It’s the last thing you’d ever admit, but the truth is that you still have feelings for your cheating partner. You know what they did, and you don’t plan on forgiving them, but you’re having a hard time letting go of your love for them.
Well, you’re not alone. Falling out of love after infidelity is a difficult process and something many people face, even though most keep it a secret.
I should know because I was a betrayed spouse. And I think the fact that I still had feelings for my cheating spouse after everything he did to me caused even greater heartbreak than the infidelity itself.
How did I get over my cheating husband? How did I detach myself emotionally from my failed marriage? Read on to find out.
A Guide To Falling Out Of Love After Infidelity
So, all the signs your partner is being unfaithful are there. You know you have to walk away from this relationship, but something seems to be holding you back.
The harsh reality is that you still have feelings for your unfaithful partner. Well, this is how you can get rid of them in no time:
1. Self-blame is a dangerous game
It doesn’t matter if your partner had a physical or emotional affair – your first impulse will probably be to blame yourself. This happens every time a loved one betrays you: you subconsciously think it’s your fault because it’s easier to blame yourself than see their true colors.
Well, let me tell you something: this has to stop right away! You can’t be guilty of being cheated on! Even if you didn’t treat them right, they always had the choice to walk away before fooling around behind your back.
Remember: they signed up for monogamy – you didn’t force them into it. Your cheating spouse has to take all the responsibility for this situation.
2. Cut them off completely
Here’s the hard part: you have to cut your cheater off. And I really mean it – you have to stop all communication ASAP.
No phone calls, no drunk text messages saying “ I love you, ” no asking if they’re doing okay, and no asking them for favors. I know you’re used to having this person in your life, but if you keep them around, your healing process will never come to its healthy end.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying it’s impossible to stay friends with an ex after a break-up. However, you haven’t reached that stage just yet! For now, it’s better to stay away from them.
But what if you have to co-parent with your ex-wife or husband? You can’t cut them off completely in that case.
However, you can reduce your communication to the bare minimum. Don’t engage in any conversations that don’t concern your children.
Please keep in mind that falling out of love after infidelity or any break-up whatsoever won’t be possible if you keep track of what your ex is up to on social media.
If you still follow their accounts (yes, that includes fake profiles as well) or ask your BFF about the things they posted, you haven’t cut them off!
As difficult as it seems, you have to block them everywhere! What if they’re still with their affair partner? Do you really want to see how their new relationship is progressing?
Do you want to fall into the temptation to reach out? Do you want to leave them enough space to contact you whenever they feel like it?
I think both you and I know the answers to these questions. Please, do what’s right and spare yourself an unnecessary headache.
4. Don’t suppress your emotions
Healing is a process. And at first, it hurts like hell. But that’s perfectly normal. After all, you’ve been through a lot.
You’ve experienced severe trauma – don’t let anyone tell you any different! Don’t forget that you’re a human being, and it’s natural that you’ll feel different negative emotions regarding everything that happened.
So if you feel like crying, that’s exactly what you should do. If you’re angry (at first), don’t pretend like everything is fine. It’s not, and that’s okay! But whatever you do, don’t suppress your emotions!
Just make sure you give yourself a deadline to get it together. It’s okay to grieve for a certain period of time, but allowing this to become your lifestyle might take a serious toll on your mental health and easily turn into depression.
5. Give yourself time
That brings us to our next point: falling out of love after infidelity doesn’t happen overnight. Remember: it’s a process. And every process takes time.
First of all, don’t let others rush you. Don’t be embarrassed that you’re still overwhelmed by everything you’ve experienced.
A time frame in which you should get over it doesn’t exist. We’re all different, and we all heal at a different pace.
The best piece of advice I have ever gotten is to give time enough time. Trust me, time will do its magic sooner or later – you just have to be patient about it.
Of course, this is not an invitation to keep on grieving your ex for the rest of your life. But don’t expect magic results overnight either.
6. Forget about hatred and revenge
You want to get even – that’s pretty understandable. But seeking revenge is one of the first red flags that you’re not falling out of love after infidelity – you’re actually still emotionally involved in this relationship.
Trust me – getting even won’t make you feel better. I’m not saying you must forgive your unfaithful spouse right away, but hating them won’t bring you any good either – it will only turn you into a more negative person.
And don’t even get me started on your ex’s affair partner. This might be a hard pill to swallow, but they’re not to blame either.
You don’t know if they even knew you existed. Even if they did, it was your partner’s responsibility not to break your trust.
Of course, in that case, the affair partner isn’t the best person in the world either, but that’s not your problem. You won’t become best friends or something like that, but you shouldn’t hate them either.
7. Overthinking is your biggest enemy
Why do people cheat? Was this my unfaithful spouse’s first time going behind my back? Should we have gone to couples therapy?
What should I have done to make my relationship work? Was it possible for us two to rebuild trust? Did they deserve a second chance?
It’s time to put all of these questions aside! I hate to break it to you, but you likely won’t get the closure you desperately want. At the end of the day, what would be the point?
Would it make you feel better? Trust me – it wouldn’t.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m not here to judge the people who decided to make their relationship work after infidelity. But you’re not one of those people.
You’ve made your decision and decided to leave your cheating husband or wife in the past. So, what’s the point of overanalyzing everything that has happened?
As long as you continue doing so, you’re staying in the relationship. I know that you’ve removed yourself from it physically, but you haven’t done so mentally.
8. Accept it was meant to be
You have no other choice but to accept that it was meant to be. No, I’m not telling you that your relationship was meant to be because clearly, it wasn’t.
However, things were meant to go exactly the way they did. Trust me – everything happens for a reason, and God always has a plan for you.
Did this infidelity have to happen for you to finally walk away from your toxic relationship? Was it necessary for you to meet the love of your life? After all, you have to close one door to open another.
Was it a lesson you had to learn? Was this experience necessary for you to realize how strong you actually are?
You don’t know the answers now, I get it. But trust me, you’ll find them soon enough.
And when that happens, you’ll see that this was actually a blessing in disguise. I promise you that in the future, you’ll look back on this and see it as the best thing that could have ever happened to you.
Until then, have faith and accept this is how things were meant to be!
9. Get back out there…when you’re ready
New relationship: yes or no? Well, before I give you the answer to this question, we have to sort something out. There is a difference between jumping into a new relationship and getting back out there.
First and foremost, you shouldn’t do anything you’re not ready for. Forget about the period of time that has passed, forget about social standards, and most of all, forget about making your ex jealous .
You should follow your gut on this one and take it one step at a time.
This means that nobody expects you to start a new serious relationship tomorrow. And whoever does, well, screw them. You’re still handling your trauma, and the last thing you need right now is to be pushed into something you don’t want.
But that doesn’t mean you should be stuck in your four walls waiting for a miracle to happen. Get back into the dating pool .
Flirt with that new, cute coworker who just came in. Reply to that DM you just got. Smile when you get a compliment.
Love will find its way back to you – just don’t force it.
But please, stay away from rebound relationships. You’ll end up hurting yourself and breaking someone else’s heart.
Even if you don’t cheat on this new person with your ex, you still have feelings for them, and, in a way, that’s an emotional affair. Please, be better than this and don’t fall into this toxic pattern of behavior!
10. Self-improvement is key
I can’t stress this enough, but falling out of love after infidelity is utterly impossible if you don’t work on yourself. I’m not saying you should change the essence of your personality, but reinventing some parts of yourself might be beneficial.
Self-improvement is the key to feeling better. Once you regain your self-esteem, everything will start going uphill.
Don’t do it to make your ex realize what they’ve lost. Do it to make your life better!
Instead of obsessing over their infidelity, keep yourself busy. Go out as much as possible, find a new hobby, hit the gym, hang out with people, and do whatever makes you happy.
Rock your single life and get the best out of it. Do everything you’ve missed out on.
The goal is to improve your physical and mental health!
11. And so is self-love
Remember this: falling out of love after infidelity includes falling back in love with yourself. It means realizing that you don’t need this person’s validation to feel good about yourself.
It means rebuilding your destroyed self-esteem and understanding your worth! It’s about putting yourself in first place!
The most important thing here is getting to the point where you love yourself more than you love your cheating ex. But hear me out on this one: what is there not to love about you?
I’m sure there are things you don’t like about your personality. And that’s perfectly fine. But the power to change lies only in your hands.
Please, respect yourself enough to never settle for less than you deserve. Raise your standards and remember your worth!
12. Professional help
I hope your family, best friends, or even close coworkers are there for you. But sometimes, their help just doesn’t cut it.
And there is nothing shameful about that. After all, that’s why experts exist – to help you overcome your trauma.
If you feel like you’re having a hard time getting over everything you’ve experienced, please don’t hesitate to look for professional help. An expert will guide you through your recovery process and help you get your mental health back on track!
Do You Still Love Someone If You Cheat On Them?
Surprisingly, many cheaters claim that they love the person they cheated on. The truth is that infidelity isn’t always the same as the absolute absence of emotions. On the contrary, it can be just a moment of weakness or come after relationship or marital problems.
However, this fact doesn’t justify infidelity under any circumstances!
Does The Pain Of Infidelity Pain Ever Go Away?
Even though it doesn’t seem like it in the beginning, the pain of infidelity definitely does go away after some time. According to relationship experts, it usually takes about a year and a half for your heart to heal after being cheated on.
How Long Do Couples Stay Together After Infidelity?
It all depends – if they visit a marriage counselor and are willing to make some changes in their relationship, couples can stay together for the rest of their lives.
But if they try to bury what happened under the carpet and ignore it, it’s not likely they’ll stay together for a long period of time. In this case, the prognosis is a couple of months.
Does Being Cheated On Change You?
Yes, it definitely does! Most people end up struggling with insecurities and even lose faith in love forever.
Nevertheless, infidelity doesn’t have to change you in a bad way. It can help you see that you’re self-sufficient and strong enough to take whatever life throws at you.
All in all, it’s a tough lesson, but it’s also very valuable.
To Wrap Up:
You know what the most important thing about falling out of love after infidelity is? It’s judging yourself for still having feelings for your cheater.
Please, don’t fall into this trap. Understand that there is nothing wrong with you and follow this step-by-step guide towards success!