What do you look for in a guy when dating? How do you differentiate a real man from “an almost man”?
Dark, handsome, tall, green eyes?… and the list goes on and on. Since the beginning of time, women have been making real or imaginary lists of “the perfect man” according to their standards (or according to society’s standards).
Some women solely focus on the physical qualities of a man while others look at the bigger picture. But, what’s common to every single woman on earth is the fact that we all stop at one moment to ask ourselves:
“Wait, what SHOULD we even look for in men? Should we look for perfection or rely on reasonable expectations?”
Worry not. Today, we’ll unravel the myths and mysteries of an ideal man.
What Do Girls Usually Look For In A Guy?
Let’s not fool ourselves. Girls usually look for a good-looking guy (just like the majority of guys do when it comes to girls). There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that except for one thing:
A good-looking guy with a terrible interior (personality) is not the type of guy you want to be in a romantic relationship with. Period.
I don’t know about you, but I personally am looking for a man who knows what he’s doing, and by that, I mean a man with his shit together.
To the world, this type of man is usually known as ‘a unicorn man‘ that a few women have the privilege to meet. Why?
Because they’re becoming extinct.
A man who cares about his family and friends, a man who is passionate and has goals in life, who knows how to make a woman laugh… a man who supports his loved ones through the ups and downs is REALLY hard to find nowadays.
But, ladies, this doesn’t mean we should lower our standards (because being in a situationship is not an option).
Instead, we should make the list of qualities that define a real man that every girl deserves to be with! So, let’s do it!
What Do You Look For In A Guy?
What do you look for in a guy when dating? Physical attraction surely is important, but it should never be a dealbreaker. There are far more important qualities to look for in a man besides his looks:
1. A great problem solver
Dear ladies, I can’t accentuate enough how important this quality is in a man because everything stems from it. A man who is a problem solver won’t hide or run away from you once things become complicated.
Instead, he will roll up his sleeves and deal with any issue at hand because he’s a problem solver and not a runner. This includes both problems in your (and his) personal life and love life.
You certainly don’t want to be with a guy who can’t handle a little stress in his life or in a relationship. Weak men are the type of men you can’t rely on. Strong men are problem-solvers.
2. Finding a silver lining is his specialty
If there’s one thing I hate most, it is people who can’t look on the bright side even if their life depended on it. I’m talking about eternal pessimists whose negative thoughts can drain even the most optimistic individuals.
Do yourself a favor and avoid being with such a man. Instead, choose a man who knows how to find a silver lining in any situation. A man whose levels of optimism are stable and don’t get easily reduced by trivial events.
Why should you choose such a man?
Because life is too short to be with someone who can’t see the beauty of life even if you slapped them in the face with it. Ups and downs are inevitable, but choosing how to react to life’s events is a matter of choice.
If you ask me, it should be scientifically proven that being with an optimistic man is one of the key ingredients for a happy relationship.
3. He’s ambitious
According to my previous romantic endeavors, I’ve realized that men who lack ambition are a huge turn-off. There’s something truly mesmerizing when you look in the eye of a man who has his goals set and knows exactly what he wants to pursue in life.
Such men have become a rare occurrence (or they’re already taken). Being with an ambitious man gives you a sense of security because such a man is not only present-oriented, but he has plans for the future.
Such a man has an established workout routine, takes care of his health, and updates his list of goals and achievements regularly.
No, he doesn’t only sit with crossed arms hoping that the universe and the law of attraction will do everything for him so he doesn’t need to lift a finger. Instead, he’s realistic and persistent.
4. Emotionally mature
Can you even imagine how many potential relationships have failed mainly due to men’s emotional immaturity? I’m not saying that women can’t be emotionally mature, but in this context, we’re referring to men.
So, what does it even mean to be mature in an emotional aspect?
It basically means that a person doesn’t have problems making decisions in life and relationships, and is not afraid of commitment.
Emotionally mature men aren’t afraid of feelings, but they embrace them. They don’t run away when things become serious, but they stay.
Every woman should look for a man who is upfront about his feelings because this is a recipe for a successful relationship. Everything else is just unnecessary complications.
5. He follows his own moral standards
Another good quality of a real man, and one of the key dating rules, is a great sense of integrity. We live in a world where fake ideals are trending while real values are buried in our subconsciousness.
A man who has integrity follows his own moral standards and isn’t satisfied with mediocrity. He’s not indifferent or mindless about things going on around him.
He thinks outside the box, thinks about others, and strives to find a deeper meaning in everything. Being with such a man means knowing where you stand because he won’t allow his impulses to corrupt his reason.
6. He’s caring and protective of his loved ones
One of the surefire ways to know if he’s a man who will make you feel safe both emotionally and physically is to look at how he treats other people in his life.
Is he caring and protective of his loved ones (best friends and family)? Or, is he self-centered and doesn’t really care about other people in his life except himself?
Generally, men have this innate desire to protect their women and be their heroes. There’s actually a step-by-step guide on how to trigger a man’s hero instinct, but this is a story for another day.
Basically, what I’m trying to say is that men want to see themselves as protectors and providers because this is in their nature, but there are always exceptions.
Another surefire way to know if he’s a real protector is to observe his behavior when something bad happens. Does he run away or stay and offer help and protection? Hmm…
7. He has a good sense of humor
“If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.” – Marilyn Monroe
Making someone laugh requires a special set of skills (intelligence, wittiness, and creativity). So, a man with a great sense of humor is not a man who can only make you laugh.
He’s a man who is intelligent, fun, and creative. He doesn’t take himself too seriously, and he wants his woman to enjoy every second spent with him.
He wants his woman to laugh and have a good time because a sense of humor is a great stress relief that is much needed today.
So, yes, I refuse to be with a man who is 24/7 serious, talking only about work. I want a man who will make me laugh out loud in multiple ways.
I want a man with whom I’ll be able to make a list of internal jokes… a man who is strong enough to make me laugh even when the whole world is falling apart.
8. He respects you
If a man doesn’t know how to respect a woman, this is a huge red flag. Any type of disrespect shouldn’t be tolerated because a woman needs to know her worth.
Real men respect their women; they don’t abuse them or make them feel less worthy. Be with a woman who will both respect you and motivate you to keep working on yourself.
Don’t be with a man who looks for perfection because that doesn’t exist. Also, don’t be with a man who wants to change who you are because that’s not acceptable.
A man who respects his woman will never make her question his intentions, and will never make her feel like she’s ordinary (one of the reasons why I’m still single).
“Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.” – Oscar Wilde
Fall in love with a man who will treat you like a delicate flower and never stop showing his amazement at your beautiful colors. Fall in love with a man who will make you feel special without even trying.
9. He understands that love and relationships require sacrifice and effort
Yes, this is one of the most important things women look for in a guy because EFFORT is hot. I’m so tired of men who want everything, but aren’t ready to invest themselves in anything they do.
So, what do you look for in a guy?
Look for a man who knows the importance of sacrifice and effort in relationships and in life in general. Any man can stay in your life when everything is going smoothly, but only few men are ready to fight for what they believe in.
So, look for a man who will fight for you and your relationship no matter what…. a man who knows that relationships are hard work that requires constant maintenance.
10. He oozes confidence
Ladies, is there anything hotter than a guy who is self-confident in both his words and actions? I bet there isn’t, and that is why this is one of the top qualities we should ALWAYS look for in a guy. Why?
Because a confident man will make you feel confident in your own skin. He will know exactly what he wants, and he won’t allow his insecurities to ruin your relationship.
Now, I’m not talking about those ‘wannabe confident men’ who fake their confidence. I’m talking about men who make goals early in a relationship, stick to their promises, and apologize when needed.
Being with such a man means having someone to rely on without fearing that he’ll run away once things get serious. Because men do that!
But, mature men who ooze confidence rarely make the mistake of losing a good woman just because they didn’t set their priorities at the moment. They can’t afford to make such a mistake because they know the value of such a woman.
11. Kindness and thoughtfulness
I don’t know if you’re aware of the fact that being with a man who is not kind or thoughtful equals a legit nightmare. How do I know that? Well, I’ve been with such a guy and I regretted it big time.
The thing is; these two values are interconnected. If a guy is not kind, he will not be thoughtful, and vice versa.
Kindness and thoughtfulness are some of the traits of a good guy you should never underestimate.
You want to be with a guy who knows the importance of little things… a guy who will always give his best to make your day (especially when you’re feeling off).
You want to be with a guy who will be kind to everyone around him regardless of their social status. That’s the kind of man who deserves our utmost respect and admiration, so don’t settle for anything less than that.
12. He pursues you like you’re the only girl in the world.
Chasing, pursuing, proving himself worthy of being with you… you can call it however you want, but one thing is sure: You should never give your heart on a plate to someone who hasn’t made the slightest effort to earn it. Period.
Be with a man who PURSUES you. Such a man won’t make you feel like there’s something wrong with you just because you have some standards.
He will be excited about impressing you with his texting and dating skills. He will pursue you not because of his shady motives, but because he truly cares about you.
And, once he wins your heart, he will keep maintaining his pursuing game. He will not make you question his commitment to you, but he will make you feel protected, valued, and loved.
It took me a while to implement this new dating rule: Only trust guys who pursue you. Those who don’t bother chasing you will never know how to appreciate you.
So, it’s your task to let the guys know that you won’t tolerate anything in between. He either pursues you or he’s not worthy of being with you.
13. He’s reliable to the core
What do you look for in a guy? I say we should look for a good guy who knows what he wants in life and who is RELIABLE.
Do you want to be with a guy who freaks out like a little child when something bad happens? Do you want to be with someone you can’t rely on when you need help with anything?
I’m aware of the fact that we women are strong and independent, but even we need to rely on someone when it gets hard.
Also, we need to know that the guy we’re with is trustworthy and not someone who will leave us once they realize the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.
TRUST, RELIABILITY, COMMITMENT. These are the keywords you should memorize.
Finding such a man is really difficult nowadays because we’re greatly affected by the fake ideals of the modern lifestyle. A guy who values reliability is a guy worthy of your time.
14. He doesn’t try to change who you are
Too late… I’ve realized that you don’t have to follow a step-by-step guide to keep a guy interested or change yourself completely to capture his attention. If you do, then you know you’re with the wrong guy. It’s as simple as that.
A guy who truly cares about you will make sure to respect your likes and dislikes, praise your quirks, and value your unique personality. He won’t be intimidated by any of the mentioned, and he definitely won’t try to change who you are.
So, look for the guy who will see the real you instead of trying to change you to his preferences… a guy who will know when you need a hug, when you’re feeling distressed, and when you need some time alone.
Don’t be with someone who judges you just because you don’t fit their definition of the perfect girlfriend. I repeat: perfection doesn’t exist. Be with a guy who appreciates your imperfection and always finds new ways to embrace it.
15. He admires your strength and devotion
Don’t ever allow yourself to be with someone who downplays the strength and efforts you invest into being a good girlfriend.
A great guy will admire your strength and make you even stronger instead of trying to manipulate you. That’s the kind of man you want to stick to.
You don’t want to be with someone who will give his best to make you feel less worthy only to manipulate you. The world is full of toxic people who have lost their ability to praise good qualities in others.
Grateful men know how to value a woman’s selflessness, and they admire her strength and devotion to becoming the best version of herself.
Such a man encourages you and always lifts you up when you’re feeling down. He trusts in you, and he knows that you can achieve anything you set your mind to. Still, he lets you know that you can rely on him whenever you need to.
16. He takes responsibility for his actions
Irresponsible men have cost me lots of time and nerves so far. Here’s the newest example. Recently, I dated a guy who was the epitome of irresponsibility, but obviously, I was too blind to see it (on time).
On top of all his selfish actions, he even forgot about our date twice, after which, he ghosted me. A few days later, he apologized for it, and also made me feel like I should lower my “unreasonable expectations”.
Seriously? Since when is taking responsibility for your actions and being a trustworthy human being considered unreasonable?
That’s how, my ladies, you know you’re dealing with a man who is not good for you. Instead, choose to be with a man who takes responsibility for his actions in both love life and life in general.
Such a man will give his best not to disappoint you, and even if he does, he will apologize for it on time and make sure not to repeat the same mistake again. Such a man is the man who will stay.
17. He’s attentive and supportive
In the age of smartphones and social media, it can be really hard (if not impossible) to get and hold someone’s attention.
However, if you have to teach him how to be attentive, that kind of guy is not worthy of your time, and he’s definitely not a candidate for a long-term relationship.
You want to be with a guy who already knows the importance of good communication and unlimited support.
Don’t ever beg for a guy’s attention or see it as something that should be earned. No, it shouldn’t. If you give your best to listen to him and support him through his life goals and other things, you have every right to expect the same thing in return.
Reciprocity is one thing that will never become outdated. Men who are not worthy of your time will only be there when it’s convenient for them.
Do you know what? You don’t need such a man in your life because you deserve ten times better.
18. A good communicator
Communication is one of the most important aspects of every healthy relationship. A good communicator both gives and receives in a conversation.
They are not only focused on their own words and thoughts, but they actively listen to you and respond accordingly.
One of the surefire ways to know that he’s a good communicator is if you can never run out of new topics to talk about with him. Your body language and words unite, making the conversation passionate, meaningful, and inspiring.
A good communicator will never judge you, manipulate you, or ignore you. When relationship issues arise, they will be ready to talk to you about it instead of jumping into the passive-aggressive mode.
And, one thing is sure… relationship issues will always be present, and you can’t exterminate them, but you can learn to deal with them in an effective and painless way. Being with a good communicator makes this possible.
19. He always finds time for you (because you’re his priority)
Here’s a universal truth that every lady deserves to know: A guy who takes you for granted is not worthy of your time, nerves, words, and actions.
Imagine being with a guy who decides to simply ghost you from time to time, make excuses, and make you feel like you’re asking too much from him.
Now, imagine being with a guy who is always there for you, and who makes you feel just right. I won’t ask you which one you would choose because it’s evident.
With the right guy, you’ll never worry about where you stand, and he will never make you feel like you’re too much to deal with. Instead, he will always find time for you because he wants to. That’s the kind of guy you should be with.
20. Honesty
Of course, being honest means that he’ll never do anything behind your back, and he’ll treat you the way you deserve. But, being honest also means having the courage to tell you things that might be painful for you to hear.
For example, if you’ve recently gained weight, the right man will express his concern for your health, and will help you with motivation and a training regimen.
He will be honest and thoughtful with you regardless of the situation because he wants the best for you. So, be with a man who will be an active participant in your life instead of a passive observer.
You deserve to be with someone whose honesty will help you improve your lifestyle and make you a better person. A kind man deserves the same thing, and he’s completely aware of that.
21. He follows gentleman rules
“Please” and “thank you” are the words you can find in his dictionary. He doesn’t feel the need to show off or boast about his successes.
He respects you and stands up for you. Yes, he also opens the doors for you.
He listens to you carefully, and he knows how to express his feelings in an honest and gentlemanlike way.
So, what do you look for in a guy? Look for a good man who follows gentleman rules. Look for a man who will treat you like I described above, and don’t settle for anything less.
22. A romantic soul
I’m perfectly aware of the fact that most men have problems with expressing their romantic side, especially if they aren’t romantic souls by nature. However, we’re not looking for perfection, but a man who tries.
So, a man who tries will find a way to add romance to dating or to a relationship. He will not neglect the romance aspect just because he thinks he’s incapable of delivering it.
Instead, he will do his best to impress you with thinking of you messages, love letters, and corny love quotes.
A man doesn’t have to be a hopeless romantic to make a woman feel loved. All he has to do is make an effort and his actions will match the level of his affection. Keep that one in mind when looking for the right guy.
23. He values commitment more than his ego
Making a man commit has always been an art in itself. I’m sure every relationship expert would agree with me on this one.
So, you meet a nice guy and everything goes smooth until he turns into a legit commitment-phobe, which is every woman’s nightmare. There are a few reasons why men run away from commitment, and it’s often because of their ego.
They think that committing to one woman will entrap them and make them look weak in the eyes of other men. Foolish, indeed.
A real man values commitment more than his ego. He doesn’t care about what other people will think of him because he knows he’s doing the right thing. That’s the kind of man you want to be with.
Needless to say that the compatibility of values is essential when it comes to dating and potential relationships. As a matter of fact, core values in a relationship should also match.
If your interests and values are completely different, you will not be able to connect and understand each other. Without connection and understanding, there is no relationship.
When you meet a guy, make sure to talk about your goals, core values, and things that matter to you. If you’re compatible, then it will be easier for you to form a healthy and happy relationship.
25. Playing games is not his cup of tea
Those men who like to play games certainly don’t care about your feelings or your mental health. Keep that one in mind as well when looking for the right guy.
The truth is; a good guy who follows gentleman rules will express his feelings from day one instead of playing games with you. He will not play with your heart, but he will give his best to win it.
So, do yourself a favor and don’t waste your time on players who make you question things and your own sanity. You deserve a man who is emotionally stable and ready to fully commit to you without any complication.
What Are The Top 5 Things A Woman Looks For In A Man?
If we had to summarize all of the said above, these are the top 5 things you should put on your wish list when looking for a real man:
1. Thoughtful.
2. Emotionally mature.
3. A good communicator.
4. Reliable.
5. Responsible.
Of course, this list is not fixed, and it can be modified to everyone’s standards and preferences, but these are the top qualities that shouldn’t be neglected. I’m sure you all agree with me, right?
Wrapping It Up
What do you look for in a guy? Now, I don’t want you to think that the right guy for you should have ALL of the qualities above.
There are some essential qualities that you shouldn’t take for granted, such as honesty and responsibility, and there are some things that he can work on, such as his confidence and his romantic efforts.
Blindly following a list of things that a man should be will not help you find Mr. Right because we choose people with our hearts.
In the end, what matters is that he’s a good man who is willing to work on himself because effort always sounds promising.
When you find your man, here’s some advice on making your relationship last: 6 Signs Of A Serious Relationship And 7 Tips For Building One. Good luck!