I know you feel confused. One part of you wants to know the truth, and the other would be happy living a lie as long as you’re still with him.
But, as much as it hurts, you deserve to know how he truly feels about you. Being with a guy who doesn’t care about you is nothing but a waste of your precious time.
I’ve been where you are. It took me years to finally break up with him. I learned my lesson the hard way… but I still learned it.
Although the question here is: Do you really have to leave him? What if your gut feeling is wrong? What are the signs he pretends to love you?
Stay with me, and let’s find out together!
21 Clear Signs He Pretends To Love You
Is his love real? These 21 signs will give you your answer:
1. You just don’t feel the love at all
You’re probably confused right now. You’re wondering if your insecurities are lying to you or if he really doesn’t have feelings for you. Which is it? Well, I’m here to help!
Let’s do it this way.
I want you to take a moment to think about every person who loves you.
How many people did you think of? How do they make you feel? How do they treat you? What makes you so sure of their love?
If you’re capable of sensing their love but not that of your boyfriend, then the problem is definitely him.
ALWAYS trust your gut feeling!
2. You never seem to get out of the situationship
A man who loves you is eager to show you off to the world. He wants to scream your name and tell everyone that you’re his woman.
If he’s not yet ready to do that, it might be one of the signs he pretends to love you. He enjoys the benefits of your relationship but doesn’t care enough to make it official.
He’s just wasting your time because he doesn’t have anyone else to turn to. Please, don’t let him treat you like that anymore.
You should be with someone who’s proud to call you his own. Don’t ever settle for less.
3. He doesn’t share much with you
Does everyone know what’s going on in his life but you? Do you find out important stuff from a random person on the street?
If so, that’s a MAJOR red flag.
If a man is in love with you, you’ll be his go-to person for EVERYTHING. He’ll do it not because he has to but because he genuinely wants to. His love for you urges him to share every little thing that happens during the day.
If your man lacks these traits, that’s one of the sure signs he pretends to love you. Don’t put up with it any longer!
4. You’re the only one making an effort
He never initiates conversation. You’re probably making excuses for him, but deep down, you know he just doesn’t care enough.
You always find a way to surprise him and make him happy, and he neither appreciates nor reciprocates.
When you go out, you feel like a circus clown that’s meant to make him laugh. He puts so much pressure on you and blames you when you don’t live up to his expectations, even though he doesn’t lift a finger.
Why not try to put in as much effort as he does? I bet he won’t like being treated the way he treats you!
5. His behavior changes in front of other people
Ah, the ”nice guys.” They will charm you and make you feel special only to get your attention, but they don’t mean any of it. What they feel for you isn’t true love.
It’s not even infatuation. They probably just like their ability to have you wrapped around their little finger by whispering sweet words into your ear…
Of course, this is not your fault. It’s not easy to see through someone’s lies. But, you can start by noticing how he treats you in front of others.
One day, he’s all cute and loving, and the next day, he’s cold as ice. He suddenly turns into a misogynist full of sexist jokes about women, and he dismisses your every word because he’s got to be ‘the man.’
Please, keep in mind this important piece of relationship advice for women:
If he ”loves” you only behind closed doors but not in front of others, that’s one of the obvious signs he pretends to love you.
6. Nobody knows about your relationship
A little privacy can definitely be exciting, but this guy isn’t just keeping your relationship private – He is HIDING the fact that he’s in a relationship with you from EVERYONE!
Why in the hell?
Who knows! Maybe his family members don’t approve of you, or his friends don’t like you. Or maybe he wants other women to think he’s single so he can still flirt with them.
It’s especially awful if he doesn’t even tell you why he’s doing it. He doesn’t think you deserve to hear the truth. But, oh, you so do!
Ask him openly what his deal is. If he refuses to tell you, walk away. If he tells you the truth, but you see that he still has no future plans, still walk away.
A man who truly loves you would never put you through something like that!
7. There are no silly inside jokes
It’s so evident when two people enjoy each other’s company. You can just sense the chemistry in the air. One word is sometimes enough to make them burst into laughter.
They have their own language that no one else around them understands.
So, if you’re looking for signs he pretends to love you, think about how you both feel in each other’s presence.
Is it enjoyable, or do you always have to put on a show only to come home exhausted?
If you feel happier and more peaceful in his absence, that’s a telltale sign that something is VERY wrong.
8. He never calls you
If this guy never bothers to pick up his phone and call you, he just doesn’t care about you at all.
He can find as many excuses as he likes, but the truth still stands: If someone wants to make time for you, they will. Nobody is that busy.
This is especially true if that person is in a committed relationship with you.
Of course, he has his own life to take care of, but a proper boyfriend would always put his woman at the top of his priority list.
But, if he NEVER makes time for you, that’s not a sign of a loving and healthy relationship.
Don’t believe his lies anymore. Look at his actions instead. If he is busy literally all the time, that’s just one of the signs he pretends to love you…
9. You don’t feel all that happy
Do you somehow feel miserable every time he speaks to you? Have you lost the connection you initially had with him?
Be honest with yourself. You actually already have the answer to your question; you’re just afraid to face the facts.
But, sadly, it’s necessary… unless you want to be stuck in a loveless relationship forever.
You need to trust your feelings. When you’re unhappy, you just know it. You don’t need to listen to anyone’s advice or his lies.
Now, I just want you to take a deep breath and think about these questions:
- Do you think you deserve to be this unhappy?
- Aren’t you sad that you’re missing out on happiness with someone else?
- Are you really going to waste your life being with a guy who doesn’t appreciate you?
10. He doesn’t take your feelings into consideration
If your man has a 24/7 job of insulting you and making you feel unworthy, his love for you isn’t as real as you might’ve thought.
He probably justifies himself by saying that he’s just ‘brutally honest,’ but that’s nothing more than an excuse to be cruel to you.
He doesn’t even apologize if he takes it too far because your feelings aren’t his concern.
On the other hand, if you hurt HIS feelings, that is quite a different story. He’ll pin you with awful labels and be more than happy to play the victim.
In reality, you’re just copying his own behavior, but he clearly doesn’t see you as equals.
Do you really want a guy like this in your life?
11. You’re there to fulfill HIS wishes
What YOU want doesn’t matter. There is no YOU at all. To him, you’re simply someone who exists to please him.
He doesn’t see relationships as a bond between two people who are equal to each other. No. Even if he claims that he’ll be there for you, his actions prove otherwise.
When he’s bored, he’ll ask you out. If you reject him, you’ll be the bad guy. But when he rejects you, that’s totally fine, and you’re the crazy one for overreacting.
All he cares about is you boosting his ego and making himself feel worthy. Stop giving him that satisfaction. You deserve to be loved for who you really are.
12. You catch him flirting with other women
The audacity! This kind of guy will shamelessly and openly seduce other women and then accuse you of being jealous! I mean, what even?
He thinks it’s okay to disrespect you like that. He feels like his need to talk to someone else needs to be satisfied because, after all, you don’t have the right to restrict his freedom.
But, that’s the thing. Your jealousy isn’t a way of taking away his freedom but rather of demanding the respect that every woman deserves in a relationship.
Remember – if he doesn’t see how wrong this is, it is one of the signs he pretends to love you.
13. You only talk about shallow stuff
Is he only interested in physical intimacy? Does he ever open up to you?
When a man isn’t serious about you, he will stick to lighter topics. He will laugh with you but won’t ever dig deeper because he doesn’t care about connecting with you.
If you share something important about yourself, he will gladly change the topic. If you ask him to tell you his story, he will turn it all into a joke.
When he touches you, he only does it to satisfy his lust. There is no emotional element to ANYTHING he does. It’s very easy to sense this if you pay attention.
P.S. It’s also possible that he has commitment issues. In that case, give him some time… but not too much time. After all, you want a boyfriend, not a project!
14. He doesn’t give you his full attention
All the clues are hidden in his body language.
Does he check out other women while spending time with you? Does he stare at his phone a lot while you’re talking to him?
These are all subtle signs he pretends to love you. He can’t fully focus on you because he just doesn’t care about what you have to say.
A man that is head over heels in love with you will never keep his eyes off of you!
All of his attention will be directed towards you because he cares and wants you to know it.
15. He’s a master manipulator
I know it’s not always easy to notice signs of gaslighting, but you just know that something isn’t quite right…
He always plays the victim while you’re the one to blame. And then you start feeling guilty even though you’re aware you did nothing wrong.
If that feeling sounds familiar, then he is most likely gaslighting you. It’s not your fault.
Men with low self-esteem seek power by hurting someone else because that’s the only way they can feel good about themselves.
Don’t believe a word he says. Talk to someone you trust who will help you see what’s what.
When a guy genuinely cares about you, he will take responsibility for his actions. He will never shift the blame on you. So, please remember that you deserve much more.
16. He’s never there in your time of need
If you find yourself going through hard times alone while he’s out there having fun, that’s also one of the signs he pretends to love you.
If he truly cared about you, he wouldn’t leave your side until he was sure you were okay. He would do his best to make your pain more bearable.
Don’t settle for a guy who puts everything else before you. Do you really want someone you can’t rely on, someone who can watch you cry without even flinching?
It’s time to accept that he’s just not worth it because only then can you move on to something better.
17. The good times are history
Do you know that feeling when you just leave your guy after a date, and you’re all smiley?
Yeah. If that doesn’t happen to you anymore, that’s your intuition telling you that he only pretends to love you.
The honeymoon phase ended a long time ago. You barely see each other, and when you do, he just doesn’t try to make you feel special like he once did.
Getting together is more of an obligation than something you do out of love.
It’s even worse when you’re in a long-distance relationship, yet you have nothing to talk about anymore. That was my case, at least.
The words that come out of our mouths were there only to fill in the awkward silence. And then it suddenly hit me – This isn’t going to work!
Trust me, when he loves you, you can’t ever get tired of each other.
18. The lies never end
I once read that ”to love is to stop lying.” How very true that is!
When you care about someone, you want to form a deep connection with them, and you know you can’t do that if you’re not telling the truth.
So, one of the clear signs he pretends to love you is when he keeps lying to you. Even his “I love you‘s” feel fake.
He has become so used to lying that you don’t even know who he really is.
Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t value you enough to be honest with you?
19. He doesn’t care about your life at all
Does he interrupt you when you start talking to tell his own story? Or even worse, is he too distracted by his social media apps to pay any attention to you in the first place?
A man who only pretends to love you will never care about what you have to say. He won’t bother asking how your day went or what childhood events affected you the most.
He won’t ask because, to him, you’re just… there. He may label you as his girlfriend, but he doesn’t treat you as a loved one.
So, yes, if you notice that he’s the one doing all the talking, that’s a big red flag.
20. He doesn’t respect you yet demands your respect
One of the signs he pretends to love you is when he doesn’t respect you yet demands YOUR respect.
Whenever you’re open about something that bothers you, he’s quick to judge you. You’re always the dramatic one who makes a fuss about nothing at all.
He probably manages to convince you that you ARE wrong, but deep down, you know he just doesn’t respect you enough to listen to your wants and needs.
In a nutshell, he disrespects you, but when you call him out on it, he acts like you’re the one who disrespected him.
21. All you feel is disappointment
When you feel someone’s love, it fills you with energy and strength. Every time you think about them, it makes you so happy you might burst.
But, when you think about the way your guy loves you, your mood suddenly drops.
It feels like your love life has become one disappointment after another. You can barely remember the last time you were genuinely happy.
I hope you know that true love isn’t supposed to hurt. If you feel nothing but heartbreak, then it’s not love.
See also: 13 Signs She Is Pretending To Love You: The Missing Pieces
He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not
Have you noticed any one of these signs he pretends to love you in your own relationship? I sure hope not, but if you have, don’t forget that you deserve much better.
I know it’s hard to leave someone you love, but it’s even harder being with them despite knowing that they don’t reciprocate your feelings.
Don’t turn your unrequited love into something poetic because that’s self-destructive. Keep the love in your heart, but don’t stay where you aren’t appreciated.
The moment you finally come to a place where you ARE loved, you will see that you made the right choice.