Let’s be honest: being the other woman or the other man is bad enough. But having to doubt your partner’s feelings in the middle of this chaos is a nightmare in itself.
However, before you jump to any conclusions, you have to be sure what’s really happening. Are you really seeing signs your affair partner is losing interest, or is there something else hidden behind their change in behavior?
There is only one way to find out: to keep on reading!
15 Signs Your Affair Partner Is Losing Interest
If you can relate to all or most of these signs, your partner is falling out of love with you.
1. No future plans
Every relationship expert will tell you the same thing: the first red flag you should pay attention to is that you and your affair partner have no future plans anymore.
Or, to be exact, they’re the one who avoids the topic.
Do you remember how things were in the beginning? You both dreamt about how things would be when you enter a real, committed relationship.
You probably talked about a place to stay, you planned on traveling together, and you had your entire life together figured out.
However, all of that seems to have disappeared overnight. Your partner went silent as if none of these talks ever happened.
Even when you try to tackle this issue, they ignore you completely.
And I’m not only talking about long-term future plans. I’m talking about short-term plans as well.
You can’t get them to sign up for a weekend getaway or a coffee date tomorrow night, let alone anything else.
Isn’t this fact alone suspicious? If you’re being honest, you’ll admit that it is definitely one of the signs your affair partner is losing interest.
2. … at least not with you
However, when you come to think of it, you’re the only person they don’t make any plans with. It’s not that they’re too busy. They have time – just not for you.
They keep on making plans with their significant other and the rest of their family. Of course, they wouldn’t even inform you of those plans, but they have to warn you not to send them text messages or call them when they’re with them.
When you ask them about their vacation plans, they’ll tell you that they’ve already booked everything with their primary partner.
The hell with it, they’re even planning on doing things with their best friends and coworkers. It looks like there is a place in their future for everyone. That is, everyone but you!
Of course, when you confront him about this, he’ll tell you you’re imagining things.
Their significant other booked the flights without them knowing, or they have a family function they must attend.
But you’re not foolish enough to believe in these lies. After all, how come similar things didn’t happen before?
That’s right, the harsh truth is that your cheater doesn’t see your relationship as something long-lasting.
3. They avoid the divorce talk
When you engaged in this affair, there were some promises made. You know the usual lines: their marriage or long-term relationship is falling apart, and they’re about to break up or get a divorce.
They made sure you believed that you two would be together for real before you knew it.
But now, when they no longer feel anything for you, everything changed. They’ve stopped bringing their divorce up completely.
Even when you ask them about it, it turns into a huge fight.
Let’s get one thing straight: they were likely lying to you from day one. They just wanted to make you fall in love with them, and they succeeded in their mission.
However, as funny as this might sound, they no longer even put effort into deceiving you. It’s like they don’t give a damn whether you stay or leave.
Or, to be exact, they know that you’ll stay, so there is no point in persuading you that they’ll end things with their SO. I know you’ll have a hard time accepting this, but it’s one of the most surefire signs your affair partner is losing interest.
4. You’re nothing but a booty call
Physical intimacy is crucial in every romantic relationship; nobody can argue about that. Your affair has a higher chance of succeeding if you two get along in the bedroom.
However, it can’t be the only basis of a relationship. If it is, then you’ve got yourself a no-strings-attached kind of an arrangement going on, and there is no point in looking for the tell-tale signs your affair partner is losing interest, let alone feelings.
But the situation with you is that you had amazing between-the-sheets fun. Nevertheless, it wasn’t the only thing your relationship revolved around. However, that has changed.
They call you in the middle of the night, asking when they can stop by. They don’t arrange any activities whatsoever except those that involve a hotel room.
You don’t talk, you don’t travel, you don’t watch movies together. You’re only spending time with one another when you’re sleeping together.
What does this tell you? That they’re still very much physically attracted to you, but that’s about it.
5. … or they avoid physical intimacy altogether
Let’s get one thing straight: we’re not talking about an emotional affair here, are we? That is why it’s quite unusual for your partner to avoid physical intimacy.
Well, the trick is in finding balance – one of the things your relationship clearly doesn’t have.
Don’t get me wrong – it’s one thing if they’re tired or if this is just a phase. You can’t expect anyone to be turned on 24/7 or for your sex life to always be at its peak.
It’s also understandable if you know that they’re going through something. Maybe they’re dealing with additional stress at work or something similar. In that case, this is not a red flag you should pay attention to.
However, if their disinterest in physical intimacy lasts for some time and there is no valid explanation behind it, you’ve got yourself a problem.
What’s even worse is that they refuse to talk about it. Whenever you tackle the issue, they accuse you of having only one thing on your mind.
What does this mean?
Well, that they’ve probably stopped seeing you as their emotional partner. Instead, you’ve become something like a best friend to them.
You can either try to revive the sparkle or settle for an emotional affair.
6. Nobody knows about you
Keeping your relationship a secret is what an extra-marital affair is all about, I know. However, it’s impossible to keep something like that a secret for so long from literally everyone.
When you first started dating, your cheater showed you off. Of course, they made sure only people they trusted knew about you, which didn’t include anyone who would tell on them to their spouse.
Nevertheless, now it seems like nobody knows about you anymore, not even their best friends.
Does this mean that they’ve become more careful? But for what reason if they’re planning to file for divorce?
Either way, that’s not hidden behind this change of behavior. I hate to break it to you, but they simply don’t feel the need to talk about you anymore. Yes, it’s as simple as that.
At the same time, they don’t plan to keep you around for much longer, so they don’t see the need to bring you up in conversation.
7. Working on their marriage
Have you noticed that your partner is actually putting effort into saving their marriage, or is it just me?
Whenever you try to reach out, they’re always with them. They started mentioning their SO more, even though they try not to do so.
Maybe they haven’t told you anything about their reconciliation outright. However, I’m sure you stalk their social media accounts or have mutual friends.
You found out that they’re living their lives like every other married couple. It looks like they’ve just had a crisis, and now, they’re doing everything to overcome it and rebuild the healthy relationship they once had.
They’re traveling together, going to the movies, and attending social functions. Basically, they’re doing everything your partner isn’t doing with you.
Of course, you’ve never had a problem with them spending time with other family members. However, it seems like they’re using this as an excuse to get closer to their SO.
This is a hard pill to swallow. It looks like you were just a spice to their marriage. You obviously gave them the life support they needed.
But hey, it’s better to realize it in time before you lose any more time with this person.
The biggest red flag that your partner is working on their marriage is that they’re seeing a family therapist. You have to understand that they consider their relationship so important that they want to make it work at all costs.
Both them and their SO are aware that they have problems – nobody can argue against that. These problems are above their area of expertise.
However, they’re so willing to work on them that they involve a professional to give them a hand.
8. Making excuses
One of the signs your affair partner is losing interest is hidden in the excuses they keep on making, whatever the situation is.
You ask them about divorce? They will tell you that they can’t leave their spouse because they’re emotionally blackmailing them, because they have a mortgage together, or for the kids’ sake.
You ask them why they spend so little time with you? They keep telling you that they have to work extra hours, that they’re busy at work, that they’re tired, or that they just can’t fit you into their schedule.
Sound familiar? Well, the truth is that I could go on and on because there are endless examples of similar behavior.
Why is this happening?
But what do all these patterns have in common? That’s right – they’re all excuses.
And you always end up with one big, fat nothing. You know that they’re lying to you, but the worst part is that they’re getting away with it.
This is not something you want to hear, but they’re giving you these excuses just so you leave them alone. It’s easier to deceive you to get back off their back than to tell you that they don’t want to spend time with you.
9. Empty promises
Excuses never come alone. They’re always followed by empty promises. And you’ve been getting a bunch of those as well.
When will they get a divorce? Anytime soon. When will you get the place you deserve in their life? You already have it.
Will they love you forever? Of course. Do they see you as their soulmate? Who else would it be?
Each one of these lines and promises are empty. Your partner’s words don’t match their deeds. And that’s the whole problem.
Of course, it hasn’t always been like this. On the contrary, it started happening once they started losing feelings for you.
10. You’ve become their last resort
Whether you like to admit it or not, the truth is that you’ve become this person’s last choice.
When you first started dating, they were ready to drop everything just to spend time with you. They would sneak out of the house to see you, they would cancel meetings and business appointments to be next to you.
You were their priority, and you clearly held first place in their life. However, all of that has changed with time.
Lately, they’ve only been calling you when everyone else stands them up. Everything and everyone has become more important than you.
Their family (including their spouse), work, best friends, hobbies… you name it.
And you don’t have a problem with them having a place in their life. After all, you know what you signed up for.
You have a problem with the fact that there is obviously no longer room for you there.
11. Your feelings come last
Have you tried talking to your partner about all of these things bothering you? Absolutely yes!
Was it ever a fruitful conversation? Hell, no.
Why is that so? Well, isn’t it obvious? At the end of the day, your feelings don’t matter to them.
As painful as it is to grasp this idea, they don’t give a damn about whether they break your heart or not.
They don’t care if they leave you hanging, waiting for them to show up as they promised. They don’t care if you cry yourself to sleep.
They don’t give a damn about the fact they’re ruining your future. They don’t care how you feel.
On the other hand, they make sure not to hurt their SO. They make sure not to disrupt their seemingly perfect life.
It seems like everyone’s emotions, needs, and well-being are significant. Everyone, except yours, that is.
12. It’s all about them
Isn’t it clear? Your entire relationship revolves around your partner. It’s pretty obvious that you two aren’t equal here.
It’s not just about the fact that you two are spending less and less time together. It’s also about the quality of that time.
When was the last time you talked about you? When were your dreams, fears, and problems the main topic of conversation?
That’s right, you can’t even remember.
Even when you two do engage in meaningful communication, it always ends up with them complaining and you being their shoulder to cry on.
You’re very understanding of all their troubles. You even listen to them talk about their marital problems.
You’re there to give them advice, hear them out, or give them a hand even when they don’t ask for one.
But do they ever return the favor? Most certainly not!
Whenever you need them, they’re nowhere to be found. They’re too busy to listen to you, let alone help you out with your issues.
It’s time to ask yourself this: Am I this person’s emotional partner or a pro-bono therapist?
13. They’re annoyed by everything you do
What are some of the first signs your affair partner is losing interest? Well, this one doesn’t have a lot to do with affairs in general – it also answers the question of how to tell if your partner is losing feelings.
When everything you do annoys your partner, one thing is clear: the infatuation is long gone!
I’m mostly talking about those little things they used to find interesting and cute. But now, they’re literally bothered by the way you breathe.
That’s exactly what’s going on in your affair.
For example, you used to be jealous. Your partner saw that as a sign of your love for them. They were flattered by your possessive nature.
Now, all of a sudden, they can’t stand this side of you.
It’s like that with everything. They’re annoyed by the way you kiss them and make love to them, your text messages, how you look, talk, and behave.
I hate to break it to you, but this person’s disinterest is quite visible – you’re just refusing to see it.
14. There is someone else
Okay, so they’re cheating on their spouse with you – we’ve got that covered. But once they start cheating with a third (or should I say fourth?) person, it’s time to pick up what’s left of your dignity and walk away.
I mean, come on, you won’t allow yourself to be cheated on by a person who’s cheating on someone with you, will you?
If this is the case, the truth is that you’re dealing with a serial cheater. These people don’t care who their lover is – as long as they are in a position to commit adultery.
I hate to break it to you, but this was never about you. They just wanted to cheat, and you were convenient.
You obviously no longer give them the thrill they were getting at the beginning of your affair. Of course, this has nothing to do with you – this person is just moving from one victim to another.
And sadly, your time is up.
Why didn’t they leave you?
Well, why would they? If they have a chance to jiggle between the three of you, that’s exactly what they will do.
15. Your intuition tells you
At the end of the day, there is something even stronger than all of these signs your affair partner is losing interest. That’s right, I’m talking about your gut feeling.
They can try and deceive you as much as they way, but deep down, you just know that things are not the same.
You notice it in the way they look at you, in the way they kiss you, and generally, in the way they treat you.
As much as you’re trying to tell yourself that you’re imagining things, you know the harsh truth. You’re aware that your intuition is showing you signs you can no longer ignore.
The only question is: What will you do about it?
How Do You Tell If An Affair Has Ended?
If your affair partner has reconnected with their spouse as if nothing happened, your affair is over, even if they didn’t break up with you outright. Don’t expect them to be brave enough to end things with you directly. Instead, they’ll let you make the conclusion yourself.
How Do Affairs Usually End?
Most affairs end with the marital couple getting back together even though these marriages usually end in divorce, followed by a committed relationship with the third person. According to some research, only a small percentage of cheating partners actually do leave their wives or husbands to build a life with their lovers.
To Wrap Up:
I know that it was heartbreaking for you to relate to most of these signs your affair partner is losing interest. But they’re here, and they’re very much real.
I don’t mean to judge you, but this affair would’ve ended one way or another. And it’s definitely much better for you to know where you stand.
To be honest, you have no other option but to leave even before seeing all these signs. However, now after you’ve seen them, you know what your only choice is!