The end of a relationship can be emotionally exhausting. A mix of complicated negative emotions that can last for a long time overwhelms you.
Emotions like grief caused by loss, hurt that grows from a sense of betrayal, and anger because you feel wronged can emerge in both of you.
When some time after the breakup has passed, it’s reasonable to expect that both sides have cooled off.
If you feel like having a conversation with your ex, but they seem distant and uninterested, you might be asking yourself, Is my ex over me or just angry, and why?
In addition to answering that question, you can also read about what course of action to take if it turns out that they’re over you or if it turns out that they’re angry with you.
Lastly, when your ex’s anger has faded, and they tell you that they’re ready for a relationship, we’ll take a look at some signs that can tell us they really mean it.
Is My Ex Over Me Or Just Angry? How To Tell
Problems can arise if both people aren’t in the same place emotionally. For example, you might be ready for reconciliation, but the other person may need more time. It’s also possible that your ex is no longer interested in getting back together.
If you’re not really talking openly, and one or both of you is still wrapped up in their feelings, it might be hard to tell what your ex feels.
Luckily, there are some obvious signs that can help you figure out whether your ex misses you but is just mad or if they’ve moved on.
You won’t find every single one of the following “symptoms” in your ex, of course. This is merely a rough guide to help you get an idea of why your ex might be acting strange when it’s hard to communicate.
When we figure out how they feel and where you stand, we’ll look at what the best course of action to take in either case is.
1. Your ex is still in your life
If they’re constantly around in some way, you can be sure that they haven’t let go and that they still have feelings for you. Whether those feelings are good or bad remains to be seen.
There’s a well-known quote by Elie Wiesel that goes, “The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference,” and it’s applicable here.
If you’re wondering, is my ex over me or just angry? the answer is, if your ex were done with you, they wouldn’t want you in their life.
They wouldn’t contact you, look at your social media, and they’d do everything they could to avoid you.
Conversely, if your ex wants you back (but maybe not right now), they’ll make sure to keep in touch with you.
Here are some ways your ex might try to stay involved in your life:
• Your ex tries to talk to you any chance they get. They might call to pick a fight or send you a message on Whatsapp to ask about something trivial. Still, any real communication is impossible because things still get heated whenever there’s contact between you.
• Your ex talks to your mutual friends about you. They show an inordinate amount of interest in what’s going on with you. How you are, where you’ve been, who you’ve been seeing. Your ex is curious about everything and almost treats your mutual friends like spies.
• Your ex checks your social media. They might even be stalking your every post. They unfriend, then friend again. The first time they accidentally like an Instagram post you made, they immediately make their account private.
• Your ex is trying to make your friends choose between you. They’re feeling angry and want to share that anger. They’re trying to make you feel as miserable as they are. To that end, they might be trying to turn your friends, and even family members, against you.
2. Your ex is acting out
If your ex is having trouble controlling their temper, it’s a good sign (I guess?). What I mean is, were your ex over you, their emotional reactions to you would be cold.
Their response to dealing with you would, at most, be annoyance, and they would act awkwardly around you.
If your ex is mean, that means that they’re angry, and that won’t last forever. Some signs of this are:
• Your ex might act rude or passive-aggressive. It’s an immature way to lash out and get your attention. They’re pretending to be over you, but they’re really a mess. Their social media is full of vague statements about you. If you’re in a new relationship, they’re rude to them too.
• Your ex is bad-mouthing you. They’re incapable of not focusing on you, so even when you’re not around, they talk about you. Your ex always has a sob story about how you hurt them, can list all your flaws, and recall your every mistake whenever they run into any mutual friends.
• Your ex is doing things to make your life difficult. They might blow up at the smallest provocation and hold grudges. If your ex has a new partner, they are also rude to you, which is a sign that your ex has been talking about you A LOT.
• Your ex is acting really happy. Like, weirdly too happy. They’re trying really hard to show you that their life is perfect without you. They’re in a happy new relationship, your friend tells you.
Their social media is full of fun new things they’re doing. Things have never been better, and they tell you when you meet up to drop off a forgotten book.
In reality, if your ex were really as happy as they were trying to make it seem, they wouldn’t be so loud about it. If they had moved on, they wouldn’t be interested in informing you of that.
3. Your ex is giving you mixed signals
If your ex is angry at you but still loves you, it’s confusing for you but also for them.
For this reason, they’re probably unsure how to process their feelings and how to behave, so they’re nice and kind one day, and the next day, they act like you’re their worst enemy.
Maybe there’s no malice in what they’re doing, but it can still be damaging because you might start feeling like they’re stringing you along. Your ex might be acting hot and cold if:
• They treat you badly one day, kindly the other. Perhaps in moments of weakness, your ex might show you their sweet side that you once fell in love with. They’re still processing their feelings, and you might be seeing it in real-time.
• They won’t let you move on. They’re constantly talking about how they’re over you, but the moment you have someone new in your life, they get involved. They insist that you’re in a rebound relationship that has no future and act like the other person is no good.
• They are doing things to make you jealous. To get a reaction out of you, your ex starts flaunting that they’re dating where they know you can see. Whether flirting with others in front of you or making out with someone they’ve started dating, they’re making sure you can see or hear about it.
• They block your number but still call you. They miss you, but they’re angry, so they’re not sure what to do. Also, they’re feeling left out of the situation and checking whether you’re feeling bad too. A drunk dial is a sure bet.
All of these behaviors can be more or less intense or present. As their hurt and anger decline, so will their erratic behavior. If you think that, despite everything, this is the one, have patience and give them time before trying to get back together.
What Should I Do If I Think My Ex Is Over Me?
If your ex is over you, please consider being very gentle with yourself and practicing self-care in every way you can. If you want your ex back, and they’re over you, I hope the following advice can give you some strength. It’s going to be hard, but you can overcome it.
1. Move on
The easiest thing to say but so hard to do, I know. Repeat this until you believe it: your ex isn’t more important than you. By focusing on them, you’re losing sight of yourself.
For the time being, stay away from anything that can cause nostalgia about your relationship. In moments like this, we only remember the good times and forget why it ended.
2. Stay busy at all times
Occupying yourself with other things might be a crutch at first, but in time, you’ll stop thinking about them even when you’re not doing anything.
In the meantime, staying busy will help you remember that there’s more to your life than your relationship with your ex.
3. Cut all ties
Be ruthless about this. Have absolutely no contact with your ex, if you can manage it. If you share a child or a pet that you both take care of, keep contact to a minimum and communication to the point.
4. Don’t stay friends
Your ex might be trying to stay on good terms and avoid hurting your feelings. Your ex can’t be a close friend, especially so soon after breaking up.
In time, it might be possible, but right now, they must understand that you need to be left alone to get over them. Otherwise, you might cling to the hope of getting back together when they have no intention of doing so.
5. Ask for help
When you’re feeling down and tempted to get in touch with your ex, call your best friend or a family member. Let your loved ones help you get through this.
Don’t shy away from even looking for professional help if you think it’s necessary. Create a network that can help you get through these hard times.
6. Don’t lose your spirit
Who knows, maybe this breakup was for the best? Right now, you might be feeling devastated, but trust me, the clouds will clear, and the sun will shine again. Devote this time to yourself and look to the future.
Why Is My Ex Angry?
Sometimes people manage to split up with their partners and stay friendly and on good terms with no hard feelings. Life would be easier if all breakups were like that, but I’m afraid they’re not.
A lot of breakups start with a fight when something small usually triggers an onslaught of resentment that has been piling up for a long time.
In the heat of the moment, every tiny thing we dislike about our partner and even the most trivial mistakes they made can seem as big as really important ones.
Both of you might be feeling hurt and angry. It’s a normal emotional response to a stressful situation. Whether it was you or your ex who initiated the breakup, or if it was a mutual decision, you’re both entitled to your feelings.
When you’re ready to start working on getting back together with your ex, their attitude can make you question yourself and your intentions.
If you have to ask yourself, is my ex over me or just angry? no matter how much you want to approach them in a calm and friendly way, it can be difficult.
You might know why they’re angry, or you might be wondering what you did to deserve it. Anger over a breakup is very common and can have multiple causes.
Most of the time, the source of anger after a breakup is hurt. Even if they were the one who broke up with you, they’re, without a doubt, still feeling upset. No matter how many other causes there are, these feelings always spring from hurt.
There may be one or many justifiable reasons for their feelings, but sometimes, just the fact that a breakup happened is enough to cause it. Your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend may be feeling disrespected or disappointed, even heartbroken.
Your ex might blame you for the hurt they’re feeling. Their anger is caused because they feel that they were wronged. It can be that they feel that you’ve broken their trust or neglected them.
Additionally, there’s a possibility that they’re blaming you for something you didn’t do. There’s even a chance that your ex thinks you were unfaithful when you weren’t.
Regardless, their emotions are still real and valid, and until you get a chance to clear it up, there’s nothing you can do.
• Mind games
There are cases when an angry ex sometimes holds on to their anger because they feel like their indignation gives them the upper hand and a certain power over you. This makes them feel like they’re the righteous one, and you’re the villain.
You might be tempted to keep apologizing and beg until they forgive you, but that will only make them angrier and more set in their ways.
If they see that what they’re doing is working, there’s no reason for them to stop, is there?
• Mental health
It’s also possible that their anger isn’t related to you. They might be using the situation to lash out and make themselves feel better because they weren’t happy with themselves and were having a hard time in their own lives.
The hurt of the breakup only made their negative feelings stronger, and they feel entitled to their anger. This has nothing to do with you, and you can’t make them change their thinking.
The way to help them is to encourage them to work on their problems, although that might be hard at this point.
If you’ve tried to justify your behavior and change their mind about the breakup by pushing too soon and being clingy, they might be reacting to your behavior with more anger and pulling away even further.
They might feel like you’ve disrespected their feelings and are trying to hold them back. Your ex might be angry because you never gave them a chance to try to heal and possibly even be happy without you.
What Should I Do If My Ex Is Angry?
Even though you found the answer to the question, “Is my ex over me or just angry?” you’re still thinking about your ex and your breakup.
If that’s the case, you probably feel like it’s unresolved.
You either want to get back together, or you need closure. None of these are going to happen until the both of you are ready to have an honest conversation.
We’ve already mentioned that hurt is always at the core of anger after a breakup. Both of you are feeling it, but your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend is also angry.
You can’t change their feelings or how much longer they’ll keep holding on to their anger and when and if they’ll be ready to reconcile.
Here are some things you can do.
Yes, the first thing you should do is nothing. Even if you miss each other, instead of reaching out to your ex, you should take it slow and give both of you some time.
I’m sure you’ve apologized—or tried to—more than once. I’m sure you’ve done all you can to let your ex know that you’re ready for a conversation, so it’s up to them now. Stick to the no contact rule, and they’ll reach out when they’re ready.
2. Focus on yourself
There’s nothing else you can do but shift focus from your relationship to the rest of your life. As you’re recovering from heartbreak, your loved ones, your job, and caring for your mental health can all provide healing.
Improve what you can, and learn to accept what can’t be changed. Our relationships can only thrive when we’re happy with ourselves.
You can take this time to make sure that you know which resolution of your breakup works for you. Regardless of whether you get back with your ex or decide to move on, your well-being is non-negotiable.
3. Pay attention
When you and your ex get to the point where you can talk openly about what you feel and want, listen. Listen closely to what they say and watch how they act. Don’t let what you wish for distract you from the actual situation.
Don’t try to hope for a certain resolution to avoid being disappointed. Before you start looking for any clues that they might still love you, pay attention to your ex’s behavior, listen to what they’re saying, and go with that.
4. Have patience
It’s going to take a great deal of both time and patience to work out a solution to your problems that both of you will be happy with.
Anger fades, but feelings are still fragile at this point.
It’s easy to say the wrong thing during this period. The biggest challenge is to avoid making mistakes. Be courteous, and don’t let your ego take charge. Apologize when it’s right. As long as the efforts are mutual, a solution can be found.
5. Show that you care
When both of you have decided to get back together, you should start by identifying what led to your breakup in the first place and how to avoid repeating the same mistakes.
Be committed to showing your ex that you care. You need to rebuild your trust to move on. The way to start doing this is to show understanding. Listen to what your ex wants to say and accept their feelings and wishes.
How To Tell That My Ex Wants A Relationship
Now that we’ve stopped wondering things like, “is my ex over me or just angry?” we know where we stand. So, your ex isn’t angry anymore.
They’re ready to talk, and they’re saying they want to get back together.
Both of you went through hardships during the breakup, and now it’s time to decide whether you’re ready for a relationship.
We’ve learned how to recognize what’s going on, so now we come to the final question: How can I tell that my ex is over their anger and ready to get back together?
• They pay attention and listen
Being sincere, present, and open-minded in communication with other people are the keys to being a good listener. Paying attention to what they do and say shows interest and care.
In a romantic relationship, where we’re especially invested in the other person, a lack of judgment and willingness to hear the other person are of utmost importance.
• They respect your boundaries
A healthy relationship is impossible if both partners don’t respect each other’s boundaries. Knowing when to pull back and when to show up come from communication and respect for what has been shared.
Boundaries are important in all relationships, not only romantic ones. People let us know what matters to them and tell us how to treat them, and it’s important not to think that we know their lives better than them.
• They’re supportive and affectionate
Someone who loves you doesn’t hide their love but shows it through signs of affection, among other ways. Cuddling, hugging, kissing, all of these acts deepen intimacy and make it easier to connect.
Love is also obvious in the sense of trust that the other person will support you whenever you need them. If they can, a loving partner will be there if you call, and you can rely on them.
• They’re honest and vulnerable
Someone who wants a healthy relationship knows that there’s no intimacy unless you open up. To do so, there’s no escaping the feeling of vulnerability that comes from sharing yourself with another person.
If they’re able to share their true feelings, fears, and hopes with you, you can be sure that they want to be with you.
• They make it clear they want to be in your life
As we concluded earlier, the most important sign that someone has feelings for you is if they let you know, without a doubt, that they want you in their life.
We mentioned that anger and feelings of conflict show a person’s inner struggle. However, if they want to be in a loving relationship, they’ll make their warm feelings and their wish to share their life with you clear.
After a breakup, there’s a lot of heartache. Both people are confused, hurt, and emotional. For the partner who’s ready to get back together, the question, “Is my ex over me or just angry?” is a constant worry.
Your actions during this sensitive time can change the course of your future relationship. Recognizing how your ex feels can inform your decision on how to act. There are different paths to take depending on if your ex is over you, still angry, or ready to get back together.