Is it just me, or have real relationships become extinct? I don’t remember the last time I heard a guy and a girl become an actual couple.
All of my friends are in casual relationships of some form – they have friends with benefits or go from one hookup to another. When I tried figuring out what had changed in the last couple of years, I came to one conclusion: in most cases, men are the ones running away from committed romantic relationships. They’re the ones who initiate these situationships, and girls just tag along because they think they don’t have any other option.
But the real question is: Why do guys like situationships? What’s in it for them? Why would an average guy today pick casual dating over the real deal? Here is what I figured out:
Why Do Guys Like Situationships?
I talked to some of my male friends and asked them, “Why do guys like situationships?” Everything they told me can be summed up in these 14 answers:
1. The thrill of the chase
Men are natural hunters. You know what guy likes you the most? The one who knows he can’t have you. Or, to be exact, the one who has to chase you.
When you get into a real relationship, there is no more chasing. What a relief, you must think. Well, it’s like that for mature people. On the other hand, immature boys are addicted to the thrill of the chase.
And that’s exactly what they never stop getting in an FWB kind of relationship. They never know what will happen next and what tomorrow brings.
This adrenaline keeps a guy hooked on you. This way, the butterflies practically never disappear.
2. Relationship benefits without the actual relationship
If a man is being honest, this is probably one of the most common answers he’ll give to the question of “Why do guys like situationships?” As complicated as it might seem, it’s actually one of the simplest things in the world: they enjoy getting everything without giving anything in return.
Basically, you’re giving a guy all the benefits of a relationship without him actually calling you his girlfriend.
You’re there when he wants to go out on a date, he has someone to text whenever he feels like it, someone to travel with, and someone to call in the middle of the night when all of his friends are busy.
He has a girl to cuddle with, a girl to sleep next to, a girl to kiss, and, let’s face it, most importantly, a girl he has at his disposal as a booty call. This guy has someone to love him, take care of him, and perform all the girlfriend duties.
And what does he give you in return? That’s right: one, big, nothing. You have no right to nag him or be jealous.
When you call him out for not giving you enough attention or forgetting your birthday, he just tells you that you’re not in a serious relationship. He doesn’t have to show up to change your flat tire, nor is he obligated to be your plus one at important events.
Has it ever occurred to you that you’re dealing with relationship problems with someone you’re not in a relationship with?
Some men are terrified that getting into a committed relationship means losing all of their freedom. These men are called commitment-phobes, and they only go from one situationship to another.
They prefer casual dating over the real deal because they don’t feel any responsibility until they actually define your romance.
The funniest thing is when a commitment-phobe acts like your boyfriend. He texts you all the time, enjoys spending time with you, and is even jealous of other guys in your life. Basically, you two are in a relationship, but you never gave it a real title.
However, when you ask him to make things official, he runs for the hills. It’s like he assumes that you’ll tie him up and take away all of his freedom the moment he agrees to be your actual boyfriend.
4. “Legal” cheating
Why do guys like situationships? Well, for many guys, almost relationships are actually just an excuse to “legally” cheat. Let’s face it – you can be jealous all you want, but you don’t have the right to express your jealousy because you’re not this man’s official girlfriend.
He might be having casual sex and one-night stands with random girls, and that’s technically not considered cheating. He is allowed to be on Tinder and other online dating apps, and you don’t have a say in it.
You’re not allowed to check his phone, ask him about his whereabouts, or nag him about girls he follows on Instagram, Snapchat, and other social media platforms. You two are friends with benefits, and he has the right to act this way.
At least, that’s what he says when you confront him about all the other women in his life. Not only that: he reminds you that you agreed to these terms and that you’re free to do whatever you want as well.
And when you come to think about it – he’s not wrong. I mean, you did choose this kind of love life for yourself.
5. Keeping their options open
Men like situationships because this way, they can keep their options open. Will they end up actually dating you? Or will some other, more convenient woman appear at the last minute? Who knows?
In this scenario, a guy is keeping you as his backup plan. I know that this sounds harsh, but he’ll give you the title of his girlfriend if nobody better shows up by the time he gets tired of his bachelor life.
And in the meantime? Well, he is free to do whatever he wants without giving a damn about your wellness.
Here’s another reason men choose situationships: they’re emotionally unavailable. You meet a guy who is simply not ready for a relationship because he is still not over his ex, or he doesn’t feel capable of opening up to someone new.
It’s a good thing if he’s honest from the start. You should appreciate him telling you the truth and asking you not to expect much.
However, it doesn’t mean that you should stick with this man, especially if it’s likely that you’ll build an emotional connection with him.
In fact, most guys who claim to be emotionally unavailable are actually walking red flags. Deep down, they want you to fight for them and give them your everything. At the same time, you’re expected to understand that they can’t give you their love back.
7. It’s more fun
A lot of my male friends say that situationships are much more fun than actual relationships. I mean, you’re only getting the good parts of the romantic relationship. You get the butterflies, you have the chase, and you have regular sex.
But there is no fighting over everyday things, like who will take out the trash or who liked another person’s photo on social media. There is no jealousy, no neediness, and no responsibility.
When you’re in a situationship, you’re not required to see your partner on a regular basis. You don’t have to stay and listen to them nag, and you don’t have to put up with their annoying friends and family.
You don’t have to hold their hand during hard times, and you don’t have to be at their disposal when they need you. Also, when you want to break up, you don’t have to think of how you’ll do it. You just disappear from each other’s lives, and that’s about it.
There is no such thing as falling into a rut. The moment the excitement is gone, you’re gone as well.
8. They don’t love you enough
Let’s get one thing clear: if a man knows that you care for him, but he keeps stringing you along with this situationship, he doesn’t care about your feelings. The harsh truth is that he doesn’t love you enough to make you his girlfriend.
Does he care that he’s hurting you? Absolutely not! Does he feel guilty for ruining your mental health? No! Does he give a damn about putting you through this heartbreak? Also no.
Well, if he loved you, he wouldn’t be immune to your pain. He’d do everything in his power to make you happy. Instead, he’s only making you miserable!
9. It boosts their ego
This is something not many men will admit, but the truth is that situationships boost their self-esteem. Of course, I’m talking about the ones they initiate.
If your almost-boyfriend sees that you’re ready to stay with him, even though he refuses to give you what you want and deserve, he sees himself as Apollo. He thinks of himself as irresistible.
You’re there, begging him to give you crumbs of his attention. You’re there, loving him despite his behavior and despite the fact that he doesn’t love you back.
Everything happens according to his terms. He can see other girls, while you only have eyes for him. Basically, he can do whatever he wants, and you’ll stick by his side, no matter what.
Does this make him an awful, toxic human being? Absolutely, yes, but a confident awful, toxic human being.
10. Less effort involved
Why do guys like situationships? Well, one of the reasons is the fact that almost relationships relieve them of boyfriend duties.
Your almost-boyfriend doesn’t have to put any effort into keeping you by his side. All he has to do is text you, and you’ll appear on his doorstep in a matter of minutes.
He doesn’t have to buy you flowers on a regular basis, nor is he expected to throw you romantic surprises. He doesn’t have the “responsibility” of sending you a good morning and a good night text every day.
He doesn’t have to make time in his tight schedule to see you. He can go on a trip with his friends without even notifying you, let alone consulting you.
The list is pretty much endless, but I guess you see where I’m going. This man invests no energy in your situationship.
Is A Situationship Toxic?
A situationship doesn’t always have to be toxic. In fact, it is only toxic when it’s not a mutual agreement. What does this mean?
Well, if you’re in a situationship with a man just because he wants it, then it’s toxic and unhealthy. At the same time, you would give anything for you two to be in a real relationship, but you’re settling for less this way.
You know that if you give him an ultimatum to make you his girlfriend or leave, you will lose him forever. So you assume that it’s better to have him this way than not have him at all.
Of course, you secretly hope that you two will grow to be a real couple sometime soon. And what about him? Instead of being fair and letting you go, he keeps you as his backup plan in case nothing better comes along.
If this is something you can relate to, there is no doubt that your situationship is toxic.
Is A Situationship Healthy?
Yes, situationships can be healthy – if all people involved agree on having things this way. Sometimes, both you and the guy you’re seeing enjoy spending time together without defining your relationship status. But this is what you really both want – you didn’t agree to it to protect your egos and not look desperate.
If all cards are on the table right from the start, your situationship can be healthy. Of course, if one of you changes their mind all of a sudden, you have to be honest about it. Communicate your needs and desires, and there will be no issues along the way!
Do Situationships Turn Into Relationships?
I’ll be honest with you: most situationships never turn into long-term relationships. In fact, the most likely scenario is that you will fall in love with your almost-boyfriend, while he won’t form an emotional connection. Just like that, you are left heartbroken.
However, this doesn’t mean that it’s impossible for an almost-relationship to turn into a healthy relationship. In fact, some one-night stands end up in long-term marriages. Basically, it all depends on the couple.
But here’s some dating advice: it’s better not to get your hopes up! Don’t expect too much because happy endings in these stories are extremely rare.
Why Do I Always End Up In A Situationship?
The answer to this one is pretty easy: you end up in situationships because you give girlfriend privileges to guys who don’t have the decency to actually give you this title. You’re too insecure to talk about your standards right from the start.
When you first start seeing a guy, you should tell him that you won’t settle for anything less than a real relationship. Sadly, this is not how you act. On the contrary, you’re afraid that he’ll think of you as desperate if you say this.
Well, trust me – he won’t. You’ll only show him that you know what you want and aren’t afraid to get it.
The next reason you always end up in situationships lies in the fact that you don’t know when to call it quits. You see that this man you’re seeing will never put a label on your relationship.
You see that your almost-relationship isn’t going anywhere, but despite that, you keep getting your hopes up. You remain with this man and keep on settling for less. Before you know it, you waste years on a romance without a future.
To Wrap Up:
Now that you’ve gotten a sneak peek into the male mind and learned the answers to “Why do guys like situationships?” I hope you’ll put this knowledge to good use. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not judging you if you really want this type of relationship.
However, if you want the real deal, don’t let a man use you for casual sex. Trust me, he’s not worth it. There are plenty of guys who will give you what you want and deserve.
Instead of wasting more of your precious time, energy, and effort on someone who’ll never see your true value, walk away from this quasi-romance. Learn how to appreciate and respect yourself! Until you do, nobody else will either.