll look like a lunatic. So, they choose radio silence instead.
11. They don’t care about your feelings
We’ve already talked about ghosters who ghost you because they don’t want to break your heart. Well, those are the good ones.
On the other hand, there are those who don’t give a damn about your emotions. And that’s one of the reasons for ghosting after first date.
They don’t care about the way their disappearance made you feel. They don’t care whether you’ll wonder what to do when you don’t get a text back, what went wrong; if you’ll blame yourself, and how this will affect your self-esteem, insecurities, or love life in the future.
They just see this as the easier way out of this uncomfortable situation they’ve gotten themselves into.
12. They have a lot going on
Finally, one of the reasons for someone ghosting after first date might not have anything to do with you or with your romantic connection at all. In fact, maybe you didn’t get ghosted in the first place.
Well, technically, they did disappear. So, let me rephrase this: maybe they didn’t have the intention of ghosting you in the first place.
It’s just that your date has a lot going on in their life. Maybe they’re going through a family emergency or having a work crisis. Maybe their loved one passed away, or they ended up in hospital.
I know what you must think right now: no matter what happened, there is no way they didn’t have enough time to send a text back. And you would be absolutely right— if you two were in a long-term relationship.
However, you have to remember one thing: you went out on one great first date only. So the last thing they want is to bother you with their personal issues. Besides, truth be told, I don’t think you’re even crossing their mind right now.
See also: He Texted After First Date But Not Since? Here’s What’s Up
Ghosting After First Date: How To Handle It
Here is a detailed step-by-step guide on how to deal with ghosting:
1. Don’t blame yourself
The worst thing you can do is blame yourself for the act of ghosting after first date.
Was I good enough? Did I do something to chase them away?
Could I have done something to prevent this from happening? Should I have dressed differently? Was it my perfume that they didn’t like?
Was it the way I laughed? The way I talked?
What if I didn’t send that text? Would things have turned out differently? Or maybe I should have texted them more?
These are all the questions going through your head when dealing with a ghoster. But guess what: it’s all pointless.
They have their reasons for acting this way, and there is probably nothing you could have done to prevent it. Besides, what is done is done. You can’t go back in time, can you now?
2. Accept that you won’t get closure
The truth is that you’ll never find the real reasons why you got ghosted. You can only guess and accept one of the reasons listed above, but you’ll never get real confirmation from the other person.
And whether you like it or not, you’ll never get the closure you’re craving. You’ll never find out what happened, and you just have to live with it.
Stop looking for closure. I know that you want it, but you ain’t getting it. and that’s the reality you must accept.
3. Don’t text or call them
So this should be common sense, but I’ll emphasize it anyway. Under no circumstances is it not permitted for you to contact your date this way or another.
This includes text messages, phone calls, social media DMs, and everything else. If you do any of this, you’ll only appear desperate. Yes, you feel desperate. I know that, but your date doesn’t have to.
Don’t get me wrong— I’m not saying that you’re not allowed to contact them right away. It’s okay if you send them one text a few days after your date.
Don’t accuse them of anything, and don’t think of begging them for a reply. Just act casual and careless.
Ask them if everything is okay and tell them that you were wondering what they’ve been up to. You can also mention a second date in this text.
However, if you don’t get a reply at that point, everything is clear. Any message after that would smell like desperation.
4. Cut this person off
Nevertheless, not texting and calling your ghoster won’t be enough. It would be best if you could cut them off your life for good.
I know what you must be thinking right now. If you unfollow them on social media, they’ll get the impression that you’re offended.
Well, you are. And with full right to be! You don’t tolerate disrespect, and you’re not scared to make it very clear.
Therefore, the next step is blocking their number, unfriending them on all social media apps, and avoiding all contact with them.
Why is this necessary? Well, the last thing you want is for this person to have access to you in the future.
You have to know one thing: ghosters always try to come back!
Who knows? Maybe they’ll remember you the next time they are lonely, or they break up with their long-term partner. They’ll send you a text or give you a phone call when you least expect it.
You know how to make them regret ghosting you? Don’t give them a chance to reach out to you whenever they want. And don’t put yourself in the temptation to text them back.
Besides, they’re immature and disrespectful. And that is not the type of person you want near you.
5. Focus on yourself
Instead of overthinking this entire situation, the best way to heal is to focus on yourself. What happened is in the past, and you should focus on the present and on the future.
Don’t worry, this won’t become a pattern. It certainly doesn’t mean that you’ll get ghosted the next time you go out on a date with someone.
But you can see this as an opportunity for self-progress. Become boyfriend/girlfriend material, and the best way to do that is to love yourself more than ever.
How long before it counts as ghosting?
First and foremost, you have to be sure that the act of ghosting after first date even happened. How long has it been since the last time they reached out?
It doesn’t count as ghosting if they didn’t return your phone call the very next day. Yes, it’s rude, and they’re probably playing hot and cold mind games. However, it is not ghosting.
On the other hand, if you haven’t heard from them in more than three days— you’ve been ghosted. That is under the condition that you tried reaching out but got no reply.
Yes, you can give them the benefit of the doubt and wait a whole week, but at that point, the reality is that they’re a ghoster.
Should I text first after being ghosted?
Every dating coach will tell you the same: don’t text first after being ghosted. Their silent treatment is response enough.
You’ve sent a couple of texts after your date. You’ve even invited them to meet up again. And you got no reply.
I know you want to express your anger and pain. You want to insult them, call them names, or you’ve come up with a witty ghosting response that might inspire them to text you back.
But what would be the point of it? This person clearly doesn’t want to continue your romance (which hasn’t even started in the first place), and you should accept their decision with dignity.
What about the fact that they never had the dignity to tell you that in person? Well, that’s their problem.
To Wrap Up:
Now you know one crucial thing: ghosting after first date happens, but it’s not the end of the world— that is, unless you decide to see it that way.
I know that you see this as the worst possible experience you have had. I mean, who enjoys being ghosted?
But instead of seeing it as a curse, try seeing it as a blessing in disguise. You’ve managed to get rid of someone who was never worthy of your time, energy, or effort.
And all you had to waste was one date. How would you feel if they disappeared from your life after years spent together? That happens as well. And it hurts much more.
Most importantly, I advise you to see this as a lesson. Yes, there are some bad people out there. People who don’t give a damn about the hearts they break along the way.
People who don’t have the decency to say goodbye or to tell you the real reason why they’re leaving. But you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you get to your Prince or Princess.
Now you know what it is that you don’t want. Moreover, you know who you never want to become.
